A little worried

[Princess Grandpa]

The other day Julie and I had a fight. It started with something really mundane. Trying to diffuse the situation I threw out some sarcastic humor. This didn't help. Things escalated quickly to become one of our worst fights ever. This is quite a statement as we have had some doozies over the last 30 years.

I think most of our really bad scenes are similar to this one in that they are usually over something really stupid. As the argument progressed some of the things I have read here began popping into my head. One of the replies to my introductory post said something about I hope she continues to feel supportive. I have read so Kant threads that read My wife initially supported me but now... I have also read how our SO's go through a process not dissimilar to grieving

Our fight was easily resolved because it was a stupid fight. It had nothing to do with cross dressing. Sometimes couples fight. Sometimes i act like a douche (sorry babe!) But now paranoia for the future sets in. We have vowed to keep lines of communication open to hopefully avoid the pitfalls some of you have faced. But I would be lying if a part of me wishes I was still deluding myself and I didn't come to terms with who I am.

Rita

[Kate Simmons]

My Gf and I have never had a fight and she knows everything about me and loves me regardless. When folks are this close even an argument would be enjoyable and the make up sex would be out of this world. Just saying. Hope things go well with the two of you Hon.

[Karren H]

We have fights.... some big ones.... nothing directly to do with my crossdressing but I'm sure that the underlying distrust I've created makes any fight worse than it would have been..... My fault she didn't know about me going into this relationship so what ever the repercussions are I figure I deserve ... and will take like a man.... woman... what ever.....

[kimdl93]

people fight. people fail to communicate. That's normal...even between a CDr and spouse. If your realization of who you are makes you more circumspect about interjecting sarcasm into any future argument, then it will be a good thing.

Getting used to you as a transgendered person doesn't mean that your wife won't occasionally disagree with something you say or do. The key things are to make sure that she is confident in your commitment to her...day after day, and that you don't overwhelm her. Give her time to adjust to the changes she's witnessing.

[Sabrina133]

As long as there have been two people together, there have been disagreements and fights. I think the key is 1) knowing that after either of you go off sulking, you'll be able to come back and talk calmly 2) never use words to hurt the other person.

[Beverley Sims]

Rita,
We all fight from time to time just to set our boundaries and score points.
I don't think anyone finishes ahead though.

[bobbimo]

My wife and I had a fight a few weeks back. We were supposed to go to a party and then to fathers day breakfast, but the fight continued and I went on by myself.
Every one wanted to know where she was and I said, "we were having an A..hole contest. She thought I was winning and I thought she was winning."
Everyone knew what that meant and assured me it would all work out.
It did, the contest was a tie.but just by a whisker. ;-)
Bobbi

[Joanne f]

TG issues are a very personal thing and sometimes a very complicated thing so it is very easy to delude one's self into what they really mean to you personally in the sense of what you really are , male, female or a bit of both , the problem is that you have one of the body's so you cannot wish to have that as you can only wish for what you do not have so is your mind playing tricks on you or is it for real and until you can work that one out you will never know the real you so is it delusion or just confusion and when you have to deal with that on a daily basis it is quite easy to fall out with others for the silliest of reasons , I think that a lot of wives/so might tell you that when their husbands/partners come out to them they have to be very careful on what they say about anything as the CDer will quickly assume that it is because of the CDing and go into a mood over it because it is lurking in their subconscious that all arguments will be due to the CDing now but it sounds like you are at least over that stage now .

[Barbara Ella]

Rita, I know you two will work things out. The harder part is just what you have pointed out. The consequence of bringing our wife into this world are that we are eternally beholding to their good will and love that it will not be thrown in our face in a heated moment when thoughts are not clear. We also carry the uilt of never really knowing if our activity served as being a sore point that made a blow up easier, and if we had kept the secret, their might have been fewer arguments. Yes, we can be guilt ridden whether keeping a secret or not.

Barbara

[Marlana]

My wife and I just a big one last weekend. Resulted in me sleeping in the spare room for 3 days. Nothing to do with dressing. After a week,we talked last night and cleared the air about a lot of things. I apoligized for not telling her about my other side before getting married. Things are a little better but still a DADT household.

[PaulaQ]

Rita, sometimes a fight is just a fight. It is worth asking her, though, if anything else was bothering her, or if something about your sarcasm hurt her in a way you did not intend.