Why do men cross-dress

[Lucy_Bella]

As does the Disney corporation. And the Catholic Church. What's your point?.

My "point" is I have brought up "factual " information that backs what I say is true verses "personal opinion" ..We can bring up Disney and the catholic church ..Would they base their studies upon the general population? Right! Mine comes from the "Transgender " studies.. Not personal opinion..

I assume that Lucy_Bella is quoting someone else (w/o attribution?) here:.

Yes you are correct because unlike you I value my own opinion with professional studies that are within the subject matter " transgender" not as a whole or my own personal opinion.. These are studies done within our own behavior not a percentage of the average population..

Why not go all the way and discuss crossdressing in terms of the 4 humors?

.. Why would we? Wouldn't that be judging? Why would I judge everyone as a whole..? We must understand that we are all different and to consider everyone the same would be to corralling us as a whole.. I'm not built that way..

We live in a society in which not only the gender binary but also the traits conventionally associated with the two genders are assumed to be as unchanging and intrinsic to reality as the Pauli exclusion principle.

Maybe but society is learning this is not true and it's how " we" who rock society present ourselves.. You know and I know this statement is far from the truth .. We have always had the third "gender".http://www.mnn.com/lifestyle/arts-cu...gender-caveman.

Since the "experts" are also members of this society, they are going to classify "gender-variant" behavior in ways that don't challenge the paradigm of binary gender and gender traits and force behavior that does challenge that paradigm into categories that don't. (And since they are mostly from the most privileged segments of society, their interest in maintaining their privilege also leads them to support the status quo.)

This is not true and many "Experts" are from the "trans community" how can you say this? I say this because you base your opinion personally ..You bring no facts to the table.. Until you learn we are all different under the umbrella and "every "study" is flawed we assume our own " personal " opinion.. Not true..I will take "studies" done within "our" own community verses "us" as a whole.. So take this as a fact!! Most studies done today are based and "done" within our own community.. And those who do these studies are people who come from "our" OWN community!!

[AmyGaleRT]

First of all, in answer to the question asked by the thread title, I'm of the opinion that there are approximately as many reasons men crossdress as there are crossdressers.

With regard to the question "is not telling your spouse a lie?", I asked Sabrina what her opinion was on the issue. She was upset that I hadn't come out to her sooner (though "upset" may be too strong a word; "miffed" is probably closer), but she got over it reasonably quickly. She did not, however, consider that I was "lying" to her all that time by not having told her. What she said was, "Some people just have secrets that they have to keep, but sometimes, the only way to really move forward is to let those secrets go." (She's about as honest and straightforward a person as you can find; she'll always tell you what she thinks, in plain language.) In my defense, I didn't know that she'd be as non-judgmental as she's turned out to be; so many CDs have been completely shocked at the way their SOs have flown off the handle, it would have been foolish of me to assume anything.

- Amy

[Amanda M]

The answer to the original post is, at root, quite simple. People do what they do because they get a reward from it. In crossdressing terms, that might be any number of things - feeling pretty,a sexual charge, abdication of male responsibilities and so on. Every one of us will have a different "reward", and we'll continue to do what we do until the benefits of that reward are outweighed by any risks attached.

[Asche]

My "point" is I have brought up "factual " information that backs what I say is true verses "personal opinion"

No, you are arguing from authority. For me to accept what you say, I have to trust your authorities. I don't, and I have explained why.

Mine comes from the "Transgender " studies.

To take your "studies" seriously, I'd have to be able to trust that the people who did them were aware of the possible biases, confounding variables, and hidden assumptions in them.

[Lucy_Bella]

No, you are arguing from authority. For me to accept what you say, I have to trust your authorities. I don't, and I have explained why..

Fair enuff!! But lets not forget it's a Forum for discussion and there is not only one color on the palette.. Maybe others do care to know.. I will take the professionals over personal opinion any day..

To take your "studies" seriously, I'd have to be able to trust that the people who did them were aware of the possible biases, confounding variables, and hidden assumptions in them.

Dr, Blanchard has obviously left a bad taste in the T.G. community ..Don't you think it's time to move past that ? There are other studies being done take as for example GLAAD!! They are not "MY STUDIES" get over it already!

[Stephanie47]

Why do "I" cross dress? I wish I knew. What started it? I wish I knew. Did I cross dress before I met my wife? Yes, but I hadn't for many years. I had actually forgotten about it. Should I have searched my mind for every possible misdeed or inclination I had before I met her?

