Feeling "Feminine"

[Candice Mae]

In the past I've tried to feel feminine, but realized its just what we perceive a woman to be in society. We can dress and act "feminine, but what is femininity as a feeling? I ask this to everyone even GG's.

These days even though I look like a woman, I don't know what feeling feminine is. I just am who I am, nothing has changed. I don't go out of my way to act like the stereo typical woman of my age, I just be my self.

What is feeling feminine too you?

[Allison Quinn]

I tried to act the whole stereo typical way. But that didn't make me feel anymore feminine. Really I started feeling more feminine just when I started to act and dress in a way that I prefer. Being able to express myself as a girl even if I have to appear as a male. I guess I get that feeling just from being myself without fear now

[cdmorganashley]

i think this is a really tough question... i mean it seems to me even a "butch" lesbian, who may act more masculine on the outside still identifies as female so I would assume "feels" feminine... really I don't even know if i can come up with a good answer as i think my perception of feeling feminine is based on stereotypes and outward actions... often i feel like i am living in fear of exposing my true self and when i dress or conduct myself with more grace i feel more at peace that i am being more true to my inner self and i feel sort of relieved and good inside... i'm not sure if that means it is a feeling of femininity but because i associate the actions that give the feeling with females i kinda see it that way...

[Kate Simmons]

Just being myself, especially if en femme but as has been said in the past on here, even most women don't have a clue what it is to feel feminine, they just know what it feels like to be themselves as a feminine person, if that makes any sense. I guess it does if you happen to be a woman.

[Kelliramerez]

Now you got me thinking : ). Hmmmmmm

[Abigail Flame]

I've been thinking about this very topic. I recently became interested in mindfulness and started practicing meditation, along with that came a lot of awareness of my actual feelings and how often I was tamping down or suppressing them because of ingrained ideas of how I should behave. As I gradually started learning more and more about myself I realized that a lot of the way I felt might be taken as more "feminine" and by that I mean - showing empathy, showing genuine emotions, and being sensual. In other ways it seemed to be present in the things I was most attracted to - colors, designs, clothing, etc. These things have always been present I just never was able to own them as much as I do now. I am still a little guarded when it comes to just releasing all the fem that might be inside but a lot more of me has begun to slip out into my guy persona and I've noticed nothing but positive things as a result. My kids are better behaved, people seem friendlier and life seems like a much more positive experience.

So I am aware of a big divide between feeling masculine and feeling feminine even if they are stereotypical and maybe that will all fade into one as I accept more of myself.

[Jaylyn]

Tough question to answer. For me sometimes I can just put on a layer of deep red creamy lipstick and aroma and feel of it on my lips makes me feel aroused in my senses of being more like a women looks. Sometimes just a pair of panty hose under my jeans can make me feel sensual all day and I associate sensuality with womanhood. My wife says she can tell for a few days after I dress because I get more patient and warm to sensations that she says are feminine emotions. She actually said my outlook on others feelings are better now that I dress some. I guess really my deeper soul relates dressing as a softer person in feelings and emotions. If that is what being feminine is then I can say it has helped me be a better person on the outside even when I am in man mode. One big thing I have noticed about me is that I have changed in being patient with others. I use to have trouble tolerating those that couldn't keep up with my work ethics. I expected every one to preform as I strived for perfection in every task I took on. Since I retired and have time to dress more I am finding that the inner drive to be the best at every thing is subsiding and I am more accepting of others or caring of others feelings. I am 64 and this might just be age coming about but wife thinks it is because I have gotten in touch with my feminine side.

[mariehart]

I don't know about feeling feminine because I for one have never felt masculine. So for me I guess feeling feminine is the absence of feeling masculine. I think in the end my acceptance of myself came when I realised that.

[NicoleScott]

In the mind of the beholder, to some extent. Otherwise, we end up arguing over definitions (and we never do that here - haha).

Here's what a few dictionaries have to say:
"Characterized by or possessing qualities generally attributed to a woman...", such as... "gentleness, empathy, sensitivity, caring, sweetness, compassion..."
"A set of attributes, behaviors, and roles generally associated with girls and women".

