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Thread: The old Lady and the CDer.

  1. #1
    Happy to be alive. Wonderwho's Avatar
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    The old Lady and the CDer.

    In my business I transport the elderly and those confined to wheelchairs to and from doctor and clinic visits. There are times when the patient and I have to spend time in waiting rooms and offices. Being confined to a nursing home causes many of the elderly to feel isolated and alone. In order to help someone keep calm I have found conversation works wonders. It even helps me to relax, sometimes!
    As a CDer and a small business owner there is a very fine line of what is acceptable as clothing and what just does not work. I underdress all the time, much more in the winter than any other time.Due to medication I have had some breast enlargement over the last year and now fill a small C bra with ease. This is fine except that my nipples are firm all the time and show thru any shirt I wear. I have been wearing women’s workout tops with a slight padding in the bra section to help with the nipple situation.
    In this particular situation I was helping an elderly woman into the eye doctor’s chair for her eye exam. Most times the only help needed is to support an arm or guide their hand to the edge of the office chair. There was a small misstep and she started to fall forward, I stepped in front and held her waist. Both of her hands went up to my chest and were firmly planted on my breasts, padded bra and all. There was a surprised look on her face as she looked up into my eyes, she smiled and we continued to get her seated in the chair. My face felt hot and I excused myself form the exam room.
    A short while the Doctor came out and informed me that he was going to have to wait a while for the drops to dilate her eyes and she ask if I would wait with her in the exam room. With a heartbeat close to a Conga beat I went into the exam room. The lighting was dim, thankfully, so I sat in the chair next to the patient. The lady is in no way lost any of her mental quickness, trust me!
    As I sat down she asks me if I was married, my answer was “yes, for 27 years,” she then asks, “have you talked to her about your secret”? “Do you have any children”, was the next question, “and do they know”? At this point it seemed to be getting very hot in that exam room and I was hoping that I would not pass out. That looks very bad on your Dept. of Health record. When your chin is bouncing off the floor it is very hard to think let alone make a complete sentence. In my own mind I thought stupid was the best defense.
    “What secret,” I ask with much concern. “Let me tell you something young man, I may be old but I still know a few things about life. When my Bill (not his real name) was just a young boy he would sneak in and put on my bras and girdles. He thought he was so clever at hiding what he was doing, I knew, it is something a Mother knows. He hid it from his Father and me for all the years he lived at home. I knew but never said a word; it was not something you talked about in those days.”
    I found out that Bill went on to school and got a career, married and had a family. He was married for 15 years and had 2 children.
    What happened to Bill I asked? In the dim room there was a hitch in her voice, and she related the last of Bill’s life.
    “Bill had done well to hide his secret from everyone till the stress of life fell upon his back. He came home on weekend a short while after his father’s death and said he needed to talk to me. He was having problems at home and needed my help. Bill said he had something he was hiding from his wife and children and it was killing him. I told him that I knew that he liked wearing women’s clothes and was this was causing the problems? He cried and said that it was more than just the clothes, it was the feeling that he was a woman inside. I am from a time when this is not spoken of and I was shaken and upset. I knew Bill needed help but not how to help him. He needed to tell his wife and this was the only thing that I could think of to tell him. Bill left the house and we did not speak for several years.”
    The Doctor returned at this point and I excused myself from the exam room once again. Our conversation had left me with a lump in my throat and I still had to get ready to return her to the nursing home. There was a silence on the way back, the last thing she told me as I rolled her to her room was “tell someone you love or you will die alone”. We meet one more time after that trip, I held her hand as we sat in a Doctors office, nothing more was said about the world she knew about but didn't speak of.
    Bill committed suicide alone in a hotel room 5 years ago. His mother passed away 15 days ago; at 92, I was at her bedside.
    I talked to my wife and we cried, together. I know that my CDing has and will cause us some problems in the future. The fact that it was only a year ago that I came out to my wife and we have crossed many raging rivers of doubt togeather gives me hope.
    Just a thought for all of you! The best to all who reside here!
    Wonderwho
    Last edited by Wonderwho; 04-23-2013 at 03:03 PM.
    .... and someday I too will become a butterfly screamed the catapiller!!!

  2. #2
    Isn't Life Grand? AllieSF's Avatar
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    Whoa! That is such a heart warming, goose bump causing story. Thank you so much for sharing and thank you so much for letting her tell you her story and give you a piece of motherly advice. Love comes in many shapes and forms, and it is so nice when it comes to us at some unexpected moment. Thanks again, you just made my day!

  3. #3
    Platinum Member Beverley Sims's Avatar
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    I would urge every one to read your post.This is the second post in two days that has affected me emotionally.
    The statement,

    “tell someone you love or you will die alone”

    is so true and I think those out there should take heed and do it as soon as practicable.

    A lovely story.
    Work on your elegance,
    and beauty will follow.

  4. #4
    Member melanie206's Avatar
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    Quite a story. It probably meant a lot to her to give you that advice and I'm glad you were able to be there for her at the end.

  5. #5
    Member CD Kelley's Avatar
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    That is a very touching story. A lot of folks here will ask why tell, well being lonely in you secret is something I have felt. There are still a lot of pros and cons

    Hugs Kelley
    The minute you think of giving up think of the reason you held on for so long

  6. #6
    Aspiring Member Sabrina133's Avatar
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    Wonderwho

    What an amazing story. To me, the beauty of it is that she didn't die alone - that should never happen to anyone. thank you for that>

    Bree

  7. #7
    Aspiring Member Ceri Anne's Avatar
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    Very inspiring story. As Kelley said above, there are lots of pros and cons for telling, but this definently pushes me closer to what I know I have to do.
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

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  8. #8
    Wayfarer EmilyPith's Avatar
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    Would Bill have been saved if he was born later and could have found this information? Fifteen years ago the net was just starting to bloom, look at what's out there now!

