Question to the CDers who would date a man

[ReineD]

... or to anyone else, really, but mostly to the CDers who are attracted to men while dressed.




There have been several long and well attended threads asking about attraction to men while dressed. Many of the responses are positive. There is currently such a thread.

This is what puzzles me:

A lof of CDers say that they are not attracted to men while dressed so much as they're attracted to other CDers.

Question: By definition, a CDer is a male. Why do some people here make it sound as if CDers are not male?

Thanks in advance for all your responses!

[AllieSF]

Though I do not feel like I am a member of either group, I think that a little camouflage helps one get their mind around the experience to actually consider it and maybe even go through with it. Plus, how many straight guys out there really want to be with a TG (umbrella terminology)? Better chances for success with someone of like mind, I would think. Plus again, playing with someone who dresses like you do creating the fantasy of a lesbian relationship. That can be pretty convincing to some.

[Tracii G]

Great question Reine.
I have dated guys before in girl mode @ yes they knew I was a male and well aware is was a TG CD.
I was very attracted to both of them in guy mode too and they knew that.
Really hard to give a definitive answer about only being attracted to MtF CD's.
I can't wait to hear some replies to this question.

[Barbara Dugan]

I am gay and only attracted to masculine males and even CD's are males the femininity they project is a big turn off...sometimes I think that I am missing on the opportunity to date really nice persons that happen to be CD's too but is something I can't change

[Rachelakld]

For me, i like long hair, boobs and girlie looks. I would run away very quickly if a CD or any other male started to undress near me.

[Tracii G]

I have dated some FtM Cd's when I was in girl mode and that is interesting to say the least.
Swapping gender roles dating is fun.

[ArleneRaquel]

Even thought I date non crossdressing males, or so they say, I find many CD'ers very attractive & alluring. I don't date CD's but I have had many evenging out with a groups of Cd'ers while there are enfemme. I adore a local Cd'er and I would love to get intimate, but she is happily married and so far I have resisted all match ups with married males and have never dated a married male as far as I know.

[ReineD]

My question was about whether you all see CDers as men ... not really whether you've dated them while dressed or not dressed.

For those of you who are gay or genuinely bi (who are interested in men in boy mode too), then it is understandable that you would be attracted to CDs and non-CD men.

[Ressie]

There must be lesbians that don't find feminine lesbians attractive too. Yes Reine, if I went out with another crossdresser I would prefer it if we both kept most of our clothes on. I think a lot of guys really want an experience with someone that looks like a very attractive woman in every way except for crotch area. Feeling that you are really with a beautiful woman is very exciting and may make it easier to taste the forbidden fruit.

So to some, men with hair all over is a turn off. Men that are manly is a turn off. Men are also more aggressive sexually than most CDers. Two crossdressers together is more like two women together, at least in a fantasy world. In RL that may or may not be the case. I think this is semantics in a way. Everyone realizes there's a man under that skirt... I hope!

[Leah Lynn]

As near as I understand the sexuality thing, a TG/TS would make love to a man, but the man needs to recognise her as a woman. She would normally be turned off by a man wanting a man, albeit in a dress. She doesn't want a male partner being interested in her male appendage. I'm slightly different here, my woman within seems to be a lesbian. I would want a partner that wants to be considered a woman, as I would.

But (I know, starting a sentence with a conjunction!), the question was about a CD being interested in a CD. At that point I would hazard a guess that they're TG and don't know it, or maybe bi-curious, bi, or gay.

Leah

[gautier_nikolai]

Interesting question.I have wondered about that too sometimes.Men are very initially visually excited and stimulated and so i can understand why a CD who identifies as hetero might be initally sexually in another CD.

I identify as 99.99 percent homosexual as a male and i do find some drag kings or butch lesbians with short hair attractive initially.However, going any further i'm not sure and i'm pretty sure i wouldn't be able to find out either!.Well maybe if she was bisexual.And i'm not really attracted physically to any male, however hot dressed up CDing either.I'm not totally sure why because he has all the necessary bits and pieces under his skirt.

However, i can't get my mind around how CDs who are heterosexual are attracted to males presenting as males when they CD.Maybe it is part of the fantasy of being a straight women that can be associated with the femininity many CDs present.Although, i believe them when i hear them say it.Sexuality is a weird fluid spectrum and not so easy to understand because it's so cerebral!

[Kate Simmons]

Good question Reine. Evidently some folks think something "magical" happens when they dress en femme. The physicality doesn't change but the thinking does I guess.

[MatildaJ.]

Question: By definition, a CDer is a male. Why do some people here make it sound as if CDers are not male?

I don't believe that there's really a gender binary, with women over here and men over there. I think our society constructs a gender binary, and most people fall in line.

But I think CDers are people who don't necessary fall entirely on the male side of that gender binary. We've had many threads where people point out that one of the reasons many women were initially attracted to their guys was because those guys were a little more tender, or artistic, or sensitive (or whatever) than the average guy. So while the CDer is a guy for the purposes of his medical and legal records, I think for sensual and sexual purposes, it makes more sense to think of the CDer as often residing somewhere in the middle between the two extremes of the gender binary.

[Soriya]

Great question but all yours are always great ReineD

Personally, I don't see CD's as men when they present as female. My thoughts on it are somewhat complex, scientific actually after research I have been doing that inadvertently connected to our world here. I won't go into detail so the thread doesn't derail but please feel free to PM me about it.

