I need to educate myself. First time dating CD.

[Sarah2770]

I've never written anything in a forum before, although I've been reading this one constantly for days now. I found out the other day the my boyfriend likes to crossdress and we had a really healthy conversation about it. I may have pulled it out of him a little and I feel a little bad about that but I'm glad we were able to be open with one another. I keep thinking I'm glad I found out only a few months into our relationship. I fell in love with him even more when he told me.

I am a very accepting person. I have dated both women and men and have been in a healthy and supportive relationship with a FTM trans. I feel like because of this I have become very sexually free and this is no bother to me. However, I do have some concerns (which I have voiced to him but still can't get out of my head, so I thought this would be a nice place to share and clear my mind).

I love him because he is a handsome, intelligent supporting and wonderful man. Our life intimately is unlike any other experience I've ever had, before and after he told me his secret (I think his more sensitive/feminine side makes him a great lover btw). At first I was worried I might not find it attractive, I was afraid. I have NEVER experienced this before so I couldn't rule out the slim chance that this would be a total turn off for me (gladly it wasn't). However, I am concerned that now that his secret it out he's going to want to do it all the time or something. I still love my man when he's manly. I love him no matter what. He tells me it's not important to him and that it's very infrequent but I know him and my heart is telling me otherwise. I can see it in his eyes. I know he wants to explore this more. Before he lived with me, he really couldn't. I want to know now so that we can continue with our healthy communication. Another thing is, he mentioned finding other CDs hot when they're dressed and they make it look really good but not because they are CDs but because they're hot women. I asked if he had any feelings for men and he says no. I believe him and to be honest, I wouldn't care if he did. I know he loves me. I just keep going back to my relationship with my trans gf. I remember how she worked up to telling me and once she did it wasn't long before she was my boyfriend and it was a compulsion for him. Once I accepted that my gf would one day be my bf and he finally had acceptance and love, everything changed so quickly. And no, I don't think my bf wants to actually become a girl, I just wonder if now that I know and he knows I like it, will it go to some sort of next level?

I guess I'm rambling on about nothing. Maybe I'm looking for some support. I'm not sure. But any advice anyone can give me about any of this would be great. I want to continue our healthy growing relationship on the great path it has embarked on. He is the most incredible man I have ever met. It's unfortunate that he suffered in silence and fear because this is so taboo. It pains me to know how he must have felt... People should really learn more about it growing up. It wouldn't be a big deal at all. Everyone deserves to be happy and loved for exactly who they are. Thanks for reading (:

[Nicole Erin]

Let's see how long this relationship lasts.
The problem is that a lot of women say they are accepting etc but eventually they decide they want a normal life and the fact that their B/F dresses up or wants to become a woman doesn't fit into the picture.

[Kate Simmons]

If you truly are compatible and care for one another I don't see a problem. Honest heart felt communication is the real key to working out the feelings. This is how a true partnership works.

[Greenie]

Well sarah. Unlike that unhelpful tidbit from Nicole. :/.... You will find a lot of great advice on the forum here. A lot of people have their opinions on what makes a relationship strong between a woman and a CD. Reine and Dawn (gg) have been extremely helpful to me in this journey. I am sure reine will make her presence in this thread sooner or later.

I think women who are open to "alternative" relationships take CDing better. I think that what Nicole was trying to get at, is that even for people who are accepting upfront, this is a hard journey. I think when a man finds a woman who accepts his CDing he often gets caught in a cloud of acceptance and things can get rocky. Sounds like this happened with your FtM gf/bf. As far as you concerned about him wanting to to it all the time. You sound a little like me. You are okay with the general principle of CDing.... But it now has come into your life and you are worried its going to take over. You fell in love with a specific man, and now that he has told you his "deep dark secret" you are worried that he is going to take your initial acceptance of it and run rampant. This DOES happen sometimes. It happened to me. Having conversations about what you both want/need and expect from a relationship is important. Each make a list of these things and compare. Hopefully your lists are compatible, if not, do not just break up create a plan to work on it together.

Hopefully this is easier for you than it was for me initially. All CDers are different and they all have different wants/needs. The finding other CDers attractive thing is not something I am personally well skilled in, but have some similar experience in the questioning of sexuality. Bi curiosity I think is normal. Just because a thought or a fantasy crosses someone's mind doesn't mean that defines them as bisexual.

Ahh. well so many things. Once you get 10 posts in the forum. feel free to PM me. I am pretty much always available. You also can join the FAB forum which is genetic females only.

