A couple of Qs for the SFDs.

[Wildaboutheels]

SFDs as in Single Full Dressers. You don't have a SO and dress fully. Wigs, makeup, forms, padding/body shaping items...[sorry if I missed anything?]

As so many don't seem to know WHY they dress, I thought I would throw this out there. Have you had "more than your share of failed LTRs"? [whether your dressing had any bearing or not]

Have you given up finding a female partner maybe and perhaps dressing is somewhat of a substitute for female companionship? Maybe just less risk or hassle than risking another Relationship that doesn't work out?

[Lucy_Bella]

Great post Wild.. The thought of giving up has crossed my mind a few times but I continue hoping that there really is someone out there for me.. I do find myself filling in the void by dressing and I have become lazy in searching or maybe it's just the fear of rejection when I expose my hobby.. I feel I have a lot to offer in a relationship but the URGE to dress usually becomes the deal breaker ( understandably )..

I've been in several relationships since my divorce and only came clean to one ,the other ladies gave out signals without me asking on how they feel about
the subject..I'm attracted to women only and there isn't a hell of a lot of women who find a masculine man expressing his urge to feel fem out here ( hard enough these days to find one with out the cding).. So life goes on why waste a good opportunity waiting for someone to turn your life upside down ..There's no doubt it's really a curse for me I do not enjoy being lonely I find no attraction to the same sex and I am not into hanging around people who have the same issues I do..

[Sabrina133]

Thats a great question Wild. I am a full dresser now and was before i met my (current) SO. As i said in my intro, I dressed fully when i was fresh out of college. I would spend entire weekends when I could en femme. I didnt dress when i was working or when i was out and about locally because i was an officer in the Army and certainly didnt want to get caught and kicked out.

When i'd go for fem weekends, I met guys and would spend the evening and sometimes the weekend with them. I'd meet them at gay bars or CD clubs -- and yes iwas very carefull and would insist on certain things. Although i dated girls when i was not having an en femme weekend -- I even had a couple of repeat dates with one relationship lasting almost a year -- I didn't date women during those femme weekends simply because i was too interested in being the woman. I dressed because frankly, i thought thats the way it should be and loved living the social life of a woman. I came out in law school and spent the entire 2nd year en femme - thats where i met my first guy LTR ( a guy i met at one of the clubs). He knew i was a guy as he asked me when he first met me.

After we broke up and i came out here, i dressed fully whenever i wasn't working (and i still do) even though i have a female SO. We met because my cousin and her wife got us together. WOuld we have met had we not been set up? Who knows. Frankly, after being burned by my BF on the east coast, i was ready to return the same lifestyle i had led while in the ARmy -- causal dating only.

I'll have to admit, mine is a somewaht unique case i think so cant be used as a basis to say what is and inst. Am a huge advocate of professional counseling for those of us who have questions, concerns or doubts. Just saying

Bree

when I first started therapy, my therapist asked the same question. The answer is i don't think its a substitute although when i first started, i did fantasize about sex as a female, it wasn't as

[Jackie7]

It's been 10 years since I was a single CD, I dressed whenever I could, generally two to four days a week, and went to many social events en femme. I found that I got a lot of attention from a few special women and naturally those women got a lot of attention from me. I met my wife that way, we became girlfriends and shopping buddies before we became lovers. So my CD tendencies have always been known to her, she's had fun with it right from the start. I agree it is a difficult and risky path to take, but I think it is less risky than keeping it hidden and suffering the inevitable explosion of discovery and feelings of betrayal. I also believe it is more respectful to the other to be out in the first place, giving her a fair chance at acceptance. Whereas keeping it a secret denies her that chance. My 2 cents.

[Sabrina133]

Jackie, I coulnt agree more...

[MisterEgurl]

Wow, this resonates with me quite a bit. I have never been in a long-term relationship. In fact, in my 38 years, I've never really been in any sort of romantic relationship. I wouldn't say that crossdressing is why I've never been in a romantic relationship, but it certainly is a part of the recipe that makes being alone easier. There are a number of other reasons for my inability to connect correctly with people. Similarly, I have so many reasons I like to crossdress and being in touch with femininity is a part of it. It's not really a substitute for female companionship, but it does fill an emotional void that might be a result of the greater sense of alienation I feel at times. It's hard to explain without going out on various tangents, horribly off topic, and deploying questionable psychobabble. But, yeah, I've always been single and dress to some extent whenever I know I'll be alone and not need to be outside or in public. It somehow completes me and part of that completion may indeed be a substitute for female companionship on some deeper level.

