All or nothing

[Frédérique]

All this and more: A good description for the world of crossdressing, eh?

Just under the heading for this section it says, “This section is for those interested in discussing ALL areas of male to female crossdressing.” That’s nice, isn’t it? That’s why I came here in the first place, to discuss my penchant for MtF crossdressing among other crossdressers, and this site definitely features ALL areas of MtF crossdressing. The word “all” is often used with a collective noun, like “All crossdressers are transgender,” but, don’t worry, I’m not gonna go there, as one might surmise – I don’t need someone posting, “There she goes again,” OK?

No, I know what I’m up against, and I’m not here to make an issue of things, but I would like to see a certain amount of fairness regarding ALL types of MtF crossdressing, which is promised, and not having the proceedings lean towards one group or another. “All” means considering everything, or any whatsoever, or existing as a whole. In this case, in this section, we are all MtF crossdressers, or we come in contact with MtF CD’ers one way or another. He may dress as a woman, or want to feel like a woman, however briefly. He may think he really was meant to be a woman, so he dresses like one as often as possible. He may gradually dissolve, and SHE appears to take his place. No matter what the circumstances, we are fighting for our ALL...

I may not be the most serious “type” of MtF crossdresser, but I need to crossdress. Some will ask why this is so (many have already), but there are no easy answers. I see myself as a valid crossdresser, in the purest sense of the word, so I am here, amongst the other crossdressers. I obviously have some connection with the matter at hand, which happens to be MtF crossdressing. I have respect for all types of crossdressers, so I wish some respectful consideration would emanate from other quarters, especially in this section. The fact that I’m writing this is twofold – I seek others like me, and I don’t need to feel like the “weak sister” of the crossdressing movement...

The odds are stacked against me, and others like me, here on a site devoted to crossdressing. Strange, isn’t it? If I dared to speak of numbers, I would propose that my “type” of MtF CD’er is the most numerous, but apparently we don’t count for anything. However, it’s OK. I didn’t come here for a struggle, or a battle, or a contest of wills, rather I am merely interrupting my frolicking for a brief dip into the world I must be associated with. There’s not much laughter, and there’s not many smiling faces, so pardon me if I wonder, from time to time, just what I’ve gotten myself into. Is this ALL there is, dear reader?

Recently I took a lengthy break from posting. I didn’t post for a week or so, and it felt good (i.e. I didn’t miss it), so I kept staying away. In my unforced absence, it’s funny how this place takes on a mythic resonance, if that is the correct phrase. All I can think about is this self-distilled idea that we, the part-time MtF crossdressers, either aren’t appreciated by the membership as a whole, or we just aren’t welcome, despite assurances to the contrary. Referencing the text below the MtF sectional heading, we MUST be welcome, to a certain degree, even though we may represent a thorn in the side of LGBT. Again, this is my personal feeling, which may or may not reflect the way things are, but when I see the word “ALL,” hope springs eternal...

At best, my “brand” of crossdressing is, at the very least, noteworthy, an individualistic exercise of the tallest order. As such, I may not need support from the “community” per se, but it’s good to know that there are others like me who may wish to discuss this odd, yet natural, compulsion. Don’t get me wrong – I respect anyone who is transgender, but many of us JUST crossdress, M to F, and we have a good time doing so. All in all, you should take time to consider that...

Don't you think "all" should mean ALL?

[Kate Simmons]

Freddy, I think what you are saying is OK my friend. OK is an abbreviation that literally means "all correct" or "all right". Need I say more? Like yourself I enjoy the CDing and just have fun being myself. I don't need to be TG or anything else to do that Hon.

[Zylia]

I just posted something about this in the 'girl inside' thread. I do not feel 'transgender' in the literal sense that it feels like I have the wrong gender or multiple genders. It feels like I made my female persona rather than discovering it inside me. I really do like to dress up and do it right and there's a real sense of accomplishment when I manage to look 'feminine' and fool other people, which may have become a thing on its own, but I'm fairly sure the deepest motivation for me to do this is purely a sexual one, not one of 'gender confusion'. I do fantasize about stepping out more sometimes, but I often wonder if it's not just one big sexual fantasy.

