Am I really just a crossdresser?

[smellymelly]

Don't let the title mislead you, I know only I can define myself. I have had a long absence from this sight trying to resolve my own issues. I feel refreshed!

The last several months have been filled with depression. Crossdressing wasn't providing me with an escape. After many calls to the Trevor foundation, I decided enough was enough. I got in contact with my therapist from when I was 16. I confided in her that this wasn't who I was. We worked through a lot of my issues, and after I did a ton of research I realized gender doesn't define me. I am more than a male who wears woman's clothes. My restored confidence is bursting at the seams! I do apologize to all those that got no replies to my messages. I fully intend on staying on this site. Wisdom is everywhere under the trans umbrella, and I know I can count on all of you!

Hi my name is Melly, Mellypie, Melly Mollycoddle, or Melanie and I am Gender fluid!

[Debra Russell]

You are welcome here - hope your mind is more at rest..........................Debra

[Kitty D]

I'm going thru similar struggles. I feel like so much more than a guy that wears women's clothes. Kitty isn't just who I am when dressed. I feel like Kitty all the time. I do not think my wife understands that part of it.


Btw, girl, u are stunning!

[boink]

Congrats on finding some gender fluidity!

There's no reason to box yourself into any particular label or corner. And there's nothing wrong with being just a crossdresser, more than a crossdresser, a transitioner or anywhere in between.

[shawnsheila]

Glad to hear you are progressing I like that title "gender fluidity" as it is very descriptive about how gender is not a black a white subject, it is an ever changing spectrum

[Kandy Barr]

Welcome back Melly. I agree with you, I am much more than just a guy who wears women's clothing. Kandy is a very big part of who I am and I would be very incomplete without her. I'm so glad you've worked through your issues, now you can fully enjoy Melly without any guilt, and that's as it should be. Look forward to hearing more from you.

[smellymelly]

Thank you everyone! All you that are questioning what everything means, I sincerely hope you find out! As someone else said labels really shouldn't define you. Just let your happiness define you

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Melly, When you are here you are home.

If Crossdressing was easy everyone would be doing it.

[Tracii G]

Very nice to have you back here Melly I'm the same way, gender fluid.
No reason to try to figure out why I just am.
Its really a blessing IMO.

[Suzanne F]

The cross dressing lets me devote time to Suzanne. She is a big part of me whether in a dress or not. I too am trying to find balance in my life for both genders.
Suzanne

[Angela Campbell]

If Crossdressing was easy everyone would be doing it.

You mean there are some who do not?

[ReineD]

Hi my name is Melly, Mellypie, Melly Mollycoddle, or Melanie and I am Gender fluid!

Welcome back, Melly!

The best time to figure this out is before entering into a permanent relationship with someone, under the guise of being an occasional CDer just for fun. As you know, the more a wife/girlfriend discovers that it is more than that (at first most GGs look at it as a perhaps kinky hobby), the more likely she will not want to be involved anymore (most GGs fear transition), which makes the prospect of dressing and going out all the more tantalizing especially if you feel constrained. It's like a vicious circle.

Are you still with your long-term girlfriend, the one who decided last year that she no longer wanted to be involved? If so, how's it working out between the two of you, with regards to the cross-gender expression?

I'm going thru similar struggles. I feel like so much more than a guy that wears women's clothes. Kitty isn't just who I am when dressed. I feel like Kitty all the time. I do not think my wife understands that part of it.

Just a word of caution. In one of your last posts you indicated that you were looking for friends to go clubbing with. The last thing you want is to romanticize or overly fantasize about an idealistic feminine life. And going to TG safe nightclubs, where you are bound to make friends who will tell you how pretty you look, or you will meet admirers who will make you feel good about being femme because they'll be flirting with you, is a great way to keep yourself from making it real.

You need to not have most of your outings be in TG clubs and such, and instead work on your presentation so you can go out in the mainstream and deal with regular people while you do regular things. This will give you a much more realistic view of what potential life will be, should you decide that you want to take things further. People in the mainstream aren't as complimentary or attentive as people in clubs and also, if they read you, you'll know about it through watching their eyes. And you''ll also see that women out in public get treated in much the same way as men. For example, sales personnel, cashiers at the grocery stores, restaurant personnel, bank tellers, etc, will all say please and thank you equally to men and women. I know that you know this, but there is nothing like direct experience while you're dressed to dispel any romanticizing you may have built up about being a woman, especially if your wife is not yet fully supportive and you still under major constraints with the CDing.

