To quit crossdressing

[Jessica86]

I guess I have a bias on this since I have quit before for almost four years. All it did was waste money MORE because I had to buy the things I threw out. I had to get help again since, I thought I was seriously trans....since the thought wouldn't leave my mind. My family suffered and I got divorced from a wife who knew NOTHING about my dressing. I gave it up for her. Every day I gave it up, I regret it. It is denying yourself the pleasure of being who you were born to be. No person, place, or thing should make you change that. You don't change for family. Family accepts family because...they are family. I am happier now that I have embraced myself and allowed myself to be who I am. Times are hard, but aren't they in any relationship? Nothing in this world is worth changing who you are. Kids want to love daddy, not a pretend to be this or that daddy. A corporation wants employees who cover up NOTHING. If any sense of covering up is detected, forget your shot at promoting. If you do quit, know that this isn't cigarettes. There is NOTHING that can benefit you from changing yourself. In the end, you miss it. You want it. Some of us, like me, realize they NEED it. It is who we are. Whether you purge, move, divorce, transition, or whatever, it is still a part of your life. More people would be upset you said you changed, and didn't versus telling people you can't change. ***All of this is from my opinion through the events of my own life. This is just how I view it.***

[FionaO]

One of my friends quit dressing completely for 4 years. Within a few weeks of starting back again, she went to the other extreme and is now living as a woman full time. I think she is now happier and actually is a very beautiful looking woman.

[kimdl93]

People don't become crossdressers in the womb....

It's highly misleading and innaccurate to suggest that CDing is just a learned behavior.
The growing body of evidence would suggest that both gender identification and sexuality are indeed established, or at least significantly influenced by hormonal conditions in the womb. Certainly individuals can choose to deny, repress or in some other way avoid expressing ingrained desires or preferences.

[Andiblue]

A prominent psychologist told me that there is no cure to cross dressing. By cure I mean that the desire will no longer be there. I quit dressing for over 5 years, but mentally or the desire to cross dress remained. I wish you success on your efforts.

My desire to crossdress stopped being, like...a compulsion...once I stopped being able to successfully pass as a girl.

I still have the desire, but I could never do it and be worries anyone suspected.

[abbie_lynn]

I quit.But not everyone wants to or should quit. Occasionally I check sites I visited, personally I find it refreshing to look back at occasional fond memories but have little to no interest to going back where I was, not so much the pleasure I found in creating a female persona, but mostly the feelings of being lost and directionless.

For me the erotic nature of wearing panties and women's clothes evolved into a relationship with myself. While I enjoyed myself and truly began to love my alter ego, I neglected other areas of my life as I focused increasing amounts of time nurturing the relationship. My guy friends began to vanish. I began to want to "be a girl" to escape the empty male life I had inadvertently created.

Like any relationship I could have put the time in to make it work. But it wasn't "wear" I wanted to be. So I stopped. I view it as a breakup. I learned a lot and am definitely a better person for it. I am much more tolerant, easier to get along with, and at peace with myself. As a bonus, I have no problem buying purple or pink things or more realistically take my appearance as a man seriously.

But before I realized this about myself, first I did the opposite. I had embraced the dressing. I started wearing panties all the time. I pretty much lived as a woman at home, googling about wigs, makeup tutorials, erotic fiction, or making tg friends. I hit rock bottom as I realized that path conflicted with a desire to "be a man" and start a family. This drew me to break it off with my female self.

I hate to rant, but if anyone is reading this that was like me then please realize you aren't alone. I wanted to share my path. Just do it. If you want to dress do it, explore. If you don't then stop, explore. I found I was just as happy or more so after stopping. It really isn't a big deal to buy or wear panties, dresses, or pretty things as a guy. Do you really want to live your life based on what others think or what you think?

Just be yourself whatever you feel it is. But for me it wasn't a crossdresser.

[ShelbyDawn]

>>>Dee: OK... My bad. When I opened the thread, the first post I saw was the one from Mary Something..Must have been a browser error or a loose nut between the keyboard and chair...

>>>Sam, I have tried the path you are on and after almost of a year CD free started dressing again. I hope you find what you are seeking.
I wish you the strength to stay the course and the best of luck.

Shelby

[Alison1842]

If you want to stop by all means do. Some of us have spent most of our lives trying to find what makes us happy - who we really are. IMHO to stop would be about akin to stopping breathing right now im finally starting to work out just who i am after all these years.

Equally i really don't see why you can not be a dad and a cross dresser. The 2 are not mutually exclusive. You can be both, you just have to be strong enough to deal with the rest of society's narrow minded views.

Don't ask don't tell is hardly the kinda approach you want to be using to bring kids into the world either. Open, honesty and truth are key corner stones of a relationship.

[ReineD]

So please feel free to comment but don't misinterpret me. I'm not trying to tell anyone to stop crossdressing and I'm certainly not saying its wrong. I'm saying that sometimes its right to quit. I'm certain it can be done and I'm giving it a red hot go.

