Dining out questions

[alesha_cd]

I realize some of you have no problem going out dressed and being read. However, that's not my goal. I would like to go out to a sit down restaurant with my wife dressed as Alesha and have a nice dinner without being read. I've been going out in public for almost 30 years and I feel pretty confident that I can pass 98% of the time. My only concern is if I had to speak because that would surely give it away.

My question is, have any of you gone out to a sit down restaurant with someone and enjoyed your meal without being read? If so, how did you handle the speaking/ordering part? As for the waitress asking what we want to drink, I thought I could "conveniently" be on my cell phone and let my wife order our drinks. I also thought about maybe going to the restroom just before it came time to order our food and just let my wife order for both of us. If the waitress tried to make small talk, I might be in a pickle. Other than that, I think I could pass in a dimly lit, busy, noisy restaurant. I'm thinking something like a Texas Roadhouse. Thanks!

[Beverley Sims]

I usually speak in a low soft voice, a bit husky but I get by.

[alesha_cd]

I've thought of that Beverley but I don't think I could pull it off.

[michelleddg]

Treating myself to a nice dining experience is one of my favorite things to do dolled up. I have never had anything remotely resembling an issue. My girly voice is so so at best; I could not pass the "telephone test" to save my life, for example. However, if you look nice, and your level of confidence is that you belong there then you are without a doubt good to go independent of voice quality.

Now, I would not consider the evasive actions you're considering to show the required confidence level so do please let those go. Letting your wife do the talking is OK but better is to represent yourself. Smile a lot, demonstrate you're happy to be out having fun, respond with confidence. I'll let others with voice skills fill in the details but if you raise the pitch a bit, soften it up, keep your responses short you will be fine.

If you look at some drag queen videos on Youtube you'll see totally passable girls pretty much using their dude voices. Close your eyes and it's a dude! Open your eyes and it all works - presentation, voice and confidence.

I see that I've used the word "confidence" five times in this reply. That was not unintentional. Have fun! Hugs, Michelle

[Dianne S]

The restroom (for Americans), washroom (for Canadians), WC (for Brits) is what holds me back.

I have a small bladder and dread the thought of having to go to a women's toilet and being read...

[kimdl93]

I can't read minds, so even when I think I'm doing pretty well it's possible...eh probable that I've been read. Still, I make an effort to raise my voice just a bit and to speak more softly.

You've been doing this for 30 years...relax and work on your pitch if it makes you feel better. No one else will care.

Also, it's probably better to pick a quiet place...I find it harder to control my voice when I have to speak loudly?

[alesha_cd]

Michelle, thank you for the encouraging words. I would like to follow your instructions so much. I guess I'm lacking in the courage department. I guess I just expect the worst when it comes to doing something like that. Having my wife along and having things go south would be terrible. On the other hand, part of me says just do it and be happy and enjoy the time out and don't worry if others stare or laugh. I just don't want to embarrass my wife.

[Kelley]

I dress when I'm out of town on business and that's been a lot lately. So I go out to dinner by myself and have a very nice time. I raise my voice 1 register ( my voice is not too deep anyway). I just try to speak with confidence. If you act sheepish and speak too soft and don't engage it can give you away. If you are confidant they don't think twice, just another chick with a deep voice

[I Am Paula]

I don't understand the importance of not being 'read'. Who cares? Everyone will treat you exactly the same ei. with the dignity and respect due a gg. You've gone out for 30 years without speaking? I go to restaurants a few times a week. Would I have any clue wether I've been read? I doubt it, cause people would treat me the same anyway.

[Lorileah]

My question is, have any of you gone out to a sit down restaurant with someone and enjoyed your meal without being read?

I don't know nor care if I was read or not. I was having dinner. If anyone has a problem with that they can look away. I have never had a server ever do anything disrespectful and they always treat me like a lady.

If so, how did you handle the speaking/ordering part?

I say, "I'll have the-----" Or if i have a male date he will say "The lady will have the----"


You are making way too big a deal about this. Most waitstaff will break their necks to serve you because they want the tip. This past weekend there were 4 people at the table one GG, one GM and two TGs. The meal took 4 hours and the tip the waiter got was well over 25% of the tab. I think they were happy with us

[5150 Girl]

I doubt any of us, (atlest those without hormones and/or surgery) pass 100%... I think as long as you're reasonable, both in appearance and deportment, everything is cool. This has been my experience so far.

[Nikki A.]

I've eaten out in all kinds of restaurants and diners. With other CDs and TGs and also with a GG friend or two. My voice does not pass but I was treated as I was dressed , a lady.
After going to an IHOP on a Saturday morning, early on in my going out stage and getting out alive LOL. I'm not easily phased anymore, just no biker bars for me.

[alesha_cd]

I don't understand the importance of not being 'read'. Who cares?

I care. We all have our own desires/goals when we dress and mine has always been to pass as well as I possibly can when I'm out. If that's not your desire/goal and you don't care if others see you as a guy in a dress, then that's your choice. I'm not going to question you because of that. Yes I've been going out occasionally over the past 28+ years mainly in shopping malls and department stores. My ventures out into public have for the most part been made while avoiding verbal contact with others. That's what I'm comfortable with and if that makes some of you gasp with disbelief, then so be it. I sense a lot of "I don't give a da** what others think about me because I'm me and that's that" attitude when the topic of being "read" comes up. You're entitled to those feelings but keep in mind we're all different in what we're comfortable with and what we want to achieve when we go out.

You are making way too big a deal about this.

I don't think I am. I'm just trying to see if anyone else has done anything like this with the objective of trying to pass while having a nice dinner date with their wife or SO.

