CD or Multiple personality or TG or what???????

[Ellie52]

I would like some clarification if you could help me out. I have for the past 40yrs considered myself a crossdresser. By this I mean I wear women s clothes in preference to male. Only recently I have escalated this to wearing a wig and makeup. Am I still a crossdresser or transgendered. As I have stated many times I would like to go out dressed in a skirt heels etc but cannot because of circumstances (wifes against it) and society. I would even go out (if society allowed) without wig and makeup just with the female clothes. To go to the shop wearing a skirt and heels would be fantastic.
Here is the confusion - A lot of you lovely people here express no desire to go out as a male in female clothes but have to Pass totally as a female. Is this still classed as crossdressing or is it some other term?
Recently - since joining this forum, I have become very confused about things that used to be clear to me. I seem to be progressing towards something I dont really understand (or totally want) and its happening very fast. Eloise seems to be fighting to get out, and I dont know how to stop it. I love being Ellie, and I like being me but I am fighting a constant battle with myself.
Am I unusual in this or is it 'normal'.
I think I would like to know where its going to end. Given the chance will Ellie take over or do I live a multiple personality life which is difficult. >>>Thanks Ellies male half.

[Dawn cd]

I think by definition all crossdressers are to some extent transgendered. That doesn't mean they are transexuals, who feel called not merely to wear women's clothes but to BE women.

[betty1253]

Eloise,
I dress because it makes me feel so content. So while your at it you might as present as well as you can.
Also, no matter what you are wearing, isn't Eloise there with you? Do you really have to classify yourself?

[Farrah]

I felt the same way. I honestly thought Farrah was going to take over my life at one point. I only had a feminine mindset, and mostly thought of myself as Farrah even in drab. I remember thinking if I had a split personality. I would like some insight on this subject as well.

[Ineke Vashon]

As to "split personality", perhaps another look at some native Americans description of "Twin Spirits" might give some insight. Or peace.

Ineke

[Jodie_Lynn]

As to "split personality", perhaps another look at some native Americans description of "Twin Spirits" might give some insight. Or peace.

Ineke

I can relate to this. A lot!

I sometimes feel like there really are two spirits in this body, his & mine. Luckily, they play well with each other.

[Veronica27]

The best thing you can do is take the advice of Wildabout and Salerba. You are who you are, and you should not let the opinions of anyone on this forum affect how you think or what you do. The labels do not matter, but your marriage does. It is what is most important in your life in the long run. To me, this forum is a place to discuss, debate and consider crossdressing in a general academic sort of context rather than the specifics of my own situation.

Veronica

[Sandieland]

This is interesting. I've been driven more and more lately to spend more time as Sandie. To push the envelope. And when I do go out I seem to undergo something of a personality change...something I like very much. In some ways Sandie doesn't have all the baggage my male self has...she's new and positive and full of hope. And Sandie is the one who's pushing for my being a better person. And it is a little scary...and confusing. Guess I just have to keep going and see what happens. And maybe that's what you need to do as well Ellie.

[donnalee]

As far as the definitions used by most of those on this site seem to be, "transgendered" applies to all, crossdresser through the various stages of transexuality. I have noticed that those who split themselves into 2 identities seem more likely to be traveling the transexual path.

[ReineD]

Am I still a crossdresser or transgendered.

This is impossible to answer, because everyone has a different definition for "crossdresser" and "transgender". I think that both are catch-all terms that describe a wide spectrum of motives and behaviors.

If you're asking whether or not you have a degree of feminine gender ID when you dress, this is possible. But, this does not mean that you are a transsexual (someone who believes she is a woman born in a male body and who needs to transition).

The spectrum is wide indeed. I'd say that most people who post here on a regular basis have some form of gender fluidity, which means they do not identify purely male like men who have no interest in dressing (or who rather are disgusted with the idea), or transsexuals who identify purely as women.

... and then there are the fetishists who dress purely for sexual reasons and who are not interested in dressing outside of the sexual experience. These CDs generally have strictly a male gender ID, but if they are strict fetishists they likely would not be interested in participating here.

[Kandy Barr]

Elie, I can only tell you how I feel about why i dress. I like what Reine has to say and as a gg she has a unique vantage point and very good insight on us. As for me I am both male and female, and in years past these two have warred with each other. I've never completely identified as a male but for some time fought to do so. This would make me miserable and confused and finally I would dress en femme and feel normal. Generally the next day I would be disgusted and would wonder what was wrong with me. All of this guilt was associated with social norms of which I didn't fit in, so I was different and therefore there must be something wrong with me. Acceptance has been the key for my peace of mind. Once I was able to accept myself then I was able to embrace Kandy and set her free. She is me, I am her, and we all coexist in a male body. Duel personality, no for I am both him and her and I accept that. Once I "found myself" so to speak I've found I prefer to identify with my feminine self and today that's just fine, I'm comfortable as Kandy and john q public s opinion of me doesn't make me any less than the warm hearted and kind person that I am.

