Is it safer to not pass?

[Rebecca Watson]

Hi everyone,

On the way to a bar one night, a rowdy group of young men drove by me and hollered from their car: "You're really tall!". A moment later they yelled "Holy shit, that's a man. It's a ******* man." I was quite uneasy about the possibility of them driving back so I quickly grabbed a nearby taxi (and subsequently had an enjoyable night of dancing in ludicrously high heels [at a non-CD venue]).

I guess for a moment there, they didn't realise. But after they realised, it felt like a dangerous situation to be in. My feeling is that they wouldn't have cared if they had known from the start.

Hence, the question: Is it safer to not pass?

- Becky

[Tracii G]

In that case its possible.Very interesting insight.

[Joanne108]

I've been in similar situations and said in my sexiest woman's voice I've said "You've never seen a tall girl before?" and walked away. I've found that if my boobs and cleavage looks great most guys just accept that I am a woman. Guys love to see boobs bounce! And never go out by yourself!

[meganmartin]

Becky - Very interesting point I will be looking at the post and seeing the various opinions.

[Alice Torn]

Good question. Hard to say, byt maybe it would be more haxardous, as most rowdy guys would more likely attack a guy dressed up, than a woman.

[Jaylyn]

I don't go out dressed except my back yard and porch but I would definitely want to be with several CDs if I ever did. A special even in the safety of a motel or meeting in a cd friendly establishment might be ok but getting to and from the event would worry me. Here in Texas we have a concealed carry law and I would definitely be carrying if I had to go out in places dressed, passable or not. There are still lots of folks that take offense to us. They get the impression that we are weak. I really wouldn't enjoy being put to the test even though I used to be able to fight with the best of them, from my law enforcement back ground and karate training. Most of all I would get irritated when people that don't know what we are about start belittling us and calling names. Just makes me aggravated and I would probably say something to cause a mess.

[Julie Bender]

I agree jaylyn and I love your lovely name.
It is always important to ALWAYS travel in pairs or groups cd or common person dressed or boy clothes gg or not
Just best policy for well being

[Beverley Sims]

I have a good cleavage and my voice is soft I think I mess with peoples minds as much as passing.
I occasionally have people guessing.
I think it is safer to pass, if I was having a problem I think I would work on it.

[NathalieX66]

Rebecca, This is a great post!
I have a number of folks who are TS, and I always get envious and jealous of how well they can pull it off.

However, I am not in their situations, and I have to deal with the life and body I have. That being said, I'm perfectly willing to not be perfect. Sometimes I pass, sometimes I don't.
The reality is I'm perfectly happy to be seen as a transgender person of some kind. At least I'm me.....a gender non-conformist.

If safety is an issue, then always be aware of your surroundings. I did get called out by some teenagers (hey, that's a DUDE?!) a few years back

[Stephanie47]

It is one thing to try to emulate a woman to your best ability for self gratification. It is another thing to emulate a woman and pass yourself off to a male as a female. Some homophobic men get really irate or worse when deceived.

Whether it is justified or not, it seems there is a perception among the public that a man dressed as a woman, especially when unaccompanied, is trying to pick up another guy for a 'date.'

When out and about with the general public, I'd carefully choose the locale for a stroll. Safer and more accepting neighborhoods, more tolerant neighborhoods are my preference when I do go out.

I have not had the urge or desire to mingle with the public. For me, it is a private matter. However, if I were to get the desire to explore myself, I'd join a small support group that meets once a month at a gender friendly restaurant.

I read many threads of Cd-ers going to clubs. However, it seems the venues are always where a CD-ers are welcomed and frequently present. I haven't noticed any threads of a CD-er dressed in six inch heels, fishnet stockings, miniskirt showing the cheeks of her ass, excessive makeup, and long blond tresses going to a Biker bar. Let me know how that would turn out.

[robindee36]

Becky, As open as our community has become it is still far from being widely accepted. Fortunately there are a number of groups and venues in this area that cater to CD's. They actually encourage us to come out with events and promotions.

Not sure I would venture out alone or to a venue not populated with CD's. Passable or not, just seems like trouble in the making. This certainly limits my options but I'd hate to be in an altercation over my garb or sexuality.

Only you can evaluate the possibilities and problems. I certainly scope things out before showing up dressed.

Be careful out their girl. It can still be a dangerous world for us.

Hugs.

[Shelly Preston]

Rebecca

Think about this way if you pass 50 % of the time that halves your chances of being in danger

I would suggest its better if you can pass due to the nature of some people who may wish too cause you grief.

