Moving Forward with a bit of a Confession

[Marcelle]

Hi everyone,

As you know, I am relatively new here and have only recently come out to my wife and a few select family members and very close friends. My sticking point in my journey has always been my job. I work in the military with a very "special" community and the support in that world would not be good. I have been seeing a gender identity therapist for about a month now and she suggested that perhaps it is time to divest myself of this last stumbling block. I have to admit I was a bit reticent as I love my job and love the environment. In essence, I felt as though I was giving up a part of my male identity. However, applying introspection to the issue, I also came to realize that it is not just about me but my wife as well. I would be lying if I did not say my choice of employment has put a huge strain on my marriage. So, I have at last taken steps to remove myself from my current employment in the military and move back to my former military occupation (psychologist . . . go figure eh?)

Now the confession:

When I first posted on this forum, I alluded to my employment and when everyone assumed I was from the United States, I felt that was a better course of action as my military community is very small in comparison to the same US military community. Paranoia is a big factor of my job and I felt that it would be easier to hide among thousands vice hundreds in case someone wandered on to this sight. For me, compromise comes with serious ramifications to the safety of myself and my family. However, I soon came to realize if someone from work found me on the forum then I would have to ask if "why were you on the forum?" If a stranger found me and tried to use it compromise me . . . Heck I am out to my wife and if that person decides to tell work . . . I'll deal. So compromise is not an issue.

So, I am not American but Canadian.

I will firstly apologize to all you great gals south of us who may have thought I was American, this was not done with malice but with an effort hide a portion of my identity among the masses. I will now apologize to all my Canadian sisters for not coming clean. It is not because I am ashamed of being Canadian, it is because I needed to protect a bit of my identity.

The Canadian military may be accepting of TG/TS gals . . . it is against regulations/policy to discriminate, harass or harm. However, policy is policy, beliefs, convictions and hate are a different thing. I am still not out to a vast majority of folks but I imagine it will happen slowly. My new Commanding Officer knows and a few close work colleagues. Will I go to work "en femme" not likely as I only have three years left until I retire and besides, as much as love being Isha, I love being me "en male" as well. This new revelation just provides me with breathing room to continue to explore.

So that is my confession. Once again, very sorry to have mislead you all but I wanted to start fresh from this point forward. The stories and anecdotes I have shared to date are all true accounts, I just did not say they happened in Canada vice the United States.

Finally, should the moderators believe my slight indiscretion is ban worthy, I understand and hold no ill feelings. Should that occur, I want to thank you all for you great advice and warm support. I will miss you all dearly as you have provided me with great clarity and new found strength to accept who I am. If I am allowed to remain, I look forward to sharing more about the real Isha as I continue my journey

HUGS to you all.

Isha

[MysticLady]

Don't worry Isha, You still ok w/ me. Don't worry about the naysayers, there everywhere and they're not as perfect as they proclaim too be. Just be yourself Sweetie.

[~Joanne~]

I am sure that every one here holds back information about things while online. If your smart, you DO NOT put all of your information out there no matter what site or community your a part of. There are too many people out there doing the wrong things with other peoples information if they can get it.

Of all of your posts that I have read recently, I don't believe any one asked where you are from but more importantly is it any of their business where your from? If your closeted, which your not, you are more than likely to cover certain tracks or identifiers that may out you and there's nothing wrong with that.

Seems to me, your making a big deal out of nothing really

As for the job change, you have to do what is right for you and your relationship. If your retiring in 3 years, you may want to wait it out and collect the full benefits that are due to you but ultimately that is your decision and I wish you the best in whatever you chose

[Paula_56]

Gosh I thought it might be something awful, like you weren't a hockey fan!!!!

[Marcelle]

... I thank you for your honesty but really don't feel as if you've anything to be sorry for.

Don't worry Isha, You still ok w/ me.

Carla / MysticLady. Thanks much for understanding

Seems to me, your making a big deal out of nothing really . . . If your retiring in 3 years, you may want to wait it out and collect the full benefits that are due to you

Hi Joanne. Perhaps I am but my therapist believes that I should be honest in all things related to this as it will help to reconcile. BTW, I will be staying the in the military don't want to give up that 35 year government pension

Gosh I thought it might be something awful, like you weren't a hockey fan!!!!

OOPS . . . Confession 2 - not really a big hockey fan

Hugs all,

Isha

[Gillian Gigs]

So, your a C eh N eh D eh I eh N, you are not alone. I have now and had members in the Canadian military in my family, and yes they are a close knit community. Please don't do anything to hurt your getting your full pension. My brother inlaw has found that pension very handy as older individuals can find it difficult getting work, due to age. I have a good friend on this site who is in the armed forces on the east coast. She must be deployed at the moment as I have not heard from her for awhile. So get that flag flying in the lower corner of your page, we Canadians need to show our pride in Canada... the greatest country in the world. And we should know, because we live here!

[Melissa Rose]

Hi Isha. Not being fully forthcoming about your location is nothing to get banned for or anything to worry about. It is a non-issue as far as I am concerned (for whatever that is worth). There are much bigger deceptions and lies constantly floating around here. As far as I can tell, your actual location does not change anything that has happened to you or your experiences and feelings related to them. It is totally understandable wanting to protect your security and safety especially among those you do not know. IMHO, you have done nothing wrong.

