Need some advice.

[Jessicaa]

Hello,

Its been a while since ive been on the forums but im back, atleast for now. The advice i am needing is this::

The last time i cross dressed was 6 Months ago, when i met a really nice girl and we started getting pretty serious. about a month into the relationship i purged everything that had to do with my CDing and thought i could move on and leave it all behind like I have tried in the past. Yet, here I am again with these desires back and stronger then ever. within the past week I have really been wanting to get back to cross dressing but I am afraid that it will tear our relationship apart, I also feel very guilty when I think about CDing again because it makes me feel like I wont be able to provide this girl with the love that she deserves, I don't want to break her heart and I don't want to leave her, she is very very special to me <3. We don't live together and I am pretty sure that she wont find out about it but over all i still just don't feel right dressing while im in a realtionship with her. Its such a painful feeling,I just need guidance.

Thank you for reading and if you can offer any advice i would greatly appreciate it.

[Beverley Sims]

Jessicaa,
When you started dating this girl you had another activity to occupy your mind.
So you purged everything.
Now the novelty has worn off the demon creeps back.
This is what happens. You now have a decision to make, tell her somehow and do not purge any more. That does not work.
Even if you break up and find another girl it is no use purging, just put your stash away till the novelty wears off again.
I can tell you, it will.

[Laura912]

What Beverly said. Look what you may gain...a SO who understands and the guilt can go take a hike!!

[Jenniferathome]

Well,the guidance is easy. It's serious now so you have to tell her. Quitting is not realistic.

[Cheryl Ann Owens]

I found that purging only made me more resentful, empty, angry, and like I was killing a really nice part of myself. Remember, we must love ourselves first. I hate to give advice because everyone and everyone's feelings and situations are different. For me it was absolute honesty when my wife of today had our second or third date. I wasn't about to hide myself from her. She was too special and still is today, and always will be. I started by feeling out her attitudes, and then told her about my feelings. I also allowed her to opt out of the relationship we were building. She decided that she liked my best qualities and that my GID was merely just a part of me. I've never been happier!

Cheryl Ann

[Dana L]

You're dating situation has just taken your mind off cding for a while. If you're like many of us cding isn't just somthing to do when you're board it's rooted deep within you and to give it up (if you could) would mean giving up part of yourself. If you have to give up part of yourself to be with her you'll evevntually resent her and the realtionship. Hiding your cding isn't an option, they allways find out. You have to break it to her gently at the right time and if she loves you she will realise that cding is a part of you and if she loves you, she must love all of you.

[KellyJameson]

Is the crossdressing erotic for you so you replace her with the crossdressing?

If so than with a little effort there is a solution.

[Jessicaa]

Thank you very much for your responses it means a lot, and After reading your posts i agree with all of you, I know that if I want to keep this relationship (And I really do) Ill just have to tell her...looks like im gonna have to come up with something creative, Good thing I have a good sense of humor...

[Cheryl Ann Owens]

Jessica, ohhhhhhhh, I hate to give advice because of the possible repercussions. I don't want anyone to hate me for giving advice that backfires. If it were me, and if I was truly loving this gal, I'd want to be totally honest with her so I'm not hiding anything later. After all, aren't the best relationships built on trust and not hiding a thing? If it were me I'd probably say to her that there's something she needs to know about me. And I would build upon ALL of the positive things first with the relationship. Then I would stress that I would want her to be comfortable with someone like me. And I care about her feelings so much that I don't want her to discover some day a side of me that she might not accept. This might demonstrate just how much you care about her feelings and feelings of security with you. She might really appreciate your sincerity. Isn't any relationship built upon honesty? I wish you well, and I hope I've given you some ideas to think through. In the end, I hope it all works out well, if it's meant to be.

Cheryl Ann

[Jessicaa]

Thanks cheryl, and I agree, Im not sure how im gonna tell her quite yet but im gonna try...I think ill wait a while and figure out what i want to say though

[Cheryl Ann Owens]

Take the time to think it through Jessica before you act. I'm sure this gal means a lot to you. Be sure, if you proceed, to make her feel just how much she means to you. I really hope this works out because you are very happy with her. I go way above and beyond to give my wife more than any other guys would give their wives. It's a way of showing my appreciation!

Cheryl Ann

[Taylor Ray]

Well said Dana L! Repressing any part of oneself may ultimately lead to other, more negative manifestations.

[Cheryl Ann Owens]

Well said Dana L! Repressing any part of oneself may ultimately lead to other, more negative manifestations.

You're right Taylor. It's going to come out somehow and hopefully with no negative consequences. Hard to be with someone under some kind of duress holding a secret being on edge most of the time.

Cheryl Ann

[Ressie]

I purged when I met my ex-wife 13 years ago. I didn't have much to purge back then, just a bag of lingerie. But I ended up telling her about my CDing shortly after that. She went through the roof when she found out I put on a pair of panties that belong to another girl that was staying with us (they were on the bathroom floor). I don't know about everyone else but this is obsessive/compulsive for me.

[kimdl93]

Look, there is a very strong probability that you will have the urge to CD throughout your life, with ebbs and flows of interest from time to time. You value this woman, and it seems you would like to have a long term relationship. If so, you really must be open about your CDing. It doesn't mean an either or choice for either one of you. It's just a part of the complex mix of things that make you a unique person. There's every possibility that if you tell her now, she'll ask the usual questions, think about it and decide that, she loves you despite of this, or perhaps even more for your willingness to trust her with a deep secret.

[Chari]

Great advice from all previous posts! It is all very simple, but NOT easy - you MUST tell your GF if you want to continue this relationship. It is doubtful if you will ever rid yourself of CDing, so purging is wasteful. Go slow, tell her calmly, try to answer ALL her questions (and she may have many - including are you gay). Do not be afraid to ask her to help you. She may accept most of your CDing and stay with you, but with limits. She may also just up and leave. This will be a crucial test for both of you as you will find how she REALLY feels about you. Please keep in touch to inform us as to your progress.

[Amanda M]

Jessicaa - what is the worst thing that can happen if you tell her? The end of the relationship now. Better now, however, than after half a lifetime of deceit and a breakup when she almost inevitably finds out.

I hope that this turns out well for both of you

[Jackie7]

If you love her, surely she deserves a chance to accept and love ALL of you ... But keeping your gurl aspect a secret deprives her of that opportunity, and deprives you of a chance at the best possible future for men like us -- that's to find an accepting and supportive partner. Many fabulous adventures lie ahead, but to get there you must take the initial risk. my 2 cents.