Have you CONVINCED yourself that you’re a woman?

[Tara Power]

I don't think thats the point for me really. I have no intentions of convincing myself I am a woman, all I want is to feel like the woman I am on the inside, bring her to the outside and for other people to be convinced that I am a woman rather than a fella in a skirt. But then I don't want people to be convinced that I am a woman, that takes largely away from the point. I'd rather people not notice I am anything other than what I project Tara to be.

And if people do look at me, its because of how good I look and are checking out my style, not checking me out for any 'tells'. I don't need convincing, I know who I am.

x

[NathalieX66]

I've convinced myself that my X and Y chromosomes, or my testosterone/ estrogen hormone balance don't define who I really am as a person. ....and no I really didn't convince myself of anything, it just is.

I am just simply me.

[Frédérique]

I appreciate all of the lengthy, well thought-out responses, especially the one by DebbieL. Her post makes MY things look short!

Gender and sex are not the same thing. Your definitions are ok for the sex of a person but you miss the point completely on gender. Gender is in the head, sex is below the head.

If transgender is going to be adopted as a blanket term for all types of crossdressers, then you really should look at the recent proliferation of “gender” over “sex” as a similar phenomenon. People are queasy about using the word SEX, period, so they soften the effect by using gender in its place, as a euphemism. Case in point, you specify that sex is “below the head,” which is a soft way of saying “below the waist,” so you yourself would rather not get into what the word sex denotes…

For all practical intents and purposes, sex and gender is the same thing, no matter how you slice it, what spin you put on it, or what you wish to believe. Any discussion on this site will inevitably veer over into sexual territory, whether you want it to or not, and, if you ask me, the term “gender” just doesn’t cut the proverbial mustard. Even if I say I like wearing women’s clothing, as I have done on several occasions, somebody “in the know” will point out that my predilection for tactile splendor has sexual overtones. They never say I’m suffering from some kind of gender disorder, even though my willful crossdressing is a highly cerebral exercise…

As Marleena would say, "I could be wrong but that's the way I see it." Speaking of Marleena:

I see it as a CD thinking vs. TG thinking. Freddy in this case case can't convince himself he is a woman. The thread is based on a TG person convincing them self they are a woman (which could also be fantasy).

Yes, that’s it exactly. Believing you’re a woman, and then convincing yourself of this fact (which may be a fantasy, as you have pointed out), is a bit beyond what I set out to do back in the day. Oh, it’s nice to think of yourself as a woman, and disappear into a pink fog, but, eventually, the fog will burn off and you’re still a male. I think you CAN convince yourself that you’re a woman, if you put your mind to it, and live your live that way. I can imagine people trying to do that, or actually doing it, but, for me at least, it is beyond my personal level of conviction. As I stated in the OP, I see this more as a kind of reinvention, not being overly pleased with yourself as-is, and setting out to change the scenery, perhaps forever. Reinvention is a noble enterprise, and it takes a lot of courage, as well as a LOT of convincing…

[sometimes_miss]

This debate is largely the same question as "which came first, the chicken or the egg?"

Well, a different bird can lay an egg with genetic mutations that produce the chicken. So, the egg came first, which became the first genuine chicken.
Now then. hope I get this right with all the quotes.

Is it that I fantasize about being a woman so much that I would convince myself that I'm actually a woman?

Yes that is possible.

Or, is it that I have an underlying female identity that causes me to fantasize about being a woman?

Also possible.

What is this underlying female identity? Is it my soul having been female in many past lives?

There is little evidence of reincarnation. I do have some theories as to why some people have memories of other past lives, which I will get into later.

Is my brain a female brain? Maybe my brain is somewhere in between male and female? Maybe there's some unknown mechanism at work here.

While it has been discovered that males and females USUALLY have particular differences in brain physiology, anatomy and thoughts stimulate different sexes in different ways, there are also individuals who have brains that exhibit all the traits of the opposite sex but still think, feel and behave as the gender of their physical sex, so there's something else that can cause it as well. Remember, not everything has only one cause.

It gets even more complex because there are gender identities aside from male and female...in betweeners, both, neither. Could some CD, who identify strictly as male, be TS in denial, or some other gender in denial, maybe some are, and others are just strictly CD. Could an "in betweener" be TS woman in denial? Some may be, some may be legitimately 50% male 50% female or some other in between combination.