IF only the public would accept any way of dressing as long its within the boundaries of decency

[Lorileah]

better to pass as much as possible. Half passing or not trying in most instances will get you outed and then you will have other things to worry about. As far as safety goes, a woman alone on the streets anywhere is in much more danger than a man. Brightly lit areas traveled by many people are the best. And even I won't go half a block off the main drag alone.

[Wildaboutheels]

Let's look at the REALITY of your question. Unless one has been living alone on an island for the past 15 years w/o internet...

IF IT BLEEDS IT LEADS. As in "news" anywhere, in any form. Death, mayhem, murder, rape, beatings, muggings, car jacking... the list is endless. The more different from the "norm" the better. My local news always leads with any such story because it generates ratings - MONEY. I have all the "big 4" in my city and invariably, they will all lead their newscasts with the "juciest" story. Almost everything [at least in the US] revolves around making money. The police, hospitals, TV stations etc., have no reason to collude to stifle ANY type of news do they? Throw in the fact that almost everyone in this country 5 years and older is carrying a smart phone and is just itching to shoot video in the blink of an eye and post it on the internet within the hour...

WHEN one gets their "news" from a wide variety of sources and reading/hearing of someone getting beat up or accosted because they were wearing the wrong clothes is extremely rare, there is a reason for it. It's rare because VERY few people actually CARE [how others dress] or are always thinking/wondering/trying to determine the sex of others out in the RW.

Other than your average everyday CDer of course. Or possibly a young immature "man" or group of men out "on the prowl" for women.

No one can know IF they passed. It's just that simple. Many people here, love to claim it/want to think it/highly desire it but in the end, fretting about "passing" surely is THE biggest impediment to truly relaxing and enjoying oneself when and IF they are out and about int the RW. Just this week alone, 3 different folks have said their ultimate plan or goal is to be able to go out in the RW without having to try to pass and w/o worrying about it. NOT have to try to fool people. NOT have to go to all the trouble [not to mention expense] of padding, wigs, forms, makeup etc.

I think they are on the right track in "dressing" however THEY want to. I think they realize that they can't possibly KNOW what others are thinking, so isn't it better to dress to please yourself and be comfortable?

Of course if one chooses to go to any "regular" bar [while dressed] frequented by many young [very likley drunk and immature] men, the odds become dramatically stacked against a CDer I would imagine as far as any possibilty of bodily harm.

[CherylFlint]

Toss them heels, pronto.
You were just lucky they didn’t drive around the block and, at the minimum, steal your purse and, worse, break your nose and really mess you up.
And you know what? Cops wouldn’t have cared less.
If any of us goes out in public dressed we better pass the “pass” test. I don’t mean speaking, but when someone looks at us they expect to see a real honest 100% girl/woman/female and it’s our job to make sure they do.
Little things add up.
First, high heels, like 3”, are totally O-U-T unless you’re at home or a club, and to walk on the sidewalk to get to the club wear flats or less than ¾” and put the 3” ones on when you get inside, if that’s what floats your boat.
And if you have to speak point at your throat and say “Sorry, laryngitis”.
Earrings, rings on the fingers, bracelets, little pieces of jewelry, correct size and color purse, all add up to make us right. The correct size forms, the correct size skirt (and the correct length), the proper shoes (Hello?), the right wig all make up the whole and YOU ARE NOT TO JUDGE. We ALL need real female input.
I was at a bar once and a girl told me had I worn jeans, like all the other girls, I’d have fooled her and her friends. As it was, I noticed that I was the only girl at the bar in a skirt, and she was elected by her friends, after they figured I was a TV, to talk to me. And you know what? She was right. Dress the part, blend in, don’t make it any easier than it is to be “made”.
I’m telling you, it’s really stupid to make light of what you went through. They “made” you for a reason. My advice is to fix the reason and do it right.
Be safe, and if you can’t do it right, stay home. Hate to hear if anyone of us got maimed because we acted stupid.

[Eryn]

Any time a post starts "On the way to a bar one night..." there is going to be considerable danger involved. Some people seem to like the thrill of facing those sort of dangers, but alcohol and testosterone can make for very ugly situations.

Possible solutions are to choose a more upscale venue or to choose a more private way to go to the venue.

The other aspect to be aware of is the expectations of the GMs around you. If you are so passable that they are buying you drinks and chatting you up then they will be doubly angry if you are made. Yes, GGs play the "flirt for free drinks" game all the time, but with us it can be deadly.

[Lynn Marie]

Upscale venues, know your neighborhoods, travel in pairs or a group. A CD alone in an area where groups of drunks frequent is trouble for a CD, and even a gg by herself. Hell, even in boy mode I avoid drunks and rowdy groups. Thanks for the lesson and reminder.

