Porn Addiction, Rebooting & Crossdressing

[Veronica 1]

I'd say if your will is strong enough you could stop CDing.
As with some addictions just go cold turkey and take it a day at a time.
I kicked alcohol and cocaine cold turkey.

Congratulations, you are a very strong willed person to be able to do that.

[Sabrina133]

When it comes to CDing or addiction to porn, is there really such as thing as "cured"? I think key to not doing something is understanding why you do it. I gave up dressing for 4 years because 1) it wasnt readily available, 2) i was in an environment where doing it was extemely dangerous. For those two reasons i chose not to do it. When those conditions changed, the urge to dress once again overcame the desire not to do it.

People who cold turkey dangerous addictions such as smoking, drinking or drugs give them up because something happens to them that makes them need to quit. Many of us quit dressing because an SO has given us an ultimatum - stop dressing or loose me. If we chose not to dress anymore, It doesnt mean we are cured of the desire to dress. It simply means that the desire to not kill a relationship overrides our desire to dress. Much like drinking, drugs or other behaviors deemed harmful or unacceptable (and no am not saying dressing or porn is harmfull unless it inteferes with your ability to function), the abllity to stop is based largely on understanding why you do it and the self discipline to stop if you desire to stop.

It took me a long time and an outstanding therapist to help me undersstand this. I would strongly recommend you pursue the same route - a good therapist that is.

[Julia Roze]

DebbieL

I don't think we're on the same page.

To me, crossdressing triggers sexual cues. Lipstick, mascara, stockings, heels and breast forms lead to masturbation in the end. You may be asking me, ''well what if your girlfriend had lipstick, mascara, stockings, heels and 34dd breasts?'' Well it's the same with porn. You see a vagina on the screen and you masturbate to it. If I get into a relationship, and this person I'm in a relationship happens to have a vagina, am I going to cut my dick off? No, because sexual stimulation with real people is acceptable.

Let's try to steer away from the guilt, shame or acceptance of crossdressing. I am way past that. My main concern is how my porn addiction has affected my social skills. Most of what you said involves a partner and I don't have one. My main goal from abstaining from porn is so that I can stop my addiction and improve my social skills to create relationships. I am all for letting the person I love know about my crossdressing.

I am sorry to read that you included religion in your argument. I was baptized and as a child went to sunday mass, but ultimately I am agnostic. I'm not sure if youtube links are allowed, but here is a shortened video of the youtube series a posted. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wSF82...layer_embedded @ 1:35 I don't think christianity is ok with multiple sex partners.

[Trishpdxcd2]

Cross dressing and porn are totally unrelated.

If you cross dress for fetish reasons then you'll have to stop that. When I dress there is nothing "sexual" about it.

Well everyone is different and for many crossdressers sexual feelings go hand in hand with dressing. I am not sure what to tell you about dressing and addictions but counseling could be a good option.

[makin' it real]

Hi Julia Roze. I too am considering a break from porn, a reboot of my sexual excitation system. It's a tough one to do, for sure. I tried it once a few years ago and only made it a week before I started watching PG YouTube videos for the visual stimulation. After I did that a couple times it was right back to where I'd started. I mention this to name one of the pitfalls you'll want to avoid in your own journey. Don't allow even a footstep into the wrong direction. Be gentle with your heart and firm in your actions.

Here's another bit of support for stopping porn and reducing masturbation. The article describes the effects of habitual masturbation on an otherwise successful man's social life, using different world views and medical systems as explanatory models. I've experienced results similar to those described in the article, so I think there may be some validity to these other views.

http://www.mindbodygreen.com/0-9184/...one-habit.html

Whatever your reasons, I wish you great success.

