Forced to purge.

[Beth Wilde]

The thing is, there are so many ways to go from here but it depends what YOU want! The options range from prosecuting her for theft all the way through to agreeing with her and purging everything else...... But my big question is why? Why did she steal (yes, she did steal them) your things? Why did she bin them? Why do you agree and even help her in her crime (hint). Were you acting illegally? Were you harrassing anyone or causing issues for anyone? Why does she feel this is acceptable behaviour? The value of your items is very jail-worthy......

[Stephanie47]

I have to agree with Kelly Dewinter, Lynn Marie and others that there is something more than cross dressing happening in your relationship with your wife. I will agree your wardrobe was rather extensive for anyone, GG or cross dresser. You need to get to the bottom of the hostility your wife displayed. She may have legitimate gripes. However, she should not have tossed out your stuff.

[Jenniferathome]

....I had anticipated the second purge and managed to hide a number of dresses and some lingerie in a very secret place that she has no access to. I deliberately left a few items in more obvious places for her to find. ...

You "anticipated" this coming? That means you two were fighting or worse, not communicating at all. Your reaction to seeing this coming was to then leave a few things planted so as to trick your wife? This brief description says a lot about the instability of your relationship. Mature couples don't play games like this. There is something much deeper rooted that needs attention.

[CONSUELO]

Given that you had such a very large collection of female clothing, do you think that there might be a money issue bubbling beneath the surface as well? I know that my SO is always concerned that I seem to be spending a lot of money on my feminine wardrobe, and I have to just about go through the invoices to prove that it is not as big as it looks. Nevertheless, the loss of so much must have been a great upset. For me my feminine wardrobe is a part of who I am and to just lose it would mean much more than the loss of clothing. As for purging, we all know that it is a temporary thing and solves nothing. I have done it several times and greatly regret it because my longing to be what I am did not change at all.

[FionaO]

I think I need to explain being able to anticipate the second purge. Initially my wife through out items that were openly in my closet. However she knew that I had more items in boxes under beds etc. that were out of sight rather than hidden. I was going away a few days later and I was pretty sure she would purge these as well, which is why I moved them. Yes I have a lot of clothes but many items were 25 years old and I only buy bargains. The large number of items I purged myself had not been worn for many years. My closet is actually now a lot more manageable.

[Laura912]

You closet may be more manageable but is your marriage?

[Alison1842]

I gotta agree with the other posters, you need to explain to the wife, that she's as replaceable as the dresses.

Relationships are a 2 way process, both parties are free to leave at any point they wish. Soon as it starts getting messier than that its only going to end one way, just a case of when.

[Barbara Ella]

It comes down to what you want, and what your wife wants. Evidently, her wants/needs have changed a little recently. I would hope by now that she really knows what your dressing means to you, and is educated on crossdressing in general. As mentioned, it reallly is about communication, and I get the distinct feeling you two have not been communicating on this, you have been observing her hints, but never addressing them. Be an adult. Sit down and discuss what lead her to this drastic action, and what it meant to you. Stop your purging, discuss this, get to the bottom, and only then make your decision on what you need most in your life.

Barbara

[Violetgray]

I'll echo what so many others have said, before anything you need to sit down with her and determine where each of you stand. It's hard to think rationally though, because I, like so many others on this thread am so angry for you. I've never been married so tell me, does marriage mean that you no longer have to respect each other's property, and that status of said property is subject to the whims of the other person? If she had a problem, she should have asked YOU to purge it. At least then you could have had a conversation on why, and negotiate boundaries.

[Katrina Black]

Next time send them them to the " Charity for Katrina Black dress collection"

[Chickhe]

I would call her bluff. Only she has to leave if she doesn't like it. ...and it has nothing to do with Cding. Its about having respect for who you are. You have to tell her how hurt you are. Not an option to hide...but also, isn't 130 dresses a bit much...maybe she just needs some room for her shoes...

[Lady Panda]

Maybe your wife was upset with the amount of clothing you have ...I know that wedding dresses are very expensive ..maybe some of her concern was the amount of money you were spending and she felt that you should have spent some of that on her???? just maybe ...Have you been in PINK fog mode for a while ??? If you have been maybe she is fed up w playing second fiddle????

what ever is going on she should NOT have not thrown your stufff away .....you need to sit down and have a rational discussion on what is really going on and talk about where to go ...what you can both live with.

good luck

[KateSpade83]

That must have hurt and maybe you got rid of $20,000 worth of stuff. Right now, I could never purge my dream collection of probably $50,000 worth of stuff. I don't have a wife to get rid of my clothes, but when I post an ad for women I mention my crossdressing, that I can't quit, and that I'd love to dress up a pretty woman my clothes size [6]. And I had a few bites of women responding to my ad. I'll only marry a woman who can 100% accept my crossdressing.