[Sarah2770]

Let's see how long this relationship lasts.
The problem is that a lot of women say they are accepting etc but eventually they decide they want a normal life and the fact that their B/F dresses up or wants to become a woman doesn't fit into the picture.

Well that's not very supportive, I'm genuine in saying that sexual orientation or characteristics or personality traits really have never mattered to me. I know that already. I'm just wondering if I should prepare myself for more changed. I need education. I can read all I want but I was looking to people that understand the experience first hand.

And I'm kind of wondering if this will lead to him wanting to actually become a woman. When my gf transitioned it wasn't hard because of my lifestyle... I would have stayed with her no matter what. But the transition completely changed who I had fallen in love with. And I'm afraid of that happening again. That's all. If you want to bark out the "reality" of it, you could at least try and be helpful. I am a huge supporter of the trans community and have been heavily involved with my ex's transition and we remain very close. You shouldn't be so quick to pass judgement when I'm sure you don't like people judging you.

Thank you!! I look forward to chatting with you. I really just need people to talk to so that I'm not all up in my own head... I look forward to my journey with him, whether it be rocky or not. I've been in a very eclectic variety of relationships and believe me they all came with their own sets of querks. Its never easy. And you're right, I fell in love with him. All of him. I'm open to new experiences, I just don't want to lose the man I initially fell in love with either.

[xdressed]

And I'm kind of wondering if this will lead to him wanting to actually become a woman.

This is a common worry, one we're slightly tired of hearing to be perfectly honest, but I think you have nothing to fear. People who want to transition generally know from a very early age and it plagues them until they finally make the decision to be themselves on the outside too, it's not something that develops. Recent research has shown that transwomens brain shape and size tends to strongly resemble that of GG's, the same goes for transmen and GM. They literally are 'trapped in the wrong body' as so many of them say, and it doesn't seem like your BF feels like that. He may go through times where he wants to dress very often now that he's out but it tends to calm down eventually to a more consistent level between dressing en femme and not.

[Tina B.]

Sarah, how far she will go, remains to be seen. No one can say why she dresses, so we can't tell you how far she will take it. Some of us spend most of our time dressed, others only now and then.
Honest dialog between the two of you, will give you a hint, I doubt she knows just yet. All you can really do, is keep talking about it, and keep your eyes open to what may or may not come about.
And there is always the chance, the more she dresses, the more you may learn to like it, and want her to dress more.

[MysticLady]

Hello Sarah

Forgive me, for I am a bit confused. You have a man that you love and a transman also that is your boyfriend? or are we talking about the same person?

[Sarah2770]

I'm trying to say informed. I don't mean to ask the tiresome questions I'm sure you're tired of. I just don't know about this and I'm really trying to learn as much as I can. I like when my bf dresses. I like the way it looks and I like the way I know it makes him feel.

We have an open dialog and I couldn't ask for more. There's a trust between us I've yet to experience. I am very lucky. My priority here and ensuring his happiness and making sure I stay open as well. I appreciate all the help, you're all very kind to help me with a little direction.

[Sarah2770]

Hello Sarah

Forgive me, for I am a bit confused. You have a man that you love and a transman also that is your boyfriend? or are we talking about the same person?

I am dating ONE man who CDs. In the past, I dated a woman who then came out as trans and transitioned and is now a man. And I was ok with that. We remain very close, however, our relationship ended because he was no longer the same person. It broke my heart that things changed so much and I'm worried about that happening now.

My partner now ensures me that he is the same man he always was and he always will be. I'm trying to take him for his word on that but I wasn't sure if maybe it's possible that he doesn't even know where this will take us. Either way, I'll be right there with him.

[Jane P]

Hi Sarah,

It sounds like you have had an interesting and diverse life so far and I wish you well in this new relationship. I don't have direct experience with what it is like to have the acceptance and support of my SO but I would imagine having it would lead to somewhat of an increase in , not so much desire , but freedom to dress a bit more than he has in the past. How far it goes , I think depends a lot on you . It is something the two of you will have to work on together as we are all different .

I would say that as you are able to discuss things now , just keep the communication open and let him know if and when you are uncomfortable about the way things are going , and hopefully he will be able to do the same . Have some fun . Best of luck.

Jonnie

[Di]

I am concerned that now that his secret it out he's going to want to do it all the time or something. I still love my man when he's manly. I love him no matter what. He tells me it's not important to him and that it's very infrequent but I know him and my heart is telling me otherwise. I can see it in his eyes. I know he wants to explore this more.