~Rachel

[sammont]

Hi Julia Rose,
I think you're right on track. Porn and crossdressing are far more similar and linked than most will admit.
Lets look at the porn first. Remember being 13 or 14 when the swimwear models in sports illustrated were more than enough to arouse you. Soon it was onto playboy or penthouse, then perhaps to some more graphic magazines.
All this had a self limiting nature. You had to pay for a new magazine, you had to front up to the nice lady at the news agency to buy a smutty magazine, you needed somewhere to hide it. So it limited itself.
Then along came the internet. One day your looking at girls in playboy, soon its hardcore, then its kinky. Soon you're looking at things you'd never have even imagined. No filter, easy to hide, easy to access. you're on the slippery slope.

Crossdressing is somewhat like this. Most of us started in our mothers or sisters room, covertly slipping into a bra or pair of stockings. Exciting and for most as pubescent boys it was sexually arousing. But still it was self limiting. And without the internet it would have stayed that way.
Most of us still don't venture into the department store, its all on the internet. And again, the excitement fades and you're found looking for more. Soon you're sisters bras aren't enough, you're on the internet, buy a wig, maybe some breastforms, shoes. Its all there.
Furthermore, one day you have a secret little 'thing'. The next day you're entrenched in the online cd community with its overwhelming group hug, its all ok feeling. Everyone is telling you that its normal, good, even a gift to be a crossdresser.
Well its not! Its selfish, narcissistic behaviour. It benefits no one, not even you. Like porn you divert time, money and energy into something that gains you nothing.
Yes yes, I know, they're all going to say that's it part of who you are and you need to explore and express your feminine side.... blah blah blah. You need it no more than you need porn.

Imagine you're neighbour dressed up like a pirate. Why, because he had to express his inner pirate! I'd say go for it, while he's playing in fantasy land I can devote my time to career, family, friends. That's what adults do.
Why is crossdressing different? I'm no more a woman that he is a pirate. If he really wanted to be a pirate he'd be somewhere off the African coast. If I REALLY wanted to be a woman, I'd be going through the long and arduous steps of transition.
And without the internet most of us would have never got past the washing hamper.

So you can talk about how society is wrong and pushes gender roles and marginalizes difference. But despite how wrong it is at the end of the day we're pretty fortunate to be living in such lucky times. If we were fighting daily for survival we wouldn't be too worried about how our new breast forms look!

So I say reboot. You can do it! I haven't dressed for over a year. Yesterday I had a slight relapse by joining this site, but your post has made me re-assess things again.
I'm sure you can quit, I can too.

Good Luck

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Julia, Crossdressing is like the Mafia, You just can't quit.

[Julie Gaum]

Some of these posts are getting off the OP's quest for help to abstain from porn. Further, some are getting dogmatic based on their own experiences rather than findings from properly qualified research on subjects that have little bearing on this specific problem. Most, however, do agree that porn and CDing are seperate issues that became intertwined by those seeking solutions (orgasims or other goals). Julia, we also agree that dressing is something that can never be kicked out of your life for long. I strongly disagree with those that say that porn addiction is NOT similar to drug and liquor addiction. As opposed to CDing these are all maladies that can be cured, some faster than others. But with resolve and courage you will win. Don't get sidetracked in the process.
Julie

[whowhatwhen]

sammont

You just proved everyone else's point.
Most people can't just stop because they have a feminine presence that needs to be expressed.

Go ahead though, keep trying just like all the others.
Then what? A few years down the road you'll be posting here "abloo bloo bloo my wife hates me now cause I hid this part of my past from her".

I tried my whole life and it doesn't work, but go on.

OP:
You need a therapist to help you with porn addiction, not someone to tell you to try and stop crossdressing.
Anyone willing to try conversion or reparative therapy is someone you need to run from.

[sammont]

whowhatwhen
I see your point. I didn't say it was easy. I didn't say I'd started cross-dressing again either. I was on the internet and came across this post while looking for some positive voices on the stop side.
The point I probably didn't convey is how porn and crossdressing is linked. As most of us as crossdressers spend a lot of our lives in the online cd community, no matter how hard you try, you will drift into the x rated section pretty regularly.
This is a problem for someone prone to porn addiction.

