The wife and I are in therapy, two separate therapist. One for her one for me. She is a therapist herself. So I have three therapist in play here. She is trying to accept my crappy disclosure and is doing a champion's job. We've had lots of meaningful conversations. And yet I feel like I am a dirty bad person for what "I" am and perhaps I should feel crappy. I can't change who I am although I wish I never told her about my "problem". So I'm left with the shame of what I am. I wish I wasn't that way and I wish I was different but this is the lot I was born with.
How have you dealt with shame? I've been dealing with it my whole life and I'm utterly and completely exhausted and done with shame about what I am with what I am.
I understand where she is coming from and yet I feel like crap. I thought I could make my CDing go away and it didn't. So in a sense I lied to her about myself. "Shame" on me. Something which I've done since I was 13 has brought me polar opposites, deep shame and unadulterated deep exhilaration and wholeness. I'm just flat tired of people's reactions and my own shame.
Sorry for venting and again sorry for a "down" topic on a site which I've found quite a positive experience. It has been one of those days.