I've made a great friend who has been very helpful. She told me how to learn about makeup and how to get a good wig. And now I"m scared to do something outside my house. I can't believe this. I've been in stores and bought fem items, but never was it out and out obvious it was for me like these events will be. How do I get the nerve? I don't want to let my new friend or myself down. How do I take that step forward? Was it like this for everyone the first time out? BTW, thank you Steffi!
Genny
If your dressing is in any way affected by trying or attempting to please others, or not let THEM down, you need to sit down and have a good talk with yourself.
You clearly are not ready to go "forward" IMO.
Thanks for quick point Wild. But actually, these are things I have always wanted to do. I can remember nights crying because I couldn't go out. I need to do it, but that first step sure is hard!
I struggle greatly with going out in public en femme. I suspect it was hard for most at first. The general consensus is the more you do it the easier it gets. I think you have to fall back on the whole fake it until you make it kind of thing. The more confident you act, the more confident you will feel.
Hug
Rita
A person should wear what he likes to. And not just what other folks say. A person should be who she likes to. A person's a person that way!
~Marlo Thomas~
Small steps.
Get dressed, take a drive.
Next time, take a stroll through a mall. No need to interact, just walk.
Next time, go into a store. Browse a bit.
and so on.
Here's the bottom line. You will make mistakes. You will probably get made. It won't make any difference.
After a while you will be able to relax. You'll start behaving more naturally and that will improve your presentation. Passing will become less of a preoccupation because you will!
Question: You say you have a "great friend." Will she go out with you? It is a lot easier with a "winggirl" at your side.
Eryn
"These girls have the most beautiful dresses. And so do I! How about that!" [Kaylee, in Firefly] [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
"What do you care what other people think?" [Arlene Feynman, to her husband Richard]
"She's taller than all the women in my family, combined!" [Howard, in The Big Bang Theory]
"Tall, tall girl. The woman could hunt geese with a rake!" [Mary Cooper, in The Big Bang Theory]
Start by getting yourself all dressed up. Then, walk over to the door. Open it. Take one step out and back in. Take two steps out and back in. Keep doing this until you get out to your car or just plain get tired and say to heck with it I am out here and not running all the way back in. Hop in your car and go for a ride, go to a park, go out into the countryside and find a place where you can pull off. Step out and take a big breath and enjoy the freedom. Then start working on other little trips. As your confidence grows, go on bigger trips. Soon you will be out in the world with the rest of us wackos.
Maybe your friend can come over, help you get put your makeup on, and then two of you go for a drive. Let her drive...
Deedee
It's not wrong... but it is forbidden!
You do not need to worry about letting your friend or yourself down. The question should be, do you want to go out? If you do, then it's a bit like the first time off a high board ...a leap of faith. If not, don't worry about it!
Hi Genny,
I remember when my wife made an appointment for me to be fitted for my first wig. I was so scared when she told me! We had read some good advice on this forum about trying wigs on in the store and getting advice from the SA on styles that might suit me etc and I knew in my mind that this was something that I wanted to do ... but when it came to the day of the fitting I had such a tight feeling in my stomach that I almost chickened out and didn't go. My point is I understand why you feel scared and vulnerable about pushing your envelope and knowing that people will know what's really going on.
The only thing I would say to you is that when I actually went to the wig fitting or bought things that were very obviously for me, it really wasn't half as bad as I imagined it would be. Ask your friend if she can come along with you for moral support. I'm sure everything will turn out ok in the end. Go on girl .. you can do it!
.
The River City Gems - Northern California's largest and most active crossdressing & transgender support group!
I started at and early opening coffee shop while most sane people, drunks and teenages slept (6.30am actually). got to know the staff well over the months. Those were the early days with balloons with water in them as boobs and an expensive wig that looked like road kill within a short while. The late evening jogs wearing skin tight lycra top, E cup water balloons & legging in the rain didn't help the wig much either, ahh the good old crazy days
See all my photos, read many stories of my outings and my early days at
http://rachelsauckland.blogspot.co.nz
Everyone gave you great ideas.
Since it is something YOU want to do.
Decide where you want to go
Relax close your eyes and visualize a mental movie of you walking confidently and when you are set to go take a deep breath and just do it.
Before you know it....you will not just acting confident....you will be confident.
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You forever and always will be my one and only true love . ❤️
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Hi Genny. I would say, try going out to a Gay establishment like a club or Bar first. It's in the evening and the cover of night helps w/ the feelings. After a couple of times doing that, then you'll be ready for the Mall during the Day like me..................YAY. Go Dancing.
I'm originally from New England where the ocean water is always cold.
There are two well known ways to get into the water.