[MissVictoria]

Having discussed this with my wife just the other night, I can lend you my thoughts on this. I have been going to a local CD bar now for over a year on a weekly basis. I have been approached by both CDers and admiring men. My wife has asked if I would allow myself to be with either, and the answer I gave her is this: Being with a non-CD man would be "validating" my appearance and the effort I put forth to portray this side of me. I would not hesitate to go further with a man who does not dress, if I could get over the fact that I would be unfaithful to my wife. Being fussed over and treated like a lady is a dream of mine. I am attracted to the CD male because I appreciate the more feminine aspects of his look, and can still enjoy the man beneath with all of the goodie bits! A crossdressed man to me, is in my opinion, a man, with a feminine touch. I love the feel of pantyhose, and shaved legs, and playing with long hair, and if there are other parts to play with, so much the better. As an aside, I do have the blessings of my wife to proceed and explore, but I have not reached that point yet where I would go to the next step yet. I keep it simply to petting and simple touches with either men or CDers. My wife feels the same as me BTW. She loves when I let my self go and not shave for a while, because she likes running her hand through my chest hair and what not, but when shaved, she experiences a whole different sensation, what with the different textures and smells. I guess that's the best way to describe it:same playthings, different textures! I hope this helps.

[Ressie]

Why is it women don't want anything to do with CDs? We've been pronounced as men but women don't see it that way.

[ReineD]

Thanks everyone, for your answers so far! It's actually beginning to make sense.

Dee3, CDers are pronounced as men because this is their gender identity. If a person were to identify both with male and female characteristics, they'd be gender non-conforming (or gender fluid). And if they identified completely with the opposite sex, they'd be transsexuals.

Why don't women want anything to do with CDers? Some do (like me and other GGs in the forum), and some don't. I think it's a question of having traditional vs. non-traditional values, and also a question of education about this combined with time and exposure. Many women start out non-supportive and then change over time.


OK ... back to the thread topic!

[mirandacdgirl]

I am infact Attracted to CDs and TS because they appear Fem. I am also attracted to Non masculine guys but I am more attracted to women and cds,tv,fem fem fem!!!

[Ressie]

ReineD, you said in your OP that we are men. I thought I was on topic. Most women are disgusted with CDs, and many CDs are disgusted with manly men. Well I hope you find the answer you're looking for, because I'm sure you have a good reason to try to understand this.

[ReineD]

It's OK Dee, I understand your question. I just didn't want to begin a discussion about why some women are non-supportive.

So tell me what you think. Do you see CDers (not the Gender-Fluid or Transsexuals) as men or women?

The reason I want to understand this is simply because I am curious. Also judging by some of the answers in this thread, others have also asked themselves the same question.


I'm also hoping (hint-hint) that the CDers who did respond that they'd rather be with CDers than men, will put in their in this thread!

[Soriya]

I'm also hoping (hint-hint) that the CDers who did respond that they'd rather be with CDers than men, will put in their in this thread!

To answer this one directly, since I have no attraction to men, the male 'appearance', if I was going be with someone who did not have female plumbing, it would have to be a feminine CD/TG who looked like a GG. Of course this is based off thinking alone since I have never been in a position to have to decide.

[Beverley Sims]

Reine,
I think it is the clothes and the fact that CDers are sharing the same interest.
I once had a friend that was CD and my attraction was at a buddy level, between two guys basically.
We interacted as two girls would sharing clothes and makeup.
I had girlfriends and he did have a boyfriend that he used as an escort for going out.
My girlfriends would sometimes organise an escort for me to make the group even.
Usually it was someone we already knew.

[Shellycd12]

I do not see other CD'ers as male. It is the appearance and look for me. And yes I am attracted to men and CD'ers when dressed. I fantasize about the lesbian experience.

Shelly

[Lorileah]

MtF Cds who are attracted to MtF CDs are just like any other M who is attracted to CDs...it makes it easy to say "hey I ain't gay". Opposite of the men who will only date CDs over TSs...they want the part women don't have.

Hard to figure out what people think anyway. To answer your question Reine, yes, CDs are males. They have the equipment and it doesn't go away when you get in bed no matter how hard yo wish. I remember arguing (discussing?) how some here claim they are "lesbian" when they dress. I get teh concept but I think lesbians would have to argue the point. If you have the part and you USE the part...you are a straight man having sex with a woman. Maybe in your mind your are not but you are. You get the sensations and results of having that part. Conversely, if you are a CD and you have sex with another CD that is by definition homosexual intercourse, no matter what you are wearing. Best line someone used (and I think she is still here) is "Putting frosting on your head doesn't make you a cupcake"

My two recent forays (and yes I realize that I am not a CD...but a TS). A woman who I was interested in (yes, I am still interested in women...I know, strange huh?) wasn't interested in me as a guy, but makes advances now. I asked if she was interested now and she said "No I am not a lesbian. You are a girl!" But...I still have the parts....so I would be having straight sex right? Not in her eyes. She sees like many CDs here. She sees a woman. (And I like that, it is what I am, except, now the market of "straight" women is closed for me). And a man who was very attracted to me and no matter how often I told him he would not like it when the clothes came off, insisted that he saw me as a woman. I tried to explain how it would go down (sorry my bad) and he was adamant that it didn't matter...right up to the time when we were intimate and he kept saying "but I am straight...I am straight" I tried to tell him, "you aren't straight if you are in bed with me". well women will know EXACTLY when he became "straight" again and threw me out. Uh huh, when the hormones are up...you can overlook a lot of things

[Lynn Marie]

I have a considerable number of CD girlfriends. I always see them as female even though I'm quite well aware of their true identities. A few I've seen in drab, and yet when we're out together, they're girls. As far as I can tell, they all feel the same way about me! I don't feel this way about all the CDs I've met, not by a long shot, just my friends whom I've come to know and trust.

Would I date any of them? Absolutely. We're all friends. I'd be honored to escort any of them out in drab, and I'd be thrilled to be on the arm of any of them. We're out frequently as a bunch of girlfriends, what's the big difference? Do I sleep with my CD girlfriends? A lady never talks about such things.