I don´t understand why i like crossdressing so much...

[Mara3001]

Hello.
I´m a little worried. Since some time ago, i´m trying to undestand myself about my crossdressing.
I hate it as much as i love it, and that is making me crazy.

I hate it because i´m sure that is part of the reason of no having girlfriend. I am very scared always about "what will she think if she know it?" and all that things that you can imagine about it.

But on the other side, i can´t escape from it, because i really like to dress as a girl or woman. If i don´t dress in a time, a necessity appears like hunger. I can contain it for a time but it goes growing every day.
It´s weird...

I´m tired of hidding and i know i can´t tell to any of my friends or family. It´s sad but it´s the truth.

I´m lost, quite lost because i feel like a criminal...

Thanks for Reading. Seriously.

P.D.: Here in Spain we are in summer yet. Maybe is the temperature what makes me feel this way... :P

[Kate Simmons]

Well, you are no criminal my friend, you are one of us. You can talk to us about anything. A good friend is also a good listener. PM me with anything if you like.

[Cynthia Anne]

I know how you feel! It's torture when you need to dress and at the same time wish you didn't ''need'' to! you can always do what I done almost three years ago! I ''purged'' for the last time! Now there are no more ''male'' clothes to wear! I've never been happier!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Beverley Sims]

Don't be guilty about dressing, go out and find yourself a girlfriend.
You will forget about dressing for the first week or two after you hook up.
Then it comes back.
It is quite natural and is not anything to get too worried about.

[docrobbysherry]

Mara, remember MOST crossdressers r like u and live in their closets! We don't wish to tell anyone about our "hobby", but that restricts our dressing time!

Try to dress as often as the desire to do so hits u. Even if that means dressing in a few things in a bathroom or in the middle of the nite! I have found that works to satisfy my desire to dress. And, can move on to other things without obsessing about Sherry! Maybe that will work for u, too?

[DanyGirlie]

Hi honey

You need to understand something: as much you are a guy...you also are a WOMAN, a GIRL! A part of your personality doesn't exactly match your body, which doesn't mean you're a transsexual, it just means you're gonna express the woman in you in the form of xdressing, at least that's how I see it. There's no way to change that...as much as there's no way to change the fact the you're a guy as well, it's a part of who you are. Don't feel guilty about it. You don't need to tell anyone about it as well... as this is something usually very secretive. But just don't deny to yourself, cause then you'll be lying to yourself and you ain't gonna be happy.

Have a nice day!

[ArleneRaquel]

Danygirl,
Lovely post darlin. Thank you for sharing.

[Rachelakld]

I can go about 2 weeks before it starts affecting me.
My now-wife was informed on the 7th date and we played dress up and ended up naked in bed
My kids, my sister and my parents know.

I'm still expected to fix the wiring, plumbing, windows, roof, cars, electronics, mow lawns, go to work, go to the gym, play soccer.
Normal guy stuff so far.....

I also get to go clothes shopping with the kids in male mode and still try on new dresses etc. I also cook the dinner, vacuum the house, have girlie evenings, go on picnics, wear high heels.
Normal woman stuff here.....

One could say I live twice the life of a single sex person.

[Dalva]

I think I know the angst you're experiencing. I can only ask that you seriously step back, first of all, and wipe that silly notion of feeling like a criminal from your heart and mind. You are not..NOT a criminal, deviant or anything like that. As a been said, allow yourself to enjoy crossdressing. That shouldn't hold you back from dating anyone. Sure, you may have to hide it, but you may also find a young lady who will understand, tolerate and maybe even embrace it.

And this place, even though I'm very new, I think I can say has a deep well of support an encouragement to help you deal with these feelings your having. Reach out to your friends here or PM someone here you think you can trust with your feelings. There is support here. I'm sure many here will be more than happy to offer you a shoulder to lean on.

Don't hate crossdressing. Don't hate yourself

Good luck Mara.

[Marcelle]

Hi Mara,

To echo the other gals . . . please don't feel bad about yourself. You are doing nothing wrong, criminal or deviant. Why we dress "who knows"? Is it nurture or is it nature . . . who knows? All I know is that it feels right and I could not change it anymore than I can change having to breath, eat or sleep.

I understand your angst as I only recently came out to my wife and a few select persons. My question to you is have you checked around for a local CD community which you could participate in close to home but far enough away? This might help bring some focus and closure to you and put you in direct contact with a support system.

