Reveal to therapist?

[JenniferR771]

Be a little cautious, Dreamer. My wife convinced me to go to a counselor, who was an MSW. But he knew little--and wanted to treat me for sexual addiction. I looked up the large institution where he was one of many counselors and psychologists. Dozens of their counselors list many "specialties" with "sexual identity issues" among them, but when you read details of their backgrounds they seldom mention such experience. Beware of exaggerated claims.
Get a referral from someone who knows, or from a local support group. For instance I am looking at an ad for a mental health professional LMSW in a magazine put out by our local Network LBGT group. It lists "sexual identity issues" as the first in a of list of "I can help:" topics.
Go through the online information to glean any information you can about your therapist.

[dreamer_2.0]

Oh my, tons of posts! Thanks, girls! I intend to read everything but alas it's Monday and I shouldn't be in front of the computer screen this much. haha

[Chari]

Great points to consider from all previous posts! Also consider how YOU feel after your session. Do you feel better, the same, or still confused and not seeing any positive results? A therapist can only guide you to a better result. YOU must make the choice and decide what is best for you. Please do not rush to find a simple end result. Go slow, as every question that comes to mind, and weigh all possibilities for the answer that you are comfortable with.

[mikiSJ]

Dreamer

Sending an email to your therapist is a safe way to ask the question. If you don't get back a suitable answer you can walk away in peace.

Also consider how YOU feel after your session. Do you feel better, the same, or still confused and not seeing any positive results? A therapist can only guide you to a better result. YOU must make the choice and decide what is best for you. Please do not rush to find a simple end result. Go slow, as every question that comes to mind, and weigh all possibilities for the answer that you are comfortable with.

I just returned from a weekly visit with my therapist. She is doing more than guiding me. She is allowing me to acknowledge secrets I have hidden from the world for 50 years. I can open to her because I trust her sensibilities and experience and we have gotten past the point of "so, what's bothering you" to where we can have an honest and open dialogue.

Today, I feel great after our 50 minutes!

[Brynna M]

The biggest predictor of successful therapy is the relationship between therapist and patient. If you don't trust your therapist enough to at least broach the subject you need to either mind a way to get over your block or find a therapist you do trust. With that said it took me 4 years to open up to my therapist (mostly there for depression) about crossdressing. I was freaked out and nauseous. He didn't some much as blink. If your impression is that your therapist is professional and someone to be trusted you only have something to gain by putting it out there.

[danielletorresani]

I've told a therapist before. You MUST tell them. In order for any therapist to be effective, you must be open with them. If you're not open with them and hiding things, what's the point?

[Sometimes Steffi]

The therapy office should be a judgement-free zone. If it's not, you hve the wrong therapist, no matter what the problem.

Remember, there was a time when no one (or at least no man) would asmit to depression.

I've seen several different therapists, and went to some sessions crossdressed with each one of them. I would have gone crossdressed all the time except for logistics issues.

[gender_blender]

Unless you go to a specialist, there's an unfortunately high likelihood that they'll assume you do it to be with a man. I stopped seeing a decent therapist after she said that. I'd only bring it up if it plays a role in your personal social development.

[BlairP]

Dreamer Grl,

I just came out to my therapist two months ago! Seriously. I can remember when it was on the tip of my tongue too. I finally told her and all hell broke loose. Seriously. I mean that in a good way. I feel more free than I have ever been. I still know what it is like to feel embarassed about this. But it is fading away and being replaced with pride.

Blaire

[*Amelia*]

Hi Dreamer, do what feels right for you. I have also struggled with my identity for quite some time. Strange that I found this post, I found a gender specialist in my area and my first appointment is on Thursday. Good luck! Just know that there are others here to support you and who are going through the same situation.

[dreamer_2.0]

Hi girls,

Thanks again for all your thoughts! It was great to hear so many stories. The general consensus appears to be support revealing my secret, but cautiously. I'm very happy to hear that many of you had positive experiences, however I'm very sorry to hear about the negative ones. For those girls, I admire your strength and courage to continue being you. Having encountered some negative backlash from my family (sister once called me disgusting), I can kind of relate.

I intentionally chose my current therapist based on her age as I wanted someone from my generation in an attempt to make it easier to relate. The downside to that decision, especially as I wasn't considering gender dysphoria at the time, would be a lack of experience on her part. She's still fairly new. That being said, I trust she would have the resources to help in some way. If anything, I love her shoes!

As previously mentioned, I'm going to send her an email inquiring about her experience without revealing many, if any, details at first.

Thanks again for your posts, they were all quite enlightening.