The other issue I'd like to mention is the lack of a control group. You don't hear the voice of the man who has thrown off crossdressing and moved on with his life. You don't hear him because he's not on the internet engaged in these discussions, he is directing his energy elsewhere.
You talk about those who have tried to stop and failed. We all know about them because they're back on the forum talking about the failure.
The others who succeeded have moved on with an easier life.

[whowhatwhen]

Then the problem is just with your addictions to porn and not crossdressing, but I guess it makes a convenient scapegoat?
I think we hear from plenty of men who were in that group but end up here saying that their wife found their stash and now it's over.

Why not just get counselling for a porn addiction problem?
There is absolutely nothing wrong with crossdressing and most of the STOP voices are going to be from people who are doing it for "moral" reasons.

From the wording of the OP she likes crossdressing, so why not try to decouple the sexual feelings from it or at least work on self-control?
That's even if she wants to decouple them, it's perfectly okay to dress for sex reasons but anything done to excess has the potential to be harmful.

[sammont]

whowhatwhen


We're getting off track. I might start a new post about me.

As for the OP and her Porn/CD issues.
I'm not coming from the moral or religious view.
I think that as a 21 year old who primarily crossdresses for sexual gratification, it should be pretty easy to stop.
Life will be easier if she does. I know, as most on here do, how much time and energy can be invested into crossdressing. It may not be a problem but that time and energy could surely be directed at more productive and fulfilling areas of life.

If not linked, there are similarities with porn and crossdressing. Both tend to escalate. If the OP, regardless of the porn addiction, continues to crossdress, she will most likely end up going from some lingerie for sexual gratification to full garments, to makeup.... You all know the drill.
There is nothing wrong with that. Like my neighbour who likes to dress up like a pirate. Great fun. Not really productive, and right or wrong, not really applauded by society.
so to the OP, I say quit both. Do a reboot. Maybe she doesn't need crossdressing. Maybe, once the porn is gone, the urge will still be there and she can be sure that it isn't related to the exposure to porn.

[ReineD]

Most, however, do agree that porn and CDing are seperate issues that became intertwined by those seeking solutions (orgasims or other goals). Julia, we also agree that dressing is something that can never be kicked out of your life for long. I strongly disagree with those that say that porn addiction is NOT similar to drug and liquor addiction. As opposed to CDing these are all maladies that can be cured, some faster than others. But with resolve and courage you will win. Don't get sidetracked in the process.
Julie

I think a distinction needs to be made between men who use the crossdressing or the clothes strictly as a fetish, not dissimilar to using latex, angora, or any other type of fetish ... and individuals who dress due to an inner need to express femininity. I know that we don't have a lot of fetishists here because the forum rules prohibit graphic sexual content, but judging by the plethora of trans-porn/dating/chat sites, there must be a significant number of CDers who do not dress for identity reasons.

I don't know how many teenage boys begin dressing for other reasons than sexual gratification, so for young men who have not yet evolved to dressing for identity reasons, porn and the CDing may in fact be linked?

here is a shortened video of the youtube series a posted. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wSF82...layer_embedded

Julia, this is a great link! The speaker explains the chemical process of porn/sexual/other addictions and I think that early on and at the chemical level, there can be a strong correlation between porn use and crossdressing for sexual gratification. I've inserted references to the crossdressing in brackets below, that correlate to the porn issues.

At around the video's 14 minute mark, the speaker says that younger men are not regaining erectile health as quickly as older men, when they stop watching porn. This seems counter-intuitive until he explains that the brains of boys who watch frequent porn are at their peak of dopamine production and neuro-plasticity. This is a time when boys are most vulnerable to addiction. There is also another risk: by adulthood, teen brains gradually strengthen heavily used circuits ... the circuits formed by watching porn, (or crossdressing for sexual gratification), and brains also prune back unused circuits. So according to the speaker, by age 22 a guy's sexual tastes can be like deep ruts in his brain which is problematic if he has escalated to extreme porn, or porn that no longer matches his sexual orientation (or frequent dressing for sexual arousal).

