The kids

[Lucy_Bella]

Every since I've became single and living in my own place alone I have took every opportunity I could to get in a little experimenting time for Lucy.. I never had the chance before because my Ex was very non accepting, to walk around as Lucy in an open surrounding.. Without fear of getting caught or even worse having the children see me..

Starting my new life as a single person I rebounded pretty well and I licked the wounds of the divorce expenses and was able to buy my very own house.. Now my daughter moved in with me after the wife and I separated so I really haven't had very long runs of freely being Lucy.. I will never out myself to my daughter that's out of the question just won't happen..So she find a boy gets knocked up and the next thing I know I now have a son in-law ,grandson and daughter living with me ..

It was really rough letting go of my new found freedom but I have to do whats best for the kids and if that means suppressing Lucy ,so be it.. Eventually they do move out , I take advantage of this because I was no longer supporting them and finally buy a house.. It was great letting Lucy back out to play again but that became short lived because my favorite family has moved back in..Lucy is now locked back up again.. Family is first and I know it's just temporary I just want the best for my kids and I will always put them first, there is no question about that.

Problem is this has been going on six months, my daughter babysits kids out of my house for extra income so my house becomes a day care at times.. I helped my son in-law get a better job making more income they make enough to have their own place ..They do not help me with the extra expenses while they are here and at first I was okay with that because they were suppose to be saving to get a house of their own,but they are not even saving..I feel like they are taking advantage of me at times..So now there has become some tension between me and the favorite family..My concern is for them to do the right thing I am in no way rushing them out I just want them to be responsible.. Now my Ex has become involved because my daughter vents to her..She knew of my dressing and is trying to tie me wanting to dress verse's me getting the kids to act responsible..My ex ties everything to my dressing that's how much she hated it and to be honest I'm pretty sick of that attitude .. Things are smoothing out now with the kids but the ex that's another story..Why do they hate it so much?

Thank for letting me vent..

[AllieSF]

Venting is good. As parents and responsible adults we do what we have to do. I have done the same thing when my son needed to move back in because of the downturn in the economy. I didn't like it and wanted him to search harder for a decent paying job. The first time he moved back I used tough love with him so that he appreciated living with me for free. I also used the saved token rent that he paid me to cover my costs for a 3 week international trip. The second time, I felt that the situation was not all his fault and I gave him the more comforting and forgiving kind of love. I learned to live with all that and also how to partially dress and make it out of the house with him at home for my night out as Allie. Where there is a will there is a way. Good luck and I hope you eventually work it all out to everyone's benefit, including your own.

[Diane Maple]

So, this sounds like a story I have heard before. The other story, not yours... the kids WERE taking advantage of the parents because they are there parents.... There is a feeling of entitlement... So, that the relation there I see... Probably good to give the kids a push IMO.

My view on the whole ex thing... I feel like well for me... my ex I think saw me, Diane as someone pulling her husband away.... so, anger there from the other woman coming into the picture. For me she got over it for the most part... just some side comments.... For you.... it sounds like a lot more anger.... less understanding of what is going on with you.

Now, Lucy... Your ex knows... what is wrong with your kids knowing?
If they flip out, would they move out?
Would it really effect your job or anything or really... does it matter in your case?

I have a warped view of things because of where I live... Just perhaps something to think on.

[Rachelakld]

The word Bull Sh.t come to mind.
doing what's right for the kids - until they are what age 89, 101?

They will take advantage as long as you let them, time to "be a man", kick them out and start living your own life.

OK so I'm pived at this lazy younger generation that always takes, and never gives back.

[GaleWarning]

Good to see you back, Lucy. Wondered what had happened to you.

Although I would phrase it a little more gently than my fellow NZer Rachel, I do agree that it is probably time to suggest to your daughter and son-in-law that it is time to start looking for their own place. As before, you might assist them, this time to find a rental property!

It's time for a little peace and quiet. Good luck.

[Marcella Camira]

Oh I am with Rachel on this one .....Pack your Sh*t and get the H*ll out. And don't expect to come back. They need to raise their own family now. Time to get started. Yes, it is hard on you and its hard on them. But they will appreciate it when they are more mature. My step daughter was 18 when she came home to find her stuff in trash bags on the porch. She is 30 something now with 4 kids and thanks me, for being me now. She hated me for awhile. But who does she call when she wants advice.ME. LOL. She calls her mom when she wants to talk about how tall they are getting. LOL. Some people cant move on until they get a push start.. Trust me I know, why should they move out. Sounds like they own the house. Been there. There is no easy answer . But the one I just gave you. And it aint easy.
Good Luck
feel for you on this one!

[STACY B]

No Rest till you tell um ,, Its your life ,, But tell one an rest will find out ,,lol,,,

[Laura912]

Consider telling the kids, you have six months to find a place of your own. I will help you look but not pay anything. I will help you move when the time comes and if there is a any work to do on the new place, I will pitch in and help your husband. etc. Maybe that will get the ball rolling.

[DonnaT]

they make enough to have their own place

If they move out, would your daughter still be able to babysit so they make enough to support themselves?
Does your daughter have other skills to get out and work? Then there's your grandchild, as in having to pay someone to babysit (day care).

Right now they need to be educated on saving their money.

[Lucy_Bella]

Now, Lucy... Your ex knows... what is wrong with your kids knowing?
If they flip out, would they move out?
Would it really effect your job or anything or really... does it matter in your case?
.

I know that for many of you here that being open about CDing isn't a bad thing..I agree with that but please keep in mind we are all different and we handle things in different ways.. I am sure my children would accept me ,what I am not sure is will my children accept my counterpart? Hard to explain but like I said we are all different... Thanks Maple ..

If they move out, would your daughter still be able to babysit so they make enough to support themselves?
Does your daughter have other skills to get out and work? Then there's your grandchild, as in having to pay someone to babysit (day care).

Right now they need to be educated on saving their money.No she won't be able to babysit and she is the only semi responsible one with the money.. My daughter did go to college and wants to be able to continue her degree but she has the kids..Like you said for her to work or continue school would take her paying for daycare..It's all a wash but what young family doesn't have a rough start? Their problem is blowing money and not being responsible.. Rachel, Funny you brought up the six month thing..I was thinking the same.. I will start charging them rent and holding onto their rent money ( keeping some myself for the extra expenses ) that may help them get their own place..Thanks again for allowing me to vent..

[Rachelakld]

Good on you Lucy,
You only have 1 life, if you don't want on your headstone -"great babysitter"....
Well today is a lovely day (and a lot better than tomorrow) to start YOUR LIFE.