[GaleWarning]

I'm just wondering WHY you feel that our kind of CDing (I'm a bloke in a dress) doesn't get the same "airtime" as any other genre? Who or what upset you?

I find it fascinating to read the posts covering the amazingly broad spectrum of mtf people and their SOs in this site. How would I ever have learned where I fit on the spectrum, if I could not read all the other posts AND THOSE OF PEOPLE WHO ARE AT LEAST SIMILAR TO ME.

Nowadays, I am able to be more selective in choosing what to read and what to ignore.

In conclusion, Freddie, I cannot see why you think "our" kind of CDing isn't fairly represented, unless it is that we simply don't post as often as others with different interests.

(Your post, as usual, is thought-provoking! Keep them coming!)

[Tamara Croft]

The odds are stacked against me <snip>

The odds are stacked against you, because all you do is friggin moan about this forum and how it isn't for you etc... so if this forum is no good for you, then go find one that is, because quite frankly, I am sick of your goddamn whining, get a sodding grip

[Debutante]

I appreciate your thoughts and intricate musings, Freddie.... you say things alot of us are thinking -- or challenging us with new perspectives. Yes, you are the most individualistic of crossdressers... but then, that's the nature of the phenomenon. We are all parts of a "tapestry",
as Merissa Cheryl Lynn, founder of IFGE, once put it. I love crossdresing too..........

[Seana Summer]

Hi Freddy

I think I see where your coming from. I agree that All should mean All and I choose to ignore those who think I am not valid for not posting pics of myself, for not going out more, or for not trying hard enough. However with patience and the short time I have participated here, I have made some friendships that I treasure.

I do not consider myself to be Transgender as in wanting to have SRS or hormone therapy. I wish nothing but the best for those who do. I consider myself a Crossdresser, I like being a man.....and I like to wear womens clothing. Why do I feel the need to wear a dress and all the rest now and then, d***** if I know, and I no longer care why. I am getting too d***** old to waste time trying to figure that out, worry about it or let those who disapprove bother me.

I think the "Plain ole boring Crossdressers", as I have taken to call myself (I am stealing that phrase from a post by Greenie), are just less vocal, but no less valid and there seems to be lots of us around.

Those who wish to peer down their nose at me are respectfully ignored. They don't make enough Oil of Olay to soften my Hyde!

[jenni_xx]

Doesn't a man who simply crossdresses, such as yourself, come under the term "transgender"?

Why do you think that part-time crossdressers aren't, in your words, "appreciated by the membership as a whole, or we just aren't welcome"? What has given you that idea exactly? I would say, strictly speaking, that the vast majority of members here come under the term "part-time crossdressers", in the sense that they cross-dress for part of their time. Or is it something else you are suggesting - that you identify yourself as a crossdresser only on a temporary basis (that is, when you actually do crossdress), and at other times (when you don't crossdress), you don't regard yourself as a cross-dresser at all? If that's the case, then you are sorely mistaken. I only cross-dress on occasion, and those occasions vary in both frequency and intensity. But even when I'm not dressed, or haven't dressed en femme for quite some time, I'm still a crossdresser. It's a label, a definition, that is applicable to me. And to you. And to everyone else who engages in this activity, irrespective of how much they engage in it.

So you'll have to forgive me in making the following assumption about you: I'm not sure that you realise, or accept, or understand, just what your own understanding, your own realisation, of what a crossdresser actually is. You really are no different from the majority here, yet it seems that you are attempting to distance yourself, paint yourself, regard yourself, as someone different to the vast majority here. You are, simply, and obviously, singling yourself out. And asking questions that really don't hold much credence from the perspective that you are claiming to have. You call it "your brand of crossdressing". You say it's an individualistic exercise of "the tallest order". That is rubbish. And you effectively show why it is rubbish with your subsequent comment - "this odd, yet natural, compulsion". A phrasing that, in all honesty, pretty much describes EVERY SINGLE MAN here.