It's like being the hungry child pressing his face against the bakery window, knowing that he can't have any of the sweets.

This is not saying that you are not transsexual. I'm just wanting to impart my experience with all of this. Hope you don't mind the head's up.

[smellymelly]

Welcome back, Melly!

The best time to figure this out is before entering into a permanent relationship with someone, under the guise of being an occasional CDer just for fun. As you know, the more a wife/girlfriend discovers that it is more than that (at first most GGs look at it as a perhaps kinky hobby), the more likely she will not want to be involved anymore (most GGs fear transition), which makes the prospect of dressing and going out all the more tantalizing especially if you feel constrained. It's like a vicious circle.

Are you still with your long-term girlfriend, the one who decided last year that she no longer wanted to be involved? If so, how's it working out between the two of you, with regards to the cross-gender expression?

Thanks for the welcome back, and happy you remembered me. We actually ended up going our seperate ways. I told pretty much everyone I cared about, and was overwhelmed with the support. What it boiled down to was, I just couldn't stand to be with someone that didn't love every part of me. We are great friends still, but no longer dating. The support from my friends inspired me not to settle! Because of this and modeling I met amazing people who loved all aspects of me. It's a great feeling!! I feel loved now, which is a big deal. I saw a poster one day that said something along the lines of "they say being transgendered is a condition, and that people will have to make exceptions to love you. They are doing you a favor to love you... Well I say **** that."

[smellymelly]

Very nice to have you back here Melly I'm the same way, gender fluid.
No reason to try to figure out why I just am.
Its really a blessing IMO.

Hi Tracii! Of course I remember you! Couldn't agree more with you! Once you stop trying to classify yourself, you're much happier.

[ReineD]

We actually ended up going our seperate ways.

Then I hope yo won't mind the head's up: now that you're free, it's not uncommon for the pendulum to swing considerably. This is how my SO (who identifies dualgender) explained it to me. For years and years while growing up (and possibly keeping things under wraps with a SO for some CDers), the pendulum was swung more to the male side. And then once free, or for some CDers once full self-acceptance is reached, the pendulum does swing way over to the femme side ... almost like the pressure cooker exploding after having been put on boil with little or no steam outlet. But eventually if someone is not transsexual and slated for full transition, the pendulum does swing back to center. For my SO, this means having found a happy balance between expressing her feminine self, and maintaining the aspects of his male life (such as his job in a male dominated field that s/he dearly loves), and finding a SO who is good with it all.

... all this to caution you to approach it like my SO did while she was figuring all of this out, and it took some years. She was able to remove all personal agenda and attempts to figure it out, in favor of just going with the flow of expressing herself when she wanted to, all while appreciating his male self when he wanted to or needed to.

This may or may not work for you, but to live a life honestly going with your gut and finding joy in every moment, rather than trying to go along with what you think your gut is telling you, is the best possible way to find a course of action that you will be able to live with for the rest of your life.

Good luck!

[Beverley Sims]

Melly, all the best and all the best in finding yourself.

[smellymelly]

Then I hope yo won't mind the head's up: now that you're free, it's not uncommon for the pendulum to swing considerably. This is how my SO (who identifies dualgender) explained it to me. For years and years while growing up (and possibly keeping things under wraps with a SO for some CDers), the pendulum was swung more to the male side. And then once free, or for some CDers once full self-acceptance is reached, the pendulum does swing way over to the femme side ... almost like the pressure cooker exploding after having been put on boil with little or no steam outlet. But eventually if someone is not transsexual and slated for full transition, the pendulum does swing back to center. For my SO, this means having found a happy balance between expressing her feminine self, and maintaining the aspects of his male life (such as his job in a male dominated field that s/he dearly loves), and finding a SO who is good with it all.

... all this to caution you to approach it like my SO did while she was figuring all of this out, and it took some years. She was able to remove all personal agenda and attempts to figure it out, in favor of just going with the flow of expressing herself when she wanted to, all while appreciating his male self when he wanted to or needed to.

This may or may not work for you, but to live a life honestly going with your gut and finding joy in every moment, rather than trying to go along with what you think your gut is telling you, is the best possible way to find a course of action that you will be able to live with for the rest of your life.

Good luck!

