The Dilema deepens.

[Gloriamontrose]

Well, having been told that there would be no intimate relationships between us, that seems to have broken down a little bit and my wife has gotten closer in terms of a cheek kiss and cuddle but nothing beyond that. We're more like girlfriends but she insists we're husband and wife. That said she has encouraged my dressing to the extend that she has pointed me in direction of the larger size direction of her favorite shop Christopher and Banks and has bought me clothes, make-up and jewelry from various sources. i am now allowed to dress all day so long as when we go out I go out en drab. But at home Gloria is welcome to the entent that right now we have house guests and when they had retired to bed she said she was surprised to see me not in a dress. Make up is cool and the whole thing looks rosy.
But she has taken up swimming in the morning, three or four times a week for about three hours and I am getting concerned. I am pretty certain she has someone else that she is seeing but rather than dismay me, the situation almost excites me. Should i just be the house frau and give her her freedom or should I confront her or what. I went through the laundry basket and am pretty sure she is sleeping about and not trying to hide it - almost being flagrant about it and hoping I'll find it out. Has anyone else been through this and if so what did you do?

Gloria K

[Shari]

Haven't been through anything similar but it sounds like she's giving you what you want so she can have what she wants.
You should ask her if you could go along swimming with her.

[Kate Simmons]

I'm guessing you have to decide if you want a girl friend to hang around with or a wife. If the current arrangement suits the both of you, then I see no problem.

[suzy1]

If she is having a relationship with someone else and doesn't want intimacy with you then wait for the next stage, divorce.
Hope I am wrong but………….

[Sarah Beth]

What works for one couple won't work for another. I won't give advice like saying you should do this or do that I just know that living together and suspecting, wondering and worrying will take its tool and at some point something has to give.

[noeleena]

Hi,

Depends on the person & the background leading up to what is going on. too many factors here to be able to answer,

Our background is different, though no dought some detail will be similar, again depends on how you both feel about each other & how long youv been together, ,

the insisting your still husband & wife , she still needs a husband though like two girl friends .

Well time will tell . dont condem her is my advise, leave well alone you have a need to do dressing this maybe her way of working through a issue or problem she has with you dressing,

remember im not a male so i dont know, your a male though showing signs of maybe wonting to be like a woman,

As i said,,,, dont condem,,,, her i know what its like having my partner go off with another man, hey it hurts really does, you lose trust you condem your self because your not what others expected you to be, or had seen you as,

Being different really does change things in a relationship. even after 40 years, how you work through that can make or break you so if you do need to find out be very tactfull or just let it go .

With our stuation i knew weeks before Jos even told me i knew deep down call it what you like intution i knew & when Jos said iv got something to say . i said i know you dont need to say anything, sometimes you just need to prepare your self .

We had allso worked out what we would do 14 years before , this is where it gets more personal. i could not give Jos what she needed or what a male can give in a relationship. , okay, i failed because im not male being a intersexed female has its own issues, & that meant i would live as a normal woman,

though Jos & i are still very good friends though its more than just that of cause, youll understand why we dont live together even though we did for 35 years, Allso being a woman i understand where Jos is or has come from. the botom line is Jos needs a real male, not someone like myself to live with, that does not mean we'v not had a good life together ,

Take care & just ride the wave while its still rolling. .

...noeleena...

[Karren H]

If she is having a relationship with someone else and doesn't want intimacy with you then wait for the next stage, divorce.
Hope I am wrong but………….

Yeah and she is setting you up ...... letting you get all girlie and probably documenting it so her divorce lawyer wont have to work very hard to prove its all your fault..... and you basically loose everything except the dress on your back.....

[jillleanne]

I spent alot of years at the pool and three hours would have drowned me. No one swims for three hours except Olympians and dolphins. If it concerns you, why not do a little Dick Tracy work?

[Momarie]

Sounds like you have a Cuckold fantasy...

[MissTee]

I will agree with Karren. Smells like a setup. I feel addressing your concerns is in order. Keep us posted, and good luck.

[linda allen]

She might actually be swimming. Is she bringing home a wet towel and bathing suit? Does she smell like chlorine? You can find out if you want to.

I'm not sure if you're asking for advice, sympathy, or what.

[suchacutie]

It would seem prudent to take your head out of the sand (or pink fog). It's time for your male self to step up and take control of your life. You need information and you need to decide what you want in your life. It sounds like your wife already has decided.

[MysticLady]

Gloria, why don't you just ask her. Sounds simple enough.

[Lorileah]

Lions and tigers and ...bears...OH MY. How does her body look? Working out 3 hr 4 times a week should be showing some awesome results.

I think those who look for boogiemen in the relationship often have other reasons...like they are looking for something themselves. Maybe you are right, probably you are wrong. People having affairs have more than one excuse because that one excuse is too easy to check. You know you could go to the pool. Might actually be a good thing because swimming will get you that svelte body. And you two could share a hobby.

All this BS about a set up. No state in the US will allow being TG as an excuse for a divorce. They certainly won't allow it for property. It isn't illegal. If she wants to leave you all she needs to say is "Irreconcilable differences" no fault. And besides people which would be worse in a judge's eyes...wearing a dress or messing around on the side? If we are talking morals as an excuse...if she is having an affair, she is just as deep and probably legally deeper.

I agree with the cuckold assessment though. Hey if that works for you...go for it

[kimdl93]

if you have valid suspicions then ask your wife. If this is just some silly fantasy, keep it to yourself.

