And honesty is in very short supply. If somehow people would truly be honest and dump the "You Go Girl" routine, this forum would be 100x better. Just be honest. Is that so hard?Originally Posted by Lorileah
And honesty is in very short supply. If somehow people would truly be honest and dump the "You Go Girl" routine, this forum would be 100x better. Just be honest. Is that so hard?
Thus it was with this case. I saw it coming and I knew if I said anything to try and prevent it, it would have escalated to an argument. The Guess Who had a song "Undone" and it fits this so well. She wanted to get to the top of the mountain in less than a month. And she found the cliff. I am sorry for not stopping her, she now has a bigger mountain to climb, but we all learn. As it stands now, I have lost two friends, they have lost two friends (me and each other). It is a circle. Two of us will land on our feet. The newbie isn't so lucky. She has already let me know she made a mistake.
I will continue to help anyone who needs it, just not this person right now because trust has gone away. On this forum we discuss trust often and how hard it is to get back when lost (spouses and SOs). It isn't easy to get but almost impossible to regain.
The earth is the mother of all people and all people should have equal rights upon it.
Chief Joseph
Nez Perce
“Love isn't a state of perfect caring. It is an active noun like struggle. To love someone is to strive to accept that person exactly the way he or she is, right here and now.” - Fred Rogers,
One big problem with being "your sister's keeper" is that you may think you know what's best -- but be dead wrong. People are all different and their situations are also all different. To give someone else life advice without thinking, every time you open your mouth, "I could be wrong. Disastrously wrong" seems to me to be -- well, a little arrogant.
Here at CD.com, there's an idea of What Crossdressing Is(tm) -- what I call "Orthodox Crossdressing" -- which an enormous number of posters seem to assume applies to everyone here (except the GFs, of course): that it's about having a "female side", that you want (while CD'ing) to appear, act, and feel as much like Woman(tm) as possible, your goal is to "pass," prefereably 24/7, you want to be called "ladies" or "girls", etc. (This meme has a BFF, which is the meme that CD'ing is (always) just an intermediate step towards recognizing one's true TS nature and realizing that one should have SRS as soon as practical.)
In reality, of course, people are all over the map, and to the extent anybody's CDing has any sort of "natural progression," it could be in any direction. If you can look past the Orthodox CDing narrative and read what people actually write, you see that there are a lot of people here who don't fit this model and know they don't. But there's a human tendency to believe the narrative and ignore contrary evidence.
Another complication is that most people, when they decide/discover they are X (where X in this case is CD'ing) then (usually unconsciously) try to live up to the stereotype they have of X. So you can have someone doing all the Orthodox CDing things, and you think that's who they are, but really they're really some sort of heterodox CDer who's trying to act the part of an Orthodox CD'er. Trying to advise them how to be a better Orthodox CD'er has a large chance of turning out badly.
Don't Worry Sweetie, we'll be here for ya
Hello Famous, I use that phrase as an inspirational reply. When they inspire me, I'm not ashamed of letting them know by a "high five". Forgive me if that is bothersome too you. I've also noticed that you have been rather........resentful lately. I know the feeling very well. I have been there myself. You try to shake this and want to forget this and sometimes turn on people that offer you support and understanding. Yet, because of other responsibilities and commitments I wanted to hate this part of me and hopefully bury it in my past. I don't know if this is the case w/ you but remember you're not alone in this.
Lorileah, I have found that through this journey, many attach sexuality to this and feel that they must either want to experience or live it. Some experience it and are remorseful and others thrive on it. Some like me, wonder if it's worth the emotional ties that come w/ it. Some of us just need to experience it just to say I have done and I no longer desire it because its done. I know that they're many other reasons that add to this such as trauma. I don't know the stories that lie behind their eyes so who am I to tell them otherwise.
Last edited by Lorileah; 06-25-2013 at 12:27 PM. Reason: merged consecutive posts. try and merge posts with edit when you post so close together thanks
No...you've obviously mistaken this with my "no more BS fantasy games" attitude.
Here at CD.com, there's an idea of What Crossdressing Is(tm) -- what I call "Orthodox Crossdressing" -- which an enormous number of posters seem to assume applies to everyone here (except the GFs, of courseand yet so true. You speak sarcasm as a second language
You don't know how close to the mark you are with that. Remorse in this case.
This whole site is a big fantasy you know that. But I want you to know I pass 100% of the time, everyone accepts me, my family approves, and next year I will find a way to fix the environment.
Update: I broke down and texted said CD asking how she was doing since in essence she had been taken advantage of (end sentence with preposition). I could not let her suffer this alone. Still won't be her mentor but we will talk it through.
The earth is the mother of all people and all people should have equal rights upon it.
Chief Joseph
Nez Perce
“Love isn't a state of perfect caring. It is an active noun like struggle. To love someone is to strive to accept that person exactly the way he or she is, right here and now.” - Fred Rogers,
Good question but in general removing the trans relationship aside I personally think we should teach what we know to anyone who will listen.
Its just the way I chose to live my life.
Megan Martin
" some guys play golf, I play girl"
As a relatively new member on the site (a year?) I'm here with the viewpoint that if i pose a question or a problem someone with more experience will offer suggestions. I don't expect "answers" just "possibilities". In the end, it's up to me to make my own decisions, even if my role as a CDer makes me the equivalent of what has been referred to as a teen-aged girl. The vast majority of the advice that I've seen on the site has been generously provided and offered in the vein of those possibilities. So, I thank all those who may be further down whatever CD/TS/TG road we are on for sharing with the new kids. You don't owe any of us anything, which is why so many of us appreciate what you do have to say.
Lorileah, a side note. Your comments and perspectives are always well thought out and helpful. I hope you will continue to share despite a bad experience.
I just wanted to add this regarding being our sister's keeper. I had befriended another member here and I thoroughly enjoyed our talks together. But, it was coming to a point where my thoughts were betraying her(this is our own story and I won't share it). I told her of my thoughts and I was heartbroken because I knew we couldn't continue our friendship because of this. I had to tell her Goodbye. I miss her and our talks terribly. My lust was overwhelming and I knew we were going to be hurt eventually and emotionally. I didn't want that so in being my sisters keeper "I believe" I had to tell her that basically our friendship must come to an end. Sometimes, it's very difficult to be a sisters keeper. Sometimes in doing so you must take on the hurt yourself before letting your sister experience it. I miss her so. I don't know if I did the right thing but my thoughts were on protecting her and not hurting her. I asked her to forgive me as I know she felt betrayed.Lorileah, I have found that through this journey, many attach sexuality to this and feel that they must either want to experience or live it. Some experience it and are remorseful and others thrive on it. Some like me, wonder if it's worth the emotional ties that come w/ it. Some of us just need to experience it just to say I have done and I no longer desire it because its done. I know that they're many other reasons that add to this such as trauma. I don't know the stories that lie behind their eyes so who am I to tell them otherwise.
May I ask, what is it about this place that interests you. My whole life is a fantasy too me. Do you care not for me too share it w/ you sometimes. If not........why? I would love to hear about some your life stories. Sometimes, the real lives of others are fantasy to some. For the ones that have accepting wives, that is a fantasy for me and I live through them and their stories to live my fantasy. Would you consider this....BS?
So true.
I'm reminded of Lieutenant Uhura saying "This isn't reality. This is fantasy. You wanted an adventure? Well I'll give you an adventure. Sit in the closet!"
<3 Uhura
Posting Permissions