Hi hon very glad you are here! Come join us in FAB after you get your 10 posts

I just wanted to tell you alot of the time when they get the first bit of freedom they can go into the pink fog as we call it and they want more and more. But things do calm down and a balance is maintained. In your case you both seem able to talk freely and that is a huge. Just keep talking and you both can work out something you both can live with.

[Sarah2770]

Thanks Jonnie,

I have indeed had a very interesting life and am very fortunate to have had ample amounts of support from friends and family. I have some sort of non-limited SO. I don't know anyone else like me and sometimes I feel kind of like an odd person out. But I wouldn't trade my experiences for anything. Life has never been easy but it has always been beautiful. Your advice is much appreciated!! And we will certainly continue with our open communication and we certainly will have fun. (;

[Leah Lynn]

Sarah, this is something the two of you can explore together. Some CD's are content to dress on rare occasions, others want it 24/7. Does he go out dressed? If so, would you consider having a girls' day of it, lunch, shopping, etc.? Would you consider a girls' night out with him? My late wife and I had several fun nights out together. You can have your man and a bff, all in one sweet package. With open dialog and a willingness to explore, you both can enjoy a fulfilling relationship.

Best of luck,

Leah

[Sarah2770]

Sarah, this is something the two of you can explore together. Some CD's are content to dress on rare occasions, others want it 24/7. Does he go out dressed? If so, would you consider having a girls' day of it, lunch, shopping, etc.? Would you consider a girls' night out with him? My late wife and I had several fun nights out together. You can have your man and a bff, all in one sweet package. With open dialog and a willingness to explore, you both can enjoy a fulfilling relationship.

He has NEVER ever shown anyone else. I am the only person in the world that knows. He's never gone out and I'm not sure that he would. We are still in the very early stages of exploration I think. The both of us. I would consider doing anything with him really, I'm just not sure I'll like it, you know? And that's the scariest thing for me and I make sure I tell him that I support him and I want to try whatever he wants but I'm honest in telling him that I may not like it and if I don't I would be honest (in the nicest way possible). He deserves my honesty. I just don't want to ever hurt him... I already have my man and my bff. He is just the greatest person to ever walk into my life. I'm willing to try new things
Should I encourage him to try things too? Or should I let him tell me on his own? I don't want to push him but I also want him to know that I'm not just doing it because he wants me to but because I want to... I don't want him thinking I'm just going along with it. But I don't want to make him uncomfortable either. He's very back and forth about what he wants to try. He talks about really going for it and shaving his beard and doing his hair and make up but then kind of pulls back, even if I am encouraging him or supporting the idea.

[bridget thronton]

Sarah welcome to the forum. I think the key is to keep talking to one another. Tell your SO when something she does bothers you. Your needs are important too. There are indeed some great folks to talk to in this forum.

[MysticLady]

I am dating ONE man who CDs. In the past, I dated a woman who then came out as trans and transitioned and is now a man. And I was ok with that. We remain very close, however, our relationship ended because he was no longer the same person. It broke my heart that things changed so much and I'm worried about that happening now.

I see, (still drinking my coffee and not quite mental yet). You have got a different situation now. There is a big difference(in my opinion) between a man and a transman. Yes, the fog is overwhelming sometimes. My suggestion is let him go at it. Let him realize what he wants. If he wants to become a woman then, you'll know before you decide to marry him. If you still love him then, you must decide on the lesser of the 2 emotional strains. Letting him go or living w/ him as a her in a commitment. But, also throw in the fact that he may just like to express his feminine essence once in a while, like moi

[~Joanne~]

Sarah, welcome to the forum

For a lot of us, it doesn't go much past the clothes and trying to present as a woman for a short period of time. So your BF may be telling you the truth, after all, only he knows where this road is going to lead him. Sometimes though while we think we know where the road leads,then it changes in time. I think that is the part your most worried about.

It sounds though as if your both off in the right direction having a good long healthy conversation about it but one conversation won't be enough. Talk to him in depth as many times as you need to. I am sure he will be more than willing to try to help you through this new discovery (though you are pretty well informed through your previous relationship) and you both can grow through the communications as a couple.

We are always here (sometimes more than we should be LOL) so feel free to ask any questions you may have. if you need a CD's opinion, my PM box is always open to you. There is a wealth of information here as you already know, the answers you seek may even be here but you'll have to sort through everything to find them. No two CD's are alike after all so opinions and such varies quite a bit. Good luck on your journey and I hope that both of you find the happiness you seek

[I Am Paula]

Nicole, That's mean, and not really even much of an opinion, based on the original post, it's just...well...mean. I like to be brutally honest, and all there is here is love and affection.

