LGBT-overly-friendly?

[Rebecca Watson]

Hi everyone,

I have had some uncomfortable encounters with LGBT-friendly people. Yesterday's one was, "nice wig, can I touch it?" He wouldn't go away until he touched it (it was really very creepy).

I had another encounter with a gay guy once who asked me whether or not my breasts were real. I think he meant well, but was overly friendly and direct. At least he was willing to accept "that's personal" as an answer.

When it comes down to it, I don't want to be touched, and I don't want to be asked about my "private parts", regardless of whether or not their trans or trans-friendly.

Consequently, and perhaps paradoxically, I feel more comfortable in non-trans-friendly places: just an average restaurant or bar.

Anyone else feel this way?

- Becky

[linda allen]

I haven't been out to places where I interact with people other than perhaps a wave and "good morning", but I would be uncomfortable with the touching and suggestive talk.

Personally, I don't feel I have much in common with gay or lesbian people other than the fact that we are all people so I wouldn't normally go to places that make a point of attracting gay or lesbian clientelle.

I've never had a problem working with or being casual friends with gay or lesbians, but that part of their lives was never part of our work or personal relationships.

[Princess Grandpa]

My confidence level is nowhere near going out in the general public. My outing to Hamburger Mary's has been exciting and satisfying. I cannot imagine how people can think that type of behavior is ok. If somebody wanted to touch my hair and just wouldn't go away, well I still have plenty of testosterone running through my panty clad body, I'm sure I wouldn't have tolerated that long!

/giggle. I can see why you might prefer a vanilla venue with interactions like that at the friendly places. Not many straight guys wanting to touch your hair or talk about your breasts. Well maybe the would want to but they aren't likely able to admit it.

Hug
Rita

[Beverley Sims]

I have managed to brush such people aside with a pleasant smile and say no I am not into descriptive relationships.
That confuses them and I get left alone because they can't process what I have just said.

By the way do you know what a descriptive relationship is?

Sure as hell I don't.

Sounds good though.

[Kate Simmons]

This is probably an example of what another CDer would feel like if we "made" them while they were out and approached them inferring that we knew who they were. This question comes up here periodically but I personally don't think it's appropriate to infringe on another person's sense of propriety.

[Chickhe]

I've had some instances of that when at a party. People are curious, they don't mean any harm, but they have in their mind that you are wearing accessories...sort of like noticing a necklace you are wearing and asking you to see it...they think forms and wigs are just accessories.

How to handle it? ...once at a party I was passing, but let my secret out to one person who was talking with me. He thought it was a great 'costume' and was friendly enough, but he very politely asked if he could get a group picture and asked if he could rest his hand on my breast....I said okay, because he was respectful in the way he asked and would have gracefully accepted a no. But, when the picture was being taken, I noticed some people in the background behind the photographer with their mouths wide open in shock... They really didn't appreciate the public display of groping.

...so my point is, generally you want to act like a respectable woman if you want to be treated like one, but at the same time remember your are different and people may not understand your feelings. Just politely educate the person by saying you appreciate their complement, but tell them touching anything you are wearing would make you feel disrespected. Also, people watching the whole thing may thing may have their own opinion if you do let someone touch what general would be off limits for most woman.

[MysticLady]

Of the last two times I visited a Gay establishment/club, I never had anybody approach me that made me feel uncomfortable. Everyone was just doing their own thing. I was w/ other friends and I was very comfortable. Probably since I was there to dance only and not hookup maybe, who knows.

[Crissy Kay]

Another reason I am glad to be a closet person!!

[Sabrina133]

totally creepy Rebecca. I like my own space and feel very uncomfortable when someone invades it.

[Tracii G]

I had a GG at a trans group meeting ask if my breast were real.I told her what she could see was indeed mine.
She asked if she could to poke my breast with her finger just to check so I said sure go ahead.It wasn't a grope just a poke.
Groping would be kinda creepy.

[5150 Girl]

Yea, sounds like you got hooked up with some odd ducks for sure. I've had people (and not always GBLT either) want to ask questions, but they were not as creepy as your encounters.
I personally don't mind answering a few questions as long as they are in the context of educating the inquisitor about being TG... I often tell them it's better to ask a question and learn than it is to go around with misconceptions.

[Sabrina133]

I had a GG at a trans group meeting ask if my breast were real.I told her what she could see was indeed mine.
She asked if she could to poke my breast with her finger just to check so I said sure go ahead.It wasn't a grope just a poke.
Groping would be kinda creepy.

