Today I spent the day home alone. I dressed, did my makeup and took pics
This evening my wife came home, looked at me and said, "I can always tell when you put on makeup. Our son can tell. You put me in a bad position. Is this fair to me?" Then she went outside to tend her garden. She was quiet all through dinner.
I am considering purging. Do any of you have any advice?
Last edited by Di; 09-11-2013 at 08:55 PM. Reason: no reason to link your pics..does not have anything to do with being confronted/ what this post is about
kelly - i recently told me wife about my CD'ing. tomo will be 2 weeks actually. been on here getting lots of good support / advice lately. am sure the girls will respond with some great insight.
my two cents:
- dont purge. that wont fix it. all that will do is cost u more $$$ down the road when your urge to CD comes again (which it will)
- communicate, communicate, communicate..........so it sounds like she knows about Kelly Smith. sounds to me like you need to discuss some ground rules about your CD'ing (when/where/how). at a minimum, that will at least avoid situations like tonite
- be honest. i know that may sounds hypocritical coming from me. i was married 13 years b4 my wife found out. but now, i wish i told her earlier. and my plan is from now on to be 100% honest with when i will dress, when i get urges, etc.
i hoped this helped
good luck hon
kelly
It does sound like you need to have a talk with her. From what you said, she sounds more upset that your son could tell. I think some ground rules might be a good idea. Maybe you can arrange for one weekend every other week, or once a month to get dressed up. Have your son stay the night with a friend, or something else to get him out of the house for a bit. I agree that you should not purge. That always comes back to haunt you. You'll have something that you really wish you could have again, but its GONE.
Be ready to make some compromise's if she does agree to some ground rules. After all this is in the best interest of your son too!
"Oh my God, I realized, it's not that we're screwed up; it's just that we've been trained to thnk so."
~Rick Novic, Alice in Genderland
That's solid advice for a mere two cents! You may want to adjust your prices accordingly. Kidding aside, I don't have a lot to add. A really important part of communication in situations like this is to make sure your wife knows you're listening and trying hard to understand her concerns. Let her know why it's important to you and ask her for suggestions.Originally Posted by kelly0
~ Kimberly
“To escape criticism do nothing, say nothing, be nothing." - Elbert Hubbard
You are getting some good advice here. I think from what you wrote that your wife was short and to the point and probably does have a valid point. Are you not totally removing your makeup? That is the first thing I would check, and also improve upon. If you are in a DADT situation, leaving visible traces, may be an unintentional was of getting in your wife's protected zone unnecessarily. Have the talk with her and then keep having a lot of variations on that talk to help her understand where you are coming from and to help you understand where she is at and coming from. Good luck.
Don't purge - put your stuff in a suit case and store it somewhere.
Communicate,
My wife had an abusive ex who liked to kick females and young children.
My wife friend had ex with low sex drive, others had ex with depression (actually looks like 60% of young males now have depression and on meds).
So communicate where this journey might go, and how it harms or effect different people.
PS, my kids see me in makeup and skirts about once a week, then they steal my mascara and a few clothes they like
See all my photos, read many stories of my outings and my early days at
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What ever you do don't purge! You will regret it when you come back and you will. Put your stuff in one or two of those Rubbermaid containers and put it in a corner somewhere. I find that I need to use eye make-up remover and I get in the shower and scrub my face hard to get all the stuff off for sure.
Trying to come to grips with this lovely thing called Crossdressing.
Thankful there is a place to ask for help.
Try using olive oil to remove your make-up. This having been said, I too recommend communication and do not purge.
Marcia (LOVES) Blue
A bad position? Why? Is she mayor's daughter or something? Does she have a reputation to uphold?
Hearing this reminds of something my parents might say to me if they're worried about how others might see them. Not a marriage of equals, and certainly not a relationship where the person's feelings are important (you've effectively been dismissed and she's right, end of story). Uhhhh, so yea don't purge, and frankly I think you're due for a serious talk.
In terms of fairness, the answer is yes, if you are supportive of her private hobbies. But no, to you, since she isn't to yours.
Last edited by DAVIDA; 09-12-2013 at 05:23 AM. Reason: removed edited quote
Use less makeup & try to remove better, that's what seems to be bothering her, easy fix.
[SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]http://www.flickr.com/photos/bladeprincess/
Purging is a bad idea, just don't do it. I can't help you on marriage, since I've never been married. If you purge you'll have to buy new clothes later on. And sometimes it can be very difficult finding clothes between the feelings of freaking out in stores and finding clothes and shoes that actually fit and look good. Not to mention spending more money just to have a basic wardrobe. Best wishes
Kelly,
First up,
don't purge, put it in a bag and put it away somewhere till next time.
Back off a little and make sure you remove makeup properly.
Being "fair to me" is an argument she can use but just agree and go with the flow a little.
Confrontation is no good as it causes divisiveness and things can go down pretty fast.
If arguments do start just back off and live to sort it out another day.
Go slowly and don't push the envelope and progress may get better.