Yes to all the above.

I do agree that telling a TS that they're a just CD with a fantasy is dangerous. That's why we have therapists. Every one of us learns new things along the road, and our understanding of ourselves as being a CD, TS woman, gender fluid, both male & female, is subject to change as more is revealed about ourselves, or that bell just rings one day and makes it clear.

However, perhaps the TS has not considered that being CD and having fantasies was a potential possibility. Anything that considers alternate possibilities is food for thought.

Some people say that 95% of CDs identify as straight male, and others say 95% of CDs are TS in denial. The truth lies somewhere in the middle, and I can't say what the % are.

No one can. So many are in the closet that there's no way to count, because whatever inspires those to come out could also cause other feelings as well.

1-Why could two or more boys raised in the same family, born within a few years apart, had same upbringing, values, environment, and one grow up to be a CD or TS or gender variant or gay or bisexual? And the other boy(s) a typical straight male with absolutely no desire to CD, nor to live as a woman and transition, and no desire to have sex with men--and they fully accept everything that comes along with the male role and it feels comfortable to them?

Single changes in dna, or how and when a gene is expressed can lead to huge changes in the specimen. We are also the sum of our experiences, so that will affect the individuals as well. Extreme trauma, physical or emotional, can cause long term personality changes, so why wouldn't it be possible for it to affect sexual orientation and/or gender identity? I believe this is possible, even though it will tremendously upset the whole 'I was born this way' apple cart.

2-If all men have the pressure to conform to expected male behavior and thinking, then why do the vast majority of men have no desire to wear women's clothes even privately, yet some of us will CD at least privately? Keep in mind even though many of CD fear getting caught, we still do it any ways.

For most men, there is no pressure to 'conform' to expected male behavior and thinking; they do it naturally. It's not 'conforming'; it's what they are. We tend to do what makes us feel better. Remember, every guy masturbates even though he doesn't want to be caught doing it.

3-If all men have the pressure to conform to expected male behavior and thinking, then why do the vast majority of men have no desire or fantasy to be a woman, yet some of us do have a desire or fantasy to be a woman?

Again, for most men it's not a pressure to conform, it's what they already are; they don't want or need to feel in the female role, so there's no fantasy for it. For TS, TG, CD, there IS a reason for our minds to use the fantasy.

4-If all men have the pressure to conform to expected male behavior and thinking, then why do most men fear the idea of being reincarnated as a woman, and similarly would never want to be told they were a woman in a past life?

One, because they do not want the female role in life, and two, there is a huge stigma attached to openly accepting ANYTHING feminine about ourselves publicly. As seen with crossdressing, any display of feminine behavior can completely destroy women's desire for us, even if everything else points to us as being normally male; it only takes one thing to kill sexual desire. And no man wants to risk that, which is one reason so many of us are deep in the closet.

Yet some of us are ok with or even would prefer to be reincarnated as a woman in the next life, and we would be perfectly fine being told we were women in past lives?

One possibility is that some of us really believe that being a woman is easier than being a man, so despite either being acceptable, we'd prefer being female.
The past lives thing also alleviates the responsibility of making the choice; clearly, it was 'fate' that did it, and we did not choose to be female, so no one can claim we wanted that. After all, even as little boys, we are told that being girly in any way is the worst possible thing we can ever be. Even as adults, if you're in the armed forces, being called a lady is considered the worst possible insult that a man can be subject to. This is well known, and another reason why so many of us keep our gender bending such a secret.

If all men have the pressure to conform to expected male behavior and thinking, then why are most men 100% certain of their male gender identity, even if they occasionally think the grass is greener on the other side?

They don't. Most men have no desire to be female, and clearly don't see any distinct advantages to being a woman.

Yet some of us question our gender identity? Why would someone even bother questioning their gender or fantasize about being a woman, if there wasn't some bit of truth to it?

Because some people are just naturally inquisitive; we want to know the possibilities of everything. Others simply don't care. And others fantasize about all kinds of things, not just what it's like being a woman, but being a bird, a dog, etc.. When I was a kid alone on vacation, a neighbor had a big lab that was my almost daily companion. I wondered what it was like to be that dog. Doesn't mean I was one either in the past or currently.
And, external experiences can make you question your gender identity. Suppose when you're a very young boy, someone tells you that you were really supposed to be a girl, but god made a mistake? Now, you will begin to question if there's any truth to it, whether or not there actually is. And suppose you incorrectly interpret past experiences to support that person's implication, because, well, he's much older and smarter than you are, and he gives you a reason for his theory? Then maybe you will also incorrectly interpret future experiences to support his theory as well. (been there, done that).

