There are always going to be idiots out there that enjoy picking on people that they believe are weaker than them. Just cowards. It is very hard to look the other way. I commend how you handle this but egging them on is risky.
There are always going to be idiots out there that enjoy picking on people that they believe are weaker than them. Just cowards. It is very hard to look the other way. I commend how you handle this but egging them on is risky.
Hi Sophie,Originally Posted by Sophie Yang
I still stand by my original comment that going out in public this time was harder than my first combat experience. With combat you are working on muscle memory. Going out in public en femme . . . no muscle memory there.
As far as going out in a short time, I would never had done it if my wife had not suggested it. When I decided to, I used the same logic I did when I made my first parachute jump, close my eyes and hope for the best. If the chute was there when I opened my eyes . . . that is a good thing. In this case, the chute was there to begin with but got lost toward the end of the evening.
Yup, you are right . . . if it had gone down, "big mouth" would have been the first to go. I find once you get rid of the bluster mouth, the hanger on types tend to bow out quickly. Luckily it never came to that
Thanks for your kind comments. I still take this as a bit of a reality check and will most likely lick my wounds for awhile then try again.
Hugs
Isha
So your going to let some bullies run your life eh?????
Isha, you faced up to a challenge, and you handled it in a commendable, and even ladylike, manner. You seized the moral high ground and never relinquished it, despite the temptation to do so. I don't have to remind a soldier of your caliber of the words of Sun Tzu: "Supreme excellence in war consists in subduing the enemy without fighting."
Now don't be discouraged by this. Get back on that horse and get out there again! And your makeup skills will get better with practice, much as (I'm sure) your marksmanship did, so don't hesitate to keep doing so. Show the world that you will not be broken and you will not stand down because of the idiocy of a small group of bigots!
Hugs
- Amy
Amy Gale Ruth Bowersox (nee Tapie) - "Be who you are, and be it in style!"
Member, Board of Trustees, Gender Identity Center of Colorado
aka Amelia Storm - Ms. Majestic Hearts of All Colorado 2018-2019, Miss Majestic Hearts of All Colorado 2015-2016
You are so very fortunate to have your loving wife, as an ally! I am 59, never had a mate, and all the women i wanted, would never accept a man who puts on lady stuff! I don't hink it will ever be totally comfortable for us super tall, or many looking CD's. I was jeered at my second time out, too, and stopped by a cop! Going out alone is terrifying, and all i have done. You are so frtunate, with your special wife, and you handles it all well. It sounds like a number of other folks in there, were giggling, and jeering a bit, too. If i went in to one of the local restaurants or bars here, all dolled up, there would be jeering, too. for me.
Maria60, Those dudes should not have harrassed that tall beauty with her little nerdy boyfriend, period! However, as a very tall, six foot six single old man, i find it frustrating, that so many very tall women go for shorter men. I would never insult them, though. it just hurts that some of us tall men never find a tall lady. So, i dress up as my tall lady dream lady!
Last edited by Lorileah; 09-16-2013 at 10:43 AM. Reason: merged consecutive posts. try and merge posts with edit when you post so close together thanks
Hi Amy,
Thanks much for your support. Definitely going to work on the make-up although this will be far more challenging than improving my marksmanship (I make a horrible looking woman). But I will try again in a more friendly venue where it is more likely I will blend with the crowd . . . not saying I won't get read but hopefully it will be only a few chuckles, whispers and pointing (can deal with that).
Hi Ryenmatt,
Definitely not going to let bullies run my life. However, as my wife wants to accompany me in the future, I want to make sure I have a fighting chance of blending (at the least) so as not to make the situation more difficult on her than I know it will be. In addition, I have to work on my temper. I may have been able to take the morale high ground last time, but it was very, very, very difficult. Getting into a heated altercation which transcends into a brawl would not be good for myself or my wife. Been working on this temper thing for some time now with a therapist and am slowly making strides.
Hi Alice,
I applaud your strength and courage. I don't think I would have ever gone out without my wife in support. It takes tremendous courage to do so on your own.
Hugs all,
Isha
lol -- awesome.
Now buy YOUR WIFE some diamond earrings ... and tell her you'll never ask to borrow them.
Hi Isha, I've been thinking about this post all day. I'm really sorry that you were treated like that, and I hope that doesn't discourage you from going out in the future. While I may have handled the situation differently, I'm so happy that you have a wife that will stick with you. That's real love. I can just see her flicking off those guys at the bar. It's one thing to try to convince my wife to be seen with me in public if I were completely passable and we wouldn't get any flak, and it's a whole nother thing if she'll be with me if I'm easily read. I'm really impressed by her commitment to you. It's very encouraging to me!
