Oh don't get me wrong. I've got many challenges and obstacles to overcome. They are a daily occurrence. Whether a man, woman, child, transsexual, homosexual, heterosexual, or anything not mentioned - we all have to deal with unwanted situations that cause us grief, pain, anxiety.... Up until a couple of years ago, I loved my life as a man. I accepted challenges and succeeded. Once my marriage failed, I was lost...a failure... wanted to die. I struggled to find a purpose. As much as I tried, I could not find fulfillment, until I decided not to fight myself any longer. I decided to embrace the woman inside and let her out. Little did I know, how much of a woman I would become - and so fast. That was October 30th, 2012. By February, 2013 I knew what I had to do.
I've been on HRT for over 4 months. May 2nd was my last day as a man. However, I presented as a man one last time for a few hours on July 7th for my grandson's 5th birthday. I really was happy to be there, but was saddened that I couldn't be the real me. I cried for an hour before I had to dress as the father, grandfather, son, brother and uncle my family expected to see. I put on a good facade during the party, but most could see that I wasn't quite right. Other than seeing the joy on my grandson's face enjoying his birthday, the one highlight was when my mom greeted me with a hug and whispered in my ear, "I still see Anne." After the party I said my goodbyes and went to my sister-in-law's house to get out of that man suit. I had to drive 200 miles back home and cried most of the way. I felt like I betrayed myself. Even though I told my family I would present whichever way they felt most comfortable, I can't do it again.
Now for my work. Work challenges don't appear to be because I'm transitioning. They are because I work with idiots. Now that I'm more comfortable at work, I'm able to stand up for what's right. But, that comes with a cost. It puts a bigger target on my back. I already had a target on my back because I'm a 6'4" transsexual woman. Now that I'm challenging supervisors' stupid decisions, I'm being looked at under a microscope. I have to account for minute of work and report it to my supervisor daily. I can't be even a minute late from lunch or I get talked to. Even though I had a pre-existing irritable bowel syndrome (IBS), I received an official counseling that my bathroom visits are "excessive" even though "they don't appear to be negatively affecting my work performance." The reason I'm not crying "discrimination" is because they are creating a stressful work environment for everyone, not just me. As a matter of fact, a co-worker and friend died last week at home due to unknown causes. We believe it was stress induced. Autopsy results will not be known for a while because there is no sign of foul play or suicide. Supervision did little to help us cope with the loss (no grief counseling). I'm too angry to grieve right now anyway. Nevertheless, I and other co-workers believe I'm getting the brunt of the heat. So, we're compiling notes and going to report it to the Union.
These are some pretty big challenges, and could cause anxiety and depression. And yes, I feel anxious and depressed at times. But then I realize all the good things happening. I'm finally living the life I've only dreamed possible. I have more friends than I have ever had before. I'm comfortable in my own skin (although there are many modifications needed to be where I really want to be). I'm emotionally stronger than I have been in years. And I'm being treated like a woman everywhere and go. Most everyone I meet truly believes I'm a tall, somewhat masculine woman.
I thank God every day for giving me these blessings and stay strong in the belief that these challenges are there to make me stronger, build character, and be a positive testimony to others that may one day face similar challenges. So, as a man, I was a good strong person. But as a woman, I'm stronger, more likeable, and.....prettier...at least I feel prettier
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Originally Posted by AnneB1nderful