Reincarnation. OK. Energy cannot be created or destroyed, that we know. We also know that radio waves, once generated, continue through space forever. Every thought has a corresponding electrical current, which is an energy wave. You can measure it with an eeg machine. So now, suppose those waves are earth bound, maybe by gravity or something else we haven't figured out yet. Like radio waves, those waves continue forever, although much weaker by comparison. Now suppose your eeg waves and the eeg waves from a person from 200 years ago are virtually identical; the receptors in your brain may pick up on the waves the other person's body generated 200 years ago. You may 'receive' memory thoughts or even think you see things that other person did 200 years ago. Which would also explain seeing and/or hearing 'ghosts' that other people do not see, and you may also think you feel things that person felt as well, as all nerve impulses have an electrical component as well. So, the next time you think you feel like you're body is female, maybe that's what you are experiencing; then, the conflict between current feelings and those you've gotten from the past will result in confusion in your brain.
JMHO.

[mariehart]

Actually Fredirque's last post has highlighted for me perfectly why I now realise there is a huge gulf between crossdressers and transsexuals. On the face of it, we have a lot in common. In reality there is little or no cross reference.

I thank him for that. Italics are deliberate. In a funny way he has hit the proverbial nail on the head. At the risk of stating the obvious. CDs are men who dress in women's clothes. TGs are women with men's bodies.

Obviously because of the human condition it's never that obvious. So we are lumped together.

I don't think either variation benefit from this.

My own view is that whatever way you want to say it. CDing is essentially a hobby or a need for certain men. A harmless occupation. Being TS is an unfortunate situation. An awful daily dilemma. A situation where you spend your life pretending to be something you are not or throwing away your entire life hitherto and becoming the person you should have been.

If only I could just be a CD.

[emma5410]

Reading the posts of sometimes-miss, Frederique and Veronica just confirms that many CDs do not understand the first thing about being TS. As far as I can tell most of you are cisgendered and being TS is completely outside of your experience. Living with a male body from a young age and feeling it is fundamentally wrong is outside the experience of anyone who does not have that split between mind and body.
I went full time eight months ago because I had run out of options. It was a frightening thing to do but so was killing myself. Being full time has plenty of challenges but it has relieved the gender dysphoria. I am a woman despite the fact that I was born male. My inner female gender is not some illusion or fantasy. It not the result of convincing myself that I am a woman. I would not have put myself through the last eight months for an illusion or fantasy for anything. I am sorry Frederique you are an excellent writer and come up with interesting questions but you have shown time and time again that you just do not get it. To be honest I would not expect you to unless you have experienced it. I really wish I did not get it and could play dress up in pretty clothes instead of having to live the reality of it 24/7 .

[sabrinaedwards]

You have generated many "deep" responses. The only thing that I can say from my perspective is that it's more than the clothes. Yes, I'm a cross dresser, but it is so much more than that. Conversely, I do not think that we cannot feel the way a genetic female feels.

[PaulaQ]

Even if I say I like wearing women’s clothing, as I have done on several occasions, somebody “in the know” will point out that my predilection for tactile splendor has sexual overtones. They never say I’m suffering from some kind of gender disorder, even though my willful crossdressing is a highly cerebral exercise…

So who says that those who are "in the know" actually know shit? I don't believe most of them do - at least they don't understand what all of this is like.

The difference between your opinion, Frederique, and mine about all of this is that you believe you have free will over this, while I am certain that you do not. And that is what those "in the know" can't understand. And failing to understand this makes the rest of what they say just an exercise in an analytical proof that starts with an obviously false premise.

As far as I can tell most of you are cisgendered and being TS is completely outside of your experience.

I disagree that most people on this forum are cisgendered. They may assert "I'm a lumberjack and I'm ok..." but in fact, they are not. I think many here suffer from a milder form of what TS suffer from, one that can be controlled with CDing. This makes them lucky. But they also have real problems, real issues, and real pain because of it, and many of the problems faced are common to both the CD and TS individual.

I think the mighty "Denial" river flows through this forum with great majesty, and a vast gulf between her shores.

