Going out tonight...but really need this answered :)

[amy96]

So I'm going out tonight and really excited but nervous. The place is in St Paul, the Townhouse. Friendly to CDers....

Which bathroom do I use? I will be completely dressed...

[Jolene Robertson]

Hi Amy
Use the womens from most of what I've read.
Have fun:-)

[Jorja]

Let's think about this for a moment.......

What are you fully dressed as? Man or Woman?

I think you can take it from there.

[I Am Paula]

The worst that can happen in the ladies is getting yelled at. In the men's you could come to harm. Besides, the ladies room is where we belong.

[Hannah Gotta]

I am at the Townhouse all the time and use the ladies room.
We should meet up sometime!

Love, Hannah

[DebbieL]

When fully presenting as a woman, (rather than gender-queer), it's safest to use the women's if at all possible. If you are passing prior to using the restroom, then using the men's room could make you a target the second you come out of the men's room. You could be a target for anything from some rude cat-calls to acts of violence, even murder, depending on who sees you leaving the men's room.

When using the ladies' room, there are some standard rules of etiquette, as well as certain laws that you must be aware of. First of all, you are only there to do you business, wash your hands, and get out. Do NOT check out women's outfits, do NOT speak unless spoken to, do NOT touch ANYONE. While in the stall, keep the door shut, remain seated at all times. Don't use more toilet paper than necessary, and if you tend to leak as you stand up, hold 4-5 squares over the potential leak, and wipe anything that does dribble immediately. You should always leave the stall better than you left it. If there are bits of paper on the floor, pick them up and put them where they belong, and don't forget to flush - regardless of what you did. If you make seat covers, make sure you flush them as well.

When washing your hands, don't spend a lot of time looking in the mirror, just wash and move on. This is not the place to do make-up or try and share beauty tips. Dry your hands quickly as well, paper towels if they have them, and minimal drying if blowers are used.

If there is a line in the ladies room, such as during an intermission at a theater or concert or sporting event, do your best to come early or wait until later, after the line is no longer visible.

If you are with another woman at the club, then you may want to go together. You can talk to each other, using your femme voice, but no one else.

There are often laws which protect Transgenders from being denied accommodations such as rest rooms, but there are also laws which prohibit "peeping", lewd remarks, and interactions with minors while in the restroom. Breaking any of these laws can result in prosecution and possibly being labeled a "sex offender" (highly unlikely conviction, but you don't want the legal hassles). If you are clocked, you may hear some woman say "Guy in the restroom", which is just a warning to the other women to make sure they come out of the stall fully dressed if being seen by a guy would upset them.

Women are often aware that you are vulnerable in the situation are sensitive to that vulnerability. I've only been openly confronted once, at a Denny's, by someone I knew, in Colorado Springs Colorado, in 1988. Colorado Springs is where "Focus on the Family" headquarters is located, along with 5-7 military bases (depending on how you count classified locations), and since she made it a public issue, I was told, in that restaurant, to use the men's room.

Do your best to pass and to blend. Coming in looking like a drag queen, too sexy and too over the top for the situation attracts attention. I've been to a few transgender gatherings in hotels where the hotel had provided a special bathroom just to make sure there were no problems, and religious fanatics, hoping to get us kicked out, claimed that several of us had used the ladies' room in the lobby of the hotel.

Since you aren't going to a church, and you aren't in the Bible Belt, you shouldn't have too many problems. More and more large companies have "Diversity Programs" which include same instructions on the LGBT community, including such things as using proper pronouns based on presentation.

The question is an important one, and is probably one of the biggest issues we still face. There have been times when I have been out, blended it, completely unnoticed, and yet, when I went to the restroom, someone studied me well enough to see that I was still male (sorta), and I hear "guy in the restroom" called out. They didn't ask me to leave, but there were some angry looks, though some of the glares went to the wrong person.

If you are asked to leave, it's not a good idea to argue. If possible, see if you can find another restroom in another area, or even a "family" or "handicapped" restroom which can be used by families with small children or people who have been clocked as transgender.

Since the club is "Friendly to CDers", you should have no trouble using the ladies' room at the club, so long as you don't start behaving like a man.

[Jorja]

Gee, thank MOM!

[Princess Grandpa]

This really makes me stop and think. I only go to a local lgbt welcoming club en femme. /giggle I'm new at this I don't come close to passing. I use the men's room. Because I am CD rather than TS, I don't really believe I belong in the ladies room. I would hate to think I was making some GG uncomfortable. The safety issue never really occurred to me. Something I will have to consider more before I begin going out in public.

Hug
Rita

[Jenny CD]

If it's a CD friendly club, use the ladies room. No big deal. If it's as you say, the ladies room has been used by hundreds of CD'rs and most likely the patrons know. Like I said, no big deal. For the longest time I used to scare myself out of going out as Jenny. But, the more I go out, the more I realize people in general really don't care. Go out, have fun! Enjoy being you!!! Who cares what other people think... As long as you're not breaking any laws, your good.

[AllieSF]

I agree with you Jorja.

Sorry Debbie, your personal rules of etiquette are a little too stiff and unreasonable for me. I agree that knowing and following the local laws always helps. However, when nature calls, I use the restroom. When dressed as a woman, I use the ladies' room with any hesitation. If I am at a theater dressed, which I am a lot, seeing 10 plays a year and a few ballets thrown in for good measure, I use the ladies' room. If I am lucky and can get there ahead of the crowd, so much the better. Normally that is not the case. I just wait in line like all the other ladies and then do my thing. I talk to people waiting in line. If I need to use the mirror to comb my hair or reapply my lipstick, I take the time needed to do just that.

