Becky, I think the issue is the perceived humiliation of the idiot doing the yelling. If you pass, no issue. If you don't, likely no issue. Going from pass to fail is where some rednecks can really get bent out of shape. Imagine his friends in the car saying,"bubba, you just hit on a dude! You're gay." That sort of witty banter. In general, the more you blend in the better. If traveling alone, have situational awareness.Originally Posted by Rebecca Watson
An interesting conundrum Becky.
I have had just two 'bad' experiences in the 100's of times going out. Once a guy tried to pick me up and another time teenage boys made, well, teenage boy comments. I did make a hasty retreat with the worry that if I was seen to be a male in a dress worse things could happen. But maybe it was a male in a dress that the guy wanted. Either way I was out of there.
It did make me think about safety and not take my safety for granted. I do think that passing is perhaps best in those circumstances and not passing could bring its own set of problems.
Last edited by Michelle (Oz); 07-19-2013 at 08:01 PM.
I smile when I hear us talking about passing as if it were simply a matter of choice. For someone like me, that whole discussion is moot for the obvious reason. And I'm pretty sure I'm not the only one.
In which case, it's time for plan b. :-)
I like how Debbie said it 'bout physically fit GGs that try to look good. In my area of the mid-west, unless you are 200+ lbs and wearing shorts and flip flops you stand out..... Every once in a while I'll see a GG in a skirt and heels and think how brave she must be as she surely gets a lot of looks, hoots and whatever.....
When I go out and about, I do my best to look as good as I can without wearing the "hey look at me outfits". I save those for special occasions.... Since 'we' that is humans come in all shapes and sizes not all of us 'pass' for the stereo typical media versions of GMs/GGs anyways. So do your best and have a go at it.
Renne.....
Crossdressing aside, I think this is a prime example of what women deal with much of their lives. Now, when I think of all those times when I was young and out with the guys drinking and we cat-called at women, I never thought that this was something that could be frightening to a single girl. I look back in shame now when I remember doing such things.
Good question either way it might not be safe I have been called some pretty bad names not sure if they knew I was a cd nothing was said about it.
Good bye i'm at wacko taco .com now
Hi,
Sandie .
ill ask the ? then why did you do it, & now your ashamed , so drink aside though that would have played a part. young & imature, or one up of who gets the look from us, & a smile maybe,
The cat calls & saying you look lovely would be so much nicer, then we would know you appreciate the time spent to look nice, hmmm maybe you do now,
You know something that gets me , some of us dont have those looks yet its nice to be appreciated because we are female after all. some of us are embarrised enough now as it is,
the thought has come to me its like we are draged down yet you wont us to be beautyfull for you guys yet we are still degraded, & i wonder why i never understood men. hated being around them.
it just opened up the can of worms ..... sorry...... its how i see it , i know what its like, & i hated it, so easy to say something nice ..... yet could not do it,...... sad.......
...noeleena...
Last edited by noeleena; 07-20-2013 at 03:38 AM.
"You're really tall". When I see a tall woman I often wonder if she's TG-CD or not. I was sitting next to a tall woman in a bar the other night and she also had large hands, but when she spoke it was clear to me that she was a GG.
Anyway, being taller than most women is something you can't do much about except wearing flats.
There was an open TG in this area a few years ago that obviously wasn't a GG and didn't try to pass at all. Personality wise, she seemed to have the ability to take care of any situation that might come up, but I'm sure the guys just left here alone.
Hard to know. My guess is that their initial reactin, might otherwise have been the same, Evidently young men lack an inside voice!
Eryn,"deadly" is a strong word,but I think this part of your post describes the most dangerous situation[a T girl can get herself into] when in the mainstream world. If you look the part,usually you will go on by people in most all situations,people don't care.. If you are clocked by screaming Aholes,then your surroundings come into the safety part of it...most likely you are quite safe. However in a bar,best not to let anyone have a "financial interest" in your companionship at all...and that goes for GGs as well. Just my experiences..
It SURE is my hair ! I have the receipt and the box it came in !
Unfortunately, attacks on obvious male crossdressers over the years would not support a theory that it is safer to not pass. I do not think passing makes a difference. As many have pointed out, it is usually the environment you are in that increases likelihood of attack. Location, time of day, lighting, number of people around - these are factors which increase likelihood of crime or negative experience for anyone, not just CDers.
Well if you were fully passable they probably wouldn't have come back and noticed you as a CD. So yes you'd be better off fully passable. However, like myself at 6'6" in 4" heels does bring suspicion right away so I don't wish to put myself in a position of ridicule or laughter from those that don't understand. Needless to say as some have brought up, danger. So if I'm out, it's at night and in a car to where I can be safe. Think we'd all like to be fully passable but we were born as men and our bodies are not quite built the same as womens and for those who are passable, I'm jeolous and envious but happy for them.
When I lived in Chicago, a friend who lived in the same building as me had a female friend who was 6'4" tall, and one day we were all out on the sidewalk talking when an idiot teenager across the street in the park yelled "Hey, that's a man!", referring to the tall woman with us (I was not en femme at the time, so it wasn't me he was looking at) and our tall female friend turned around, gave him the finger and yelled "F*ck you!" back at him, and that was that.
That's another way to handle idiots.
My name is Carol.
Life is a collection of risks. Setting foot outside your home is inherently risky ... whether or not you're a crossdresser. So it's a matter of degrees. Every woman needs to learn to keep an eye on her surroundings to the point where it becomes second nature. Are there enough other people around to discourage a would-be attacker? Is there an escape route? It may sound paranoid, but it's the equivalent of learning not to stand on the edge of a sheer drop. You don't need to obsess over it, but you should feel nervous when you're taking a known risk.
So what kinds of risks do trans folk face? Not passing is a risk by itself. It doesn't matter whether you're read immediately or only after a while, there are people who will target anyone who is different. Your best bet here is to stay around potential allies and avoid rough neighborhoods or anyone who is drinking excessively. A nice, upscale restaurant is a better place to get a drink than a seedy bar. Attracting attention is a complementary risk, and this is what the OP discovered. If you read as an attractive woman at a glance, people are going to take a second look. The more provocatively you're dressed, the more likely men are to feel humiliated or angered if eventually you are read. So dress like you deserve respect, and you won't run afoul of folks who feel like they've been "tricked."
Stay safe out there!
~ Kimberly
“To escape criticism do nothing, say nothing, be nothing." - Elbert Hubbard
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