Work on your elegance,
and beauty will follow.
Don't do a thing other than talk to her and your son afterwards. Let them know how important or not,it all is to you..Your happiness becomes their happiness when you are feeling good with yourself.
It SURE is my hair ! I have the receipt and the box it came in !
Do not purge if you feel you are just pack up your things and put away.
Could you invite your wife here to Fab so she has someone to talk to.
But I have to add....I am confused I thought you were single....from some of your posts.
esp your post
How do you find GGs who actively like girls like me?
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I agree with the others that you need to talk to your wife about what's going on with you. As far as your son goes, women frequently worry "OMG, what about the CHILDREN!?!?! What will happen if they know?!?!" This is an understandable fear - worrying about your kids is healthy and normal. Unfortunately, most of the freakout implied in such statements is on the part of the wife. This stuff is WAY harder for a wife to accept than for a child. Your son, should he ever be told, will probably get used to the idea that "Dad dresses like a girl sometimes" and be rather sanguine about it. He might out you to his friends - some kids are horrible at keeping secrets, and it is sort of unfair to put a burden like that on them. (Sort of - I mean, almost nobody would feel bad about telling there kid "Don't talk about how much money we have!")
So your kid isn't really the problem here. It's your wife. Talk to her, and see if you can fix that. (Good luck - it's not so easy, although you have better odds as a CD than some here.)
As for makeup remover, I recommend the Mary Kay oil free eye makeup remover. It's excellent. (It's in a pink bottle, and it's some type of binary solution - you have to shake it up before use). I like the Garnier makeup remover towlettes, but there are a lot of good makeup remover products out there. The Mary Kay is the best I've found for removing waterproof eyeliner and mascara though. Washing your face thoroughly, after removing your makeup will also help.
Getting the makeup off is EASY!!! Changing the situation with her wife is the goal !!
It SURE is my hair ! I have the receipt and the box it came in !
You got great advise. Let us know her responses as to the root cause of her anger since I am speculating that she was aware & open to your dressing. Was she having a bad day , did your son say something, was she jealous of your girlie time , etc.? Think positive. Hugs Melissa
Lucy would be charging a nickel, so consider yourself lucky and among friends.That's solid advice for a mere two cents!
Work with your wife and ask her specifically what you are doing wrong in removing your makeup.
The part I don't get is if your son already knows you wear makeup, what has he communicated to your wife. Maybe he has not seen your makeup remnants and your wife is projecting her concerns.
You gotta talk with her.
When writing the next chapter in your life, start with a pencil and eraser - my first page as Miki is full of eraser marks.
don't wear makeup
DonnaT
I think your son would notice the hooters first.
Still it depends on how old he is, maybe it's time to learn that some people are different and it's okay?
I'm not 100% with the girls who say, "don't purge." It's not impossible to stop CDing--I successfully did without it for a decades-long marriage. But it's not easy, and it's not for everyone. If you're ready to commit yourself to never dress up again out of concern for your marriage, and to do it without resenting your wife as a result, then MAYBE you could do it. But I'd suggest you go with what several have suggested: pack your stuff away and put it in a not-easily accessible place. If the months turn into years without your feeling an irresistible urge to retrieve your stuff, and if the marriage is progressing well, then go ahead and purge. Oh ... and if you're a TS rather than just a CD (I'm a CD, not a TS), then you need to be true to your female self, and either find a way to do that within a marriage that satisfies both you and your wife, or to let your wife go her own way without you.
How can I dress without wearing makeup? If I give up makeup I may as well purge.
Thanks to all for the kindness and the good advice. I particularly like the advice regarding the use of a better quality makeup remover. My things may need to be put away but I love my clothes, wigs, forms and shoes and will keep them. I just need to come to an understanding with my wife, if that's possible. It may not be.
Crossdressing is a form of self-expression, why should someone put that all away and box it up just because some people think it's icky?
Have you tried to come to an understanding with her?
Maybe I al missing something, but it is best to come clean and work at resolving things. Talk, set limits that work for both, talk some more.... just my $0.02
Are you leaving makeup remnants (eye-liner? shadow?) or other which can be tricky to completely remove sometimes without extra attention? This used to give me away every time, and although was never an issue it was like an acknowledgement of: "I know what you have been doing!". No one can tell now, as I spend some extra care when removing, especially liquid eyeliner! This gives assurance that I can also go to work and have no second looks passed from the makeup-phobic, testosterone charged individuals.
My wife knows I use and apply makeup, .......she takes great satisfaction in sharing it like her own little cosmetic counter! After having a discussion on the topic with her, we have now passed over the makeup issue. It was, in her way, an attempt to suggest, "I know you were wearing makeup, if I know, others will too, so how about stopping".
Having discussed it in depth we both now accept that it is part of me and will not go away. As I said she now enjoys having a extended supply of cosmetics. Some good advice coming above. I agree, do not purge, but rather address the issue at hand and perhaps find some common ground.
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