upset

[tiffanynjcd24]

today it wasnt a good day. I was so upset that some friend was telling me that crossdressing is a addiction and that i immeresed my self into crossdressing world. Also she was telling me that guys would just use me for sex more than the girls and that no girl or transgirl wouldnt want to be with a crossdresser(they would rather date a masc guy and guys would want me for sex). Also she tell me that i should meet normal people that dont do crossdressing and that crossdressers are hetrosexual mostly. I was trying to tell her i am goinguy to a crossdressing organization pretty soon once i get my own place. lastly she told me no girl wouldnt want to be with a bisexual and that it is too risky to date a bisexual that would cheat on a girl with a guy(vice versa) i tried to tell her i got hurt by gurls and that if a girl or a transgirl coming into my life i got to be honest with her.

[Julie Gaum]

You have no reason to let anybody get under your skin. I'm pretty sure that you've read enough on this Forum in the months you have been here to know that your "friend" may mean well but, for the most part, doesn't know what she is talking about and definitely doesn't know your feelings or goals.
We all go through the stage of insecurity when entering the CD or the T world so roll with it.
Julie

[tiffanynjcd24]

some times but she dont understand it this is a part of me would it be possible to give it up and never do it again maybe but all she think it is like a drug

[AndrewJenny]

One thing I've found is that people don't like bisexuals almost as much as they don't like CD'ers or trans people. I don't know why that is, but it sucks when that's who you are.

Maybe it will get better once you get your own place? I know it made me feel a lot better knowing I could just shut myself off from the world and be by myself when I needed to.

Hang in there,

Katie (Kat)

[tiffanynjcd24]

thank you katie yes i am trying to get my own place and if i want to dress up cool and i can control that not her

[Jodie_Lynn]

Your friend may be trying to look out for you, but she is using all the stereotypical arguments against CD-ing. How many Trans-girls does she know? Where is she getting this information from? Perhaps if you showed her some of the material on some of the LBGT sites, she might gain a better understanding of your situation.


There is an old saying: "People fear what they do not understand. People destroy what they fear." Do not allow her well meant, but hurtful comments destroy who you are.

[MysticLady]

i got to be honest with her.

First, I think you need to be honest to yourself. Your friend sounds like a nagging wife.. I hope your mating plans don't include this woman. You will be sorry. I guarantee it. Sorry, just MHO.

[tiffanynjcd24]

maybe from the sites but she is 50 years old and i dont care what she thinks really

[Lorileah]

so many wrongs, so little time:

crossdressing is a addiction

No it isn't. It is part of who you are. If it was addicting there would be groups to help you STOP it.

Also she was telling me that guys would just use me for sex

If you let them they will.

no girl or transgirl wouldnt want to be with a crossdresser(they would rather date a masc guy and guys would want me for sex).

So, so wrong. Maybe she wouldn't but she isn't everyone

i should meet normal people that dont do crossdressing and that crossdressers are hetrosexual mostly.

Normal? really what would that be? Stepford people?

lastly she told me no girl wouldnt want to be with a bisexual and that it is too risky to date a bisexual that would cheat on a girl with a guy(vice versa) i tried to tell her i got hurt by gurls and that if a girl or a transgirl coming into my life i got to be honest with her.

Being heterosexual, homosexual or bisexual has the same likelihood of cheating.

[tiffanynjcd24]

so many wrongs, so little time:
No it isn't. It is part of who you are. If it was addicting there would be groups to help you STOP it. If you let them they will. So, so wrong. Maybe she wouldn't but she isn't everyone Normal? really what would that be? Stepford people?

Being heterosexual, homosexual or bisexual has the same likelihood of cheating.

but as long as if you are faithful and honest to her

[TheMissus]

I think anything can be addictive if self control is lacking. That's not to say this is the case here but I do know women married to men who pushed their CD behaviour far beyond where it started and even beyond their comfort zone. They couldn't stop until they DID get help. There wasn't an official CD twelve steps group or anything but they took medication (anti compulsive meds i believe) and had counselling. Things settled down quickly and these men soon realized their behavior hadn't been authentic but driven entirely by catching that next 'high'.

I'm not sure about those who dress for gender dysphoria but addiction can definitely happen to the fetish dressers.

[Melissa Rose]

.....i dont care what she thinks really

If this was really true, you would not be upset.

It sucks when someone you hoped or thought would understand turns out not to. It is going to be upsetting on some level so your feelings are normal and to be expected.

There are some partial truths or twisted truths in some of her statements, but some untruths also. If she is willing to listen, this is an opportunity to clear up some of her erroneous beliefs and opinions. If she is set in her beliefs, regardless of her intentions, you have to decide whether to accept it and continue the friendship, or if it is a deal breaker then it is time to move on as sad and difficult as that may be. It is also an opportunity to reflect on what she said and see if you can figure out why it upset you. Sometimes the truth, even if partially correct, can hurt and cause an emotional reaction.

[tiffanynjcd24]

when i dress up in women clothing i feel very comfortable i am not doing it as to being addicting to it and i told her that is me i cant change that who i am basically

[Tina B.]