[sherri]

There's way too much paranoia going on here. Yes, TGs should definitely exercise caution when out and about, but good old common sense will keep you out of trouble. Rebecca, now you know the random can happen, so simply adjust your MO accordingly, no big deal. I don't obsess about it, but I usually have an exit strategy for most any situation, and I go in with my eyes open, but not deer-in-the-headlights open. :-)

Yes, I would consider a group of rowdy boys potentially dangerous, or at least annoying, so maybe you should save your walks for other times and places. I enjoy strolling through the antiques district on a lazy Sunday afternoon, but would not do so when out clubbing late at night. I presume you were using mass transit or something? Here in Texas, we drive ourselves so there's no problem getting to and from the clubs. And sure, I'd love the company of a gaggle of girlfriends on my outings, but if I waited on that to happen I'd never get to go anywhere.

And puh-lease, don't anybody try to tell me I can't wear my heels. That's just silly. Ditto the notion that if you don't pass you can't go out. I'll refrain from saying that's stupid, but it's just flat not true. I've been doing it for years, and so have many, many other gurls. And you know what? 99% of the time I've done it all by my itty bitty self.

As to your question, no, I don't think those drive-by boys knowing up front that you're TG would have necessarily lessened the potential threat, assuming there was any actual threat. If you'd been flirting and leading them on without them suspecting anything then yeah, maybe, but drive-by? Huh-uh, the red light comes on the second they clock you and start yelling insults. And if they had made you sooner, they might have pulled over to harass you. I'd say the ambiguity actually worked in your favor.

[Badtranny]

I don't understand the question. It seems like in your case it would have been safer to have actually passed. Or at least enough that they didn't notice you were a dude.

[vikki2020]

A lot depends on where,and when your out. Late night anywhere is when things happen---to everybody! As for having to pass--no. At least not around my area. I've been dialing it way down lately, and it seems that the acceptance is even better at times. As long as you look "normal"--everyday dress--- and wear it proud, you should be ok. Today, a pair of shorts, flats, and a skimpy cammi--(it was HOT out), and went everywhere without an issue. Just a bit of lipstick, too warm for make-up. A pair of woman saw me in the car,driving next to me---one told the other, and she leaned up for a better look---and I got a "thumbs up" from both of them!

[AllieSF]

I agree with Sherri. Better to pass as well as you can versus stand out like whatever. However, some of us will stand out no matter what. I refuse to stay home and do not worry too much about where I go. I am still a guy, am very aware of my surroundings and probably can talk my way out of a lot of tough situations. That doesn't mean that I do not understand odds and the laws of probability. Shit happens and one day it may even happen to me, in guy or girl mode. I call that the luck of the draw. I take responsibility for how I dress, where I go and the decisions I make. Dress as you want and go where you want. As for going into upper scale establishments versus local neighborhood bars versus some dive bars, if you are familiar with the venue, you already know how much you can get away with. Just use your own common sense and you will be fine.

[STACY B]

You worry to much ,, Just a Bunch of Young Boys wanting to check out the female impersonator ,,Hell give them a show ,, We are Rare ya know ,, Like a White Tiger !!! Roar !!!

[DebbieL]

Back in my 30's I could look really hot. I'd get offers ranging from sweet to very lewd. Some thought I was a hooker. Even if they never figured it out, it could get very scary. I realized that GGs get the same treatment when they are dressed to go clubbing. I began to appreciate the courage it takes to be a beautiful woman. Getting clocked added a new dimension. I learned quickly that it was better to blow my own cover with a big smile and a wink, than to try to hide and have them freak kut. Many were just curious and asked lots of questions. A few got ugly, so I'd tell them I was a lesbian. If I focused on the fear, I got threatened. If I focused on helping THEM feel safe, I was safe.

Now that I'm older, I'm invisible as an older woman. Not as much fun, but much more liberating.

[Kate Simmons]

We can prep for different situations but they don't always necessarily "go down" as we may have thought. There are always split second and "in the moment" dynamics that come up. The best thing to always do are use your powers of observation and make sure a quick escape route is handy just in case. If deliberately out there to attract a male, it's a different story all together.

[Candice Mae]

I've been whistled at, "hey babe" 'd, Called a Bit#h for not talking to a guy when he was trying hit on me, and Candice's first and last trip to 7-11. I still haven't gone out since that, I'm confident with my self. But, I just don't feel comfortable going out alone anymore... If you look good enough to get a guys attention please be careful, because I don't think too many guys would be happy to find out who they just tried to pick up is not a GG.