So although porn use and crossdressing for identity reasons may not be linked, I wonder if both do follow the same addictive process IF the crossdressing starts early enough (teenage years) and with a major focus on sexual gratification.

[mary something]

if you consider this an addiction then lets try and see how to heal from it. You enjoy crossdressing and looking at porn and it always ends up with you masturbating correct? It is not uncommon for crossdressers to do this. It's obvious that if you are masturbating then you are aroused right? If you are looking at porn then it makes you more aroused, so that explains why the porn element is there right? You want to become more aroused.

Obviously everyone masturbates to have an orgasm, but beside that what are you getting out of this behavior? What does this cycle of behavior provide for you? How do you feel after you've had an orgasm? What need does having an orgasm supply besides just the physical sensation of pleasure?

Perhaps the key to managing this behavior so that it is not running your life involves understanding what you get out of it?

[whowhatwhen]

You know what else isn't productive yet is accepted by society?

Getting drunk
Playing video games
Working on your car (I'm sorry, no one cares about your car - please stop talking about it)
Watching TV

People here put just as much, maybe even more effort into their female appearance than others do with their hobbies so I don't see how it's not constructive.
Why not take it a step further? Want to quit porn? Smash your computer!

If you have an addictive personality then something else will just replace porn, just get professional help rather than trying to lone wolf it.
You may as well be telling an alcoholic to "just stop drinking lol", addictions need professional intervention.

Stopping crossdressing may help in the short run but she'll find other excuses to run off to pornland and lots of evidence points to the fact she'll be right back.
How many purge regret threads have we had here anyway? The answer is TONNES!

[NicoleScott]

If you cross dress for fetish reasons then you'll have to stop that. When I dress there is nothing "sexual" about it.

Here we go. How predictable.
This is just another way of saying "my crossdressing is right, and yours is wrong"

[Julia Roze]

if you consider this an addiction then lets try and see how to heal from it. You enjoy crossdressing and looking at porn and it always ends up with you masturbating correct? It is not uncommon for crossdressers to do this. It's obvious that if you are masturbating then you are aroused right? If you are looking at porn then it makes you more aroused, so that explains why the porn element is there right? You want to become more aroused.

Obviously everyone masturbates to have an orgasm, but beside that what are you getting out of this behavior? What does this cycle of behavior provide for you? How do you feel after you've had an orgasm? What need does having an orgasm supply besides just the physical sensation of pleasure?

Perhaps the key to managing this behavior so that it is not running your life involves understanding what you get out of it?

pleasure, that's all

[Norah_joy]

Nicole, you just posted what I was thinking. Too many threads pull us apart rather than bring us together. Always somebody who thinks they're a "good crossdresser" while others dress for all the wrong reasons. Too many Judge Judys, in my opinion.

[2B Natasha]

Funny you would go about it this way. I once had a problem with self pleasure. Porn played a small role. But I felt it was and did ruin my relationship with my then with. She who also had her little friend to turn to instead of me. We where both at fault in the end. So I set about figuring how to stop. Cold turkey for me. But what REALLY helped was admitting that I love do get my girlie on. That I found was what I was missing all those years. I was just substituting one for the other in the end.

How that will help you? I have no idea. But you wanted to hear about people that quit.

As a side note. When me and my current wife would like to have marital relations. It has been strictly all boy all girl. The cd aspect has not entered the romantic aspect of our life. Will it? IDK. It may in the future.

But self abuse? That is a thing of the past thanks to my second wardrobe.

Cheers and good luck. It ain't easy.

