Edging Closer to the Exit...

[toni_62]

Your reasons for giving it up are thought out and valid. I'm kind of in the same boat as you except my GF knows and does not want me to CD. It's been ten agonizing months since I purged. The thing is I had only been seriously CDing for about a year and it's still very difficult for me not to repurchase stuff. To be honest I regret the purge! I have stuff in my ebay shopping cart right now. I have just not hit the purchase button. At least for me I am coming to the realization I could at any time start again.

You may well be able to stop, but for me it's really frustrating. I was happier when I CDed than I am now. I love my GF, but there is always a moodiness about me that was not there before I quit. Only time will tell, and I wish you luck.

[Brynna M]

I genuinely wish you good luck. While I have neither experience fully stopping crossdressing I'm told that, like the conventional wisdom on alcoholism, one never truely escapes the desire crossdress. They simply develop mechanisms for controlling that desire because the consequences are too severe to give in to the urge. It would probably be worth looking at the behavior modifications used in AA.

In any event I genuinely hope we never see you again here.

[AndrewJenny]

Yeah, Kali really sums it up well. I even identify with the simplicity fixation, and hating how much effort all this takes. I'm lazy and low maintenance. If I was a gg, I'd shave my legs once a month and wear dirty sweats. But I'm not, so even though femininity is pretty much 100% social construction, the only way I can be happy is to be a part of that construction.

Everyone makes their own choices. Choose what works for you. Like sex in general, cross-dressing is a very small part of my life when it's going well and the only thing I think about when it isn't.

Katie (Kat)

[Princess Grandpa]

Kali I understand your feelings. I don't know hy I need to dress. Until a few weeks ago I couldn't even admit to myself that I needed too. All I know is for some 30 odd years I would occasionally,not often, sneak and put something feminine on. I would then feel amazing remorse, guilt and shame that would last until my denial became strong enough that I could forget it happened. Of course some time would pass and the cycle would begin anew. They say every cross dresser is unique in h needs and desires. For your sake I hope you can walk away and never think about doing it again.


I can respect all the points you make as to why you should quit. Yes there are women put there who can not only be tolerant of this but accepting and take joy in it *glances lovingly at his wife* there are a lot of sad girls here to show how hard it is to find that girl. You do have the advantage in that you get to address this with a prospective mate earlier in the relationship thus avoiding the hiding and lying. Lets be honest though, this drastically reduces the pool of women who would consider being with you.

If you walk away and never dress up again I would be very happy for you. Possibly a little jealous. Despite the fun my wife and I are having learning about this side of me, I fear for the future. There is so much sadness in the pages of these forums. I caution you to be very self aware. Watch for patterns of self destructive behaviors in yourself. As you begin new romantic relationships please remember this is exactly how so many people wind up lying and sneaking around behind their spouses back. He doesn't disclose this about himself because "he's done with it". Then one day the need is back. Again nothing is said about it because.. I don't know because he's just scared or maybe in denial. Years go by and one day lives are torn apart.

Good luck to you! I hope you find peace.

Hug
Rita
P.S. when you get rid of it there is plenty of room in my closet if the fit a fat girl. *giggle*

[busker]

Kali, it is possible to pack it away. If you have a feminine part of your nature, you can still let that be--it doesn't have to be forced if it is a natural part of you. Maybe it is reflected in the things you like to do.Don't stress. Leaving this behind can be just like graduation. The "safety" of school is over, real life is now going to begin and since it hasn't been experienced before it is a bit stressful. Well, you can handle the stress just as you did after graduation. I do think that there is something genetic that disposes us to do this--otherwise EVERYBODY would be crossdressing. Be that as it may, if you haven't felt like a woman in a man's body from your early years, you can safely lock this part up with your HS cap and gown--I think. There is a compulsive nature to dressing and a myriad rationalizations for doing so but your femme side can exist without having to put a dress on to sustain it.
Best to your in all your coming endeavors.

[Leona]

-I'm always only a couple of missteps away from being discovered. I realized this a couple of weeks ago. My dressing has been dormant for many months now, so everything's been packed in totes in my closet, and in the back of the closet in the guest room. My mom was guesting for a bit, and she was trying to be helpful by cleaning. I thought there's no way she'll want to lift a bunch of stuff to get to those totes. But I come home and she says she thought she'd clean my closet out for me, but she wanted to wait 'til I got there, and didn't want to go through my stuff. Well, I maintained calm while my bowels spontaneously evacuated, but it got the wheels turning. I mean, this is partly my fault for being unwilling to just up and come out of the closet so the fear of being outed isn't a blade I might accidentally fall on. But, I'm just not willing to do that. No. I'm not. People don't need to know this about me, and I'm not prepared for it to suddenly be the thing that defines me in the eyes of those who know, which it inevitably will be, knowing those people. Because...

When your mother visits and cleans your closet, she's SPYING. In fact, cleaning up is the most common form of spying you will encounter, because cleaning up hides the snooping.

It looks like your mother was being respectful and giving you room to keep your secrets and you were never in any danger. That means your perceived danger was entirely in your mind.

And using this as a reason to stop is one example of you letting your fear get the best of you. Who runs your life, you or your fear?

