how did you let your significant other know you cross dress?

[mrsjbperry]

When my husband first told me he crossed dressed he was over seas for the military. That was over skype. It scared me so bad cause I thought he was going to leave me. That was 3 years ago. I now know that he is not going to ever leave me. But the thought was there for a long time. He and I have tslked many times about it. He has told me everytime that he u s not going to leave me and that he does not love me any less. I know that this has made us stronger as a married couple. He does not hide it from at all. In fact he loves it when I pick out his clothes and do his makeup. Well I gurss what I was to know is that: is your other half okay with your cross dressing or do they not want you to do it at all?

[sarahcsc]

Hi Mrs Perry!

Welcome to the forum! I think you'd find a lot of people with similar experience although I think breaking the news over skype is probably not the best idea. >_< But I'm glad it worked out well for the both of you... I came out to my ex girlfriend a while ago and now she's my EXGF. lol. Everybody takes it differently I suppose.

[AmyGaleRT]

First of all, Mrs. JB, extra-special HUGS for you, for being an accepting and supportive wife.

Last October, my fiancee Sabrina and I faced a scare: we thought we'd have to shoulder a huge expense in medical care for her (for insulin, she's diabetic) unless we got married almost at once. But I knew I would need to tell her before we got married, I just hadn't worked up the courage to do it. So, haltingly, I began to tell her, or, as she puts it, she began to drag it out of me. Once I'd revealed the fact of my dressing, her response was, "So?" She honestly didn't have a problem with it. Everything spilled out of me at that point: my history, my femme name, all of it. She didn't flinch, and, in fact, the only thing that might have upset her even a teeny bit was that I hadn't told her sooner.

Ultimately, I said, "About the only other thing I could do at this point is dress for you." She said, "Only if you wanna." So I found the clothes I had there, concealed in a closet, and proceeded to dress as Amy, including dress, shoes, jewelry, and hairstyle, but no makeup. I walked into the bedroom, and the first thing she said was, "I'm jealous, you look more feminine than I do!" This turned into a "fashion show" of sorts, as I ducked back into the bathroom several times to change clothes, shoes, and jewelry, demonstrating various looks. When I gave her her shot that night, she was in her tank top and shorts made by cutting off jogging pants, and I was wearing a purple dress and ballet slippers. I thought, "Hmm...role reversal much?"

Sabrina is always the first to get a look at Amy after she emerges from the transformation process. Generally, she expresses her approval. She and I have also gone out together on several occasions. And she and I got something special for our respective birthdays, not long after the "coming out" event...matching dresses from HolyClothing, hers in red, mine in pink. She likes me better in pink.

Oh, and the medical issue? Turned out to be not as big a problem as I thought, after I learned that the price of $250 was not for one insulin pen, but five of them. So it was ultimately a false alarm...but without that scare, I wouldn't have made the great leap forward that I did.

- Amy

[Ellie52]

mrsjbperry - I am one of the lucky few. I secretly xdressed for many years but the older I got the more I wanted it out in the open (between my wife and I ONLY). One day (2 years ago) she was away overnight with work and my son was out with his girlfriend (see were not all gay) so I decided to wear one of her skirts. I ended up putting it back incorrectly oin the wardrobe and she noticed. She initially thought my sons GF had been in our bedroom and it was forgottenj by her. I debated all day and when I came home I said Ive got something to tell you and I was shaking all over. She thought I was leaving her because I had been moody for ages (the age thing again) So I said "it was me" and she said what was ? and so I told her I had been wearing her clothes and she then turned round and hugged me and called me 'her sweet transvestite" we both like the rock horror movie. So I wont say its been easy but she has been fantastic and lately she does everything she can to keep Eloise happy. (see birthday in hotel thread). She evenj buys me clothes, shoes and makeup and jewelry. I am so lucky to have her and I let her know every chance I get. She was one who suggested Eloise (she used to call me Griselda). I sincerly hope everything works out for you both as you seem a perfect loving wife. Well done for coming on here and asking this question.. Ellie

[Lux]

Hmmm, to answer your question I told my gf (now my wife) within 2 months of dating. After many years of denial I had finally come to accept myself in my early 30's. After that, I realized I couldn't deny who I was and therefore definitely couldn't live with someone that couldn't accept me completely. Best decision ever

She took it well but not before going to Amazon and ordering multiple books on CDing to fully understand (not to mention this website!). I answered all her questions truthfully. I will always be amazed by her willingness to understand, support and love me.

[jennCD]

I told my wife back in 2007 just around our 10th anniversary. Of course there were awkward times while she came to terms with this "surprise" that she never expected but after a few bumps, life settled back to normal. I'm sure the fact that I no longer actively dress has helped but then again, it was never a part of my life that I actually shared with her even after I told her.

Nothing is different for us. Any fears she initially had have dissipated and we've both learned to accept the fact that this aspect of me isn't a dealbreaker in our relationship. Heck, there are plenty of other more important things to worry about than being me!


jenn

[PaulaQ]

Hi Mrs. Perry - I've spoken with your spouse a time or two on this forum. I am so glad you are here. I am glad this worked out for you both, and I am sure he was terrified of telling you, even over skype. You are wonderful to be so accepting.

