From my earlier posts I been dressing on and off in secret. I finally broke down and told my wife awhile back. She is not very receptive of me doing this but is willing to compromise up to a certain point. It has been a real battle for me. I still have to dress in secret sometimes. I feel selfish for doing this. I just want her to be happy with me and as long as I want to dress that doesn't look good.
My issue is I want to dress and be a woman and then I want to go back to guy mode. I really dislike my genetic body parts when I dress, but very glad I'm a guy when I go back. I can't stop dressing believe me I tried. I wish I can just go out and be myself when I dress, but I'm too scared. Part of me still feels like something is wrong. I feel a tremendous amount of guilt like I am letting my family down. When I get to this point I conveniently want to go back to male mode.
So my question is from me wanting to dress is that a curse or blessing. If I could give this up I would in a second. It just drives me crazy that I can't share my feelings with anyone. There is so much I want to say and do but won't because of my family. My family comes first but then why can't I let this go. Was I meant to be a woman. I sure act that way a lot. If it is that's a path I can't go down. It takes a very strong person to risk everything to start over. That's not me. There are so many good qualities that women have and I can also say the same about men. I do feel very fortunate to see both sides.