Thank you for the heads up! I have been on hrt before and often considered myself Ts. I've sort of just gained crazy confidence with the break up. I have done a lot of experimenting in many different aspects. I've grown my hair out, passed my shoulders, and have experimented more with my looks. My eyebrows have been pencil thin, but I've now find a happy medium. Seriously, you are absolutely correct! It sort of feels like being released from chains, I came out of my shell a lot more. If I decide on going back to hrt, I won't have any regrets. I am happy. I miss her at times, I won't even lie. Again, thank you for the heads up!!

[ReineD]

Seriously, you are absolutely correct! It sort of feels like being released from chains, I came out of my shell a lot more.

I know! I read this all the time!!

If I decide on going back to hrt, I won't have any regrets. I am happy. I miss her at times, I won't even lie. Again, thank you for the heads up!!

You probably have looked into it thoroughly, but HRT has some irreversible effects if taken long enough and depending on the person. You need to be absolutely certain that you will transition before you get on a regular dose of estrogen and anti-androgens ... unless you want to end up somewhere in between, which is a male with breasts and non-functioning sexual characteristics. Are you familiar with the WPATH? They recommend living full time at least for a year before engaging in any body modifications. This is to make sure that you will be able to cope with the difficulties of transition (you need to familiarize yourself with them as well), and also you want to make sure that this is what you will really want in the long term.

So here are some links that might be helpful:

Wiki's page: MtF Hormone Replacement Therapy

WPATH Standards of Care for the Health of Transsexual, Transgender, and Gender Nonconforming People (PDF)

[smellymelly]

I know! I read this all the time!!



You probably have looked into it thoroughly, but HRT has some irreversible effects if taken long enough and depending on the person. You need to be absolutely certain that you will transition before you get on a regular dose of estrogen and anti-androgens ... unless you want to end up somewhere in between, which is a male with breasts and non-functioning sexual characteristics. Are you familiar with the WPATH? They recommend living full time at least for a year before engaging in any body modifications. This is to make sure that you will be able to cope with the difficulties of transition (you need to familiarize yourself with them as well), and also you want to make sure that this is what you will really want in the long term.

So here are some links that might be helpful:

Wiki's page: MtF Hormone Replacement TherapyWPATH Standards of Care for the Health of Transsexual, Transgender, and Gender
Nonconforming People (PDF)

You read that chains are broken all the time? Or that "you are correct"?

I have done a ton of research! I was self medicating and I have experienced some irreversible side effects already. I won't go in to a lot of detail, but I will never self Medicate again!! Next time I will consult my Endo. Without a way to monitor your T and Estrogen levels the risks are huge. I consider myself lucky. No two treatment paths are ever the same.
I am familiar with it, though I don't always agree with it. The basic principle I do grasp. Maybe it's my young (naive) thought process of "It's my body, I'll do what I want". Thank you for the links, i always love doing more research

[Frédérique]

Am I really just a crossdresser? I am more than a male who wears woman's clothes.

I think you’ve already answered your own question…

[Luna Nyx]

im glad you are happy once again. I came across the same understanding for myself a while back.

[laurawulff]

Very nice to have you back here Melly I'm the same way, gender fluid.
No reason to try to figure out why I just am.
Its really a blessing IMO.

Absolutly agree with you...no need for definitions, just find a place of confort with yourself

[TeresaCD]

Perhaps there is no such thing as 'just a crossdresser'!
I like that term, Melly, 'gender fluid'
A more experienced girl said to me last week, no complete male or female, we're all somewhere inbetween.
I like that too..

[Marcia Blue]

Melly, glad you are back. I hope the reasons for you tough patch, never rear their ugly heads again.

[Lucy_Bella]

Melly,
Being a lifetime cder myself , my male "role" didn't allow me to experiment at your age as much as my young fantasies begged of me to..At one point I had felt regret not allowing myself to engage at such a young age, but looking back I am very happy I didn't..

As most of us in this Forum already know the one thing we can count on is change, some of us know from the start while others spend a lifetime trying to figure out . There are no easy paths to take because, I feel ( IMHO ), that some of us don't only have the desire to feel feminine "sometimes" but we also have that same desire to feel masculine " sometimes" .. Some of us are " middle of the road" while others weigh heavy in either direction.

You are correct that we shouldn't allow others to define ourselves and only ourselves can do that,only we know who we are..But sometimes to really know who we are takes time ,I know I am EBB and Flo I also know that some decisions I may make could be the wrong ones and I may later regret them because I know myself.. I'm not saying you are like me in anyway but I do sense a little Ebb and Flo in you..

BTW welcome back ..