So to answer your question - yes I do think "all" should mean ALL. I'll take it one step further and provide you a concrete answer: Here, all DOES mean all. And that includes you. So please, just stop trying to create a falsehood that is somehow intent on distinguishing you from any one else who is part of this community. Either on this site, or more generally.

[Madeline80]

As a new plain old CDer, no hormones or surgery, I have felt welcomed here and have experienced nothing but support and encouragement. I don't expect that to change if I eventually move up or down the TG ladder. I think I saved thousands on therapy just by reading the posts and coming to a clear understanding of myself.

[Princess Grandpa]

I have made some online friends and a couple of those I have now met in person. My journey into self discovery is made easier because of this site. I don't know how long I will stay here. I can't honestly say that I felt welcomed by the site. Yes there were plenty of hi's on my intro post but.. Some of the members and one of the mods has gone to great length to make sure I felt welcome and part of the community. Other things have chased my wife away already and take a heavy toll on my desire to continue here. I will leave it at that as I know I'm not allowed to criticize the site or its staff. As long as the benefit I continue to get outweighs the things that bother me I will continue to visit here. As Madeline says "I have saved thousands on therapy"

If you ever need an ear...
Hug
Rita

[Sister Rachel]

Frederique, I think maybe you don't get as much feedback as you crave because your posts are always asking rather deep and complex questions that no-one really has ready answers to, and if they did, they would seem glib and shallow .. I think what you're really looking for is a one-on-one intellectual/ spiritual/ philosophical relationship.

If any people in the forum think I'm a second or third class citizen because I can't "pass", and don't really want to enter a beauty contest, well, that's up to them, it doesn't worry me!

The open forums are a place to hang out and chat more than for really deep and personal stuff, I think.

[Michelle (Oz)]

Doesn't a man who simply crossdresses, such as yourself, come under the term "transgender"?

I don't understand your issue Frederique. I see myself as transgendered (as per Jenni's post) and sometimes get to express the female by crossdressing. The rest of the time I am happily male and it is sure less hastle that way.

There are many points along the spectrum and all have their chance to learn and contribute to the forums. I certainly have learned considerably from others leading to greater understanding and acceptance. Sure, over time, topics go in cycles with less 'fresh' material. That's our chance to give back helping others by displaying understanding and tolerance.

While there may be a degree of intolerance by individual posters (which simply reflects any society) I certainly haven't felt any point on the spectrum is seen as superior.

Michelle

[kimdl93]

Here's my take on this. There are all kinds of CDrs. There may indeed be more part time as you describe them, than those who are more involved in CDing as an expression of gender identification. (i won't engage in the debate on who is transgendered, since the term seems emotionally loaded for some readers)

I have heard a number of complaints from members who feel the part time dresser is diminished or not adequately represented in the topics posted here. If that is true, then it seems to me that the only remedy is for people who have that level of interest to post new threads that are relevant to them and invite discussion by others.

Those of us who are more involved, who do want to live and present as women...which still covers range of degrees...post and respond based on our interests. It may be that we frequent the site more often or have feel a greater need to post and discuss issues of relevance to us, but that certainly is not a deliberate attempt to exclude or minimize those with different interests.

I read and respond to what interests me...evidently a lot of things do, since I have over 11,000 posts!

[Deedee Skyblue]

Missed you, Freddy! I feel somewhat the same way you do, so what I do now is be very selective about the threads I read - and I skip the posts that seem to me to be 'unwelcoming' of the way I choose to be a crossdresser. There are enough people here who have similar interests that I can always find an interesting discussion. Good to see you again!