How someone dresses is their decision, not mine nor yours. Refer back to an earlier statement of mine, "When nature calls ....". If we are in a bar, why not talk to someone in the restroom if the situation arises? I do it all the time and they are not fooled by how I dress. It is no different than when using the men's room. I am not ashamed of who I am nor how I present. If someone is upset by that, it is their problem not mine. I refuse to sneak around and avoid contact with other humans. Actually, that is one of my most favorite things to do, and I have never had problems doing just that every time I am out, which is 1-3 times a week. Using my femme voice is fine when it works. That does not stop me from talking to whomever I want to when it is not working. I am me and can only do so much, and I refuse to have that high falsetto voice so many men have when trying to talk like a woman. Why should I limit that?

[jsunic_1978]

JUST DON'T DON'T DON'T.., smile at other women, check out there outfits, look at them like MMMM SHES A HOTTIE.. ETC ETC .this behavior stops as soon as we leave our front doors! cause we never know if if that pretty hottie we were eveing at the gas station and just so happens to notice us at walmart as were entering the restroom to use. get my drift? long as we behave as woman as soon as we step out and dont have to use the restroom. most women can read that we are dressers, even if we pass OK there also understanding we are SAFER just mind our own at ALLTIMES well be ok.

[amy96]

This was great advice -- thank you everybody! And Hannah, you were right it's definitely acceptable at the Townhouse to use the ladies room. (I almost felt like it was encouraged). I did like everybody's advice about going in, doing business, wash and leave. No staring or chatting. Thanks again everybody !!

[Jorja]

I am sorry if I was a smarta$$ with my previous reply to this thread. It is just that I could see my mother standing there in front of me as I read DebbieL's post. Actually, she gave a very good account of restroom etiquette for the transgendered. So read it, take what you need from it, and do your business and get out.

[Beverley Sims]

Jorja,
You are not a smart a$$, a similar thought sprung to my mind as well.

Amy,
for those of us that have answered a few of your type of post, will instantly find something silly to say.
It is not a silly question for you to ask as you have not experienced it yet but to others who think they have been there and done that, a little levity does creep in from time to time.

The answer is use the bathroom that you are comfortable with...., or use the bathroom that you are dressed for.
In other words dressed as a lady, use the girls and just get in and get out as discreetly as you can.

[AmyGaleRT]

I've only been openly confronted once, at a Denny's, by someone I knew, in Colorado Springs Colorado, in 1988. Colorado Springs is where "Focus on the Family" headquarters is located, along with 5-7 military bases (depending on how you count classified locations), and since she made it a public issue, I was told, in that restaurant, to use the men's room.

Thankfully, the situation is better in Colorado since then. As a result of laws passed in 2008, businesses that have gender-separated facilities for the public's use (restrooms, dressing rooms, etc.) are required to make them available to people based on the gender they present as. So, if I'm out as Amy, I am absolutely permitted to use the ladies' room. Of course, Debbie, all your notes on how to behave in there still apply.

One lady I'm friends with on Facebook, Nancy-Jo Morris, is from Colorado Springs and was partly responsible for the lobbying that got those laws passed. I owe her a great debt of thanks.

Note that this is in Colorado only; your laws may differ in other states.

- Amy

[Lorileah]

I use the men's room. Because I am CD rather than TS, I don't really believe I belong in the ladies room.

There isn't a difference in CD and TS as far as restrooms go.

I would hate to think I was making some GG uncomfortable. The safety issue never really occurred to me. Something I will have to consider more before I begin going out in public.

I assume you would use a stall, she would be in another stall...you would not see each other except at the sink. I would worry more about the unaccepting men in the men's room if it were me

[Princess Grandpa]

There isn't a difference in CD and TS as far as restrooms go. I assume you would use a stall, she would be in another stall...you would not see each other except at the sink. I would worry more about the unaccepting men in the men's room if it were me

This is something I hadn't really considered. Something I will need to give a lot of thought to as I work up my courage to go out.

HIG
Rita

[MysticLady]

Which bathroom do I use? I will be completely dressed...

Remember, Be sure to sit, if not, make sure you lock the door. The first time I went out, I forgot to lock the bathroom door and this GG steps in and says "sorry, I'll lock the door" waits for me to finish and then as I'm washing up, she sits and does her thing and I'm like wow, did I just see that? No worries on her part whatsoever. That was...........different, I must say

[Eryn]

Ladies. Go in, do your business, wash hands (universal with GGs) and leave.

[linda allen]

Most often, the advice given is to use the restroom of the gender you are presenting as. Simply put, if you are presenting yourself to the world as a female, you should use the female restroom. In some areas, there may be laws protecting your right to do so, but there may also be laws that would require a person to use the restroom based on his or her actual gender (what's between the legs).

The real difficulty is not with the law so much as with members of the public who may misunderstand your intentions. For example, you may be dressed and presenting as a female, but it's pretty obvious that you are not. You are in the ladies room and a woman comes in, sees you and runs out screaming at the top of her voice "THERE'S A MAN IN THE LADIES ROOM!. Well, you may or may not be protected by local or state laws, but there's a good chance in this situation that her screaming will attract the attention of a couple men who will proceed to go in and drag you out to "protect" this woman. Worse, perhaps is the man who sends his five year old daughter into the ladies restroom and then sees you walking out.

My point is, each situation is different and some thought needs to go into the decision. If at all possible, use a "family" restroom or restrooms that accomodate only one person at a time and can be locked from the inside.

If you're in a "CD friendly" bar, I would say the ladies restroom would be the one to use.

One more point - If you go out as a "man in a dress", that is perhaps a skirt and heels but bald head and a beard, you are not presenting as a female. Use the men's restroom.