[Suzanne F]

This thread has caused me to really ponder what is going on with me. I know it is more than clothes for me and I always have. I don't know how I suppressed this for so long. Now that it has come out (6 months approx) it feels like I never had a choice. However if I was looking at it from the outside that mAkes no sense. I chose to ignore it for all that time. Now I want so much to be authentic. But that may hurt my family. Then I think no one would choose to be in this position would they? I just hate it when these issues divide us on here. I support everyone's attempt to find their true self and love the people in their lives.
Suzanne

[Brooklyn]

Thinking a lot about my gender does not make me happier. For some reason, emulating a woman does. Feminizing my appearance and doing activities that are traditionally feminine often do as well. Maybe one day HRT would, but I hope to avoid that. Considering what is involved with transitioning, I'd do everything possible I could to un-convince myself that I am a woman first. But if I ever convinced myself I was a woman, as you put it, or otherwise found myself to be TS, I'd hope I'd have the courage to accept that fact, act on it, and get on with the rest of my life.

[MissTee]

Have I convinced myself I'm a woman? I don't think so. When dressing I often envision myself as female because that is how my self expression manifests itself. Even then I know I'm genetically a guy, and to be honest I very much want to keep that part of me alive. CD-ing for me is about realizing all that I am, not changing what I am.

Whoa, that was pretty deep for me. Can we talk about shoes now?

[Frédérique]

Reading the posts of sometimes-miss, Frederique and Veronica just confirms that many CDs do not understand the first thing about being TS.

Earlier today I posted this in another thread:

I cry when the transsexuals lug their viewpoints over into the MtF section and transpose them over whatever is being discussed, as if only THEIR opinion matters, changing the course of a thread and ruining the proceedings. Just sayin’…

From MY point of view, transsexuals don’t know the first thing about being “just a crossdresser,” but that doesn’t stop them from commenting in this section, does it? Let me tell you something, since you brought it up: I don’t care what it’s like to be TS, OK? I can only attempt to discuss things that I DO know, and MtF crossdressing happens to be one of them. This thread is NOT about being TS, being on the road to TS, or thinking like a transsexual. It’s NOT my scene! Do “us” all a favor - look around, see where you are, and try to be sympathetic to people who are not at all like you. If you can manage that, I may not have to post things like the above quote...

In other words, gimme a break, or, better yet, THINK before posting...

[vanitysumers]

I have convinced myself that at different angles I look like a man and others I look like a woman.


I sometimes feel somethings in my life show that I might feel like a woman sometimes but that MAN KEEPS EMERGING STRONG!

i do not think I can live as a woman cause i do not like men and I like the advantage of being a man. I like the advantage of being a woman too but i am glad I can remove that by removing the makeup,breast forms and clothing.

I am thinking about getting my hips done. That will just make another thing I need to hide when going to the gym or working out with my martial arts classes.
I wear baggy clothing to hide my butt and socks or always on to hide my toe nails that are always polished.I use water socks at the pool or beach .I use a baseball cap or beenie to hide my long hair.

[PaulaQ]

It's not considered good form in the internet to troll your own thread, Frederique.

How do you know I'm not a MtF crossdresser? I'm wearing makeup, a wig, breastforms. I spent months and months here being told - whoa - you are just a CD, slow down on the whole transition thing. Do I not have some say in what it's like to be a cross dresser? And I simply disagree with you that we're all that different.

I think your premise, that there is some magical difference between "just a CD" who's convinced themselves they are a female and a transsexual is ridiculous. How can you possibly tell the difference between the two? I know many girls in transition who thought they were "just a CD". A LOT of TS girls would love it if they were "just a CD".

So how then, in your mind would you tell the difference between the two? YOU CAN'T - and that's my point.

But you only started this thread to stir shit up - you know this - you admitted as much earlier in the thread!

Look, if you have to troll your own thread to get stuff boiling, that's just a fail. Have some pride and do what everyone else does and use a sock puppet account. Because really - your post is just kind of sad.

edit:

I cry when the transsexuals lug their viewpoints over into the MtF section and transpose them over whatever is being discussed, as if only THEIR opinion matters, changing the course of a thread and ruining the proceedings. Just sayin’…

You posted that in a thread I started, and I don't really care, but people were (and are) responding to that thread with some sincerity. YOUR thread here, has also had a fair amount of thoughtful and honest replies. They just don't agree with you, because, as you are sometimes wont to do - you spend paragraphs and paragraphs spouting just nonsense. For example:

- This thread, which is apparently for people who are convinced they are women, but aren't TS. This is simply idiotic.
- Your thread about "why don't men have long hair" - you got into a raging snit about it when people pointed out - "uh hey, I see lots of guys with long hair."