You could have said that you'd let her do yours if she let you do hers -- that would have put her in her place.

5150 Girl, I agree with you - have no qualms answering questions but touching, thats something totally different.

[AllieSF]

Since I am out so much on a regular basis and am always talking to strangers in deep conversations asking them some very direct questions, I have been asked in return about how I am put together and how far I have taken this lifestyle. A few women have asked to touch/feel my breast forms and were amazed how realistic they are. So, I basically get returned to me what I give/ask others. I live with it because it is all done (99% of the time, that is) very respectfully.

[Nikki A.]

Best response was one I read here. The person asked to feel her breast, she popped it out of her bra, put it on the bar and said have fun. It shut him up and everyone else had a good laugh on him.

[Sandieland]

I've found that many gays are as clueless about crossdressers as the general public...unless they frequent a CD/TG bar and are used to us. However, even then they may never have come in contact with a straight crossdresser and not be fully informed. Being gay (or bi) does not give someone a special, inborn insight into crossdressers, etc.

[Lexi_83]

I've found married women to be the most accepting and the most nosy or forward. I've been felt up a number of times in return for advice on makeup, accessorizing and clothes. Not always with permission. Still much preferable to being followed by teenagers.....

[Lorileah]

I have had been asked about feeling certain things I am wearing, usually clothing I have had people ask to touch my breasts. I have had people touch my hair without asking. I have had women ask if they could wear something I had on. I don't think they are being rude. If I don't want the touch I just decline the question. AND I don't think it is just LGBT people either.

[Eryn]

My experience with LGBT-friendly places is limited. Upscale restaurants where I go with a CD group are quite comfortable even for a group of marginal passability.

Clubs and bars can get a bit more personal because some people are looking to hook up and that's the place where that activity occurs. You can't tell by looking which way a CDer might lean so one must deal with some interest even if you don't lean that way. I wouldn't get bent out of shape at an approach, but I would if a simple "Sorry, not interested" isn't heeded.

I prefer mainstream activities where I have zero problems of this sort. A fiftysomething woman wearing a wedding ring doesn't attract unwanted admirers and there are so many more things to do in the Real World.

[Melissa Rose]

Those with a lack of boundaries or fear can be found anywhere. I can see where someone in the LGBT community thinking they have a special pass, but that has not been my experience. I find the worse offenders are on the internet where they can hide behind their computer and be jerks/bitches with little consequence and these folks cross the entire spectrum of labels.

[Joann Smith]

Once had a GG poke my boob because she thought they were forms .... She felt real stupid when I said ouch!... Is you nuts that hurt and poked her back on the boob ... Got to be careful bout folks touching me espically my hair .. I am not a animal in a petting zoo hands off the do ....

[Amanda22]

That's a good question. No, I have never wanted to go to trans-friendly gatherings. I like being in the general public.

[sherri]

LGs are no different than everyone else, some are considerate and tactful, some are goobers. I wouldn't throw the baby out with the bathwater, the community can provide a very supportive local environment for TGs.

That said, people in general do seem to be fascinated with CDers' breasts, wondering if they're real, what fake ones feel like, etc. The better and more realistic your forms, the more curious they are, and I think GGs are almost as curious as guys. In a public setting like a club, I try to put a positive spin on such incidents -- I choose to be flattered by the interest, but at the same time it's an opportunity to let people know I expect to be treated like a lady, and I think people, especially onlookers, take note and respect that.

[kimdl93]

I've never had any such reaction from either gay males or females. It's rather odd...anything unusual about the GLBT friendly places you've visited?

[Bree Wagner]

Becky,

I don't mind doing a little public outreach/education if they're being friendly and inquisitive even if it's because I was obviously read. But, they'd certainly have to be willing to take no or your "It's personal" for an answer or they won't be talking to me long.

I think all of my extended conversations on the subject have been in T-friendly places. By my experience, you're probably right that in a more mainstream location your less likely to get into the situation, but it could still happen.

May all your future conversations be just the right amount of friendly,
Bree

[MysticLady]

Hi All

I believe to All folks, we're a mystery. They can't understand a man dressing as a woman and not be gay. To many, that just doesn't click. So sometimes when meeting one of us, they tend to be very interested in finding out about us and why we do it. Human Nature.