    This is a story to share.
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]Emily

    We're the ones who start little fires, yet they burn out
    But when they're on the rise, we can't help but shine

    And when the wave approaches, take our ashes to the ocean
    Who cares if hell awaits? We're having drinks at heaven's gate

    "Modern Jesus" Portugal (The Man)

  9. #9
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    Wow. Obviously, there was a lifetime of wisdom in that lady's words. I hope that others here can take something of value from her hard won enlightenment.

  10. #10
    Senior Member Gretchen_To_Be's Avatar
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    Wonderwho, thanks for much for this marvelous story. When I decided to share a secret I had held inside for so long with my wife, it was terrifying but necessary. I wonder now why I waited so long, as it has brought us closer together.

    I will read your post with my wife; thank you again.

  11. #11
    Chickie Chickhe's Avatar
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    It all sounds great, but its not for everyone. I think the real key is to figure out a way to feel good about yourself. If that involves telling someone a secret, then go for it, but its risky if they don't accept you after that. Sometimes its just not practical, but also feeling shame for something whether its deserved or not will impact your life negatively in many ways.
    Chickie

  12. #12
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    I am sure it was very comforting for her, Wonder to have YOU at her bedside, when she died. I've got a feeling, she might have felt guilty for never having been able to "help" her son and being able to TRY to help you probably lifted a great burden off her shoulders that she carried for who knows how many years. Life can sometimes work in mysterious ways.
    Last edited by Wildaboutheels; 04-23-2013 at 11:46 PM. Reason: who...years added

  13. #13
    Happy to be alive. Wonderwho's Avatar
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    When I posted this I was in no way infering that we all should go tell our SO about our CDing. This was to show that we as social creatures hold a lot deep inside. The simple act of my being there for this woman allowed her to open her heart and pass on something that had always bothered her. I know that this site allows all of us to open up to someone. They may be just a
    person in the world of internet but we have so many more ways to open our hearts.
    That short time that I really listned to someone else has made me rethink how i look at my friends and loved ones.
    Take a moment and ask someone a question and really listen to the answer. Stop worrying about that new pair of panties and ask a friend how they REALLY feel. You might find out more about the life you really want to live.
    We are lucky to have a site like this to ask questions and with some carefull thinking you might find the answers you really
    need.
    By best to all who inhabit this small spot in a sometimes lonely and scary world.
    WW
    .... and someday I too will become a butterfly screamed the catapiller!!!

  14. #14
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    I too am very touched by this story. A mother's love is infinite. I can imagine that she may have shared the pain of her son. It's quite common. Another sad facet is her son's suicide brought about by despair and having to hide his secret as most of us do. I've come out to several old and new trusted friends and the relief has been overwhelming. They see and treat me differently but with greater love and acceptance. My wife has always known and supports me 100%. Allowing others to know the real me has been the biggest stress-buster. We all know how stress kills. Sometimes our secret isn't the worst thing to keep. What we do is harmless compared to many other behaviors. Unfortunately we don't want to risk rejection or humiliation for family and friends, or ourselves. There lies the connundrum of telling or not telling.

    Cheryl Ann
    Last edited by Cheryl Ann Owens; 04-24-2013 at 12:51 PM.

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    Hi WW, That was a great story, I'm glad that don't have to live the lie and keep the big secret.
    Having my ears triple pierced is AWESOME, ~~......

    I can explain it to you, But I can't comprehend it for you !

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  16. #16
    Member Brynna M's Avatar
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    Its both fortunate and ironic that your secret helped someone else open up when it is more often the CDer that needs help opening up.

    I'm glad you could be there for someone who needed you.

  17. #17
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    I truely hope anyone (including lurkers here who are not members) who are fearful about their "secret" getting out will find the courage to start here in a safe haven and open up and realize that what we do or who we are is just an expression of who we are. Wearing clothes designed for women, or feeling like a woman and dressing as such, or exploring being a woman, is nothing to be ashamed of. You're not hurting anyone! The gay community has found greater acceptance over the past several years and to many it's not a big deal anymore. It's our turn!

    Cheryl Ann
    Last edited by Cheryl Ann Owens; 04-24-2013 at 08:14 PM.

  18. #18
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    WW Thank you for sharing...

    Your story brought tears to my eyes.
    I also asked my wife to read it and she was touched. So much wisdom in the older lady's comments; most of it derived from painful experience no doubt.

    Thanks for taking the time to be with her at the end and thanks again for sharing.
    Sandra1746

  19. #19
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    This is such a beautiful and heartwarming story. It really moved me so. Thank you for telling us this story.

  20. #20
    Happy to be alive. Wonderwho's Avatar
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    Just to add to the thought of how helpfull this site can be to someone who is unsure of themselves.
    I found this site only hours after telling my wife of 26 years that i was a CDer. I wasvery lost but the thoughts
    and info i gained helped me to adjust my life so that we as husband and wife are still best friends.
    I know that there will be bumps in the road but it is good to know that by telling my wife and joining here there
    is hope.
    Tell someone you love that you really love them TODAY.
    WW
    .... and someday I too will become a butterfly screamed the catapiller!!!

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