So the only person who seems to have hurt feelings here is you Frederique. And I'm sorry about that - but if you are going to post long posts that assert silly things, you can't get butt hurt about it when people point out "uh hey, that doesn't sound quite right..." I'm sorry, but that's just how I see it. If I have hurt someone's feelings with anything I've said - they are always welcome to PM me and discuss it. I take things like that seriously, and I really don't want to hurt anyone's feelings.

[vanitysumers]

MANY TS DONOT LIKE CD'S,DRAGQUEENS OR TV'S.

I READ IT ALL THE TIME THAT "its just a man in a dress and a wig".

I always tell them you are then just a man with silicone, a dress and a wig.

its so ridiculous!

[PaulaQ]

Vanity - many CDs don't like TS girls either.

You know what? Both sides are just FLAT OUT WRONG in my opinion.

We should get along. The world ****ing hates us - should we divide ourselves and hate one another as well? Does that make a goddamned particle of sense to anyone?

It doesn't to me.

[Michelle789]

Reading the posts of sometimes-miss, Frederique and Veronica just confirms that many CDs do not understand the first thing about being TS. As far as I can tell most of you are cisgendered and being TS is completely outside of your experience. Living with a male body from a young age and feeling it is fundamentally wrong is outside the experience of anyone who does not have that split between mind and body.

I've read this thread, as well as some very old threads that have been closed. I notice a lot of people say that most CD are "just CD" and are "straight male" all the way. I've also noticed from the a lot of threads the opposite, that most CD are in fact TS in denial.

Once again, the truth is somewhere in the middle. There are CD who are completely male and have no desire to be female, they just want to dress up sometimes. They have no gender dysphoria, just like to CD.
There are CD who are in between male and female, or are inherently female with no desire or need to transition. They may have a milder form of gender dysphoria.
There are CD who are TS in denial.
There are TS who thought they were once CD.
There are TS who always knew and skipped the CD phase.
There are TS who fight themselves for years before coming to terms with being TS women.

I disagree that most people on this forum are cisgendered. They may assert "I'm a lumberjack and I'm ok..." but in fact, they are not. I think many here suffer from a milder form of what TS suffer from, one that can be controlled with CDing. This makes them lucky. But they also have real problems, real issues, and real pain because of it, and many of the problems faced are common to both the CD and TS individual.

Thank you!!! CD and TS both face problems, lack of acceptance (external), and pain (internal)... and yes many CD have milder version of gender dysphoria. Gender is a spectrum rather than a binary black and white.

If you're convinced you're a woman, than maybe you're TS.

We should get along. The world ****ing hates us - should we divide ourselves and hate one another as well?

Absolutely agreed. Dividing ourselves only creates conflict and weakens us against the world. If we stand united we'll find better acceptance in the world, the best thing we can do is be decent human beings and show that to everybody.

Btw LA and SF are two of the most progressive places in the world (at least the USA), and even here there is plenty of hatred. I can't imagine what it would be like in Texas. I personally know of people in LA who hate CD and TS, and I've never even come out to anyone in real life yet. LA (and SF) is as good as it gets. Seriously let's just along and not fight amongst ourselves.

The real issue should be coming to terms with ourselves and how we want to express our gender, the self-discovery process, and what actions we need to take; not World War 3 between the TS vs CD.

I want to give a special thanks to PaulaQ and ReineD for being really understanding. It's really a pleasure to see some people who truly understand and have an open mind

[emma5410]

Earlier today I posted this in another thread:



From MY point of view, transsexuals don’t know the first thing about being “just a crossdresser,” but that doesn’t stop them from commenting in this section, does it? Let me tell you something, since you brought it up: I don’t care what it’s like to be TS, OK? I can only attempt to discuss things that I DO know, and MtF crossdressing happens to be one of them. This thread is NOT about being TS, being on the road to TS, or thinking like a transsexual. It’s NOT my scene! Do “us” all a favor - look around, see where you are, and try to be sympathetic to people who are not at all like you. If you can manage that, I may not have to post things like the above quote...

