My therapist now knows...

[dreamer_2.0]

Well, girls, I did it. I've let someone else into my "world".

As mentioned a while back, I emailed my therapist inquiring about her experience with gender dysphoria. While she's not an expert it is an area of interest for her so I moved past the email and we actually had a good conversation about it.

I told her that I often feel as if I'd be happier as a woman but don't know how deep these thoughts go. Do I actually want to be a woman or is it just a thrill? I personally believe the desire runs pretty deep however I don't believe myself to be a woman, just a guy who really hates being a guy.

She asked what I wanted to do with this side of me though truthfully I don't know. SRS would be a dream come true but I don't have the courage or self-esteem to do it. I can't imagine sharing this side of me with my family. While I'm sure they've wondered about me (especially after finding women's clothing hidden in my room while growing up), I'm just too scared and would prefer not revealing to them.

Other options we discussed was me simply trying to feminize my body (clothing, grooming/electrolysis, women's deodorant, body wash, etc). Small things, but stuff that would hopefully appease my inner girl. The downside I find to this however is that, being a straight guy, feminizing myself would potentially lead people to believe I'm gay. So I believe it would make it harder for me to find a woman. Honestly, I kind of wish I was gay. It seems like it would be easier to have this feminine side and be more openly accepted if I was. Or perhaps it would make it even worse...I really don't know.

Currently I don't live on my own (moved back in with parents few years ago to save money...I regret the decision every day as I've suppressed everything), so I told her how excited I am to get my own place again so I can get back into things. My house warming present to myself is going to be a make-up kit. I'm quite excited...even though I have NO clue how to do make-up. Thank god for youtube tutorials.

As this was just our first session discussing things it was mostly just an intro. I'm not sure where this is going to take me but at least I've got a professional on my side. She also invited me to dress up for our sessions, though I told her I likely wouldn't. I'm a shy little girl...so shy I hide in a man's body.

My thanks to everyone who helped me make the decision to reveal to her.

[Jenniferathome]

Well, good, your therapist is supposed to know.

... SRS would be a dream come true but I don't have the courage or self-esteem to do it. I can't imagine sharing this side of me with my family....I'm just too scared and would prefer not revealing to them.

on this point, my limited understanding of the TS condition says you are NOT TS. The TS would say,"... I can't imagine NOT sharing this side of me with my family." The TS needs to make things right.

Talk it out a lot more, you're on a good track.

[calebsmithxd]

Congrats for letting your therapist know. I'm sure that took a lot of courage, but at the same time, I bet it feels great having a weight lifted.

Other options we discussed was me simply trying to feminize my body (clothing, grooming/electrolysis, women's deodorant, body wash, etc). Small things, but stuff that would hopefully appease my inner girl. The downside I find to this however is that, being a straight guy, feminizing myself would potentially lead people to believe I'm gay. So I believe it would make it harder for me to find a woman. Honestly, I kind of wish I was gay. It seems like it would be easier to have this feminine side and be more openly accepted if I was. Or perhaps it would make it even worse...I really don't know.
As this was just our first session discussing things it was mostly just an intro. I'm not sure where this is going to take me but at least I've got a professional on my side. She also invited me to dress up for our sessions, though I told her I likely wouldn't. I'm a shy little girl...so shy I hide in a man's body.

As a gay guy, I don't know if it's easier or not, but I can tell you that I use shower gel from Bath and Body Works, rarely use lip shine or lip balm, and have a few female clothing items I wear occasionally that mostly blend in with my male wardrobe and I haven't had an issues from any of my boyfriends, past or present. I think it ultimately comes down to finding the right person to be with and is less about being gay or straight.

As far as coming dressed to your appointment, I think that would be a great place to start. Maybe she has a private bathroom or some other area where you could change into your female clothes, assuming you arrive a little earlier than the appointment itself.

[Rachelakld]

I also though "I wish I was gay" to help explain the world I lived in.
Went down the "lets explore the gay path", but that was still not me - I'm just not in to guys that way.
Eventually found out I love women so much that I wanted to be part of their world.

While I and my daughters like the look of femine males, their girlish boy friends are definately not gay and they are happy with each other.

So
1) be the person that makes you the happiest,
2) meet the person of your dreams,
3) share your interest BEFORE you get serious,
4) and see what happens from there (OK it worked really well for me, but it's better than hiding from the person you love).

[Cheryl Ann Owens]

Not sure how I can respond to this thread, but......A couple years ago I started talking to my therapist and it was an awesome relief. She and I are exploring many options for myself. Some, or many, are baby steps, but I feel very confident with her FINALLY letting out all of my feelings. Everyone is different, and everyone has to find the comfort level they are well, comfortable with.

Cheryl

[Beverley Sims]

After having your own accommodation for a while you may progress to more dressing and find it easier to visit your therapist dressed.
Do not dress until you are comfortable going outside for a while.

[Angela Campbell]

on this point, my limited understanding of the TS condition says you are NOT TS. The TS would say,"... I can't imagine NOT sharing this side of me with my family." The TS needs to make things right.

This is not necessarily the case. Many TS people are paralyzed with fear they have to learn to overcome.


I guess my current therapist knew pretty quick what I wanted to talk about as I arrived for the first session dressed as a woman.

[kimdl93]

I think you've got a good therapist there. Now, take your time and try to follow through on some of her suggestions. Over time it can help. As for finding a woman...get through therapy, learn to love yourself and then you'll be in a better position to build a workable relationship.