[ArleneRaquel]

As I have aged I have found that I need to be known as a woman more and more, I have been a female virtually 24/7 for almost ten years. Now mind you I have never transitioned or (really) considered it, but the need to express my female side and declare to the world who I am has became a great crusade. ELLIE, my thoughts are with you darlin as you progress on your journey-BEST WISHES !

[suzanne]

You are what you are. But you are also in the process of becoming what you will be. No one totally fits into one classification or another, so I find them meaningless except as vague signposts. I used to like to tell myself I enjoyed cross dressing, and there was something of an erotic component, but it's more complicated than that now. I feel like my feminine self is growing fast and may soon be the biggest, best part of me. So where do I fit in now and where am I going? Then my wife, the number two stakeholder in my life, needs to have her feelings considered as well. I need to be girly and she still needs me to be the man she married. A tough balance when I own more dresses than her! So life bumps and lurches along between the pigeonholes.

[Julogden]

This is impossible to answer, because everyone has a different definition for "crossdresser" and "transgender". I think that both are catch-all terms that describe a wide spectrum of motives and behaviors.

If you're asking whether or not you have a degree of feminine gender ID when you dress, this is possible. But, this does not mean that you are a transsexual (someone who believes she is a woman born in a male body and who needs to transition).

The spectrum is wide indeed. I'd say that most people who post here on a regular basis have some form of gender fluidity, which means they do not identify purely male like men who have no interest in dressing (or who rather are disgusted with the idea), or transsexuals who identify purely as women.

... and then there are the fetishists who dress purely for sexual reasons and who are not interested in dressing outside of the sexual experience. These CDs generally have strictly a male gender ID, but if they are strict fetishists they likely would not be interested in participating here.

That sums up my feelings too, well said.

In addition, I think you're going through what many of us with gender identity issues have gone through or will go through. You've suppressed this part of yourself, either consciously or subconsciously, for many years, and once you crack open the door, it all starts flooding out and it can be a surprise even to us.

That's why I feel VERY strongly that anyone dealing with dressing or gender issues should start working things out as soon as is possible in life and it's important to not get involved in a close relationship with anyone, as a spouse/SO will almost always be resistant to us making major changes to who we are. That makes things much more complicated and difficult, and others end up getting hurt more often than not when we can't change who we are and/or where we're going.

Carol

[RebeccaLynne]

Eloise seems to be fighting to get out, and I dont know how to stop it. I love being Ellie, and I like being me but I am fighting a constant battle with myself.

I think I would like to know where its going to end. Given the chance will Ellie take over or do I live a multiple personality life which is difficult. >>>Thanks Ellies male half.

Your dilemma is valid. Living as the male you were born, or the female you feel you are. There are no easy answers to your questions.

TBS, you can move fluidly from one to the other, if you're able to compartmentalize. Separate the two. Do the "guy" as required, and enjoy the "girl" whenever you get the opportunity.

I can only speak as to what works for me. Five days a week, I go to work as a male to earn a paycheck. I look forward to getting home and enjoying my evening en femme.

On my days off, I generally spend all my time crossdressed, blissfully content.

To sum it up, I actually spend a lot more time in my preferred gender expression (female) than in my assigned gender (male).

I'd say it's a choice to achieve a sort of balance in life... do what you must to make a living, and reap the rewards by enjoying life.

I think you can have it both ways!

[Marcelle]

Hi Ellie,

I can only echo what some have said, you need to take time to discover who you are. While there is a lot of advice on the forum, it is only that . . . advice. Each of us have found our way (or are finding our way) and what works for some may not work for others. Don't feel pressured to come out, dress up or do things which you don't feel comfortable with.

As to the CD/TG/TS debate, I don't think we (the collective) will ever agree on a definition. Personally, I don't like labels as they hinder more than help. It is like we have a need to fall into a group and once you are there, you can't go back. Although I do like Reine's term "gender fluidity" as it leaves it open and not so restrictive.

As far as multiple personalities go, I would not be worried about that. There are very few actual documented cases of multiple personalities and unless you are waking up with chunks of time missing from your memory, you are fine. You are just wrestling with two halves of your personality (feminine and masculine).

If you have a good open dialogue with your wife on this subject, talk to her. She is closest to you and will be able to help you better than all the advice on this site can ever hope to do.

Hugs

Isha

[Tina_gm]

The way it was described to me by a gender therapist (and which I accept as the definition personally) is that Transgender is a basic term for any expression or feeling that represents the opposite gender in which you are born. Cross dressing is the most common form of expression. Of course there are perhaps times where a person may cross dress due to purely entertainment reasons, or on a dare, losing a bet etc etc. And they get no personal satisfaction from it. Other than that, anyone who expresses themselves in a way opposite of what would be the "normal" gender expression and or thought or feeling would fit the category of TG.