Deedee

[NicoleScott]

I hear you, Frederique, and I agree with you, so I guess I deserve a bitch-slappin', too.

[Leona]

To be honest, if someone posted a thread like this on the forums where I am a moderator, I'd post a simple "This is an obvious troll" response.

What I see here, I consider to be normal. There isn't an intentional emphasis on one group over another. Instead there's a wide variation of participation levels of individuals, interest in particular threads, so you don't always see mods stepping in, for example. I had a thread that took 3 days for the mods to delete, and I was astonished it took that long. Upon reflection, I realized none of the ones active those first two days were interested enough to open it, then on the third day a mod suddenly got interested.

It's the same with the regular members. If you notice a TS focus for a few days, it's probably because there are more TS's posting at the time, or more threads that interest enough of them.

Everybody's got their views, and it seems to me that most people here are respectful of that fact. Of the few that aren't, mods are usually quick to say something and handle it. So with everyone having their own views, it's reasonable and expected to see strong differences of opinion.

But see, there's also a world of difference between these two statements:

"I would like TG people to have more recognition as people in the world, therefore I wear a skirt to the grocery store."

"If you're serious about being a crossdresser, you have to go out so that you can help make the world better for all of us."

I don't know of any movement that ever gained serious traction by bullying its members into acting a certain way, and when those sorts of statements come at me (pushing me to act a certain way, that is), I push back as nicely as I can without getting moderated. And these forums don't exist for political organization anyway, they're a support forum, so people using them to try to organize a political group are more akin to someone throwing a vibrator and telling their dog to "fetch".

[CarolynO]

I think the gist of Frederique's thread may be the" trannier than thou" attitude perceived around the forum from some members.
Since I joined is Jan. and having been around reading and posting,I haven't seen it either here at mtf cd or the ts forum.All those who replied in my ts thread were helpful and courteous.

[Leona]

CarolynO: You may be right, we'll have to wait for her to come back and clarify that. I definitely interpreted it as more to do with activism, coming out, and being in public.

But in response to the "trannier than thou" attitude, it's worth pointing out that often times a vocal minority can make it seem like the majority has a particular view. I do not believe that the majority has that view here. I do believe it's possible to interpret many posts as reading that way, and I make the choice when I see it to instead interpret it as that member's contribution based on their real life.

Even when someone intends to say something for you to take personally, you always have the choice whether or not to do so.

[Beverley Sims]

Frederique,
Nice to see you back.
Like Kate what you say is okay, meaning correct.
Some rules need to be bent a little as we are all bent in some way here.
To make it black and white does stimulate discussion although I think a little wast of time in some instances.
I have said things here in the wrong section and if you misconstrue what I say and put it into black and white I would be banned long ago.
Moderators look at what people "are trying to say, not what they put down in print", so I do not think the rules can be too rigid.
I also have to hide behind Tamara also and say to you think hard, at what your objectives are and write some more of that wax lyrical stuff that got us thinking.
I will get off my soap box now and look for some real old Frederique, rhetoric.
Stop thinking too hard the rest of us are lazy.
As I have said before I have an attention span of two inches.

[Deedee Skyblue]

The odds are stacked against you, because all you do is friggin moan about this forum and how it isn't for you etc... so if this forum is no good for you, then go find one that is, because quite frankly, I am sick of your goddamn whining, get a sodding grip

I'm going to try this again. Couldn't you have found some way to make your point without being quite so emphatic?

Deedee

[Tamara Croft]

No...............

[TheMissus]

Fredrique, as the wife of a CD who, like you, is the less serious, non transgender type, I can readily agree with what you've written. It can be difficult to pick through the information here and find what's relevant. But I guess that's the case on most open forums - those who do it the most, post the most.

Doesn't mean your side isn't valid or needed. I'm a wife who desperately NEEDS to hear more from men like you as I can tell you, your type of CD is just as difficult for a wife to understand as the more 'serious' type. Perhaps easier to live with, but definitely still confusing!

