So here is the dilema....

[Gloriamontrose]

Some years ago my wife discovered me crossdressing in my own clothes. Since then two things have happened. Until recently she 'put up with' the occasional crossdressing and nothing more was said. Sex at that time started to go a bit pear shaped because of mid 50's Erectile disfunction. It happens. We had a huge row about three months ago mainly because of her father inviting himself to visit for a month, cannot stand the bloke, not can she. During the row she told me that she never wanted intercourse with me again, that intimacy between us was over and that i should learn to put up with it. At the same time she insisted that my crossdressing was not a problem for her and if it made me happy then it was all fine. I should say she has never been that 'sexy' at all. But since then while not encouraging my crossing dressing, she has been what i can only describe as sideline helpful.
I dress for a lot of the time. While she stilldoesn't encourag, she accepts cheerfully. I am totaly confused and would like anyone who understands women to make their best stab at what I should do now if anything.
Confused,
Gloria

[Princess Grandpa]

If I understood women I would write a book and get filthy rich.

I hope things get better between you two. I understand as we get older the sex drive lessens. Not sure I could deal well with "the intimacy is over deal with it."

Hug
Rita

[Karren H]

Id love to have your situation..... At my (our) age not having sex is no big thing.... imho..... and my wife doesn't accept my crossdressing... cheerful or otherwise.... so make the best of it and crossdress as much as you can.... hell I'd go full time if she was that cheerful! lol

[xd-tigger]

First of all, a massive Internet hug. And secondly, her putting up with it and not denying you to crossdress is better than being told not to do it all. You said she said that she need wants intercourse with you again during an argument, try and talk to her calmly, maybe on neutral ground, because she may have been stresse about her Dad arriving. I wish you the best of luck.

[Cheryl Ann Owens]

I'm a little confused here but as I think about it, your wife "seems" to have some mixed feelings as do you. It is not uncommon for a couple to lose sexual interest after many years of being together and remain a couple maybe in a more platonic relationship. My wife and I share a sense of love without full-blown intimacy mainly because our libidos aren't what they used to be. I'd say that her father living with you may have eliminated your chances of sexual intimacy? Just wondering and guessing.

In the end, while I still crossdress and my wife does her own things, we're still together, and we enjoy all of the rest there is about being married to each other. There's a lot more to a relationship than sex or a wonderful wife having a crossdressing husband. It's become a natural part of our everyday lives and taken for granted. I hope this makes sense and adds another perspective.

Cheryl Ann

[paulaprimo]

understand women?????

reminds me of the time i was walking along the beach and found a lamp. i rubbed it and a genie appeared and granted me one wish. since i enjoy the ocean, i asked for a bridge from my front door to hawaii, so everytime i go out i could go over the bridge and be on the beach.
the genie shrugged his shoulders and said that most people ask for wealth, long life, women/men, etc...he then told me how impractical that would be, and how hard for him to do, and then mentioned the amount of concrete and steel that would be needed...the bottom line was that it was just to complicated a project for him so he asked me to make another wish. so i asked for the ability to understand women, and he responded, on that bridge, did you want 2 or 4 lanes

[Lorileah]

are you happy with the deal? Then go with it, but the sex thing has me concerned. Her "telling" you you won't get sex anymore is a huge red flag. Why did she have to throw this at you? Women who lose ALL interest in sex may have something else going on. When was she last at her OB/GYN? Her action is similar to your ED, except she doesn't even want to try. So I wonder if there is a medical issue, an emotional issue, or a I gottanutherguy issue?

[Marleena]

Gloria the answer is in the women's secret handbook. Good look finding it, I've been searching for years...

[MatildaJ.]

Not sure how to ask this without being offensive, but she might also be hinting that she is interested in sex with other people. Some people don't consider it to be cheating once both spouses agree that they're not having sex any more. Of course, if you'd rather not know, then it would probably be better not to ask...

[darla_g]

hmm so if she tells you she doesn't want to have sex with you what might she say if you said you still desire sex. Does she mind you having it with someone else or is that not allowed?