[CindyT]

I am single after over 20 years of marriage, during the marriage I had to hide the CD thing from her. Now that I am single and have more opportunities to dress, I only fully dress occasionally. I often think about finding a new mate but, then I have to hide it all again.... yes I feel your pain and it is a tough situation!

[Tabitha Storm]

Good post
I was married but have been single for about 17 years now. I have had a couple short term relationships but nothing long term. I do think about when is the time to tell them and if I should. I want to be honest upfront but I also don't want to be ratted out if it goes wrong. I think it would affect my job.
I am also a single parent so that takes a ton of time away from dating and Tabitha as well. I don't honk it is a substitute but it does come into play when thinking about a long term with someone.

Tabitha

[Carrie R]

Always been single myself, I figured why bother. But as I grow older being alone seems less appealing so I have finally tried meeting women online. I've been chatting with someone for a little while now, I told her about my crossdressing a couple weeks after we started chatting, I figured if she hates it why not drive her away quickly before anything happens. Surprisingly it didn't and she even suggested I could try on her dresses. So perhaps I've worried needlessly. Gonna take things very slow, read plenty of advice on this site.

[Ashlyn Brooke]

I can't really explain what or where my desire to dress comes from. Maybe a fetish from childhood that I'm reliving or it was in me all along. I never really acted on anything until my marriage of 23 years ended. I had a virtually sexless marriage (her lack of interest) and somewhere I think I transform into the woman I always wanted, or maybe its the woman I always wanted to be myself. I have attempted dating and met other women online and find myself lacking any desire to truly be with them. At this point I have no idea where my life is headed. When I transform I feel happy and content and the stress of all I have gone through seems to go away. Its better than finding peace in a bottle or through any drug I know of. I don't want to grow old alone, but right now I feel I have to just live life day to day and that is being a woman every moment I have available.

[docrobbysherry]

At my age, (over 60), it's difficult to meet women I find both good company and attractive/fit enuff to peke my interest, sexually. The fact that I dress has nothing to do with my dates until I find one I'm serious about to tell.

At present, I'm dating a 30 something woman. We get together when we feel the need. Her name is Sherry. U learn to deal with it!

[Phoebe]

Have been a single crossdresser for 32 years. At times when dating women I put my clothes and female items in storage. Found that women want to much out of a relationship. The women seemed to get angry over small details that I didn't think were necessary to maintain a relationship with them. One item in common was they wanted a telephone call every day or several times a day. At times I was out on service calls and didn't have the time to make calls. One night I was tired and disconnected my telephone to get some needed rest. The woman came over after drinking most of the night and demanded I tell her 1. Why I failed to call her. 2. Why my telephone was constantly busy. The she demanded I take her home as she took a cab from the bar to my apartment building. I refused to take her home and gave her $20.00 and called a cab to take her home. She got very angry and slapped my face before leaving my apartment.

So enough drama in my life with females. Now at almost 75 years old does not matter that I have a girlfriend and enjoy living and dressing almost full time.

Janet

[MisterEgurl]

What an interesting post, Wildaboutheels! I have to throw in my nickel (2 cents plus inflation). Well, I'm not dressing full-time, but I do dress rather frequently and I am single. I can also say that I have never been in a long-term relationship. Actually, I can't say I've EVER been in any sort of romantic relationship.

That said, I don't believe that the dressing is the reason I've never been successful at love. The root causes go much deeper than that. For much of my life, I've been obese and suffered from low self-esteem. I'm also very much an introvert and have schizoid tenancies that I must always work to keep in check. That combination never put me in a position to date and meet women. I've never been able to "sell myself" to others and muster the confidence to approach women and play the role of the aggressor.

Now, enter the crossdressing. At first the crossdressing was, for me, a fetishistic thing. But in time, the nature of it changed. I found that I enjoyed the dressing beyond the sexualized context. It was comforting and comfortable to me. Being large, I appreciated the airiness of dresses and flowing styles, bras helped with my gynecomastia and I liked how shapewear made me feel and look. The rest of the womanly accoutrements just came naturally in the progression of completing looks that I liked and that I felt accentuated my best features. The side effect of crossdressing was that it gave me enough of an exposure to and indulgence in femininity, that it minimized the sense of missing out at finding female companionship. Crossdressing and my fantasies regarding it give me an emotional release from the pervasive sense of being trapped alone in a big lumbering fatguy body. On the other hand, that combination of introversion, low self-esteem and crossdressing has been a deterrent to opening up to people emotionally. In regards to women, dating, love and relationships, I am so far behind the curve that I don't know where to begin. I have missed all the benchmarks. I am relationship illiterate and feel like trying to make up for lost time is a hopeless endeavor. I'd much rather continue learning to accept and love myself than go questing for external affirmation.