[celeste26]

As so many here have said multiple times communicate, with her, find out the truth instead of guessing why it is she did what she did. Dont accept any angry answers as "final" either since people say things to hurt instead of the truth. It also seems that you still have quite enough even after this purge to keep you in femme things so it is not like it is all gone. So keep it all in perspective. But communicate, communicate and communicate just might make things better for both of you.

[kristinacd55]

My observation is that it's a shame that you can't live like you want to, although your wardrobe was on the over the top side! I wish you lot's of luck with your wife and your situation.

[Stephanie47]

Yes I have a lot of clothes but many items were 25 years old and I only buy bargains. The large number of items I purged myself had not been worn for many years. My closet is actually now a lot more manageable.

Fiona, it's one thing to suggest that one thin the herd a little. It's another to shoot everything. My wife routinely donates her clothing, and, I my man clothes. I've never donated any of my feminine garb, and, I know I lost interest in some of them. Do I do it? No. Should I? Yes. Should my wife toss them? No.

You still need to talk about the reasons for her hostility. My wife is not accepting of my cross dressing, but, she is not hostile.

[VickysBFF]

Hello Fiona: Two things... 1.) You don't say it in your post but are you an alcoholic/in AA or another recovery program? If you have not gotten drunk during your 30 years of marriage and it occurred once because of your friend's situation it seems outrageous to destroy your property over that one incident. Even if you have been sober and fell off the wagon it is not an excuse to take your things and throw them away. 2.) NO ONE has any right to take and destroy your things. if you have too many things then you negotiate what you need to get rid of or create more storage space. I agree with the other posters who have mentioned this. it has nothing to do with CDing; it is all about respecting others' property.
Best of luck to you. I hope that you can work things out.

[SabrinaEmily]

Quit or leave? Leave. Your wife throwing out your belongings for any reason is abuser behavior. Doing it multiple times out of vengefulness is a pattern of abuse.

But then I haven't been married to someone for 30 years and I don't know much of anything about your situation. But this is abuser behavior, and if you stay you had better have some very good overriding reason. Children could be one, if you have any. I can't think of another, but there might be a few.

I'll say it again. This is abuse, plain and simple. Either you need to get to the point where you and your wife can respect each other and treat each other like adults, or you need to leave. Have no illusions about what's going on here.

[PaulaQ]

I'm sorry if I missed this in the thread, but I had some questions for FionaO:
1. What made you think your wife thought your CD was OK? It would seem that "really not OK" was more how she felt...
2. If she was initially OK with it, what changed her from "OK" to "really not OK"? This one incident, even if she has a bad temper, seems a little extreme unless there is something else going on, under the surface.
3. Is it possible that your wife has been "totally not OK with this since day one", and waited until she could stand this no longer, and purged you?
4. Is it possible she's punishing you in this way for something you've done - something more than one night of drunkeness?

[Antoinette]

220 dresses!? Are you a hoarder? That's insane. Anyways she had no right to toss them away. I'm not married and I'm single (sadly I had to cut her off since she lost respect for me) so I can't do much for advice. But I'll say this, no relationship should be one sided. Either work together somehow (compromise) or cut her loose (easier said than done, I know)

[Michelle (Oz)]

Working out the math ... 220 dresses plus skirts? shorts? slacks? That's a huge investment. If you dressed daily that should see you through a year without needing to launder.

Seems like the issues are two sided but, hey, I'm just jealous of your wardrobe.

[PaulaQ]

I am wondering if the volume of garments you possessed might have bothered your wife?

Also, any chance you could snap a pic of your now more manageable closet - I am genuinely curious about it.

[Jean 103]

First I do not believe she is ok with your CD life. She is more than likely feeling betrayed. It comes down to trust. Where you go from here? I would say you might have a chance as you were in the open. good luck, I feel for you.

[danielletorresani]

This is no way to live life, my friend.

Something's gotta give.

Either you (excuse the expression) MAN UP and talk to her and find a middle ground, or you get out of the marriage.

No kingdom divided against itself can stand. As a marriage, you guys are that kingdom. If you're constantly working against one another, you have ZERO HOPES for ever having a healthy marriage.

And really, if the marriage has no hope of ever being healthy...then what's the point?

[Jessica86]

Riding this roller coaster right now myself. I hope you stay with it. Never quit on yourself.