[Kate's at home]

A significant part of telling someone we trust of our concerns and goals (therapist, family member, friend, or all here, for example) is to safely externalize the closed loop of conversation we have with ourselves. Being really heard, acknowledged and validated safely is key to moving forward as a 'normalizing' occurs in the process, allowing for different considerations of options and goals in the process. I see this happening on this site, to varying degrees, frequently, and is partly the reason it is so useful. We get outside ourselves, and possibilities open up.

Safety obviously is also a significant factor.

I've watched for decades how others communicate in active listening, acknowledging and validating. My observations are that with most GG's (with each other) this comes easily and naturally. With men, usually less so. On this site, I frequently see this somewhat more frequently, and in a context of support. I find this interesting and heartening.

Again, best of luck,

Kate

[Marlana]

Dreamer, I too am see a therapist for depression. It took quite a few session for me to be comfortable bringing up my cd issue. The therapist was totally ok with discussing it. I guess I'm still not all thT comfortable with it as I'm not sure he really understands it or us. Think he's mainly a depression therapist. But it is important to bring the issue out in the open.

[Cheryl Ann Owens]

A few years ago I started to see a therapist for anxiety and depression. I picked a woman therapist because I felt more comfortable talking to a woman. She's in her 40's. I'm 60. We worked at treating my original problems but it took awhile for me to reveal my TG issues, and even now it's hard to talk about. Somehow I feel embarassed and don't want to embarass her even though she's a professional. I feel the need to really open up because I also know the anxiety and depression are all related. So my opinion is that it's best for a therapist to understand the whole picture.

Cheryl

[dreamer_2.0]

Well, I emailed her and she replied withing an hour. She said that, while she isn't an expert, she is knowledgable and actually has a significant interest in the area. She offered to connect me with someone with more experience but I think I'll continue speaking with her for now. We've already established a level of trust and because she appears interested in the topic, perhaps we can help each other out.

Our next session isn't until next Wednesday but I kind of wish it was sooner now. Strange how reluctant I initially was to reveal it but now I'm anxious to begin discussing it!

[AmyGaleRT]

Good for you, Dreamer! It always feels so much better when you get the secret off your chest, no matter who it is you're telling. And your therapist now has an opportunity to indulge her interest and increase her skill! I call that a "win-win"!

- Amy

[Angela Campbell]

My first therapist stated on her website that she works with sexual issues and gender issues. I was quickly referred to someone who specifically does work with transitions. She saw right away that was what I was looking for.

[ShelbyDawn]

Dreamer,

I told my therapist day one about my dressing and she has helped me immensly in coming to terms with the facts that this is just the way I am wired, that I am hurting noone and that crossdressing is just anbother stop on the spectrum of normal.
(If you think about a bell curve, the 99th and the first percentile are just as normal as the median. They may not be as common but they are just as normal.)

Betond Dr. patient confidentiality, a therapists job is to present a totally unbiased mirror for you to measure yourself against.
If your dressing is an issue for you, and your embarrasment about it indicates that it is, I suggest that you tell your therapist and let them help you come to terms with it.

Hang in there...

Hugs.

Shelby

PS. I just read the rest of the thread. Way to go. My therapist is not a specialist in gender issues either but the trust level I have with her is more important than her specialty. Good luck. For me, it was a huge weight off to just have someone - a stranger - to talk to about this.

[sometimes_miss]

It is wise to let your therapist in on your secret, it may be a clue to whatever ails you.

^this. Hiding anything from your therapist will only delay progress.

[linda allen]

Hi girls,

As you may know, I've been away from this forum for a long time. During this time I barely dressed at all (kind of suppressed due to living conditions). Yet, despite being completely away from the lifestyle I still have the feeling inside that I'm not happy being male and ponder whether I'd ever be able to be happy in this body. Having read old posts of mine it seems this opinion hasn't changed much over the years and isn't going anywhere unless I do something about it.

I'm currently seeing a therapist each week for depression, confidence and the like. My fem side hasn't come out yet as I'm still incredibly embarrassed by it. I know there is support on here (thanks!) but revealing it in person, to a stranger, is another story. Having said that, it almost came out last session. It was on the tip of my tongue.

I'm curious if any of you have ever broached the subject with a therapist and how it went. Did you find it beneficial? Did it help you understand this side of you more? Any advice?

It would be the first time telling someone outside of a girlfriend. I'm quite certain I would never get SRS (couldn't bear to tell family, friends) so I debate whether it's worth bringing up during session.

I appreciate everyone's thoughts!

If you are seeing a therapist and don't tell him/her about everything in your life, you are wasting your time and money. Tell him/her at your next session.