Back together?

[Annette Todd]

I had to call and speak with my wife today. This is something I have not done in almost a year. She contacted my employer to ask them to message me to call. (family emergency)
So ok I called. The emergency was rent was due and she had no money. hmmm "What about the support money?", I asked. Garnished by the court. All of it. So, I sacrificed to help.

So you may ask why I am sharing this? During the conversation she said she wanted to get back together, have me find a local job (I drive a truck for those that don't know me). She said that I would have to stop all of the "crazy stuff". She mentioned polished nails specifically and she knows I have let my hair grow. I told her I am who I am and besides what is the issue with polished nails? I guess my son mentioned my nails were polished the last time I saw him. The answer she gave was she married a man. hmmmm the plumbing hasn't changed.

I basically cut all ties because she has always used me as a wallet and destroyed the relationship and any feelings I had left by harassing me by sending thousands (no exaggeration) of text messages basically telling me how worthless I am and calling me every vile name she could come up with.

I wonder if I am really spineless if I go back. I can't say I have any attraction to her anymore nor any desire to share the same roof again. I admit it would be nice to have a more normal life than the nomadic life of an over the road trucker. But I can't really say that would be the life I would want.

She is disabled and has a guardian ad litem (court appointed representative). Therefore, it's most likely one of us has to die before the other is single. The thought has crossed my mind to make her the single one.

I would appreciate any thoughts or insights any of you may wish to contribute.

Drink heavily,

Annette

[Cynthia Anne]

Sounds like a train wreck to me! Life is full of choices that we all have to live and die for! Choose carefully!

[Leona]

Don't. Go. Back.

Think of it like a 12 step program and take it one day at a time. You've survived a year without her, don't throw away the progress you've made in that year.

There are support groups for divorces around. I joined one here in Austin during my first divorce.

[Genny B]

I would have to have a serious heart to heart talk with her of what she expects and what you expect and see if the road can be ridden on together. I take marriage vows very serious, but I also know that you don't have to live together to fill those vows. Just something to think about. Best of luck !

[RADER]

I would put the truck in gear, and petal to the mettle.
My EX took me to cord 5 times in then first 18 months of out divorce.
She always wanted more this and that. I would mail her checks, and she would lose them.
After while, the Cort started to take over. they would cash the check, and take out 3%
for a handling fee, thens send her the rest. Well she would forget to cash them or lose them,
and she would take me to Cort for the missing support money. But I had paid it, had all the
canceled checks. The Court charged her $ 1200.00 in court cost and she did not get a dime.
So run for the hills, change your phone number, and hide.
Let her relatives bail her out.
Rader

[MissTee]

Forget her. Forever. I'd get an inflatable partner long before I'd even think about going back in to that.

[ronny0]

Why does the name sugar daddy jump to my mind.
Move on, forget about her, once she has some $$ she will kick your aws out.

[Annette Todd]

a little clarification...
I have been on the road 8 years. Home time was not very often, typically about 20 days per year. I have not been "home" in 2 years. The last time there was any intimacy is almost 3.

That train wrecked a long time ago. But, since we a still legally married this year will be our 23rd.

I am not giving up what I now consider the normal me. Most of my clothes are now women's albeit jeans and various tops. I don't have much drab left except shirts for camouflage. I don't walk into the truck stops with just a cami or racer back.

[lingerieLiz]

You have a son. I'm guessing that you want to do the best for him. I don't see the advantage of going back to her, but you need to think about him. I've seen guys walk away from their children, but I've seen the heart ache they suffered.

I can't give you advice not can anyone on this site. You need to talk to some professionals about what needs to be done.

[Christinedreamer]

She has PROVEN to you repeatedly what type of woman she is. You learned a valuable lesson; don't throw that away. Steer clear and let her relatives deal with her.

[Annette Todd]

Thanks for the replys so far. I have been better off without the stress.

Living under a roof would be so much nicer than on 10 wheels. I am getting pretty boring to talk to. I keep having the same conversations all of the time with me. Lol

My son is 21 and needs to find his own path.

[Jason+]

My son is 21 and needs to find his own path.

Annette,

He is old enough then to see things as they really are. Being who you are is pretty important, and he will have to accept or reject that as he sees fit. Give him all the help and attention he needs or wants to help make that decision. Marriage vows only work if both people are willing to honor them and that should mean more than calling when the bill collectors are at the door or to remind you how little she thinks of you. Unless the disability you mention is mental then I don't see any ground for accepting that treatment from her.

[AmyGaleRT]

All right, Annette, I'll express my advice in the imperative. Run, do not walk, away from this woman. Her offer to "get back together" has TRAP written all over it. The feminine part of yourself is something you can't just give up. You can try, but you'll only succeed in making yourself miserable. Your son is a legal adult and doesn't figure into the situation between you and your--I hesitate to use the word "wife" because she doesn't act like one even though the relationship may still be "on the books" legally. (There must be some procedure you can follow to remedy that...)