In the interim, this is a great and supportive site. I have found a lot of strength and soul searching here. Read a few of the posts which may be similar to what you are experiencing and see what advice has been given.

However, I would caution that you do need to be a bit introspective and take any advice and ask yourself, is this something I can do and live with the consequences that fall from it. To not do so could have some ramifications you are not prepared to accept.

Hugs

Isha

[Mara3001]

Thanks to everyone of you for the nice answers.
I know that i´m not the only one who crossdress in the world, but the sensation to be alone with this theme around me is a sad thing.
I´m trying to be more possitive and i enter this site more often, because it´s a great place with great and unique people.

But i must admit that is quite hard express myself correctly in english, because here in Spain, it is a language not used daily as you´ll know. In that aspect, we have a very poor education system, and learning foreing languages like English or French, is not so important as it should be.
Anyway, i always try my best and talking with all of you is a very good training.

You all are very strong like i see. It´s impressive and that gives me strenght to go forward and look to the future with a little smile. It´s a change, by the way.
I´d love to know more from you, friends. It would be a pleassure for me.

Have a nice day, best regards and thank you. ^^

[kimdl93]

As Kate said, you're not a criminal. And I can attest that many, many of us have wives, girl friends and SOs who have accepted us as CD partners. Don't let your fear of your CDing stand in the way of enjoying life and building relationships. The real barrier isn't the reaction of potential partners, but your own self image. Accept yourself and the rest will come.

[Allesandra Rhodes]

To thine own self be true. Only you can know when you are happy or comfortable. No need to repress yourself, or the opposite extreme, try to push the envelope. Just move at your own pace. Embrace what you do have and learn to love yourself for what you are. You're a beautiful person, living with better eyes than anyone holding back their feelings of expression.

You will find someone. And I advise getting this part discussed right from the start and not waiting to 'tell her later'. Women don't really like feeling they've been left out. Share what you are from the beginning, if they are really the right person it will be okay to proceed. Perhaps you could look into different ways of meeting someone.

Whatever you do, don't purge and try to retreat that part of yourself in hopes it will 'cure' things. You may find it only causes you a lot more pain than good, along with the expense of restocking your wardrobe.

BTW -Your English is just fine babe, keep on posting


I hope this made sense as I lost my original reply

[Oddlee]

One could say I live twice the life of a single sex person.

Nice perspective Rachel! I've told prospective girlfriends - some want nothing to do with my "dirty little secret," some think it doesn't matter either way, some are unsure how they might react... I still think it's better get the facts out there early on.

As for family and friends - my daughter knows (has bought me some skirts at the local thrift shop), and most of the friends important in my life - and it doesn't matter to them (only my daughter and one friend have seen me dressed - who knows how THAT might affect the others?).

Mara, I suspect we have all felt as you feel - I grew up in the 50's and 60's, when being gay could almost guarantee a beating. I've come to accept myself, in a large part because of what I've learned on this forum.

Be well,
Lee

[NathalieX66]

Answer: because we're human beings.

[Penny With_more]

Hey Mara,

I understand completely what you say because I feel the same way. I mean I even felt guilty about signing up at crossdressers.com, to the point of not posting for the last 4 months, just out of guilt! Lol
So, you are from Spain? Me too! If we are close enough, maybe we could meet and chat a little bit about this hobby which brings us so much happiness and misery at the same time! What do you think? PM whenever you want, hun! Every sister needs a shoulder to lean on!
Besitos!

[GeorgeA]

Hi Mara,
You have received a lot of good advice. I will not repeat what others have said. You worry about your English. I will say that you express yourself well and your language is better than some of the native speakers.
All the best,

[Steph_CD_62]

I am in the same "boat" so to speak.

I have tried to figure out why I enjoy it so much, that way I could better explain it to my wife.

I do know I am more comfortable and happier when I am dressed, even my wife has notice that. However I do not know why I have such a great desire to be dressed up.

[Eryn]

Welcome to the world of not understanding.

I don't particularly like to get dressed up. It's a chore, it involves making a lot of thinking, etc.

Yet, once I am dressed and out the door I feel happy with what I am doing and more at peace with myself.

[ArleneRaquel]

Eryn,
I agree, "getting dolled up" is a chore that can be tiring, but I just love the results.