What I do know is my wife revealed to me some of her really really misfortunes and misadventures of the type that would have made most clear thinking men take a second look at this woman. And, most would have probably run for the hills.

What I do know, after several years of bedroom play that was mutual with lingerie, my wife and I discovered there was more to my desire to wear women's clothing than just bedroom play. It turned her off. What I clearly remember in our 'discussion' is she wished she had never told me of her past because then she would have been able to walk away from the marriage playing the poor victim. So, I was willing to accept her. She was not willing to accept me. Talk about bullshit.

Of course, we are now in a DADT marriage. Some call it a continuation of deceit or lieing. DADT works fine if it is truly DADT: no barbs thrown; no wearing of women's garments around the house; no painted nails.

I think for most of us in a DADT marriage, there are more stressful things that arise in a marriage than the guy wearing a dress. If not, why a 50% divorce rate?

[ossian]

I have no clue why I do/(have done) it. I've cross dressed from when I was 13 years old. It was awesome, confusing, frustrating, liberating, shameful, beautiful, and so on from an early age, and to this day I have now idea why I like to do it and how it makes be utterly feel complete. (Sorry that's my answer and I'm sticking with it!)

[Leona]

What I do know is my wife revealed to me some of her really really misfortunes and misadventures of the type that would have made most clear thinking men take a second look at this woman. And, most would have probably run for the hills.

Were we married to the same woman? My ex-wife had stories like that. Actually, my current wife does too, but at least it isn't rife with rape stories. Still, you don't become a stripper if you've had a happy, healthy childhood. (She's not a stripper anymore, that was years ago)

What I do know, after several years of bedroom play that was mutual with lingerie, my wife and I discovered there was more to my desire to wear women's clothing than just bedroom play. It turned her off. What I clearly remember in our 'discussion' is she wished she had never told me of her past because then she would have been able to walk away from the marriage playing the poor victim. So, I was willing to accept her. She was not willing to accept me. Talk about bullshit.

My wife actually compared all the things about her that I had to accept to be with her to my crossdressing and decided I was still the one with the greater load to accept. She also pointed out quite a few times that I had a right to wear whatever I want, and she had no right to tell me not to. So she'd set for herself the goal from the outset that she was going to accept it because she had no right not to.

I like her attitude. I wish more women saw it that way. I don't see why a woman who really loves her husband can't have him as a girl friend when he's dressed, even if there's no sexual attraction. Do you agree? Would most crossdressers (that have nothing resembling a fetish associated with it, of course) be happy to be a girl friend to their wife when dressed and be Rico Suave the rest of the time?

[Erica2Sweet]

...I'd be willing to suggest that anybody over the age of 30 who keeps their CD nature a secret from their spouse gets a free pass...

If someone is keeping a secret, any secret, that he suspects if brought to light, would endanger his relationship, he's being deceitful and disingenuous. It's acting selfishly in the purest sense, because he's looking to simply maintain his comfort level within his relationship via deceit, and it indicates clearly that he's not trusting enough of his partner to allow her to know about a major part of who he is. It's almost always because he's ashamed of that part of himself. I'm sorry, but the reality is for us as humans is that you cannot function in a healthy relationship if you are shaming yourself into the closet.

If you want to be in a healthy relationship you don't this. If you want to be with someone who in GENUINELY compatible with you, you tell your spouse about your crossdressing before she commits to you before God and family and let the chips fall where they may. If you have any morals at all you know, deep down, it's the right thing to do. It's valuing and respecting the person you're with more than loving the pursuit of self gratification and maintaining your own level of marital comfort at any cost.

The assertion that "I just don't get it" with regard to this issue is exactly why my wife refuses to take part in these forums. Someone who cannot see this issue as being oh so simple, is living in a state of blatant denial of reality that cannot be reasoned with, and I really don't blame her. When I see posts here that encourage others to keep up the lie, that's when these forums become a negative and destructive influence on others.

At this point in history, there's not really a lot of reinventing the wheel in maintaining a healthy relationship. It's pretty much all been figured out by someone and written about. Why people try to convince themselves their unique way of doing things will somehow work out in the end baffles me.

[Adrienna]

Wait a minute ladies...I thought the original title of this thread was, "Why do men cross-dress?". Instead we have gone way off subject for most part focusing on truth-telling....what gives?? Did I miss something? I am truly interested as to why we do cross-dress or at least view some more answers not already given here on Cd.com. I always seek, "new" findings, especially from men who do partake in the femme of things. Thanks to all of you anyway.