I definitely feel that I fit the category of a transgender person. What I do to express my inner femininity is cross dressing, shaving my legs, underarms, hands and slightly grow my nails longer than "average" for males. Anyone though who does not consider themselves TG, I personally do not care. It works for me.

[sometimes_miss]

All I can say about this is, stop trying to define yourself as one thing, ignore that the world wants to put you into a box and put a label on you. One day you might feel mostly guy, the next, mostly girl. Don't try to define yourself as one thing. Be all of them, whenever you want to. It's something I could never get my ex wife to accept, that I was her normal male husband nearly all of the time, and only occasionally drifted into the female side. Remember, however, that nearly all women want their man to be male, and only male, 100% of the time. They reserve the gender fluidity for themselves.

[Frédérique]

I would like some clarification if you could help me out. I have for the past 40yrs considered myself a crossdresser. By this I mean I wear women s clothes in preference to male. Only recently I have escalated this to wearing a wig and makeup. Am I still a crossdresser or transgendered.

I don’t see how putting on a wig and makeup suddenly “makes” you transgender(ed). Haven’t you simply put on a wig and makeup? I mean, when I first did that I had no such TG thoughts…

Recently - since joining this forum, I have become very confused about things that used to be clear to me. I seem to be progressing towards something I dont really understand (or totally want) and its happening very fast. Eloise seems to be fighting to get out, and I dont know how to stop it. I love being Ellie, and I like being me but I am fighting a constant battle with myself.

Maybe you just have an alter ego – have you ever tried to “see” it that way? This forum seems to be in the business of confusing people, or maybe it highlights, or magnifies, any confusion that the crossdresser may feel. IMHO, you don’t have to be one thing or another, instead you can just crossdress to your heart’s content, and contemplate what it might mean, or not. It’s up to you. You’re in a confusing space anyway as a crossdresser, meaning there are no clear answers; indeed looking for answers will just paint your “self” into a corner. You’re not alone in your confusion, believe me…

Since joining this forum I’ve become LESS confused about a lot of things. Go figure. Any "battle" with myself was a mercifully brief (and uneventful) skirmish...

[Emogene]

CD or Multiple personality, who knows! My SO has commented that I act different, walk different, talk different, think different, have different mannerisms when Emo is present (she shows up when she wants too, it doesn't seem to be an on call type of relationship).

The most recent manifestation was being told that I, the manly man that I am, giggled, following a covetous comment about some absolutely scrumptious pink knee high socks.

If you figure out how it will play out, let me know! Heavy sigh!

My male side is still shaking his head in shock and awe, the last couple years have been very interesting to say the least.

[Wildaboutheels]

...or what???

I would say unduly influenced because of your participation here. I would be more concerned about that than what is the " correct" label for you. You DON'T need a label and having one won't make your life any easier in any way will it?

You seem to be concerned that only recently did you escalate to wearing wigs and makeup. [Probably after coming to this site?] You then go on to say "I would even go out (if society allowed) without wig and makeup just with the female clothes". Well THERE you have it, in a nutshell. You don't really want or need all the "aggravation" of trying to "pass" as a female which IS OK, contrary to the opinions of many Forum Dinos. It is not against any laws that I am aware of and nobody has any right to decide just what is right to wear in public or just what constitutes good taste.

While you CAN blame your wife for not being able to go out "dressed" in any manor you like, DON'T blame Society. Society has no problem with it at all. Surely you don't think ALL the "bad" CDers at this site have any reason to lie about CDing out in the RW do you? What purpose would it serve?

Just because many here claim "the pink fog" is inevitable and or at some point you will likely ponder transition, and that if your wife loves you, she must accept, and that we shouldn't go out in public unless...

Little wonder you might be confused.

You need to find your own path and come to some kind of agreement with your wife. If you are worried it's going to take over your life or ruin your Relationship with your wife, you might want to take a short vacation from this Forum and see if your thought processes change any.

NO one here can give you the proper "definition" for yourself or tell you how or when your journey is going to end up or where it might lead.

[TheMissus]

Gosh, I hope you do take Wildaboutheels advice and take a little time away from the forum. I'm a GG and about to do the same as while everyone here is very helpful, thoughts on this topic get tangled about and you may decide you're something you're not. I was doing this with my husband and I would feel very sad for you and your family if you shifted along a path you didn't plan on taking because you felt online encouragement or pressure or whatever. Sometimes group mentality is bad for individual growth - it's like being back at high school!

Explore who you are, for sure, but do it with your family and not strangers on a website. Just my two cents from a wife who'd be very sad to find her husband writing the things you have written here x

[Kate Simmons]

You never have to be someone you don't want to be or try to fulfill some nebulous paradigm. Being yourself is sufficient, whoever that "self" happens to be but it sometimes takes courage to be able to do that.

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Ellie, For me Crossdressing is just a part time job, I save the labels for soup cans

[stephNE]

For me, I am sure that I will never become Stephanie full time, so no, she will never take over. But she does and will always need to be let out occasionally.