At least you realize transition is a marathon and not a race. Do what you can to feel comfortable and make progress. voice practice is free and the sooner you start the better. Electrolysis is another option to help you feel you are making progress.
Please seek help to quench thoughts and action on suicide. It will help no one and we would hate to see you expire so early. We will all die at some point, no use accelerating the process. We do care and will try ot help as much as possible.
I never thought of hrt as volatile. there are serious risks to consider for sure, but are easily managed with proper medical supervision. For me estrogen knocked my anxiety down from a 10-0 in 3 days, and I have yet to have a paralyzing anxiety attack since. I have been on estrogen for 1 years next week and for it was the best decision i have made in my life. It literally saved my life. I was poisoning my body and mind with unhealthy substances and have been alcohol and substance free for 18 months to date.
As for crying when the mood hits to cry, do not hold back let it go and let the tears fly. You will definitely feel better releasing the negative energy.