~Ashley~
Thanks Ashley for your kind comments. I am very fortunate indeed and believe, I never take her acceptance or love for granted.
Hugs
Isha
This no doubt I am sure was terrible experience for you but I must say... Bravo! You handled it perfect imho.
I have to be a little bit critical, your wife should not have flipped them off. The worst thing you can do is agitate them and thus provoke them further. In this day and age, you could have ended up in worse that a fistfight. How did you and your wife know they did not have a knife or a gun?
Last edited by Vickie_CDTV; 09-16-2013 at 02:27 AM.
You handled it well!
Small pics do not give a good representation of a life-sized you, so I'm wondering if you had beard shadow showing. My SO actually got laser beard removal to zap any dark hairs. Also, you might want to go ahead and trim your eyebrows. You do have muscular legs, so you might think about wearing skirts that show just the knees and calves. My SO also found a way to change the look of his male V body, by adopting hip pads and wearing a waist cincher. You were wearing long sleeves, but if you ever go sleeveless you might consider trimming and perhaps bleaching the arm hair. And last, learn about facial contouring which is a useful technique for CDers that most GG are not aware of, since we don't need to narrow our noses, create cheekbones, and narrow our jawlines. There is a way to contour the face without having it look like caked-on makeup.
Point is, there are lots of little things you can do, that combined can make a difference. Your goal might be to pass from a certain distance, even though the people who are interacting with you directly will know that you are not a GG.
One last thing ... in time you will know the types of places you can go to, that are likely to not attract the type of patrons that would razz you, especially as you work on perfecting your presentation.
FYI, my SO used to have people notice a great deal more in the beginning than she does now. It will just take practice.
Reine
Hi Rene,
Thanks so much for your feedback. Yeah I know bad picture, but my presentation (face wise) is so horrible I am a bit nervous to post an up close pic for fear it might scare people
Yes, I have been trying various beard covers, lipstick, reddish orange cover, followed by foundation and setting powder. Problem is that I have a very thick beard (think full beard in two weeks thick). To cover it, it ends up looking very thick and cakey. So when I smile (lots of wrinkles around the eyes . . . I feel very old now) and it looks plain hideous . . . hence I don't smile a lot. Laser is off the table. While my wife is fine with body hair removal, she will not acquiesce on the facial hair (have to respect that as she still wants her male time with me).
Eyebrows - have to very careful there as getting too thin or feminine will definitely draw comments at work. Have been slowly thinning to lessen the shock (believe me I have some bushy brows and have reduced so far by about 1/4). Work in progress.
Legs . . . point taken. My wife was commenting on that last night while we were looking a clothing. A longer skirt (just above the knees) toned down the legs and gave them a more feminine look (in her opinion)
Could never go completely sleeveless, I have some major body art up top which would be less than feminine and my upper arms are way too guy . . . so sleeves for this gal.
Contouring . . . I have been trying but don't seem to have the knack and as you said my wife doesn't know because she doesn't have to do it. I am not sure what make-up to buy to create this effect and when I do try . . . cakey land again. Any help on this front would be appreciated.
Hi Vickie. Thanks very much for your concern. I am very trained at detecting the presence of knives and weapons. Body posture and carriage tend to be tell tale signs (albeit not always). Believe me, if I even thought for a second weapons were involved, this would have gone down completely different. Specifically, this would have been a call to the police before I even thought about exiting the building with my wife.
Hugs all
Isha
The "macho" thing for a man to do when confronted is to escallate the situation to the point where the other party either backs down or throws a punch.
Well, "macho" is often not the best solution. Unless you're the bigges and baddest person in the situation, the other party (parties in this case) may not back down. That puts you with the choice of backing down or fighting. It's already been said, nobody wins a street or bar fight. Both parties get hurt, sometimes weapons are involved, and if the police are called, both parties go to jail.
So is you pride stronger than your good sense?
[SIGPIC]http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/image.php?type=sigpic&userid=82706&dateline=137762 0356[/SIGPIC]Linda
I cannot find it, but Lorileah recently posted this wonderful video from youtube, showing the technique (albeit on a GG but this does not matter), and also giving a list of products used. You could pare the list down though since IMO you could do it all with two or three brushes.
