i just don't know

[girlinside]

so here is the deal. basically since the warm weather has started and school is out for the summer i have been feeling sad and depressed. i dont know what to do about my dressing anymore. you wuld think with the free time i would be able to dress but there is something that is keeping me from it. i dont think its the lack of a wardrobe because i have enough things to make a couple of trips if i were to wander out into the world.

this is how the mornings start out, im laying in bed half awake day-dreaming about either being a girl or dressing as one for the day. im there in my room trying on clothes and different outfits that will work with my day that i have planed in my dream. basically skirts and cute little spring clothes and accessories. but when i wake up i have no desires to do any of it. i live in a house and have a roommate that has similar hours of being awake as me. so i just dont know what to do, money isnt the problem of not having the clothes i think its something more.

i guess lately ive just been real depressed and sad, even with scuba classes im still down in the dumps. help and advice would be great for i do not have a clue what is wrong or how to fix it.

[katlee]

Sounds like you need a safe space to express your girl side. If you can't find one at the moment, would under dressing help? If you are truly feeling depressed I would look into counseling/therapy, it helps me.

[Beverley Sims]

I think you have to find some free time in your life.
Try other accommodation alternatives.

[PattiAllison]

We all need our 'me' time to pursue our own desires and dreams. Ignoring this need will get you nowhere and gradually mske you nuts. You can figure out a way to have time for yourself - just do it!

[suzy1]

Very often the lack of desire to ‘do things’ that you know you should enjoy doing is a sign of something going on in your life that is casing stress or you are depressed.

When I suffered from depression myself I remember sitting down in front of the T.V. to watch my favourite sport and just walking away.

If you are suffering from clinical depression then you won’t necessarily be aware of it.
Clinical depression is much more common than most people realize and the treatment by qualified doctors can bring very real relief.

Have a chat with the doc.

[Erica Marie]

Maybe its the fear of your roomy catching you or the fear of locals finding out. If you can afford it, pack up a bag and take the weekend and go to a more populated area and rent a hotel room. You will have the freedom of your own room with no one to judge you while trying on outfits. Then get dressed, take a ride, maybe a stroll through a park and if things feel comfortable maybe you could hit a mall or grab a bite to eat. My suggestion is baby steps and be confident.

[kimdl93]

Ask yourself why you don't follow through on your plans...make a list and see if you can find ways to overcome any obstacles you identified. But regardless of whether you dress or not, get up, get out and do something. It's the surest way to overcome the blues.

[Cheryl Ann Owens]

I've been treated for anxiety and depression with a counselor. In my case depression definitely takes the good feelings out of dressing. Even now I dress down wearing what a gal might shopping at Walmart. Dressing "up" feels much better when I'm less depressed. My moods vary. Finding out what is causing any depression is key. That's where a counselor comes in. It could be medical too. Time to find out.

Cheryl

[Stephanie47]

I'll agree with the need for counseling. If you are finding peace and tranquility with dressing, I suspect that is your method of escaping from the reality of whatever is bothering you. There are many of us on this site who use dressing as a stress reliever. Sure, not being able to express yourself is a downer. But, for the price of a motel room down the road you can at least get away from your housemate for privacy.

Sometimes the urge or necessity to be en femme goes through highs and lows. I see you're only 21. I would venture to guess that you are still trying to see how you fit into the expectations of society when you clearly are not marching to the same drummer.

[Sister Rachel]

Suzy1 already said what I would say. Sometimes the tides of your emotions and your circumstances run counter to each other and you find yourself in choppy seas and not moving anywhere! I can tell you for certain that in time, you will get through this, come to like yourself again and look back on your experiences as " the trials of youth". "No desires" is a sign of depression, for sure, but depression can be overcome . x

[Alexis.j]

Well, all advice I can give is baby steps!!! Go and do something small everytime you go out.eg: paint your nails a androgynous color, then spen a weekend like that, then try maby a bit of makup, then slowly start projecting a more fem apperance.
Underdressing is only for your personal satisfaction and I don't think will help much with comming out.

[Jessica Who]

I know what you're going through. Just be patient and take the time to get to know your feminine side. If you can't dress at the moment maybe reading books or watching vlogs on the things you are going through will help. Just know that whatever you are going through will not last forever. *hugs*

[girlinside]

I really appreciate all of your replies, it means a lot. I know I won't feel this way forever it just seems like it. I have been wanting to dress more since its summer and warm but I don't think I'll have the time for a weekend trip to a motel, although it has crossed my mind. The university I'm attending I believe has free counseling so I might look in to it. I just don't feel like I need to pay for it since I'm still under my parents umbrella for insurance and I'm not ready for family to know anything. I'm just hoping once the summer gets rolling and my classes start to roll and my work is less( I worked 29 hrs this week which is double my norm) along with late nights leaves me with not much room for Emma time.

The added stress for this weekend of my mom coming to visit for the day to help me buy a new bed has me worried she might find something and start asking questions I might not know the answer to, simply because I don't know much of where this is leading me right now.

Last bit for tonight. My bestirred from high school lives an hour away in our home town and I talk to her every night but not about serious stuff. If she were closer and we could hang out I might have a chance to talk with her more about things.

Once again I appreciate all the kind words! Typing on here and in my journal in the 18-35 section really helps me mentally.

[chris80]

so here is the deal. basically since the warm weather has started and school is out for the summer i have been feeling sad and depressed. this is how the mornings start out, im laying in bed half awake day-dreaming about either being a girl or dressing as one for the day. im there in my room trying on clothes and different outfits that will work with my day that i have planed in my dream. basically skirts and cute little spring clothes and accessories. but when i wake up i have no desires to do any of it. i live in a house and have a roommate that has similar hours of being awake as me. so i just dont know what to do, money isnt the problem of not having the clothes i think its something more.

i guess lately ive just been real depressed and sad, even with scuba classes im still down in the dumps. help and advice would be great for i do not have a clue what is wrong or how to fix it.

move to UK and such feelings will not be occurring as we have no warm weather yet

[girlinside]

move to UK and such feelings will not be occurring as we have no warm weather yet

hahha no im ok. i like warm weather im just cooped up still!

[Lynn Marie]

Hi Girlinside, good to see you got your shift key fixed. Last post looks much better. Presentation is everything. That works in life too. When you present well, you naturally feel good about yourself and your life is fulfilling. Just like what your little league coach would say, "just do your best".