[Abbygirl]

I've been reading up on ways to stop porn addiction and basically read that I have to stop all forms of sexual stimulation. Sexual fantasies, masturbation and orgasms to porn are not allowed during a reboot. Orgasms with real people or masturbation without porn is ok. After a successful reboot of say months or years, it's not recommended to ever go back to porn.

I was wondering if anyone here has gone through a reboot and how they dealt with their crossdressing side? I've accepted the fact that crossdressing is a part of my life, but how do I abandon it?

I too have attempted a reboot. I ended up not making it long enough to really know whether it worked or not. I think I made it about 90 days. Made me realize how much of an addiction porn really can be.

As far as my crossdressing side, well, I didn't stop that when I rebooted. In fact what happened for me was that I seemed to substitute shopping and dressing for the porn I was no longer enjoying. I was probably fooling myself that dressing was not just another stimulation to keep the dopamine flowing. Giving up my porn addiction is one thing, but giving up CD'ing? Can't see that happening.

[Greenie]

OP: I think that anything that has an addictive component needs to learn control. While I do not think CDing is wrong, I do believe that compulsive and obsessive behavior surrounding it... is. Coming from a GG, when you do meet someone you want to be with, even if they are accepting of the CDing it would be the lack of apparent self control that might become the problem. Luca is kind of like that (compulsive) in behavior. He would tell you this himself, and I am sure if you PM you might have a good conversation.

Our issue was not CDing as much as how he behaved compulsively and addictive towards those behaviors. kind of "kid in a candy store" in order to create a foundation for positive relationships to grow I would work on this. Thankfully you have already identified it as an issue. Congrats on that. Its the first step.

wish you luck dear.

[heatherdress]

Julia - Gutsy to admit you have a problem. Don't know if you can get some help because it is hard to do this by yourself. If you really want to stop your addiction, you have to get rid of access. That means getting rid of your computer or at least having someone put a porn blocker on yours for you. Simple but maybe hard to do.

You will have to find a substitute or substitutes. Maybe going all out to find someone and develop a relationship is a possibility for you. You can do this!

Good luck.

[mary something]

pleasure, that's all

ok, I would hope so What do you do right aftwerwards? Do you go back to boy mode or stay in girl mode? I only ask because it is an effective method of making your mind feel as male as it usually will.

[Julia Roze]

ok, I would hope so What do you do right aftwerwards? Do you go back to boy mode or stay in girl mode? I only ask because it is an effective method of making your mind feel as male as it usually will.

I stay in girl mode for a bit. Probably hop on omegle lol

[DebbieL]

Julia,
The most important thing to realize is that males typically think about sex about 5 times a minute at age 15 and about 3 times a minute in the mid twenties. Men are also more visually oriented and more inclined to go from visual stimulation to orgasm very quickly.

Women are more aroused by sensory experiences, smells, sounds, touches, and even taste. Visual is important as well, but not as important as the other things.

Transgenders, including CDs to Transsexuals, are aroused by everything, and often need multiple aspects to be aroused, much the same as a woman. The difference is that we can see a picture of a woman in a pair of hose and our imagination and memory creates the memory of actually WEARING the hose almost as real as if we had actually dressed. Many of us are also sensitive to smells, especially certain perfumes, even room fresheners can put us in a more romantic mood, just like women. Many of us are sensitive to sounds, and can become more receptive and romantic when listening to, or even performing music. Some of us even struggle with weight problems because we can experience certain kinds of food, such as chocolate, as arousing, especially when sex is not an option.

For those of us who have actually dressed up and gone to parties or events, the sight of a woman in a really beautiful outfit made of sensuous fabrics in dramatic colors can bring back wonderful memories. There have even been times when I've gone to a party dressed and started dancing like I did in my 30s. At 55+ the heels come off much earlier.

We are sexual beings, especially when we are in our twenties. It's the instinct that drives us to pair, mate, have children, and raise them. If you were in a relationship with someone and having sex on a regular basis, the need for sex, and therefore the desire to read porn, would begin to wane.

