I brought up the thought of transitioning a few days ago, and I have been thinking a lot about how I feel about all of this lately.
I don't necessarily have any real "problems" being a guy, but I really don't feel like I have anything special going for me, being a guy. I am not miserable when I'm not able to dress, but I am certainly a lot happier when I am able.
The conclusion that I have come up with, is that Felicity is my best friend. Throughout my whole life, I have gone through lots of periods of loneliness, where I had no friends, and had to try to be happy on my own. Some times were better than others, but in the end, I almost always came out with a mental breakdown from just feeling like such an outcast. I always got happy when I found a hobby or interest that kept me occupied, and made me not think that I needed other people in my life in order to be happy. And ever since I have found this out about myself, I have actually fallen in love with myself! I know that sounds a bit narcissistic, but I am actually trying to become my own dream girl. Whereas I have never been able to have a girlfriend in the past, who I felt really loved me for who I was, now I actually feel like I have someone who is always there, even if it seems imaginary, it feels real to me. And it is actually kind of nice to feel like I always have a friend around.
Maybe I'm just going crazy, but I think that dressing like a girl is my way of filling the void of never having a girl in my life. I can honestly say that I love girls so much that I want to be like them. But the problem here is that real girls don't want to marry a girl, so I think I would have to give it up, or at least lay it down a little bit over time. But I think I could do that as long as I actually had someone to care about me.
Basically, transitioning would be my way of "marrying myself". I probably sound like a lunatic, saying that, but that is pretty much how I feel!
Dressing up is what keeps me from going crazy when I have no friends. I manage to create an imaginary friend that can keep me company.
I don't know if this is an unhealthy train of thought, but I am pretty happy! does anyone else use this as a form of coping with things?