[Julie Denier]

No harm, no foul here. Just send me some Cuban cigars and all will be forgiven

[Tamara Croft]

Not sure why you think that would warrant a ban, especially when I knew you were from Canada, says so in your IP address you however can go sit on the naughty step with some of my staff...

I'm from dolphinham, home of dolphin hood

[Michelle789]

Isha, no one gives out full information. It can be easier than you think to be outed just by posting a little bit of information. Just by giving my age, location, and work status is enough that someone I know in real life reading my posts might figure out who I am. Especially if they can detect a writing style or way of thinking from my posts.

The absolute worst thing you can do is give two dates of significance, with or without the year. That will almost guaranteed to get you outed. Any two of the following: birthday, wedding anniversary, date of breakup or divorce, start or end date of a job, family member birthday, or any other date of significance that others know about. If I say my birthday is March 17 and I got married on August 28, this would hold true for only 1 in 130,000 people...hence anyone who knows these two dates will probably figure out it's me, especially if they already know my age and location (assuming it was true, and assuming there's people who know both of these dates....these dates are not true dates for me, I'm just using them as an example...I'm not even married)

I purposely hid my birthday so I wouldn't be outed. Remember the information I gave can sadly be enough for someone to figure out who I am, but by withholding important information no one can be 100% certain.

[Angie G]

Isha wonderful person it's of on matter to us were you live As far as I'm concerned your one of us and belong here. I for one would hate to lose you from our little world. I hope that never happens.
Angie

[Kandy Barr]

You are just so sweet Isha, but you owe no one an apology for protecting your where abouts, shoot I'm from " The Road Less Traveled", says so in my profile so it must be true!!!!

[paulaprimo]

omg, canadian??? liar, liar pants on fire...is that it??
i thought you were going to tell us that you were a male...

[Rileyaz]

The giveaway was your signature saying "My other car is a zamboni!"

[paulaprimo]

good one, lol, how many miles per gallon do you get with a zamboni??

[Persephone]

Oh well, we can't all be perfect, some have to be Canadians.

I'm just worried that you may be moving quickly with life changes. Your therapist may be wonderful but she/he is not the one walking the gangplank, it ain't his/her retirement on the line! And speaking as a retiree, income stream makes all the difference!

Hugs,
Persephone.

[Nikki A.]

Where you are from makes no difference. We are here to discuss what is a common bond that seems to transend borders. Now, if you aren't a hockey fan (sorry Karen), try telling us you aren't a Tim Horton's fan. Then we drum you out of here.

[ReineD]

Hi Isha, I'm Canadian too, but living in the US. I never assumed you were American, I never assumed anything since you didn't specify your location.

But I have a quick question. Unless I missed something, what are you coming out as, a CDer or a TS? Since you do not want to give up a part of your male identity, I assume you're coming out as a CDer, or perhaps as Gender Non-Conforming rather than a woman? And if you are not a woman, do you want to live full-time as one and if not, then why is it necessary to come out at work?

... I'm trying hard to not make assumptions. lol.

[Tracii G]

Isha you are fine I wouldn't worry about getting banned.
We all have our reasons for not telling everything about us.

[Veronica27]

So you're a Canadian too. Good for you. I'm surprised no one so far has asked if you know "so and so", whose also a Canadian.

Veronica,
a modestly proud Canuck

[mikiSJ]

For those with military experience and understand what Isha means by "special", I think she is between a rock and a hard place.

There is way too much "T", maleness, aggression in these "special" units and I think the question is whether to stay in the unit or move on to a less "exciting" job. I would not even consider coming out to these guys.

I have known three "special" Navy guys from my days during 'Nam and there is only one of the guys I would even consider telling about Miki. Even then there would have to be a really compelling reason to do so. Sometimes the hill you are climbing not only too tiring, but also too dangerous.

Oh, about your Canada problem, you don't have a problem.

[PaulaQ]

I'm really proud of you for coming out as Canadian, Isha - that took real courage! (just kidding)

In all seriousness, I think many of us, to varying degrees, fudge on our location and personal info - that isn't so important. Your narrative rings true, that's the part that really matters. Which side of the border you are on, not so much.

[Genny B]

I don't have a problem with your nationality. I am very nervous about you coming out. I retired from the military and still have a government job. I have no ideal what the reaction would be if my peers knew. Some may suspect, but they have never pushed the issue. Thank goodness as I can see the government removing me from my job because of my CD'ing... I wish you the best of luck! Love all your post by the way!
Genny B

[TokyoLily]

I never noticed any kind of deception, and there is nothing wrong with trying to protect oneself (especially if the repercussions can be harsh). You did not do anything with ill will or mean intentions toward anyone.

[Leah Lynn]

Ohhhh, boy! I remember this one op; really going into the fire from the frying pan. We went in with some British SBS, and Canada sent their version of SBS; 3 boy scouts, 2 slingshots and a damned fine canoe!

All kidding aside, I have worked with a few Canadians in the day, and fine men, all. And I still salute you for your service.

Even if I'm not allowed in your country.

Hugs,
Leah