Wish I could stop these desires

[ReluctantDebutant]

I guess the thing is I enjoy wearing tights and a skirt around the house but after 10 minutes find them quite boring and just take them off. I have a desire to dress in public but I don't know why and I guess the same thing may happen then.

This sums up how I cross-dress. I got tired of having an intense desire to do something that ultimately left me feeling bored. I learned that the desire to dress never really ever goes away and to try to repress it can usually make it worse but it doesn't mean you have to give in to it. Rather than focusing on the Fantasy of how dressing is supposed to make you feel concentrated on the memory of the reality of the boredom you feel only after ten minutes. That can usually take the steam out of the desire for me.

[Lacyfem]

I think you're on the wrong site to find out how to quell the desire to dress as I do believe we wouldn't be here if any of us had been successful with that. Perhaps you should just accept your desire to dress fem and enjoy it.

[Victoriana]

Since I have quit for some period of time I can advise a little on what can work. Take this with a grain of salt though. Because at the moment I think I may be going back into it. But regardless, I will write this for those who want to try to quit.

Ask yourself this:

What do you want in life and what your goals are.
If crossdressing distracts from these goals in a negative way.
If it is financially worth it and if it effects your relationships etc.
How often do you get urges and how do you feel if you neglect them. Better or worse.

Basically, if you see that you are answering towards dressing less and can control urges you have a better chance at quitting. Every crossdresser is unique and every crossdresser deals with this somewhat differently. I think every crossdresser probably has tried to quit. The ones who have you won't really find on this forum.

More tips:
Stay busy, focused on other hobbies, work, SO, etc.
Replace urges when they are triggered with other thoughts and desires (hobbies).
Recognize the triggers that make you want to dress. (like every piece of clothing that women wear! j/k)
Control the urges until they go away. But at anytime if you are stressed out due to this, you may just have to accept it. It all depends on how ONE handles this. Do not overwhelm yourself!
Ask if the benefit is worth the costs.
Stick to your decision and do not give up, anything is possible if you want it bad enough. If you can't quit, you just may want crossdressing more even if you think you want to quit.
Lastly, get help from accepting family and friends if possible. Support systems can work for quitting as much as accepting.

Do not know if that helps but, the best way to stop is to never start and if you start to never keep exploring crossdressing (unless you want to) because it will make it harder to stop. At the same time, realize it is ok to crossdress and you can always limit the amount and the articles of clothing if it satisfies you. Just do what YOU think is best for YOU.

That is it. But aside from that, crossdressing can be fun and discreet and worth it and you have this forum for help. Hope this all helps!

[Leeza]

It's sort of like looking for an Alcoholics Anonymous group in a bar.

That pretty much sums it up here.

[giuseppina]

Repression is generally unhealthy. Repressing thoughts of crossdressing is not an u to this rule of thumb. If you live in certain Islamic countries or elsewhere where this sort of thing is proscribed by law, you may have to discreetly ask around and be secretive about it.

Your best bet is accepting yourself as you are. If that means you dress in secret for now, so be it.

[Dianne S]

You will probably never be able to stop the desire to crossdress. Of course, you may be able to stop actually doing anything about those desires if you have enough willpower. But may I ask why you want to stop? Is it interfering in the rest of your life to an inordinate degree? Or do you somehow feel it's just wrong?

[pantihoze]

I find this funny you should bring this up. I found this forum while looking online for insight into why I have the desire to dress. I have repressed the urge occasionally, but found that it always returns stronger than before. While I have come to accept that I have these desires, I have to find the right balance between dressing and repressing those desires. I find some good advice here, but other advice is not for me. You have to figure out what is right for yourself and go with that.

M

[Allison Quinn]

I tried to stop everything in general and just be a man. Didn't work
I was incredibly unhappy and it's not something I wish to try ever again u.u

I have no advice on how to stop, but good luck

[garnet]

Hey
I think the chills me out thing is right, and I wonder if it's stress related.
Good to know there are people around the corner the same!
G

[garnet]

Sorry to many posts to reply to at once, I find it does interfere a lot with my life and I worry this makes me distant from friends.
I don't know maybe I should enjoy having this little frustrating feeling every so often and buy a skirt and tights for when I work from home. Maybe just enjoy it a bit.