CD23, you are right, you can't be something your not, you can hide it, try to ignore it, but down in side, if you believe it is who you basically are, it probably is.
But you have to realize a non Trans person, can only go by what they have heard or read somewhere sometime, they have never lived in our skin, so how can they truly know what we feel, and how it effects each and everyone of us, and in some way it does effect each and everyone of us no matter how much some may argue against it, it has to have an effect.
At fifty years old, your friend was subjected to a lot of wrong information, and the medical community have changed a lot since they first started studying this stuff, but not everybody keeps up with the latest information, as a not Trans person, why would they.
Back when I started dressing, it was considered a mental illness, and you could be locked up and given electric shock treatments to cure you, it took them a while to figure out that was a waste of time and power. It took even longer to figure out we weren't crazy at all, just different, but your friend will catch up sooner or later maybe.
As for finding a girl, well many of us here are happily married, and some of them are Bi, so it can and has been done. You may see more rejection, and it may take more looking, but there is many of us here that can tell you we are very happily married, with wives that love us and know who we really are, so don't let anyone tell you there is not someone out there for you, they don't know any more than you do, what lies ahead, after all isn't that what live is all about, figuring out what ahead, and how to get throught it?

[Chickhe]

I don't agree with what she said or maybe how she said it, but often when I feel upset about something someone else said, it is because there is some truth to it. You have to look at yourself and decide what the truth is, but also remember people have their own likes and dislikes and some people talk too much and are wrong, and are bully's....

[Princess Grandpa]

maybe from the sites but she is 50 years old and i dont care what she thinks really

Atta girl! I avoided contemplating this part of me for so long, I don't have the experience my age says I should have. However I have gained through those years an understanding of my own self worth so it's easier to accept.

I signed up on these forums believing much the same things your friend is telling you. I never considered I was a crossdresser as I wasn't attracted to guys. During the first few days, before we found these forums, we were using terms and expressions that I now know had we used in public would have been very offensive to many here. The average Joe/Jane knows so little about our world. Based on some of the threads I have read, we ourselves don't necessarily understand a lot of it ourselves.

Feel good about who you are! Do no harm to others! Be happy!
Hug
Rita

[Tracii G]

She is spouting stereotypical stuff I wouldn't pay attention to her.
CD 23 I think you have a great instinct and are the more sensible one.

[kimdl93]

Your friend is viewing sexuality and gender identification in very black and white terms. While I am sure that its true that there are fewer women who are interested CDing males, and fewer women who are interested in bisexual males, that doesn't mean you can't meet a woman who is interested in you for the person you are. Here's something you must consider. Your share your sexual history with all of those people you are sexually involved with. If you are sexually active, you should be taking very seriously the risk of disease, particularly HIV, but any STD, and take appropriate precautions...regardless of whether your partners are male or female. HIV is not an automatic death sentence, but it is a very serious, lifelong, chronic illness that is very costly to treat and is associated with a wide variety of debilitating complications. Do not make the mistake of underestimating the risk of exposure or infection.

As for her advice to meet "normal" people...how would you know who is normal and who isn't. We all have our unique things. I agree you should meet lots of people, not restrict yourself to people who appear to meet one set of standards or another.

[tiffanynjcd24]

Heck she even try to talking me out of transitioning saying its not for me and she told me I was confused and I should just to pick one and stay with it like I know more shit than her I know the risk (stds, if I transition I would lose everything and I can deal with consquences) she doesnt know what I went through with my gender identity issues and she brought up my mother as to trying to compare her and me as far as how we are addicted to certain things. Thing is I dont want to repress or supress who I am really and I am still seeing a gender therapist. Furthermore I went through stuff

Your friend is viewing sexuality and gender identification in very black and white terms. While I am sure that its true that there are fewer women who are interested CDing males, and fewer women who are interested in bisexual males, that doesn't mean you can't meat a woman who is interested in you for the person you are. Here's something you must consider. Your share your sexual history with all of those people you are sexually involved with. If you are sexually active, you should be taking very seriously the risk of disease, particularly HIV, but any STD, and take appropriate precautions...regardless of whether your partners are male or female. HIV is not an automatic death sentence, but it is a very serious, lifelong, chronic illness that is very costly to treat and is associated with a wide variety of debilitating complications. Do not make the mistake of underestimating the risk of exposure or infection.

As for her advice to meet "normal" people...how would you know who is normal and who isn't. We all have our unique things. I agree you should meet lots of people, not restrict yourself to people who appear to meet one set of standards or another.

I agree I always take precautions and like I say if I get into a relationship with some one I would be completely honest with the person

[shawnsheila]

I think most of us ladies here share similar feels of being comfortable when dressed and it may be difficult for your friend to understand that. I say dress the way that makes you happy and love who you love (just be true to them) and you will live a happier life. Your friend may be trying to "help" you from what she thinks is correct or good fro her point of view but I find it difficult to take advice from people who do not understand our circumstances... much like someone trying to give me advice on how to raise children when then never had children. Just peruse your dreams/happiness gurl and dont let other people stop you from getting there. You can listen to her advice but you don't have to take it. You are your own person and it is your life to live not hers.

[tiffanynjcd24]

Plus she even stop me from transition saying I wouldnt be happy if I cross gender she is not really my friend

[Tracii G]

You do what is right for you.Who better to know how you feel than you?
She has her opinions and you have your experiences. Go in the direction you want to go.

[tiffanynjcd24]

I agree I not here to please others

[Lorileah]

Heck she even try to talking me out of transitioning saying its not for me and she told me I was confused and I should just to pick one and stay with it

Isn't transitioning picking one and sticking with it? Or can you switch afterward?

she doesnt know what I went through with my gender identity issues

No she doesn't

[tiffanynjcd24]

What she meant if I like boys I should stick with it and vice versa