In other words, gimme a break, or, better yet, THINK before posting...

Sorry Fredrique. I have read your posts in the TS section. One in particular that I and many others found insulting. Perhaps you should practice what you preach.

[Frédérique]

I've read this thread, as well as some very old threads that have been closed. I notice a lot of people say that most CD are "just CD" and are "straight male" all the way. I've also noticed from the a lot of threads the opposite, that most CD are in fact TS in denial.

Thanks for actually reading it...

Not that it’s any of my business, and not to get off topic, but how many people are CONVINCED they are TS? Whoops! Wrong section for that one...

Sorry Fredrique. I have read your posts in the TS section. One in particular that I and many others found insulting.

I rarely post in the TS section, mainly because I don’t belong there, but incursions of the type I have already outlined, coming from the other direction, accompanied by prejudicial rhetoric, make asking a simple question in THIS section an exercise in controversy, as well as futility...

If I wanted to be REALLY controversial, and I don’t, I would point out that these little questions of mine strike at the heart of the matter, in this case lingering doubt in one’s mind about what you are, or what you’re trying to be. When I wrote the OP I knew who would be responding, and what they would post, so I hesitated, but I decided to go ahead anyway. It all points out how biased some people are against MtF crossdressers who have no “trans” in their physical, emotional or physiological makeup. In short, we get no respect, perhaps because we aren’t actively trying to convince ourselves that we are women in one way or another. Still, we crossdress. Comparing us to transsexuals is unfair, and, to use your words, a bit insulting – not to us, but to TS individuals. Beyond that, it’s pointless to compare apples and oranges, even though we seem to inhabit the same space, for better or worse...

One more thing – if you were “insulted” by my incursion into YOUR section, or insulted by the words that I carefully chose for the occasion, you need to know that I did not engineer that episode with the express purpose of insulting a certain group of people on this site. I was merely asking a question, like I am now, that has some bearing on the proceedings around here. It’s too bad you will never see all of the messages of support I received, in private (of course), from the very people I was allegedly insulting! You don’t suppose I hit the nail on the head, do you? Go figure...

[emma5410]

I was not actually apologising for my post. I was saying I am sorry but you are wrong.
I do not believe you are as innocent as you pretend. You troll. You do it repeatedly. The funniest thing is that in your initial reply you quote one of your own totally off topic, trolling posts in Paula's thread.
You never hit a nail on the head you just display your ignorance.
This thread could have been an interesting discussion sadly it is not. As you started this thread I will remove myself from it and let you carry on doing what you do so well.

[stefan37]

The bottom line is you are, you are not, or you fall somewhere in the middle. Freddy, you say you are just a male that crossdresses. I get from your writings it is more than that and you are trying to convince yourself that it is not. Why the female name, just a quiet girl, for your avatar? There where plenty of members over the years that had their male name, male picture, yet they crossdressed. If there is any compulsion to have the need to cross dress then there is a intensity of gender dysphoria at some level. The trick is to recognize and confront it. Confronting it is where the issues arise.

An individual that convinces themselves they are a woman and takes those steps to grow into one will have a very unhappy existence if internally they are male. Transition gets real at some point and in many cases it becomes real very fast. Marital relationships are altered, friendships and family relationships are altered, job loss occurs. It is nice to live in a fantasy world and escape reality for a time. People can convince themselves of anything they want, but if it isn't real in their minds it will not be.

Denial and fear are powerful emotions, that inhibit and stunt our personal growth and in many cases contribute to living an unhappy existence.

[linda allen]

"Have you CONVINCED yourself that you’re a woman?"

No. Everytime I stand naked in front of a mirror, it's pretty obvious that I'm a man. It would take a whole lot of work to make me otherwise.

I am a male who likes to pretend he is a female from time to time. A crossdresser, nothing more.

[Momarie]

Frederique,

Perhaps others don't see you as the unique, non-controversial, individual you see yourself as.

[Kaz]

Hi Freddie,

Not been here for a while for lots of reasons, but so glad to see you still getting at the philosophical and for me the real emotive issues. I am still agonising over all of this but have realised some useful answers in the last 9 months. I joined another site where I project as 100% female. Now I know this may stir up a whole hornet's nest and I am glad if it does because this is important.