I worked on a talk for my wife for a couple of weeks before I told her. I think it's fairly eloquent - at least two women I tested it on cried after hearing it. I'm good with words, and I laid it all on the line. (I can post it or PM it if anyone is interested. I didn't post it at the time, because I felt it was too personal.) I told her on April 6 of this year, and sat her down, and said "honey, I have something important to tell you..."

None of my eloquence made any difference though, and next month, four months later, I'll be moving out, and we'll be divorced before the end of the year. I wrote a couple of threads about it all. You can read them, or not. Doesn't really matter. We're finished. I tried. I knew I'd fail, but I tried. But fail, I did. Didn't matter how I said it - ultimately, it's what I said.

[Rachelakld]

Hi Mrs Perry,
While in the start of my dating, I mentioned I have a slight fascination for womens clothes, and since she didn't run, I invited her to see my collection.
Well a couple of years later, we married.
We have only been out twice in girl mode together, but she lets me dress nicely and sends me out for a few hours at weekends, sometimes with a grocery list, other times to hang out with another CD gf.
My daughters tend to wear a lot of my stuff and steal my makeup but they also advise on current fashion.

[candydawn75]

My situation was very different. My wife suggested it as bedroom fun one night and grew from there. So she like you helps me with it and is 100% ok.

However you do sound a lot like her in the fact or worrying about me leaving her. We are in the process of moving and is a stressful time for the whole family. I can't speak for him but as for me the CD has made a tighter bond between us if that is possible. It really has enhanced our relationship.

The way and where he came out to you makes me think it helps calm him. I know if I am having a bad day or really stressed dressing helps calm me, why I have no idea but it does. So you may ask him if it does him as well.

Enjoy it with him and good luck!!

[Jana]

I told her I needed to talk to her and spilled the beans. The conversation went okay; she had questions, some right then, some later. She knew close to nothing about gender dysphoria, transsexualism, etc. At first, she seemed open and understanding; then it changed to rejection and lack of understanding. She voiced her dissatisfaction over me hiding this from her. She voiced her concern for our relationship in case I decided to seek transition. Over time, she's come to understand more and thence accept more. However, everything belonging to my female persona stays in the conceptual plane. In real life, she's neither seen me dressed nor expresses any desire to.

Anyway, welcome to the forum!

[kimdl93]

Welcome mrsjbperry. What an introduction to your husbands CDing! But I'm glad he found the resolve to come out, even though it was over Skype. And I'm glad for both of you that this has strengthened your marriage.

I told my wife before we were engaged. She was surprisingly accepting...i guess she liked me enough to overlook this little idiosyncrasy. At least I told her what I understood at that time...before I ever imagined I could dress completely and not be hideous. As I've grown, she's been right there with me and after nearly fourteen years we are happier than ever. I do whatever I can to keep it that way.

[Tina B.]

Didn't get up the nerve to tell my wife until after we had been married for 5 years, I hadn't dressed in years and thought that part of my live was over, but when the need came back and I and to deal with how I felt, I figured why spend you live in a lie. We had been having trouble in the marriage, with out her knowing it, it was mostly caused of my feeling of depression and resentment from not feeling like I could be me.
She had gone home to momma, and we had gotten together to decide the where we where going to go from there. When the talk came to getting back together, and trying again, I knew it would be a waste of time unless I came clean, so I told her everything. That afternoon, she moved back home, and we went shopping that eveing, and bought me two complete outfits, and everything eles I needed. That night she saw me dressed for the first time, that was 37 years ago, and our marriage has been wonderful ever after.

[Sabrina133]

Hi Mrs Perry, welcome to the forum. For me, things were easy. I met my SO when I was attending a party at my cousin's house. I was in girl mode at the time.

[reb.femme]

Very easily actually! I put on her nightie and dressing gown and let her find me in the kitchen.

Truth is, I got busted wearing this little lot in the kitchen when she came home from work early. A good ice breaker so to speak.

She took it well really, but whilst supportive in so many areas, she isn't 100% in favour. Likes the man she married etc. which is quite understandable.

Reb

[Sandra]

Hope you don't mind a GG replying

I was told 6 months after we got married. We was joking about dressing and Nigella told me she liked to wear womens clothing.... What neither of us knew then was that Nigella was in denial about being a transexual....that was nearly 26 years ago, so yeah we're still together and she is having surgery in the near future.

[Ina Girdle]

Hi Mrs Perry,

I am a 50+ yr old man who has been a life-long closeted cross dresser. I started at six years old and was hooked from then on. I just recently found this and other internet communities where I discovered that I was far from alone and hearing the sage advice of people here, I was able to gather the courage to share my big secret with my wife of 12 years. I had allot of guilt because I did not tell her before we married, but like many here I assumed that I could stop cross dressing and suppress those desires forever after getting married. But as allot of us here have found out, the desire to CD always comes back at some point in time. I had purged before our marriage and went without a wardrobe until now, but it was always on my mind.

I picked a quiet time when we had time to talk and had a heart to heart discussion and I tried my best to answer all her questions and concerns;
A.) I am not gay!!,
B.) I do not want to become a woman.
C.) I love HER very, very much and desire her only!
D.) I had NO plans to ever leave her!