If you want to settle down, I suggest establishing yourself in some area far, far away from her. You don't deserve the grief. No one does.

Ultimately, Liz is right, too; you need specific, legal (and other) advice, far more than a bunch of T-girls on a Web site can give you. Seek it out.

I wish you the best of luck, sister.

- Amy

[MysticLady]

So you may ask why I am sharing this? During the conversation she said she wanted to get back together, have me find a local job (I drive a truck for those that don't know me). She said that I would have to stop all of the "crazy stuff".

She still demands while asking you to help her. She's quite the character.

I basically cut all ties because she has always used me as a wallet and destroyed the relationship and any feelings I had left by harassing me by sending thousands (no exaggeration) of text messages basically telling me how worthless I am and calling me every vile name she could come up with.

Completely immature and childish. Wants you to hurt because she hurts. Did anyone ever tell her how love is supposed to work?

She is disabled and has a guardian ad litem (court appointed representative). Therefore, it's most likely one of us has to die before the other is single. The thought has crossed my mind to make her the single one.

I suspect that you are still in love w/ her, just got tired of the BS and Drama.
I know the feeling all too well.

a little clarification...
I have been on the road 8 years. Home time was not very often, typically about 20 days per year. I have not been "home" in 2 years. The last time there was any intimacy is almost 3.

OTR is very tiresome and lonely. I understand your feelings on the matter. Too bad the wife is how she is, if not, she may be w/ you on the road but, not until she learns to behave!

I am not giving up what I now consider the normal me.

Good. You're in a position to set this straight w/ her. Tell her your expectations and you will not accept any less of her. Plus, tell her, silence is Golden. and do as I say, period.

[Jenniferathome]

I basically cut all ties because she has always used me as a wallet and destroyed the relationship and any feelings I had left by harassing me by sending thousands (no exaggeration) of text messages basically telling me how worthless I am and calling me every vile name she could come up with.

... I can't say I have any attraction to her anymore nor any desire to share the same roof again. ..

Why would you get beck together? You wrote it all. How is this even a consideration? What am i missing here?

[AllieSF]

I don't understand why you just don't divorce her? Can you clarify that. I agree with others that she is probably trying to get you back for your financial support. Keep away from that and seek that legal advice. The pain and frustrations of the divorce process will be nothing compared to what you may suffer trying to be nice to her. Good luck and please make the right decision for you.

[BOBBI G.]

I think you already know the answer. You told her I am what I am after hearing her demands. You have to be happy with yourself first, and there is no way I can see that happening if you go back to her. That's just a train wreck waiting to happen, again. At you own you could come off the road, but only at your own time. Sorry, I got the tee shirt hanging in my closet. If you feel obligated to help out on occasion, fine, but don't allow it to become a habit. It could be used in the courts to increase support payments if she chooses. Just my thoughts.

Bobbi

[candydawn75]

I basically cut all ties because she has always used me as a wallet and destroyed the relationship and any feelings I had left by harassing me by sending thousands (no exaggeration) of text messages basically telling me how worthless I am and calling me every vile name she could come up with.

In this sentence you know your answer. I know divorce can be hard (been there done that in a similar situation), but if the first time you heard from her in a year that was in anyway cordial, this is all you will ever be.

[Kalista Jameson]

Hi Annette,

Given what you have shared, you'd be insane to go back under those conditions. If she is as you say, keep those ties cut altogether. She is a grown woman. Let her finances be her own issue. You have a right to rebuild and be free of all that mess. I personally would not touch it with a ten foot pole. She comes to you with all that and then tells you to redefine your life for her. No way.

Good luck,

Kalista

[Jill Devine]

...The emergency was rent was due and she had no money....
...I basically cut all ties because she has always used me as a wallet...

She is still using you! Wake up and smell the coffee. You are being too kind and too caring - she knows it and will use you over and over.

[kimdl93]

Sure she wants your wallet back...it seems she can't manage on her own. But you are meeting your obligation to the children through support and she has the court appointed representative to help manage her affairs. Stay the heck out of that mess and do not for one moment let her attempt to manipulate your life again.

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Annette, Do you really think that she will change, I think not.

[Tina B.]

She needs you, but only on her terms, so what's in it for you, a house? Sorry, I would rather live in a cardboard box, rather than give up who I am, and you have a nice rig to live in. Talking to yourself still beats sitting and listening to someone berate you for who you are all the time.
But she needs you. so what you going to do, live you life, or hers.

[Dawn cd]

When given a choice between two options, choose the third! Returning home is not realistic (unless, of course, your SO stops her own "crazy stuff"). But living out of a truck is not realistic either. Isn't it time you started to create a new home for yourself?

[Sabrina133]

Annette, why, given the relationship you've just described, would you possibly go back to her especially under the terms she set - "to stop all the crazy stuff"?