I'll just have to keep picking through the posts in the interim

[Julie Gaum]

Always a pleasure to see you back. I do believe that there has already been numerous responses that, in summary, believe as I do
that you are not as unique CD-wise as you say you are. Without starting a debate we are all somewhere in the TG spectrum unless,
like many members, your needs bring you into the TS segment. Further, I don't need a poll to know that the majority, even if 51%, are part-timers for whatever their reasons. And many of those are out and about --- doesn't make them better even if a case be made that they are better helping the CD cause by doing so and also, at the same time, enjoying their actions --- why not? I fully agree that this PT majority are probably far less vocal --- especially those still closeted. Why? Either because they may have fewer adventures to write about or maybe their "closet" mindset carries over to restraint in exposing their feelings. Whatever the reasons ---why not? Are there small groups with similar inclinations or on a similar stage of their journey? Of course there are and they enjoy communicating their commonality. Do some become hostile or demeaning to other members? Yes, but one shouldn't take such comments to heart for unless such persons know you personally why should one take umbrage. Be happy, Freddy, we are all one family and you are NOT an outsider!
Julie

[MysticLady]

I may not be the most serious “type” of MtF crossdresser, but I need to crossdress.

Hi Freddy, Most of the time, my crossdressing is............. A lazy slob for not dressing , sitting in front of this computer and talking w/ everyone. 99% of the time, I look like something the cat dragged in. Maybe I should make that my Avatar.

I am sick of your goddamn whining, get a sodding grip

You Meanie, no more cookies for you

It all right Freddy, don't cry

As a new plain old CDer, no hormones or surgery, I have felt welcomed here and have experienced nothing but support and encouragement.

Good Job. BTW..Thank You for the compliment on the other thread. I bet you wouldn't say that if you saw what I look like now

I hear you, Frederique, and I agree with you, so I guess I deserve a bitch-slappin', too.

A slapping we will go, a slapping we will go, hi ho merri-o, a slapping we will go
See Below

To be honest, if someone posted a thread like this on the forums where I am a moderator, I'd post a simple "This is an obvious troll" response.

See Below.

I think the gist of Frederique's thread may be the" trannier than thou" attitude perceived around the forum from some members.

Fredrique, as the wife of a CD who, like you, is the less serious, non transgender type, I can readily agree with what you've written. It can be difficult to pick through the information here and find what's relevant. But I guess that's the case on most open forums - those who do it the most, post the most.

Doesn't mean your side isn't valid or needed. I'm a wife who desperately NEEDS to hear more from men like you as I can tell you, your type of CD is just as difficult for a wife to understand as the more 'serious' type. Perhaps easier to live with, but definitely still confusing!

Mrs. , I am working on an anti confusion pill. Once done, I'll test it on the wife before marketing it, just in case there's problems w/ it


Hi Freddy, welcome back. Like to partially read some of your stuff (too long sometimes and like I said, I'm lazy and short minded. By the time I get to the end, I already forgot the Beginning) Anyway, just keep on keeping on. Sometimes, my 1 brain cell just can't handle your high intellect membrane posts, so I leave them for the smart ones. Anyway kiddo, being from Kansas and all, you should be familiar w/ thick hides. BTW..How's the cattle business up there. Any grass? We're all dried up down here. Looking for Hay, you got any?

[ReineD]

Freddy, I'm so sorry that you feel unwelcome here. I've read tens of thousands of threads here as you know, and I can say with some accuracy that members do not disparage men who say they just like to CD. They may disagree with some of the definitions, but they don't dislike you nor do they wish you gone.

It feels like I made my female persona rather than discovering it inside me.

This is brilliant, Zylia ... this and the rest of your post. I don't think I've ever seen it put this way before.

It's a good question to ask the forum members, in another thread of course: did you make your female persona, or did you discover her inside you?

... or, did you initially make her, but then she became a part of you?