[Stephy]

I was in a similar position 10 years ago. I joined a local support group thinking that they may be able to help me to stop obsessing about crossdressing, but the support offered was to explore who I am. I progressed to a point where I was considering hormones and SRS. At that point I had to make a decision between my family life with my wife and children and splitting up and going my own way. I just couldn't bear the thought of losing my close-knit family, so I made a conscious choice to stop going down that path. I managed my crossdressing by limiting it to underwear. I also found that spending more on buying male clothing and being more adventurous with styles helped to some extent. Also careful management of stress is important for me as I find stress to be a major trigger for crossdressing obsessions. Regular exercise and working reasonable hours, limiting overtime helps. Also getting involved more in the community, helping others could take your mind off crossdressing and let you feel more fulfilled.

Having said all this, keeping it at bay only seems to work for a while. I have recently started crossdressing again. I can't explain exactly why. I think this part of us will only stay bottled up for so long and then it has to find a way to express itself.

I hope experiences have given you some insight into this. Ultimately yo need to find what is right for you. Good luck finding your own path.

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Garnet, Crossdressing is like being in the Mafia , You just can't quit!!

[CynthiaD]

My desire to dress goes away when I put on a dress, and comes back when I take it off. Wearing a dress is neither exciting nor boring. It's just natural.

I tried successfully to quit for several years. Then I woke up and realized that I'd lost the best part of myself, the part of me that made me like myself. Going back to crossdressing was the smartest thing I ever did.

[Pinky188]

I say just let go and be yourself! Let the real you come through and you will find that you will be truley happy if you do! A friend told me once, "just do you"! That is the only way you will be truley happy.. and she was right!

[Robin777]

I can't give you the answer how to stop. If it isn't hurting anyone,why stop? If you want to stop because you think it is a sin to dress,then why did god make you the way you are? I think stopping will just just eventually cause emotional problems. I know I am a lot happier when I dress. you may need to see a therapist to sort things out

Robin

[Diversity]

Sorry, Garnet, but I can't offer you any advice. The feelings all come from within. I can say that I am just going along with the feelings (and the boundaries), and just enjoying the journey that I am on. You may wish to do the same. Good luck!
Di

[joaniek]

No help here either. It's just the way you are. It does help to talk (post) about it tho. Good luck.

[Karren H]

Resistance if futile..... you will be assimilated into the collective.....

[Brooklyn]

Why do you repress your harmless desires and why do you want to quit? Do you see this as an all-or-nothing endeavor? All of us have some boundaries. I quit for several years, and it just made me sad and less fun to be around. So even if you do have the discipline to quit, it may hurt you and the people you love over the long-run.

[garnet]

I guess the knowledge of it would upset my wife and kids and they're my main priority.

Stephy
Thanks so much for your words they're really helpful and I think the direction I want to head.

[Karren H]

Then don't tell them! I'm still in the camp where not telling someone isn't the same as lying!

[garnet]

Thanks I understand.
Sorry if I'm asking the same question over and over again, just feels good to type to someone about it.

[StarrOfDelite]

Seems to me Garnet that you're looking for quitting support in a forum of people who either tried to quit and failed or have no interest in quitting! It's sort of like looking for an Alcoholics Anonymous group in a bar.

The allusion to Alcoholics Anonymous is apt, the forum is not a Seven Step program to help you quell the urge to crossdress. At their best, the people on Crossdressers interact with each other so that we all realize we aren't alone, we aren't weirdos, and we aren't going to be carted off to hades by a demon if dress up as pretty and feminine as possible given genetic limitations.

[Maria 60]

The worst is when something catches your eye, for example I was walking behind a women who was wearing a skirt and black pantyhose. I could tell by the texture of the pantyhose and almost the name brand they were and how much at that moment I wanted to feel those pantyhose on my legs. When it's in your blood, it's in your blood. Good luck with guiting.

[Teri Ray]

I do not agree with those who say quitting is futile. I have quit dressing hundreds of times. Its not hard to quit. Its just hard to stay quit. Best wishes in finding your way.