I do think that some people can purge once then quit. I agree that we wouldn't see them here and this gives us nothing to compare to the members who have purged and started up again.

Nothing is absolute, everything has a bell curve including the strength of the desire to dress, the motives, and the degree to which it impacts a life negatively. Obviously people who have strong desires and are motivated by the need to express an inner feminine identity, and whose lives have not been impacted too much negatively will have no need or no motive to stop. But someone for whom it is a fetish that has gone overboard and who sees a negative impact like you did, will have a greater motivation to quit. Or, someone for whom it was a mild interest and nothing more, will find it fairly easy to quit if they marry a girl who is against this.

If it is a compulsion that has gone overboard and is causing issues, it makes sense that it would be difficult to quit just like it is difficult to quit any other compulsion. The brain still wants all that dopamine. But as with every other compulsion or addiction, continued abstinence makes it easier to not start up again, than having relapses. I know that some members here will not like to read what I say, but I'm not saying it is a problematic fetish for everyone. I'm saying there are a great many CDers for whom it is nothing more than a fetish (re all the fetish or sexual sites on the web) and it is these people who quit at various rates of success depending on their circumstances ... just as there are over-eaters who manage to quit over-eating at various rates of success, depending on their personal circumstances.

[linda allen]

It's highly misleading and innaccurate to suggest that CDing is just a learned behavior.
The growing body of evidence would suggest that both gender identification and sexuality are indeed established, or at least significantly influenced by hormonal conditions in the womb. Certainly individuals can choose to deny, repress or in some other way avoid expressing ingrained desires or preferences.

Wearing any sort of clothing is a learned behavior. We are born naked and if our ancestors hadn't discovered that they were more comfortable draped in the skins of the animals they killed, we would still be running around naked.

The choice of slacks or skirts, shirts or blouses is also a learned behavior. We are taught (in Western society) that men wear slacks and women wear skirts. Most of us make the choice based on what's between our legs. Some make the other choice or something in between. These are the crossdressers, the transgendered, etc.

One more point: It's often said that "The clothes don't make the man." Well, they don't make the woman either. If we go past the secretaries, receptionists, etc. in their pencil skirts and heels, we find women (100% female) working in factories and maintenance jobs, dressed in the very same clothes as their male co-workers. My point is, you are what you are and what you wear doesn't change that.

[Jamie001]

We are taught (in Western society) that men wear slacks and women wear skirts. Most of us make the choice based on what's between our legs. Some make the other choice or something in between. These are the crossdressers, the transgendered, etc.

One more point: It's often said that "The clothes don't make the man." Well, they don't make the woman either. If we go past the secretaries, receptionists, etc. in their pencil skirts and heels, we find women (100% female) working in factories and maintenance jobs, dressed in the very same clothes as their male co-workers. My point is, you are what you are and what you wear doesn't change that.

I have a different take on these thoughts. We are taught in Western society that men wear pants and drab, clunky clothing so as not to attract attention to themselves, while women wear pants, skirts, and beautiful, colorful clothing. Women in maintenance jobs wear the same clothing as their male counterparts, but the opposite is never true. Why aren't men that work as secretaries required to wear skirts? There is a huge double standard.

[famousunknown]

I have a different take on these thoughts. We are taught in Western society that men wear pants and drab, clunky clothing so as not to attract attention to themselves, while women wear pants, skirts, and beautiful, colorful clothing. Women in maintenance jobs wear the same clothing as their male counterparts, but the opposite is never true. Why aren't men that work as secretaries required to wear skirts? There is a huge double standard.

You always say the same thing. The silly archaic analogy…“double standard” of women wearing pants & shirts AGAIN? Please…this comparison is totally meaningless in 2013. Crossdress if that’s your choice, but don’t try and justify it by saying this.

[Jamie001]

You always say the same thing. The silly archaic analogy…“double standard” of women wearing pants & shirts AGAIN? Please…this comparison is totally meaningless in 2013. Crossdress if that’s your choice, but don’t try and justify it by saying this.

As much as you don't want to admit it's true, it really is true! If you don't believe me do some research on google and you will find a lot of information regarding this double standard in many different forums and blogs.

[famousunknown]

As much as you don't want to admit it's true, it really is true! If you don't believe me do some research on google and you will find a lot of information regarding this double standard in many different forums and blogs.

Call it a double standard. Call it whatever you want.
There's nothing to admit. there's nothing to research.
It's a no brainer.
Women wearing pants are accepted by society.
Men wearing dresses are not accepted by society.
That's the way it is and that's the way it will be.
Everyone knows this as FACT. Everyone accepts this as the TRUTH.
The fact that you keep repeating this like it's some big startling revelation, is what makes it pointless.

Bottom line, if you want to quit cd-ing. Just quit. Simple as that.

[ReineD]

There is a huge double standard.