[GeminaRenee]

Thanks everyone for your thoughtful responses.

Ultimately, I really just wrote this to get how I was feeling off my chest. Over a month later, I still feel that I'm making the right move. Keep in mind that I don't feel that there's anything wrong with dressing, it's just not working for me at this time in my life. So, let's see what I'm made of, eh?

Will I be able to do it, ultimately? I really don't know, but I'd like to think so. It's a chance I'm willing to take.

Good news, though! I finally got around to compiling things for my "Girl's Got to Go" sale. Please check in the classified section if interested. I'd love to make a deal.

Best wishes! (:

[MysticLady]

Good Luck Kali........................You gotta do what you gotta do.

[ReineD]

The only conclusion left to draw is that my urge to look all hot in a pair of fuchsia pumps and a sweater dress is a manifestation of something else entirely.

Wanting to look hot, as opposed to just wanting to express a feminine gender ID without all the bells and whistles could be a fetish even if it is no longer as sexual as it once was, especially if it is has a negative impact on relationships, finance, your general focus, and your peace of mind. So since you seem quite determined, I found an article about how to stop an obsession. Don't know if it will be helpful though, but you could read it and see. And if, after having given it a serious try, you find that it hasn't worked, then you'll need to ask yourself some deeper questions.

http://www.howtogetridofstuff.com/lo...d-of-a-fetish/

... minutiae that I have to buy and invest time into learning how to use, because I didn't learn it at age 6 like a GG would?

FYI I didn't learn this at 6. I was too busy playing. Nor did I learn it as a teenager. I was too busy doing art, photography, skiing, doing stuff with friends, (getting high occasionally). I did learn this stuff briefly in my 20s when I was working, but there weren't many improvements to make on a young woman in her 20s. lol. At any rate, I stopped paying attention to fashion and what little makeup I knew about once kids came into the picture and my priorities went elsewhere. This means that I finally started paying attention to myself and learining how to put myself together in my 40s, not unlike many of the CDers.

I should think that many GGs are like me. Yes, there are some young girls who think of nothing else than makeup and boys, but honestly none of my friends were like that. We were just regular teenage girls.

[MysticLady]

. I was too busy doing art, photography, skiing, doing stuff with friends, (getting high occasionally).

Ms Reine, I'm surprised at this. I always figured you a straight laced woman. Hmm...We need too party, sometime

[edith]

More power to you if you feel you will be happier without crossdressing in your life. I would say be cautious about dropping it mainly to please others though, that usually leads to suppression and resentment. And don't underestimate the power of socialization. Just because it's arbitrary that women wear tights and men don't doesn't make it meaningless, and it won't make it easier to not wear the tights.

[Jorja]

KaliBrook, sweetie, I have a secret to tell you. As we are of a like mind here I will even say it out loud so everyone can hear it:

It does not matter what we or anyone else thinks. If you want to quit dressing, that is your decision and your decision only to make.

However, there are some things to consider and you should know before going into it. Do not make the mistake of dumping your stash in a dumpster and walking away from it. In reports of literally thousands of stories like yours, there is one recurring problem in those stories. Almost everyone who tries to quit, can’t. Some make it one day, some a week, a month, or a year. I even saw one that claimed they went 20 years. The urge, desire, need to dress usually comes back and most report it comes back with a vengeance. If you are really serious about quitting dressing, seek some professional help.

So, what will we here in the forums think of you if you do quit? I for one would be proud to know you. You will have taken responsibility for your own life and had the conviction to see it through. Do you know how rare that is these days?

This is a journey of learning and discovery not a race to the finish line. KaliBrook, you do whatever you think is the right thing for you to do.

[Sonya]

Hi KaliBrooke,

I pretty much agree with all of your reasons wanting to quit and they are all valid, and wish you the best of luck. Like many members here, I also did many purges and many promises to myself to quit but for me it didn't work. I mean I stopped for long periods of time, many months of not dressing but it was always with me.

You might successfully quit for a long time, get a girlfriend, get married and maybe start a family but please think very seriously what if the desire to CD comes back so strong that you cannot ignore. I know that it is a big "BUT" but if it happens your life will be a lot more complicated and stressful then now, this has been my experience and frankly as much as I loved my wife and love being a father, these days I wish that I never got married and became a father. It makes me so sad writing this, I love my son much but I cannot give up CD even for him. Even if you quit, I think if you go into a serious romantic relationship without disclosing your CD past, you will be taking a big risk because if it ever becomes an issue you will be left at a very difficult position.

I am not sure if you are looking for any advise here, but my advise will be this: By all means quit if that is what you want and try to live your life as you please but think twice about trying to keep your past CD as a big secret from a potential SO. Try to be honest and tell you made a decision to stop CD for good and proceed with the relationship and see what happens. And also please be vary of making big bold promises that this will never be an issue in the future.

Good luck again.

[jessicapaige]

I don't have time to read ALL the posts right now, so someone might have suggested this... but why not box everything up, seal the box with packing tape, write something uninteresting on the box, and stick it in the attic or closet for a while?

It seems like people flip flop more when they have an all-or-nothing mindset.