For me, I like being a guy and I like to dress up occasionally. As close as I can come to feeling feminine is when I transform. It would probably be more accurate to say I feel pretty rather than feminine. According to those definitions above, I do a feminine behavior when I crossdress, and that's as close as I can come.

[Frédérique]

We can dress and act "feminine, but what is femininity as a feeling?

Beats me. I just like to wear women’s clothing. Why complicate things any further?

[kimdl93]

This comes up from time to time. And its seems to me an impossible question to answer. I know how I feel...but i don't think adopting affectations of clothing, mannerisms nor voice can alter the way I feel - only the way I'm perceived, and that only to a small degree.

It seems entirely presumptuous to suggest that I "feel" like a woman...in the Shania Twain sense or otherwise!

[Beverley Sims]

Feeling feminine for me, is more the company I keep and the surroundings I live in.
Pink curtains cute dresses and high heels tend to strip the male image away a bit.
As do talking about makeup instead of cars.

[rita63]

I am not used to being out dressed. My first extended time was last June at the Pride celebrations. I was dressed and was rita with some friends all weekend. On Sun. I marched in the parade and met a GG and afterward we went back to a meeting (AA). We were both hungry and wanted to go to the final meeting later so we found some dinner together. I found myself fumbling, treating her as though I was a man meeting a woman while she was treating me as a girlfriend, including the invitation to the ladies room. I declined.

I wish it was as simple as Fredrique says above.
"Beats me. I just like to wear women’s clothing. Why complicate things any further? "

I'm of to another LBGT AA event in 2 weeks and am registered as rita and will be dressed the whole time, including the banquet and dance on Sat. I"ve never been dancing en femme and didn't dance much as a man. Its been a few years since I went somewhere sober too.
I am 64 like Jaylin but separated, not retired, so I can dress at home as I like. I am out more and more with support groups and socializing.
I'm just not sure what it means to act femme but it feels good to be learning if confusing and puzzling.

hugs rita

[Chickhe]

It is a great question. You often hear people say they need to dress...can't stop. But, if you wrap your brain around the idea that it is all in your head and realize your thoughts are private and your appearance is what other people see, then you can be anything you want and you don't even have to change your appearance. Its a great solution if you can't physically dress, to just think int he gender of your choice.

but...I think there is more. There is a visual part, it is seeing yourself as another gender which seems to 'click' and feels right. I don't know if I feel like a female, but I feel feminine when I dress and I think I may feel what a woman feels when she dresses the same way, but it doesn't mean I feel everything she does... to me, after much thought, I think dressing is a means to escape, why I choose to CD to do that...no idea.

[Marcelle]

Ah . . . What came first the "chicken or the egg" or in this case "masculinity or femininity"?

A good observation was made by the OP in that it is likely we go about emulating femininity in the guise of what society perceives to be femininity. I think Nicole gave and excellent dictionary definition

"Characterized by or possessing qualities generally attributed to a woman...", such as... "gentleness, empathy, sensitivity, caring, sweetness, compassion..."
"A set of attributes, behaviors, and roles generally associated with girls and women".

Empathy, caring, compassion . . . aren't those good characters in any person (male or female). So if you are a caring, empathetic, gentle, sensitive guy . . . guess what, you are acting in society's definition of femininity. The rest is packaging and presentation.

I personally don't try to get to wrapped up in the masculine vs. feminine thing as the lines have blurred between those two concepts so IMHO all bets are off in trying to act feminine . . . just be a good person, care for others, be sensitive and kind and guess what . . . you are there. Remember this is not about "gender" it is about behavior.

Hugs

Isha

[ReineD]

In the past I've tried to feel feminine, but realized its just what we perceive a woman to be in society.

This is so very perceptive! Women do get portrayed in a rather stereotypical way and those who don't fit the stereotypes aren't thought of as much when people think "Woman".

