I recommend making your next counselor appointment in a dress or nice skirt outfit. I thought it was not only breaking the ice but extremely insightful. I found it very important in helping me deal with the challenges of my cross dressing. I did this about 3 years ago, and I would like to share some Perspective.
My first CD thoughts, desires and some acting out began for over 40 years starting when I was 15-16 years old. Early on it was wearing nylons or having a bra under clothes. The activity ended and in my but by my mid-forties I was wearing camisoles under clothes. Then after I again had few years where CD had become inactive in my life.
Then when I reached my mid 50 This time i became consumed with the desire to really dressing up and having real female experiences such as shopping, traveling and dinners out. I felt driven to explore and to experiences that I would craft in my head. The availability of Digital photography made this more possible and fun so I could see myself and improve how I represented myself. I read articles here and fiction stories. These had not not been available prior to this. I started thinking: “what am I waiting for”, if not now, when?” I found a local photographer who would take photos of Barb, provide a place to change, support and provide coaching, feedback and made feel comfortable. She took tasteful photos of me as Barb. I chose the name to give my appearance and actions and identity that made this easier. All I wanted to do is portray Barb as a well prepared woman in her 50s who still cared about putting the effort into how I looked.
About 4 years ago my wife found my clothes and some of those photos when I was out of town. All I can say that while she was aware of my thoughts, she did not know of my limited acting out. She did not know I had gone so far and she deception and keeping it from her.
She lost it emotionally; she was very hurt and very scared and briefly left. Coincidently, just a week later, I went to an emergency room with server vertigo. Discovered was non-cancerous brain tumor on my brain stem. That added to her stress and confusion. I think if it weren’t for that, I am not sure she would have stayed with me.
I then agreed to see a counselor as part of a go forward plan. Plus I needed to get another view of this because I also wanted understand this and see if I could get on top of this thing before it consumed me. After about 12 monthly sessions, I asked if I could wear my “Barb clothes” to a session. Part of the reason I did this was to test his acceptance but I also wanted to see if I could relate to him as this Barb and express thoughts from that point of view. I wanted to see his responses in that environment. I wanted to hear my answers to his questions, but make sure I was being honest with myself.
I went as Barb only once but saw him 6 more times. He had been comfortable and made feel the same. It was truly incredible having a conversation dressed as Barb in a skirt, top and boots, it was February. I recall coming out of a salon I use to prepare Barb for outings. I felt light headed; I had never felt so much oxygen in my lungs. Liberating is the closest term I can use to describe the whole event. I recall clearly as I write this. I also still get the kick when walking out on the street dressed well and being overwhelmed with joy, excited that I get to go like this and talk to a person who wanted to talk to me as Barb. I scarce could take it in.
That was 4 years ago. I am not “cured”. My thoughts and interest has not gone away but it is more measured and under more self-control. I still do not have an accepting spouse; I as Barb is am able to get out 3-4 times a year. I dress up, eat out alone, go shopping and even travel by air and car as Barb. I still love it but the need to dress does not dominate me as much. I went to a few more counseling sessions.
Going to him was good for me; it encouraged me to be more self-aware, more creative and expressive activities even in my daily masculine attire. I am more aware of myself and more self-confident as a man and or as Barb. I will not forget that oxygen rush when I look at the pictures or go by the salon. I find that I can break in to a wide smile that is mine and mine alone, just because I do passed a store I purchased something or a restaurant I have eaten (30 now).
Have you gone to a counselor and done this or would you?
Barb123