[Cheryl Ann Owens]

Lori, With my wife, we both agree she's going through "the change." She has hot flashes. (I do too!) I know what you're saying. I know for sure my wife is not looking on the outside because she doesn't have the energy as do I and is very content about all of the other positive elements of our relationship. Heck! We're off to sleep by 9PM each night in separate beds! LOL!

Cheryl Ann

[Karan]

Crossdressing, a unwanted prolong visit from the father, erectile dysfunction and no more sexual intimacy sounds like a terrible combo. I believe her position is a sympton of problems not the problem. It could be homonal brought on by the change, self image issues, childhoold issue brought up when her father visits, even you or who knows. Professional help or at least talking and LISTENING would be the first step.

[Princess Grandpa]

are you happy with the deal? Then go with it, but the sex thing has me concerned. Her "telling" you you won't get sex anymore is a huge red flag. Why did she have to throw this at you? Women who lose ALL interest in sex may have something else going on. When was she last at her OB/GYN? Her action is similar to your ED, except she doesn't even want to try. So I wonder if there is a medical issue, an emotional issue, or a I gottanutherguy issue?

*Points*
this makes lots of sense to me

Hug
Rita

[Sister Rachel]

What Cheryl said .. except that Anne and I share our bed, still, and she's off to it at 10 every night whereas I sit up, sometimes in drab, others en femme playing my guitar or online, until about midnight.

[Gloriamontrose]

I'm beginning to wonder though she hasn't hinted at that yet.

[Sami]

OMG I feel your confusion women are such unpredictable beauties I have never been able to predict them or their thoughts, can some one please figure them out and let the rest of us know.

[kimdl93]

I think it depends on what you ant. Is it a problem for you if sexual intimacy is over? If it is then you and your wife might want to talk to a physician. Sometimes loss of libido in women can be addressed...not quite the same way as for men. If its not a problem, then just go on with life as it is.

[docrobbysherry]

Gloria, I don't understand your dilema? Unless it's that u r asking us whether or not u should separate? My vote is: therapy first, separate if that doesn't work.

I was married. My GUESS is, if your wife is doing herself she's either not having an affair or if she was, it's virtually over.

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Gloria, When you get it figured out PLEASE let the rest of us know!!

[Julie Gaum]

Gloria, my first reaction was pretty much what Lori suggested as possibilities. What bothered me the most and seemed to indicate
that more is going on with wife than admitted was "not interested in sex with you" --- it's the "with you" that MIGHT mean that you personally have her turned off. If you suggest that you go to a proper therapist together and she turns you down then I would be
even more convinced that there's more going on than you know.
Julie

[Allsteamedup]

What no replies from GG's?!! PM me OP. I can't risk upsetting people here and your dilemma is personal.....

[dawnmarrie1961]

Your wife wants to be the center of your attention when you are in the bedroom. She feels it is "all about her". Not you. You need to find a middle ground where it can be about both of you. Equally beneficial to both of you.

[Tracii G]

My 2nd Ex wife got to the point where she turned off the sex part and claimed it wasn't me that caused it it but her.
I never got a concrete reason or further explanation but I did find out thru mutual friends that she had had numerous affairs with other men over the years.
The TG side of me was not even in the picture because I didn't tell her or dress at that time.She does know now because I told her.
So if she ever says its not you but her my guess she is getting it somewhere else and feels guilty and feels she has betrayed you.

[Debra Russell]

I think there are more of us in this delimia, or close to it and we all have ??? what happens now ? is it ok or what - actually the only way is direct and open talk - with HER - and some sort of level ground established..............................Debra

[alwayshave]

My ex never wanted intimacy. In 16 years of marriage the only question she ever asked about sex was when did I think I would have erectile dysfunction such that I would stop asking her for sex. Oh, I stopped asking her a long time ago and started asking someone else. I think in the first 6 months of my current relationship I had more intimacy than in 16 years of marriage. I think some people are just wired not care about it.