[Barbra P]

Where does she have to go and how long does it take to get there to go swimming? Is she just doing casual swimming or is she taking an aquatic exercise class where the classmates frequently socialize and relax in the pool after the class. Either way when you consider time to change when she gets to the pool, time to change shower and change after the swim, maybe get something to drink if the pool has a juice bar, three hours doesn’t seem excessive.

You have houseguests and you dress when they retire? Do you have a huge house and your houseguests are staying in a separate wing? How can you be reasonably sure one of your houseguests won’t get for a drink of water or something and see you, or are you restricting your dressing to the bedroom? Me, I’d hate being cooped up in a single room, I don’t even like being cooped up in the house and I frequently go out into the yard.

But I agree with the others here who suggest asking her what’s up; it sure beats sneaking around playing private-eye. What’s the worst that happen? She confirms your suspicion and says “Yes, I’m having an affair” are you any worse off if she admits it, after all you yourself say you are more like girlfriends. Do you know how you’ll react if she admits it, would that be a wakeup call for you to become more a husband in her life and less a girlfriend?

I can understand my Wife’s feelings about not wanting to be intimate with Babs so I don’t continue to dress late into the evening, nor do I wear feminine things to bed. I’m OK with that and I suppose if she wanted to go to bed with Barbra I’d have to start worrying that maybe she would rather go to bed with a real woman, one without outside plumbing and with real boobs to play with.

[Beverley Sims]

Suzy in post #4 and
Karen in post #7 have the answers.
Linda Allen suggests a solution in post 11.
I say go swimming with her or do a little detective work.
Do not get caught trying to doubt her word though.
Then it gets tough.

[Gloriamontrose]

Thanks for the replies. First off the 'cuckold' thing. I'd suspect this is recuring fantasy among many husbands but when it comes down to the real McCoy most would find the idea repugnant. I too dalied with the idea for a nano second but don't think if it were true I would be able to put up with it on a regular basis. Next the divorce and grab-it-all theory. Non starter, she's got loads more money than me. In fact if it were a 50-50 split I'd do quite well out of it. Yes she does water aerobics, is a size 10, looks great, and it takes 20 minutes to get into town. I may a suspicious old git BUT the recently found acceptance of my crossdressing to the extent of pro active support coupled with her extended pool visits has got my mind working overtime. If I asked outright 'are you sleeping around' what is the natural answer? Denial of course, so it's a waste of time asking becuase the answer is either true or false and there is no way of telling. If I were asked whether I was having an affair or not the answer would ALWAYS be 'no'. What was I looking for when first posted was to share what was going in through my mind - nowhere else to turn to as it were. It's not the sort of thing that you can discuss with friends. Thanks for the great replles. Gloria M (en femme as usual.)

[Tracii G]

One good reason not to have sex with her if she is sleeping around.I wouldn't touch her with a 10 foot pole.
Sounds like she is done with you but wants to stay to have a roof over her head and bleed you for support (if she isn't working).
My first wife did the old sex cut off thing saying she was tired or just didn't want to. Going out at night supposedly with GF's but I did the Dick Tracy thing and caught her with several different guys.She asked me if we could have an arrangement where she could sleep around and I could if I wanted.I was livid and said hell no.
I got my evidence in picture form and kicked her out.She told me if I even tried to divorce her she would take everything I had.
Well I kept everything and my kids and she hit the streets on her own.
Get ready poo is going to be hitting the fan soon.Get your ducks in a row.

[Michelle (Oz)]

Sorry to say that I went through a similar thing with my second wife. I was allowed, or may be it was me insisting, on dressing and made no attempt to hide the fact. I thought she was OK with it.

She stopped wearing her wedding ring and was going out with girlfriends (sic) at the weekend. Sex stopped too. The signs were there but I didn't see them or, possibly, didn't want to see them. A month or so later she told me that she was leaving me for a real man. Unlucky fellow!!

So my ex was not OK with my dressing at all. Just had emotionally moved on and didn't care. Probably helped her ease any conscience she had about her affair.

Don't hope for your cuckold fantasy. She will move on - in her mind she may already have done so and is just lining up the ducks before saying goodbye.

One prophetic comment she made was that I'd find someone more suitable for me. I did just a few months later ... she doesn't like my dressing but I at least know where I stand (DADT) without game playing.

[Kaz]

You have some great answers already, but for my little attempt at support. I am now finding myself in the world of... talk to her... ask her how the swimming is going. If she is OK with you dressing then you have every right to explore what she is doing. Digging around in the laundry is a little weird.. evidence? Of what...? Easy to check on the swimming.. you just go and look.

Every situation is different and I am not advising, but I would talk... But tbh it doesn't look promising... sounds like she is looking for a replacement for what she thinks she has lost...

[Gloriamontrose]

You have some great answers already, but for my little attempt at support. I am now finding myself in the world of... talk to her... ask her how the swimming is going. If she is OK with you dressing then you have every right to explore what she is doing. Digging around in the laundry is a little weird.. evidence? Of what...? Easy to check on the swimming.. you just go and look.

Don't want to ask her as the answer is predictable. She will not admit it, would you on first approach? The laundy basket yields all sord of mess and I'll let ohers give you the clues I have found. Nuff said. Gloria K

[Gloriamontrose]

Just heard from a neighbour that there is a 'thing' going on down in the swimpool in town with some of the ladies and the pool staff. I heard that one of the ring leaders is my wifes friend that she goes with. Now what? Gloria K.

[MysticLady]

Gloria, I think you're freaking out over something that may not be there. Everything you've said is just so vague.

[jillleanne]

What's next? Are you kidding me? Join the pool of course. Then see how long she stays a member.