I was preparing a reply to the recent thread by Frederique about convincing yourself that you are a woman, when I realized that I was getting way off topic, so I decided to initiate a new thread. My post was a reply to this post by Emma:
You are correct in that I do not understand what being TS is all about. I have never claimed to have that knowledge for the simple reason that I am not TS, and thus have no way of understanding. Any references I may make to TS are simply a reiteration of what TS people say about themselves, in order to discuss how I differ from them and why I consider myself a crossdresser. I never deny that others may be either TG or TS. In fact there is ample evidence on this forum that the opposite is the case; i.e. that many TS and TG individuals not only do not understand crossdressers, but imply that crossdressers are not what they claim to be but are really TG or TS in denial. The following quotes are from this very thread, which was not about TS/TG vs CD, and yet that argument found its way into the replies.
This attitude, which prevails on this forum among the more frequent and aggressive posters, does tend to marginalize those who crossdress, and is very demeaning. It talks down to crossdressers and implies that CD's do not know themselves, but not to worry, because they do. If a crossdresser attempts to address this, they are met with replies saying "Not this again", or "This is getting monotonous". Not everyone on the forum agrees with this prevailing attitude about crossdressing. I can make another list of quotes from this same thread from those who addressed the topic, while leaving the impression that they do not follow the type of thinking in the above quotes. Some of these are from people who are "just a CD", as the topic did tend to bring out replies from them, but others are from TG, TS or whatever. They are simply less vociferous about their viewpoints as they don't wish to be overly controversial, and their posts are seldom commented upon by subsequent posters. Bearing in mind that they are in response to the question "have you convinced yourself that you are a woman" they are:
I am a man who likes to crossdress. I do not feel like a woman and have never tried to convince myself that I am one. I am a very inquisitive individual about many subjects, and wondering what being a woman must be like is certainly one of those subjects. That by itself does not mean that I must be harbouring an inner desire to be a woman. I am just curious. I also wonder what it must be like to be a bird, and be able to fly, but there is no way that I would ever want to be one. When I crossdress, it enables me to experience one relatively insignificant aspect of what it must be like to be a woman, i.e. appearance. It is fun, an adventure, involves a degree of risk, helps me to escape from the monotony of everyday life and is strangely both exhilarating and relaxing. Some of the clothing items are extremely comfortable or offer a sensuous experience that is much different than what is offered by anything in my male wardrobe. Skirts and hosiery and slips are prime examples of this. Other things can get quite uncomfortable or be a great nuisance, but are necessary to achieve the experience I am seeking. Bras, forms and makeup head the list here. Whenever I try to post a message or reply addressing this interest of mine, I am met with responses telling me that I am getting it wrong, that it is about my identity, my gender, my presentation or some combination of all three. Nobody has all the answers; we simply have theories and speculation about the why's and wherefore's of crossdressing. I don't tell othrs they are wrong, but simply express my theories and opinions about myself. My weakness is that I allow myself to be drawn into lengthy debates about this that often spill over into private messages. The alternative is to leave unanswered inaccurate opinions about me for the world to see.
What got me worked up enough to write something were some very disturbing posts on that thread by two transsexual members who discussed their stories complete with thoughts about suicide, drugs and so on. I do not understand what could possibly drive people to such extreme actions over gender issues, and that is why I agree that I do not understand TS. It also points out why I feel that there is a tremendous difference between CD, TG and TS. They are not simply stages on a continuum. But more to the point, I have had and still have family members, friends of family, and co workers who suffered various forms of mental illness. Schizophrenia, bi-polar or alzheimer's disease have been diagnosed in these people, which led to very devastating results for them and everyone close to them. In addition to the paranoia, hallucinations, depression and aggression displayed by these individuals, there have also been physical assaults and multiple forced hospitalizations in mental facilities. Three of these individuals took their own lives, and one of them also took the lives of his wife and young daughter along with him.
Gender dysphoria is no longer looked upon as a mental illness, but when I read those posts I saw a very disheartening similarity in many respects to those stories and the ones I experienced. I do not mean to minimalize what anyone is experiencing in their life, but this just emphasizes that I do not understand transexualism. As a crossdresser, I cannot fathom how gender issues could lead to such extreme measures as thoughts of suicide. Are there issues other than gender involved? Are thoughts of being a gender opposite to your physical sex actually a form of hallucination? Is it worse than a debilitating birth defect or loosing your sight?
We all have to endure whatever life throws our way. People suffer the loss of loved ones to terrible diseases or accidents. We can all relate to this. I lost my first wife to cancer at a relatively young age. I was left with young children to care for. The whole experience was devastating, but I couldn't allow myself to break down. I am not criticizing anyone for feeling as they do. I am just attempting to understand something that has been pointed out to me that I do not understand. I write this as I am awaiting the outcome of a court hearing tomorrow for a young man I know and love who has been battling his mental demons for months, and finally attacked his neighbours. Help for the mentally disturbed is very difficult to obtain until something dire happens.
Veronica