[Veronica497]

Maybe part of the reason you are struggling so much is you are trying too hard to figure something out that for now (and maybe forever) you have no answer for. I researched a lot of articles on cross dressing after my husband told me so I could understand this part of him better and be able to help him through what he went through with it in his own struggles. I can tell you honestly that I found there wasn't much out there that would answer this question. I feel the first thing you need to do to calm this struggle you have is to stop thinking of yourself as a criminal. In my personal opinion you are hiding because of the way society has treated and still treats men who love to dress. It's some big taboo that is instilled in males from the get go. Boys don't play with dolls, boys don't wear pink boys shouldn't cry boys dont get manis and pedi's boys don't have long hair boys don't like sparkles boys don't wear make up.......it goes on and on, and if a boy does......eee gasp he is probably gay (and so what if he is ) but that is still on the list of taboos for society today as well in many families , churches and such!!! It's garbage but even though it isn't as bad as it use to be it's still strongly put out there. Take a young girl who plays football and hates to wear dresses and likes her hair short and doesn't wear make up and she is thought of as nothing more than a Tom Boy and is still daddy's little princess. Society doesn't play fair and you need to realize that is where the crime is and it is not in you. So cut yourself some slack and be good to yourself and stop beating yourself up inside, to me that is a crime as well. I asked my husband if all the why he shouldn't enjoy pantyhose reasons he berates himself with wasn't parading around in his head how would he feel about it then, would he still feel he had to stop doing it ? No he wouldn't he would enjoy it more he soon came to realize that the only reason he felt it was wrong was because of what he felt others thought was acceptable. I'm a strong believer it is more important that a person accepts themselves for who they truly are than for them to conform to other peoples expectations and what others think is acceptable. As for the not being able to have a girlfriend because of this I disagree with you, there are women that are much more accepting then you think and you shouldn't just assume it's impossible for you to find someone who is perfect for you. You wont ever find the love of your life however if you don't stop hating a part of who you are. It's very true that you have to love yourself completely before you can love or be loved in the same way. I would like to see you stop fighting yourself so hard, to stop questioning why you do this as if it were a crime and instead embrace more the way it makes you feel good when you do. My husband is no less of a man because he likes to wear my panties and bra sets , strut a pair of pantyhose or wear a silk gown to bed, in fact he is much more of one by doing this because he knows what it is like to feel like a woman and can cater to my needs better than any other man I have ever been with. I'm not rushed to get ready to go out because he knows how important it is and time consuming getting my makeup perfect and my hair done can be. He never berates me for the amount of money I spend on a pricy pair of shoes or boots and gets the concept of why I just had to have them even though I have ten other pair. He's soft and tender when I am hurt and will let me talk for hours and really listen and he "gets it" when I am emotional, I could go on forever with a long list of things , every woman wants these things in their man but never get it from them, if wearing my clothes and being his fem self when the desire strikes gives him an understanding of the needs I have from him as a man then I will be more than happy to share my closet space and makeup drawer with his she side. Don't sell yourself short , if my husband had I wouldn't have the man of my dreams. Oh and yes he is also a bear when it comes to protecting me, he can chew you up and spit you out if you insult, threaten or yell at me, he's very much the bad boy as well and it would be a sad mistake for anyone to think he wasn't capable of tearing you up just because he's wearing my pantyhose LOL He's just a man who happens to love women so much that he even enjoys dressing up and feeling like one from time to time and it has never gotten in the way of how much he enjoys being a man. I am very blessed Hope this helps Mara <3

[Elisa Lace]

Wow! What a reply Veronica! You and your husband are very very very lucky!

Mara, I know how that feels... it's pretty much how I felt until a few years ago... I still do sometimes, but less and less with each passing day. As Veronica says, it's about loving yourself so you can love others more freely. It's definitely NOT easy, it takes time, it takes a good fight and a constant struggle, which slowly starts to get left behind. I might be wrong, but I'm under the impression that Spain is somewhat more "relaxed" and permissive when it comes to gender related matters. Much more so than other "catholic influenced" countries. But anyway, it's up to you! You don't have to go out dressed if it makes you scared, but you can be free in your own personal world. Lose the bindings that society has put upon your way of thinking and just enjoy yourself.. eventually, that freedom will impregnate your own self and make you so much more secure person to the outside world as a whole!

Just keep at it and don't give in to guilt. Be honest to yourself, and be honest to those whom you hold more dearest.

And, your english is pretty good and completely understandable so don't worry. This is coming from a south american spanish speaker!

[Pandys]

That was a truly fantastic response, if more people felt like that the world would be so much better. I wish you and your husband all the happiness you deserve.

[Veronica497]

Thank you both , much love to all of you.