Online I pass - real life is a different ball game but I am so much happier as a result and have lots of really dear online male and female friends. This may be pure fantasy, but it has become really important for me. I am so so comfortable in myself.

So for me I now know... my head is very female... sadly my body isn't but I have lost loads of weight, and done lots of exercises and am now 34 (under-bust)-28-34 (5' 5" tall) and so proud. I am planning to get a navel piercing and now dress as I feel.... except for client engagements when I do 100% male - not so keen on losing income streams unnecessarily LOL!

I am also now very much out to my immediate family - they don't like it but prefer that to me when I am stressed and upset about life stuff. So I am tactful and only CD out of sight (except for when I fall asleep or forget to turn the computer screen off...LOL)......... yes there have been some interesting moments!

To me you will always be the thought provoking friend I came to love here.... and please please just carry on.... well until the mods get you! hehehe

God bless you Freddie....

Kaz xoxoxoxoxoxo

[Frédérique]

Not been here for a while for lots of reasons, but so glad to see you still getting at the philosophical and for me the real emotive issues. I am still agonising over all of this but have realised some useful answers in the last 9 months. I joined another site where I project as 100% female. Now I know this may stir up a whole hornet's nest and I am glad if it does because this is important. Online I pass - real life is a different ball game but I am so much happier as a result and have lots of really dear online male and female friends. This may be pure fantasy, but it has become really important for me. I am so so comfortable in myself.
To me you will always be the thought provoking friend I came to love here.... and please please just carry on.... well until the mods get you! Hehehe God bless you Freddie....

I’m glad to see your SMILING face, Kaz, especially on a day like this, and thanks very much for the kind words! That’s all I’m try to do around here – provoke thoughts! Also, thanks for responding to the original question as it was asked – your experiences are exactly what I was trying to get at, i.e. a highly personal relationship to one’s convictions...

I would say this is a successful thread. We have explored an issue that pertains to crossdressers by way of discussion, learning a few things along the way. Way back when I was visualizing this exercise, and contemplating the controversy it would no doubt generate, I wondered if I should even try such a thing. I mean, submitting topics like this is much like going into battle, or at least sticking your head above the trench to attract attention. However, you need to know that I do not seek attention, or controversy, or nasty responses, or verbal hugs from anyone who supports me. That’s not what it’s about. Rather, I’m just asking a QUESTION, and you should try to see it that way…

I would judge, by reading through the many responses to the topic, that there are many people here who are actively engaged in trying to convince themselves that they are women, or maybe they are trying to convince themselves that they need to convince themselves of something. I’m referring to an issue that weaves its way through the MtF section, and not an issue that would be better discussed in other sections – some of us here are in need of convincing, for whatever reason, and not thoroughly here nor there, in gender terms. I wouldn’t have brought this up, but I KNOW that there are people who struggle with this, perhaps not thinking of it as convincing, but otherwise doing exactly that…

You wouldn’t believe how carefully these things have to be written, or how many revisions I go through, but I know how some people will be responding to the slightest perceived slight, no matter how I word things. Dismissing the OP purely as an exercise in semantics is disheartening, to say the least, reminding me that most individuals who crossdress do not wish to think about their circumstances, seeing me as someone who is trying to shake the very foundations of their existence. That’s NOT true, my friends. I like to look into things, or see how (or why) things come about, or peer behind the façade and see the inner workings of the human mind. Just because I feel no need to convince myself that I’m a woman doesn’t mean asking the question is invalid. As I stated in the OP, I am always on the side of the crossdresser, no matter what variation SHE may be…

At times like this, I’m always reminded of something the inimitable Kathi Lake once asked me: “Freddy, why do you write these things?” In other words, what’s the point? Well, they are FUN to write, for one thing, and its fun to read the responses, and then write a little more. Of course, I don’t like “going into battle,” since misunderstandings will always ensue, but when you ask a pointed question you will get some pointed answers. If a discussion goes along for a few days or more, as this one did (and maybe still IS), and the responses are lengthy, I feel like I’m getting closer to something, subject to YOUR interpretation. In the aftermath, I will usually gain a few new friends, and a few more lucky souls will inhabit Freddy’s island of ignorance. Casualties are to be expected in discussions like this, if truth is your ultimate goal…

I’m still standing, licking my emotional wounds, and I WILL carry on (thanks again, Kaz)…