I don't know nor care if I was read or not. I was having dinner. If anyone has a problem with that they can look away.

Again, I do care. If someone has a problem with me being a guy dressed like a woman then it's their problem, but my objective is to pass and I'm asking others with the same objective if they have done this with their wife or SO and how they handled the ordering process. It's kind of like trying to paint a picture as realistically as you can because that's your personal goal, but if others don't like how it looks, then that's their problem. I simply want to know what techniques were used to paint that picture. I don't want to know how you feel about those who don't like your painting.

I think as long as you're reasonable, both in appearance and deportment, everything is cool.

I totally agree and that is how I have it envisioned. I was just wondering how some of you would handle the ordering process if you didn't want to get read. It seems as if that's a bad word on here. Kind of like throwing rocks at the bee hive.

We all have different levels of comfort and different desired outcomes when we go out. Some on here dress every day as a woman while others may only get the chance or the desire to dress maybe once every other month if that. Some wear women's clothing and/or makeup daily while others don't. We all have differing circumstances and desires. Please don't dismiss them if they don't match what you believe is "the right way".

[Tracii G]

I just go up in my voice register so its kind of in between male and female.
Just speak softly and smile you will do fine.
Don't be scared there is no need to be.
If you have been going out 30 years how did you never speak to anyone?

[Ressie]

Alesha, simply working on your voice is what's in order. You could practice by recording yourself and listening back to see where you can improve any rough spots. 15 minutes a day should do some good unless your voice is similar to Johnny Cash or Jimmy Durante. There are female voice training vids on youtube too. Good luck hun.

[Taylor186]

Just search "feminine voice" on youtube. There are dozens of video to help you with your voice.

[Sophie Yang]

Alesha,

There is more to consider than just the inital ordering of the meal where you and your wife may have to interact with the restuarant staff. Is there valet parking? The maître d' who greets you at the door may ask you the name the reservation is under, the host or hostess may chit chat as you are being seated, one waiter may take drink orders and another may take the meal orders. The wait staff most likely will drop by through out the meal to see if everything is ok. Heaven forbid if you have to send something back. Sometimes management will drop by to get feed back on your experience at their fine establishment. Then there is always after meal coffee and/or drinks with dessert.

If you are celebrating something special and the wait staff knows about it, you are guranteed special attention.

I go out often to resturants and do not realy have a problem. I can only recall two incidents where I was probably read. One was at a Mexican resturant late at night when I was more hungry than made up and just had to get something to eat. The other time was passing through one of the Houston airports picking up a quick byte to eat.

My experience has been that the fancier the resturant, the better the people skills the staff has. If you are a repeat customer, the wait staff will recognize you as a valuable customer and treat you as one. Sometimes I go out with a group of girls to a comedy club. The group has an open invitation the second Saturday of the month. The wait staff loves us there and often drop by to chit-chat before and after the show. They even remember our drink preferences. It is always a fun evening.

Go out and enjoy your dinner with your wife.

[Jamie001]

Why not just go out as a dude in a dress and other feminine accessories? Then you don't have to worry about being read.

[PaulaQ]

Alesha, I appreciate your concerns over being read from your voice. I don't think mine passes either, and it is something I am working on. However, I've had good luck going out with my wife, as well as alone, and much to my surprise, I seem to pass mostly, even when I order, or have a conversation with a waitress. Mostly, I figure people see what they expect to see, and if you aren't self-conscious, they mostly won't notice.

[Princess Grandpa]

We are far from passing voice or no. However as we practice make up and I improve my mannerisms. I have a bass voice. This will be a challenge for me. We have joked about learning ASL. frankly I may consider it as it would have many practical applications.

[CherylFlint]

When dressed on an outing with my wife, she does all the talking. I pretend I have laryngitis.
It’s worked for 15 years.
No problem.

[heatherdress]

Hold your menu up as a barrier and talk from behind it. Lots of people do. You cannot engage in conversation so the cell phone works. Carry something you can be distracted with - a watch or piece of jewelry. Try to be selective where you sit, if possible. Your wife is going to have to intercept your server's attention. Do what is fun for you and enjoy your nights out together.

[Erica2Sweet]

I had the same concerns when I first started going out and mingling with the public. I started off by trying to avoid small talk with others and quickly realized it was just not as liberating of an experience as it could have been if I would have just stopped worrying so much. Plus, my reluctance to be social with those around me was putting extra responsibility on my wife when we went out together. She made me realize fairly quickly that there was no good reason to be sheepish, aside from my own internal fear. Plus, socializing was absolutely necessary for me if I was ever going to start feeling like my femme side wasn't just graduating to larger and larger cages instead of breaking free of all of my self-imposed limitations. I learned that if I wanted to feel normal, I have to break out of all of those reclusive patterns I was used to with regard to my female presentation.

After several nights out and one very memorable Halloween night at the police station filling out forms due to my wife's and my car being broken into, not a lot really rattles me in terms of interacting with others. Diving into conversation with others can still be a bit unnerving on occasion, but being social with my voice softened just a bit seems to work just fine.

[AmyGaleRT]

This would be a good test for my Amy-voice, and also something I haven't tried. I'll have to put this on the list!

- Amy

[docrobbysherry]

Alesha, having passed just one nite in my life, I clearly understand how different people treat u if they believe u r woman!

If this is so important to u, simply have your SO say u lost your voice cheering at a ______ game, or just got over the flu, etc. I'm wondering how that will work with the surrounding customers, tho?

Personally? I'd try my passing at a simpler venue. Like a club, bar, etc. where the back ground noise will drown out your voice to everyone further than 2' or 3' away!