The objection isn't to men wearing skirts. Skirts are worn by men all over the world, in the form of kilts, sarongs, pareos, etc. These skirts are made and tailored for men just like women's pants are made and tailored for women. There is a contemporary designer, Jean-Paul Gauthier who is introducing a more contemporary man-skirt. I've seen similar items online and they're called utility skirts. They don't look frou-frou-ish or frilly and they don't come in pink. So men who wear such skirts with male socks and shoes, even though they are rare, would not get the same looks as men who attempt to wear clothes that were designed and tailored for women's bodies.

You see ... men can wear skirts as long as they are men's skirts and not women's, just like women can wear pants as long as they are women's pants and not men's. Go to any office and I can guarantee you that if a woman showed up wearing a suit made for a man's body and men's shoes, especially if she bound her breasts and thickened her waist so as to make her body look like a male V shape and if she wore a fake moustache, and if she packed, people would look at her funny.

You mentioned women in warehouses wearing the same overalls as the guys. This IS perfectly acceptable because of the work involved. Practicality prevails here and not fashion. Neither women's nor men's skirts would be very practical for people doing physical work. Can you see the difference? The women in warehouses are not trying to look like men in the same way that the vast majority of CDers try to look like women.

So you might say that you don't want to look like a woman, you just want to present as a guy who wears pretty clothes. If there were the same number of men who wanted to do this, as there were women during the 40s and 50s who wanted to wear pants (almost all of them), then you wouldn't have a problem. The sheer number of men going for a feminine look would redefine men's wear. But, most men in our society do not want to be feminine. They enjoy differentiating themselves from women, just as women enjoy differentiating themselves from men even if women do wear pants.

We are taught in Western society that men wear pants and drab, clunky clothing so as not to attract attention to themselves ...

Take it from a GG ... nothing is more attractive to a GG than to see a man who is dressed well, whether it is in an office environment and he wears a nicely tailord jacket and shirt, or if it is a casual environment where he has on well fitting (preferably tight ) jeans with maybe a tailored or bomber leather jacket and a good quality but casual shirt. If he is other wise well groomed and he keeps his weight in check, believe me, he will have the attention of every woman in that room!s

The idea that no one looks at guys I think fits when guys pay no attention whatsoever to how they look. This applies to women too. A woman in a mall wearing sneakers and a loose sweat suit will not be looked at as much as a woman who has well fitting, coordinated, and stylish clothes, even if they ARE pants.

[kimdl93]

Wearing any sort of clothing is a learned behavior. We are born naked and if our ancestors hadn't discovered that they were more comfortable draped in the skins of the animals they killed, we would still be running around naked.

The choice of slacks or skirts, shirts or blouses is also a learned behavior. We are taught (in Western society) that men wear slacks and women wear skirts. Most of us make the choice based on what's between our legs. Some make the other choice or something in between. These are the crossdressers, the transgendered, etc.

One more point: It's often said that "The clothes don't make the man." Well, they don't make the woman either. If we go past the secretaries, receptionists, etc. in their pencil skirts and heels, we find women (100% female) working in factories and maintenance jobs, dressed in the very same clothes as their male co-workers. My point is, you are what you are and what you wear doesn't change that.

Wearing clothes is a learned behavior...but as you said, some people make a choice contrary to what they have been taught. Why do you suppose that is. It certainly isn't learned, nor often even remotely accepted, and yet there it is.

And to your last point, the clothes don't make the person....exactly...you and I are who we are, in this particular case, not because of what we learned or were told was acceptable, but in spite of both. In this case nature prevails over nurture.

[busker]

I found the post interesting in that there is AA for former alcoholics, so why not a part of the forum for men who no longer dress. A place to cope with giving up, as opposed to a place to cope with dressing.
More interesting are the posts indicating a reluctance to admit that it is possible to quit cross dressing, and by that I mean, dressing in women's clothing. The OP said nothing about the gender issues that might underlie dressing, and I am assuming that that was not the intention--to abandon one's feminine leanings however strong they might or might no be.
If one accepts the notion that it is possible to quit, it does put those in a bind who swear that it is not possible. Is" impossible to quit" the permanent excuse?. If enough people say it is impossible, does that make it true? If the suggestion that not dressing somehow diminishes the expression of one's femininity (and that of course doesn't apply to all, because there are fetish dressers here and perhaps some who just choose to "play act" a bit--to experiment) that would be like saying that a doctor can't be a doctor unless he is wearing his lab coat, or a fireman can't be a fireman unless he is wearing his uniform. Utter nonsense. A woman is still a woman whether she is clothed or not, and if it is the mental issues that concern us, than clothing is or should be optional. it is how one feels inside that makes them feminine--not their jeans (sorry Karren).
A compulsion can be justified by saying "one can't quit." Clothing, is just that, and thinking otherwise is simply mistaking the menu for the meal. However one is dressed does not diminish nor enhance one's perceived gender.
I think it would be a grand idea to have a place for "quitters" to have a place to talk with others about how they are coping with their choice. It isn't the same as going to a bar to talk about sobriety.