If Lori doesn't see this and repost the link, maybe you could PM her.
My SO had laser beard removal a little while after her beard had begun to gray. Laser only removes dark hairs and so she was still left with facial hair, but not the dark beard shadow. When we go out if the hairs begin to feel rough, she is able to dry shave the area (in the car) without taking any of the makeup off.
If you haven't begun to gray yet, then I understand your reluctance to remove all your beard.
Reine
Your wife may not want you to get rid of your facial hair completely, but since you have a heavy beard she might be open to the idea of a beard reduction. Even a small reduction of total active follicles can make a big difference in terms of telltale shadow and skin texture. Some men who are totally cisgender who suffer from ingrows or other hair issues opt for this.
I read your post on the day you posted it and wanted to respond but didn't have the time to think it out. My hat's off to you Isha. Retired military myself, so I understand. And it doesn't get easier afterwards really if you still work for the government and work with a clearance. I think you handed the perv's very well. I also think your wife has done a great job making you presentable! Do NOT give up! Enjoy your time out! You might have to be a little more selective of where you go, but you can still get out there!
Genny B
Isha, I've just found the Contouring video. If you click on "Show More" in the description, you'll find a list of products used. I don't think that you need all the brushes that he has:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature...&v=bBLHE0ME-GA
Reine
Thanks Reine. I will definitely have a look. I never thought I would say this but, I wish my beard would go grey . . . alas it has not still hanging on to that black. I figured by now it would be getting at least a little grey.
Hugs
Isha
Hi Isha
It took me a couple of years to get the make-up to where I was happy with it. Any time I am out dressed I try to handle all situations as a woman would. When out with with my wife and I am dressed, handle it as a couple of women. I try to go only to nice and upscale clubs and rest. I don't want to put my wife at any risk. I check out the place first. Your make up skills will improve. Check out utube for 1000s of ideas. When out with my wife I do everything I can for her to have a good time and we have had many. Good Luck with your adventure! Don't give it up. Ruby If dressed as man, I would have had a go with those guys.
Perhaps an expensive, quiet place. They are probably not very likely not to have clientele idiots who are prone to misbehave.
Some causes of crossdressing you've probably never even considered: My TG biography at:http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/...=1#post1490560
There's an addendum at post # 82 on that thread, too. It's about a ten minute read.
Why don't we understand our desire to dress, behave and feel like a girl? Because from childhood, boys are told that the worst possible thing we can be, is a sissy. This feeling is so ingrained into our psyche, that we will suppress any thoughts that connect us to being or wanting to be feminine, even to the point of creating separate personalities to assign those female feelings into.
Isha
Sorry to hear of your ruined evening. You have a great wife and I'm glad that you listened to her. SOMETIMES MISS was right on the money. But it's not only a night in jail, A lucky punch and a head hitting the ground could have made for a long time in jail or the end of your life. I felt your rage and your wife's apprehension. You did the right thing. Now get back on the horse and GIDDEYUP to the next stop. And give your wife a really big kiss.
Thanks Valerie and Sometimes Miss,
Yup . . . we plan to try a more family style restaurant and bit more high end. Scouting locations now (away from home). Still working on my presentation. I feel like I am planning a combat mission:
(1) Equipment - dress, heels, lingerie - check; (2) Camouflage - make-up - work in progress (3) Infiltration - vehicle (4) Actions On - what to do should plan A go to pot and 10 different courses of action just in case (5) Exfiltration - vehicle again (6) After Action Report - what went wrong and what didn't.
However, I think combat is easier
Hugs
Isha
Nice job, Isha. You handled the situation very well and did the right thing in avoiding the conflict. Admittedly the best way to handle it would have been to walk away and totally ignore the comments. However, in reality, the male in you came out (as it would in me as well), and you confronted the fools, and managed the situation very well.
Let's face it, if we cannot totally pass, we must be open to the fact that we are putting ourselves out there in a society which is generally not accepting of CD'ing. We are, in a way, inviting criticism. So we must accept and expect that this will happen from time to time. As such, we must also be prepared to handle adverse situations, and should avoid areas where confrontation will be greater. Stay alert and aware of our surroundings.
Good luck!
Di
It's truly a shame that small minded people cannot adopt a live and live policy, I am truly sorry that it happened I know it sucks I have had similar things happen to me although not as confrontational as your experience. You sound like you handled it wonderfully hun. If I had to guess, I would say the Alpha male was a closeted homosexual that was trying to get a better look LOL.
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