[Sarah2770]

Everyone here is so nice. I am overwhelmed with gratuity; I feel so lucky to be apart of something so special. I'm always going to allow him to freely express himself and I would never hold him back. And if my man wants to be a woman and we're still on the same pages and our feelings for one another don't change; I can live with that. Like I said, as long as we can make it work together. I love people for who they are and I don't think this is a definition of who he is, it's just apart of his personality. My love has never seen a gender, race, etc. This shouldn't be any different. I love everyone's involvement and support. As this is his secret and he has asked me not to, I would never share this with my friends or family (until/if he's ready) so having people to talk to is paramount. We will continue to talk and remain honest. And I'm looking forward to my journey with him. Thanks again for all the kind words. <3

[Kandy Barr]

Hi Sarah, Im not exactly experienced and up to date but felt compelled to give you a point if view from a cder. I had a wonderful relationship with my SO for over 25 yrs and she was very supportive. She taught me so many things about the female world and perspective, and helped me learn to live as a woman whenever I wanted. She and I were about the same height and size, even to the shoe size, which is amazing as I'm just over 6' tall. We would share clothes and even heels, omg we had fun, and the freedom was very liberating. I am writing this in past tense as I sadly lost her to cancer a few years ago. Anyway, I'm saying this because she gave me the freedom to take my cding to any level I wanted. I remember looking at other cders and would find them attractive ( or not ), and at times would wonder what " it would be like ". Like you she would have been ok with that as she was bi. Having said that, I never acted out on my curiosity. I read that most men who cd are heterosexual and beyond having curiosity, remain so, I know that was and still is the case for me, and I still wonder. Today I cd more than I did with her simply because I'm at a point in life and my situation allows me to do so. Back when I still had to function as a male for work and in society, I did what I needed to do, even with the freedom to live as a woman full time had I of chose to do so, even to the point of transitioning. I still do function for business purposes as a male, but live the majority of my time as female. I know each individual is different and what they will do can't be compared to what someone else has done, but I wanted you to know what I did and how I reacted when given freedom to be myself. I hope this in someway helps you and that your relationship works out ss wonderful as you hope. You remind me a lot of my SO in the way of your openness and liberated thinking. lol

[Ceri Anne]

Sarah, you sound like your very sincere and loving. That is awesome. Nobody can predict where your boyfriend will go in his journey, but with you by his/her side, it will be a wonderful journey, albeit challenging I'm sure at times.

As a crossdresser, I can tell you that many if not most crossdressers are straight. I myself am not attracted to men. While it would be nice to be able to dress more, and yes, I have fantasized about doing a complete transformation, but in reality, I like my male side as much as my female side, and know if I did fully transform, once I experienced being fully female, I'm sure I would miss some of my male side. So while a fantasy, I have no intentions of pursuing that. I hope this helps you understand that there are many shades of gray being a crossdresser/transgender person. So you bf may be happy just expressing sometimes, may go thru a period where she wants to be she a lot, and then may balance out. or may gradually wish to transform more fully. No definent answers here. Keep the communication open, let him know you concerns, desires and comfort level with various things and I'm sure it will work out well. Best wishes.

[Sarah2770]

I hope this in someway helps you and that your relationship works out ss wonderful as you hope. You remind me a lot of my SO in the way of your openness and liberated thinking. lol

Thank you for sharing this with me. All I want is for him to be himself and to feel comfortable within himself. This was very touching and heartwarming and I am so sorry for the loss of your faithful companion. I'm glad though that the two of you found each other and could enjoy the experience together. I can only hope I spend the next 25 years making my bf as happy as she clearly made you.

And yes, I am very well taken care of too. He is wonderful and thoughtful and I know how much he loves me. No matter what happens, nothing can erase that. He has my full support.

[MysticLady]

Everyone here is so nice. I am overwhelmed with gratuity; I feel so lucky to be apart of something so special.

.............................Ahh, do you have a sister?

[docrobbysherry]

Hello Sarah

Forgive me, for I am a bit confused. You have a man that you love and a transman also that is your boyfriend? or are we talking about the same person?

I was thrown off, too, Vicky! She first described an earlier FtoM relationship using lots of "him" and "hers". So, when she began discussing her current SO using those same terms, my head began swimming!

I understand she is dating a MtoF trans dresser now!