Reasons for 'Coming Out'

[Veronica27]

OK let me restate that "They made me sit in the back of the bus, they kept me from using a restroom or made me use one I was afraid to be in or uncomfortable in, they didn't pay me like they paid a "man", they kept me from marrying my life partner, they fired me because I wore a skirt, they denied me healthcare, should I go on. Don't take it so damn literal. The point is that if you don't stand for something you will fall for anything. How about I quote Robert Kennedy (although there is some debate that he quoted someone else) "If not me; who? If not now;when?" It is all fine when you aren't the one being subjugated. Or you can hide out in your closet.

So why should more come out? Well someday someone you know will be somehow put down because you didn't stand up. Take it from someone who really bought the dogma of the 60's and who didn't sell out in the 80's.

(Sorry for that side track)

Niemoller, a pastor, was referring to a situation than was totally different than the quest of the TG community to gain acceptance. He was originally a supporter of the Nazis, and did not rebel against them until they began to attack the churches. The Nazis were involved in the literal elimination of their political and ideological opponents, and Niemoller was imprisoned until the end of the war. The TG community in the western world is not facing anything remotely similar to that which the Nazis were subjecting millions of people. In the big picture, freedom is what is at stake, and unless the electorates in the western democracies remain vigilant, another Hitler could one day emerge. In that event, transgender rights would be meaningless.

You list a number of apparent injustices, but to some extent these were a uniquely American situation. In Canada, as elsewhere, I am not aware of anyone being required to ride in the back of the bus, or not allowed to use a washroom. If you are referring to the use of the women's washroom by TG individuals, you have to bear in mind that segregated washrooms by "sex" has become a societal custom and the issue is more complex than simply using the room of your choice. To me, it is extremely insensitive to not consider the personal feelings of anyone on this issue. The women's movement was an evolutionary change in much the same way as the industrial revolution. Cultural needs were changing as technology brought about improvements in our way of life. Women were not subjugated any more than were men. Each sex had their responsibilities and in many respects, the men had less freedom than the women.

But all of this has little to do with the topic. What would my coming out do for anybody else. To me, crossdressing is primarily a private matter. Coming out would be a contradiction of my beliefs and approach to crossdressing. Why should I allow myself to be bullied by comments such as "hiding out in my closet"

Veronica

[UNDERDRESSER]

Divamissz has covered most of the bases I think. Victoria, you don't have to come out if you don't want to. It's not for everyone.

Me? I have only come out, to the extent of saying, "I'm a crossdresser" to one person, my GF. For me, it was necessary, I thought that this was going to be an important relationship, and it was only had a chance of working with total honesty.

I felt that if it couldn't work like that, then it was best not to start. I was also pretty damn certain that even if it turned her off, that she wouldn't out me.

As it happens, coming out to her, and being able to be myself around someone, has helped me define some of what drives me. These days I feel very little urge to mimic a woman, but feel a need to dress as a man, but in different ways. Skirts mostly. With the total acceptance of my SO, I am slowly letting others see me like this, I want to be able to just go out dressed as I want. I know I can, do this, but getting the nerve to deal with the reactions is giving me trouble. You could call this "coming out," I suppose, and the reason for it is that I just want to go out like that.

Very glad I told her.

[vikki2020]

Somehow, I feel a little stronger,with every person that knows. If it works for you, it will make life that much easier.

[5150 Girl]

Closet girls live in fear of getting caught. Put it out there and that stress is released. Put it out there early in a relationship and you avoid a potential bad scene after an emotional attachment has been formed. Which brings me to the one con. (and it's a big one) There are a lot of closed minded people out there.

[Jacqueline Winona]

To me, crossdressing is primarily a private matter. Coming out would be a contradiction of my beliefs and approach to crossdressing. Why should I allow myself to be bullied by comments such as "hiding out in my closet"

Veronica

Strong post, Veronica- I clipped your quote not because I disagree with anything you say but because this part resonates the most for me (and many others). We all do this for our own reasons, and mine are as personal as yours. I'll still support everyone who wants to dress for different reasons regardless of why I choose to do this.