Brutal honesty vs excessive niceness

[Celeste]

When I look at a post,I don't immediately look at all the things that may need improvement....you have those vultures out there in the form of overly critical human beings,I don't think they have the ability to seek out the good in an individual.People need to learn to balance out constructive criticism with tact and in a way it will be effective.

When making a post,one should finish by checking spelling,grammar and the the nature of Its content.Then ask ourselves,is it hateful,to direct,offensive,might someone misunderstand the meaning or point?I feel there's a way to be direct and nice if we just take our time and reread before posting.

[Karren H]

If people don't want me to be honest.... then say so up front... Here or anywhere... I demand people to be honest to me... At work I have become the one who speaks out to the CEO in meetings and have gotten plenty advise along the lines of "you can't say that to the President of the company" If they don't want to hear my honest opinion the stop inviting me to there stupid meetings.... they haven't so far.... Friends say that I can say what I want since I'm not afraid to die..... If my comments are construed as being a personal attack they are not.... If no one wants to here what I have to say... find.... I'll go say it somewhere else...... as long as I can see myself talk.... I'm good... and there's chocolate involved.... lol

[linda allen]

............ When making a post,one should finish by checking spelling,grammar and the the nature of Its content.Then ask ourselves,is it hateful,to direct,offensive,might someone misunderstand the meaning or point?I feel there's a way to be direct and nice if we just take our time and reread before posting.

Yes one should.

[Jana]

This is a very good point. I feel there are two kinds of picture posts: those that ask for feedback and those that don't. There isn't much to say about the ones that don't. Maybe the OP is just sharing a particular moment with us, end of story. Regarding the ones that do, however, I feel excessive niceness (or empty flattery) may be politically correct, but it does not really help someone who is looking for specific advice to up their game. There are ways to go about it without being rude or destructive. The goal is, IMO, to focus on sharing transferable knowledge the person can try out on their own, rather than to tell them what to do (and why what they are doing now is no good). My two cents.

[Marleena]

Personally I think things are fine the way they are. When something is working why change it? Sometimes we disagree but I don't see any real big issues here. I'm not changing anything.

[Lorileah]

I have always said that if there no fear of failure there is no reason to try and succeed. When everyone gets a trophy, or a certificate or even promoted to the next level just for participating then there is no reason to try and do well at that activity. It has led to a lot of "close enough" ideals.

In this forum the fear of failure can be huge for some. We don't need to throw them to the wolves just to be nice though. We need to inspire them to do better. When we say "You rock girl" and she looks like she just was run over by a passing bus, some will take that as "I can go out and be safe" and then when they get the looks or the laughter, they are devastated. Most here will never make the majors but there is no reason they can't play at a highly competitive level and enjoy it.

[famousunknown]

There seems to be something of a tempest around one of our esteemed members being brutally honest in her posts, to the point of being mean in the view of some others.

I applaud this member for taking this stance. This is exactly the way it should be.

I see this site heading in the wrong direction.Sorry
Used to be supportive and reassuring to those that aren't sure about themselves looking for acceptance. We saw some beautiful ladies grow on this site from very awkward first pictures in the beginning. I fear new people will just give up and go back in the closet and suffer after being slammed on their first pic attempts. Seems there are a few here that bash others every chance they get and then run off and act like they didn't do anything.
And some that claimed to never go out in public but some how just started going out and now feel they know everything.

When you post a pic, you open yourself to comments. That’s how it works. If you think you’ll only get glowing comments, you’re living in a fantasy world. What’s the point of posting a pic of your too big and fat feet squished into too small sandals ? Honesty is the best policy.

[Debra Russell]

Were all here and in the same boat - if it's rocked too hard someone might fall overboard - stay seated listen to more experienced sailors and try to get along...........sometimes a response is not needed (if you catch my drift)..............Debra

[~Joanne~]

I just want to add my two cents to this, so things may get dangerous lol

First, if you ask me for My opinion, I am going to give it to you, free of charge, but that doesn't mean I am going to sugar coat it in any way, shape, or form. I will not go out of my way to be brutally honest, just to hurt your feelings as much as possible, but I am sure going to be honest. If You post a picture and ask "do I pass?" and you don't, be sure I am going to tell you such. I would feel very guilty if I told you that you passed and then came back to read your in the hospital because you got jumped while out. I'd rather hurt your feelings than have physical harm befall you.

If you ask directly, "do you like my new skirt?" then my attention is going to solely be on your skirt and that is what my opinion is going to be based upon.

[famousunknown]

Don't ask for "honest opinions" if you can't handle an honest answer.

agreed 100%