The first way it to walk in up to your ankles, then walk slowly to mid calf, then your knees, mid thigh, and then jump into the water for a swim.
The second way is to stand about 50 feet back from the edge of the ocean, get a good running start, and keep running into the water, pumping your legs until the water comes up to mid thigh and jump in for a swim.
Some like the first way because your body has time to get acclimated to the cold water. Some like the second way because it gets you into the water in one shocking moment where there's no opportunity to retreat.
In my experience, they both work.
Hi, I'm Steffi and I'm a crossdresser... And I accept and celebrate both sides of me. Or, maybe I'm gender fluid.
Ask your friend to go with you and just go with it.
It will be a rush of emotion with thrills and a huge high for you.Nothing to be scared of really.
How many times have you read a thread here about a girl having a first outing and saying you know it was not as bad as I thought.
OMG why was I soo scared? nobody said a word and the world didn't end!!!
Why do you read those? Thats because they got over their fears just like you will.
Genny - A lot of great ideas for you. It is OK to be nervous. Don't beat yourself up. It was like that for me and probably many of us.
If this is something you really want to do, keep trying, don't give up - you will be successful! You will also appreciate your accomplishment that much more. Good luck!
You just sort of get used to it after a while.
Lynn Marie
Click here to see me on Flickr
Lots of great advice here, you could do like my first time out of the house:
I ended up messing with my makeup for so long I was really pushing being late (and was, a little).... By the time I realized what time it was, I grabbed my purse and ran out the door! I was halfway there before I even realized I was out of the house!
Good Luck Genny, just try to relax and enjoy your moment! You'll do fine
Not a bad analogy! I was thinking of it a bit like riding a bull. Everything is nice and calm while getting ready, but when the gate opens... wow!Originally Posted by kimdl93
The first time I left the house I drove around my neighborhood, just to make sure that I could drive OK while dressed.
The second time, I drove 60 miles on LA freeways, alone, to a restaurant for a dinner with a CD group that I had not met before. I parked a couple of blocks from the restaurant and sat for several minutes getting my courage up. Finally it was "Aw, heck, I've driven 60 miles and I'm not going home!" The first person who saw me dressed was the parking attendant! He said "Good evening Ma'am!" I went inside and was directed to the table. From that point on it was smooth sailing.
Now I look back on that and think how silly I was to be scared. That doesn't mean that being scared is not valid, just that now having experienced being out in more situations has given me confidence in myself and a greater understanding of how others see me.
I just got home from a nice dinner out with my spouse and three other people. I wore a pretty outfit and decided to wear some 3" heels (I'm 6'2") simply because I liked them. We had a long dinner and conversation and had a lovely time. I didn't worry at all about what others thought of me because I was presenting as well as I can and having a great time with friends. That's what this is all about to me.
Eryn
"These girls have the most beautiful dresses. And so do I! How about that!" [Kaylee, in Firefly] [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
"What do you care what other people think?" [Arlene Feynman, to her husband Richard]
"She's taller than all the women in my family, combined!" [Howard, in The Big Bang Theory]
"Tall, tall girl. The woman could hunt geese with a rake!" [Mary Cooper, in The Big Bang Theory]
Genny,
Take litttle steps and when things get serious you will have worked up some more confidence.
Work on your elegance,
and beauty will follow.
Thank you all! I loved the analogies! Especially Steffi's! I chickened out on the phone call again this evening. My heart races so much, but I will make the call this week! Thanks again!
Genny B
Pull those big girl panties up, and call that friend, have them come get you if needed so it's harder to back out on a friend, sounds like your friend has been out before
and remember you won't be alone (there really is strength in numbers). If it is really important to you to get out, then you just have to push yourself out of the door the first time.
Remember a night out with a friend, will be a lot more fun, than sitting at home alone, crying about being at home alone.
Magic is the art of changing consciousness at will.
Wow, I started this thread on 29 July and the last comment was two days later. But that was not the end for me. I wanted to do this but had to get the nerve first. I finally established communication through eMail and made an appointment for this afternoon. I even called a half hour prior to verify with my voice that I was a cross dresser looking for a wig, but didn't say it straight out. Anyway, I showed up for my appointment and truth be told the only male clothing I had on were my jeans. The shirt was gender neutral and worked fine. I tried on many wigs and initially felt awkward, but then we found the right wig for me! I was so happy and then I became more relaxed as we talked! So this was my first 'outing' even though it was just me and the owner of the little wig shop set up in her home. Now, to make that makeup appointment and hopefully with a dress this time!
Genny B
Sometimes, you just gotta say, "what the hell", and just enter the field.
You'll find out that its much easier than you think, and it's fun.
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