And now it is going very well, she has encouraged me to buy some lovely things and is working on her comfort level with me being “en femme” at times.

I have no illusions of ever being able to pass in public, and I have no desire to at this point. I think that the vast majority of male cross dressers yearn for our wives or girlfriends to accept who we are,(we are in fact exactly the SAME men that they married and have been all along, our partners just did not know we like to cross dress). I also need to make sure she gets lots of MAN time from me on a regular basis. Life is all about balance!! This is not a choice for most of us. I just want to be able to be who I really am with my loving wife.

I can not imagine how hard it is being separated from your husband as you & he served your country. It warms my heart to hear how accepting and loving you are and I wish you both a lifetime of happiness!! Thanks for sharing your story, it gives us all strength!

Ina

[UNDERDRESSER]

I told her before we actually started "dating"

It was a tricky situation, we work together, both love the place, I didn't want to screw it up for either of us, so took her out to dinner and said "here's how it is " (This bit was just about the problems that might come up if we dated) At that time, she wasn't looking for a relationship, but "Would think about it" It took about 6 weeks before she took me home one night, and somewhere about week 4, as it was starting to look serious, I realized that it couldn't work without full disclosure. So I blurted it out. Total acceptance. "Oh cool!" and then there was the slightly surreal experience of the conversation carrying on, with the added subject of underwear choices.

[stephNE]

When I started dating my wife, on about our second date, I asked her if she would like to help me with a fantasy. She said "sure, what is it?" I told her I would like to try on some of her clothes, and she went to her bedroom, and started pulling out things that I could fit into. That was 34 years ago and we are still married.

[Princess Grandpa]

OMG there are so many beautiful stories of happily ever after!

I thought Julie's acceptance and participation would be exceptionally rare. While its true there are many more wives who won't tolerate let alone participate, there are lots of stories of the opposing reaction as well and that's a wonderful surprise!

Hug
Rita

[marlenesexton]

I told my wife before we were married and either before or just after she moved in with me. I just asked if she wanted to see something, went and climbed into a pair of pantyhose and a bra. She didn't freak. She had the usual concerns (gay, trans, etc.) but she was accepting. Today, she is not only accepting but supportive. I'm not an extremely serious CD but I think if we didn't have teenagers I'd do it more and she will be a part of that. When I told her I wanted to finally go out in public, she was like, "About time."

It's good your supportive. It can be scary and it would be nice if all CDs would tell their SOs right up front but it's scary for a lot of CDs too. I don't blame the ones that keep it a secret. But I think most women who truly love their husbands and are loved in return can at least accept if not support.

[Michelle 2]

At that point in time when I realized that my spouse and I had started to talk about becoming engaged. We both knew we had found our true partner in life. I believe there should be no lies or secrets when you are about to change both your lives hopefully for the better. I sat my future bride down for an informative chat and expressed to her that I had been crossdressing from a very young age. I wanted her to know honestly up front all of me and what was in store for her. I have found that being honest with the one you love is really the best policy all around.

For 28 years we have experienced a fantastic marriage where many of our friends have failed. A big part of this success is because we always support and respect and are truthful with each other. After all these years together and life experiences it is really nice to know that you can except others for not being perfect. BTW I have not meet a perfect person yet only some who think they are.

[BLUE ORCHID]

Almost 50 years ago after we were married I asked if I could wear her bra and panties.

[Robin777]

I told her after we were married. I hinted at it after we were engaged. After we were married I started dressing up in some of her nightgowns. I do remember when we went out and purchased my first matching bra and panties. It's been almost 34 yrs since we were married,so my memory is a little fuzzy on exactly how I told her. I know it was rocky at first, but I think I asked her do you love me? I know she said Yes. I believe I said this has been a part of me for a long time.I think I told her how I started dressing, how I felt when I dressed,why I had to dress. I told her if you do love me you need to accept me as I am because it is a part of me. She then started coming around. After I got a dress or two, I know she started enjoying seeing me dressed. Now it is nothing for the two of us to go clothes shopping and buying things for me to wear.

[jackie_p]

Mrs Perry:

My story is similar to Ina in that I was married for 26 years before I told her of my lifelong obsession. After a few weeks of talking and questions, and several marriage counselor sessions, she came to the conclusion that I'm still that same person I have always been. We have been in a DADT scenario for theist three years. She is fine with me as I am, she just doesn't want to participate. I just described in another thread that she just gave me two pairs of her old shoes rather than donate them, much to my delight. I'm hopeful that DADT will slowly migrate to moderate openness. Probably she won't ever help me, but just being open and able to talk about it is very helpful.

Your openness and willingness to support your spouse is special and shows that you are a special person indeed.

Hugs
Jackie

[MissTee]

Mrs Perry,
Welcome to the forum. My story: dressed in secret since I was old enough to remember. Never came up before we were married. After we had been married about a year, one night wife asked me to wear one of her night gowns to bed. Been dressing since. I don't think either of us ever "told" or even discussed. It just happened and we've been blissfully enjoying each other for 35 years. Best wishes, sweety.