Sadly, masturbation is not a substitute either. We can have the orgasm, but once we have climaxed, we are left feeling frustrated and even more alone, even more aware of our desire and need for a real human being as a partner.

I'm curious as to what makes you think you have a "porn addiction" problem. Are you bringing it to work? Looking at it during work hours? Are you masturbating in the men's room and having loud noisy orgasms during your coffee breaks? Are you having fantasies about non-consensual sex, sex with minors, or sex with animals? These would be big red flags that you need to talk to a counselor and get some guidance. Often, once we get to the core motives behind such desires, it becomes easier to redirect the fantasies into new fantasies that can also lead to real relationships. I was working with one person who had a desire for young boys. When we got to the core of it, he was threatened by beautiful women and liked the young males because they were more feminine. By redirecting his fantasies to focus women who dressed more masculine, who weren't so beautiful, and might even be a bit boyish, he was able to very quickly find a woman who was actually about 10 years older than he was, but was a bit of a tomboy and loved to act young and silly. They eventually got married and had a very happy life together.

Even bondage fantasies can be fulfilled in a safe and responsible way. Learning to trust each other takes time, testing boundaries and confirming safeguards eventually leads to a relationship where things can get incredibly intense and yet both of you are focused on the submissive's pleasure and watching for signs of panic, non-pleasure pain such as cramping, or even the itchy nose.

Sex is not evil, nor is porn. The difficulty with porn is when we confuse fantasy with reality. When we see a picture of a girl tied up and looking scared, without understanding that she is not only being well paid, but has worked out signals with the photographer or team, and is probably even telling him what she wants him to do to her, how she wants to be bound, and so on. When two women are doing a lesbian scene, that doesn't mean that they want a man to join them. Even the reality of a manage-a-trois is a LOT more work than the fantasy, especially for the man because his pleasure ends relatively quickly and there are two women who can have dozens of orgasms an hour and each wants to be completely satisfied by the other two partners. If you are living together, it means having three people eating, sharing the bathroom, arguing over who does what chores and when.

In my book, I share my experiences with many of these different experiences, including the reality that goes with the fantasy. I won't tell you that it's not GREAT, but I had to be really honest with a LOT of people and give up a lot of my assumptions around appearances. I had amazing relationships with plus size women who were incredible sex partners and brought more to the party. I also had some very pretty lovers who were difficult to get along with, emotionally draining, and a bit selfish in bed.

It may be that you are just focused on the wrong erotic literature. Consider looking at Forum, Variations, and Cosmo, publications where the contributors include more women, and more of the readers are women. A picture may be worth a thousand words, but a good narrative, describing feelings, emotions, desires, and detailed actions and sensations can be more than erotic, it can be educational. If you really learn what women really want, you will probably end up with a woman who will do whatever it takes to keep you happy.

If your desires are for men, the same applies. Learning how to experience sexuality as a woman can make it more fun to be with a man. I've even had a few times when I was wearing a really hot outfit, had gotten all primed up with scents, food, drink (non-alcoholic), and the sound of a Harley motorcycle and the rider asked me if I wanted a ride. At that moment, he was so cute I didn't care if it meant I'd have to go to bed with him as payment, I was very tempted. I did turn him down, but my resistance would have been broken if he had touched me gently and treated me like a man treats a beautiful woman, or at least how a woman wants to be treated.

You can get "Addicted" to anything, even posting on this forum, or facebook, or video games. When you turn to the escape, in whatever form to avoid confronting and taking appropriate actions to change your realities, you are missing out on the opportunities of a lifetime. Having your secret porn-induced fantasies, and not telling anyone what you want is a bit like having the skills and training for a great job, and never actually trying to look for a job.

Instead of reading porn, and getting all dressed up with no place to go, get pretty and get out into the world, or at least tell a dozen trusted friends that you like to get pretty.