Self-love, worrying about what other people will think

[Jill]

I wish I felt comfortable expressing myself freely to my main facebook circle which is something I have had on my mind lately. I think the reason why it seems like my self-esteem has taken a hit is because I am finding, more and more, that I care what other people think about me in many ways. I am dressed today, I want to go to the thrift store and have a look around because they are having a sale today. I need broccoli, jalapeno's and cereal from the store. I don't go do those things. Why? Because I am afraid of what other people will think. Granted, sometimes I am a bit paranoid and feel like it would take only one nasty dude with something to prove to seriously ruin my day. But what is stopping me? Only the thought of what people will think. I think it's hard to like yourself when you are being less true to yourself in this or a similar fashion. I keep worrying too what if the neighbors saw me. I just moved to a new apartment a couple weeks ago and I am getting a feel for the community. I sometimes see the darker side of things in my work and I know what bad things people can be capable of doing. Part of me just wants to just say "screw it" and walk out of here tall and proud. I am just kind of putting down my thoughts but I would like to hear some of yours?

[ninadiva]

I feel the same as you. Like me you have nice legs ! Another recent thread goes something like why express yourself to anyone other than yourself. I can live with that because I am staying safely in my nice fluffy closet for now. Dont do facebook is the advice I have read here so many times.

[Shae Baby]

I say screw it! hold your head up high and just be who YOU want to be! if any one has an issue with that then that's their own problem not yours. as for the people next door, who's to say that they're watching you every moment of every day? would they even notice if a woman walked out of your house instead of a man? how would they know that you weren't just some one that you invited over. have faith in who you want to be! no one can stop you other then you!

[Alice Torn]

I can sure relate, to everything you said. i take it you may have been or are Mormon, as where you liveis greatly Mormon. I have similar religion, but not Mormon, and am paranoid, overly sensitive, and overly analytical . jUST WALKING OUT OF MY PLACE AS A WOMAN WOULD, AND MAYBE HAS OUTED ME ALREADY ONCE. Few women are six foot ten in heels!

[ninadiva]

don't need a masculine man in order to validate myself as a woman.
I wish GG's thought that way !

[Jill]

Alice, I used to be mormon, I was raised in the church. Salt Lake City is fortunately way watered down when it comes those who are active mormons, at least compared to the area that I grew up in. The church was very strong here 20 years ago but now people are leaving by the bus load but yes, this has a lot to do with the fear of not being myself. When I was in the church, I always felt like I was suffocating, people were constantly censoring me.

[LasVegasXD]

I feel the same way. Sometimes how I get over it is telling myself, when are you going to see that random stranger again in a city of 1.5 million. You probably won't. And besides, do you really care what an uptight, judgmental, overly conservative, cis/gender normative person thinks? Go on girl, go on get down.

[Frédérique]

Why? Because I am afraid of what other people will think. Granted, sometimes I am a bit paranoid and feel like it would take only one nasty dude with something to prove to seriously ruin my day. But what is stopping me? Only the thought of what people will think. I think it's hard to like yourself when you are being less true to yourself in this or a similar fashion. I keep worrying too what if the neighbors saw me. I just moved to a new apartment a couple weeks ago and I am getting a feel for the community. I sometimes see the darker side of things in my work and I know what bad things people can be capable of doing. Part of me just wants to just say "screw it" and walk out of here tall and proud. I am just kind of putting down my thoughts but I would like to hear some of yours?

Thinking of the feelings of others cannot be self-love, can it? Aren’t we supposed to be cognizant of others, even though our crossdressing is a rather selfish thing to do? I think it’s all in how you’ve been brought up, and I was brought up to be kind and considerate to others…

I can’t just walk out the front door, dressed as I please, because this neighborhood is inhabited by children, children who I KNOW have never seen a man dressed as a woman, unless they’ve seen an accepted form of MtF crossdressing on TV (for comedic purposes, I mean). What would happen if they saw me? I mean, they’ve seen me in normal boy mode, so how would I go about explaining myself in that situation? For one thing, it’s unfair to the parents. I’m presenting a view of the world that does not jibe with accepted (and official) conservative sense, effectively turning their parenting on its ear, just so I can feel good about myself? Get real…

In my view, active self-love would be to preserve the feelings you enjoy, and perpetuate those feelings as long as possible. This would involve NOT placing yourself in harm's way, and giving the brutes of the world a toehold. Better to keep the pink bubble from bursting, IMHO, so that means being aware of what other people would (and usually WILL) think. As far as pride is concerned, I dislike the word, for it smacks of carelessness. In many ways I’m pleased that I don’t rock the boat, and children can come upon things at their own unforced pace, while their parents can worry about things they have information about and thus CAN deal with easily…

[Alice Torn]

Well said frederique. Though we disagree on some things, we sure agree here. Tramatic events with the uninformed "normies" are not worth it, most often. Playing it safe, is often the wiser, more peaceful, unselfish thing to do. Clark Kent did not out himself, for good reason, and neither did Bruce Wayne. And neither do some of us, for good reason.

[Shae Baby]

Lol I am a GG

[Beverley Sims]

Worrying about what other people think is a great leveler and helps with your eventual presentation as a female.