What is feeling feminine to me? I can't say that it's about the clothes. I feel just as feminine when I'm in old jeans painting a room as when I'm all dressed up to go out. I do feel prettier and more fashionable when I'm all dressed up with makeup on, but not more feminine. It's hard to explain. I can't say it is about my life preferences, since I love to work with my hands. I paint and draw and this extends to being creative in other ways from laying tile to fixing things, or cooking a gourmet meal and none of these activities make me feel more or less feminine than when I'm putting my makeup on. I can't say that it's about feeling somehow emotionally meeker (or weaker) than men. I am proud to be a strong, independent and capable female, and I feel just as feminine when doing physically demanding things or when I'm facing tough emotional times (even though I do cry sometimes), as I do when I'm not facing any of those things. And last, I can't say that it's about my ability to feel my feelings, or be sympathetic, sensitive, or nurturing, since the men that I know are able to feel this way too and I feel just as feminine caring for a child as I do when I'm angry.

I can say though that fundamentally, the differences are purely physical. I feel utterly feminine in my body ... what it looks like, what it can do, the various erogenous zones that I have. To a much lesser degree, I notice gender differences when I compare my upper body strength to a man's. Sometimes I do need help to do something that exceeds my personal strength level. And last, if I lived alone on an island I don't think that I would feel any particular sense of gender since I would not be in a position to compare myself to others around me. This means that I do feel feminine when I contrast my physical self (my looks and my biological functions) to a man's. Being aware of this I think makes me feel the most feminine of all, especially when I'm near men and I'm sensing the testosterone.

When do I feel most feminine of all? When I'm straight out of the shower and I'm not rushing to get dressed and get on with my day or evening. At that time I am most aware of everything that I've described in the paragraph above.

[tiffanyjo89]

I think Reine touched on an important point, women who are perceived to be more feminine seem to be more at ease and more willing to slow down and explore themselves and things around them. Men who are perceived to be more masculine seem to be more "in charge" of things and less willing to just slow down and explore their feelings in a situation and how they fit into a situation.

[Veronica27]

This whole subject is why I prefer to speak of and refer to the absolutes rather than the abstracts. I am a man and for whatever reason (there are numerous ones), I like to sometimes dress up in women's clothing. Masculinity and femininity are so subjective that no definitive explanation is possible.

I especially liked the concise nature of Freddy's reply as well as the more detailed explanation of Reine, who more than most of us should be able to tell us what being feminine actually "feels" like. As she implies, perhaps it does have more to do with the physical than with anything else.

Veronica

[Dani0948]

Of course I don't really know what it is to feel feminine, but I know that I feel really different when I'm dressed. Maybe this is the best we can expect.

[Lorna]

I don't think I can feel anything other than my normal self so, for me, it is purely the physical sensations produced by the clothing. However, I suspect that on the masculine-feminine scale I am probably further towards the F end than some of my more M friends.

[Allesandra Rhodes]

I actually had to Google a definition that might make sense. In one definition it discussed feeling soft and loving as well as sensuous. A sparkle, a mood etc.. Not very helpful..

In another I found the following:

Feminine nature is a combination of three distinct character traits that we
normally see in women. Since we are so good at juggling roles in a day, most
women will have no issues switching between being womanly, ladylike and girly.
Read on to know how and when to be each of these.



Womanly

The character traits of a woman are compassion, patience, being a good
listener and being unconditional about giving love. The womanly qualities should
come out when in the company of close family, younger siblings and cousins,
children of friends, and also with your spouse. Here’s how to be
womanly:

• When in the company of youngsters, without compromising on your seniority, listen to the issues they face. Never, under any circumstance, try to be
  patronizing – only men pass judgments without thinking about anybody else’s
  feelings! Make the youngsters feel that they can trust you with their personal
  feelings. If the need arises, offer a shoulder to cry on.
• When in the company of your own family, help your mother in whatever she does, be gentle and caring with your younger siblings and respectful towards the
  older ones. Do little things for both your parents – bring them gifts when you
  come over and show that, after all, “… a daughter is a daughter till the end of
  life.”
• When in the company of your in-laws, be considerate about the various members – ask after their health and offer to help them in case they need it.
  Treat your in-laws as your own family members and show patience with them. If
  they are critical of you, show control and consideration, while at the same
  time, maintain your own individuality. Never fight with your mother-in-law over
  your husband – in fact never fight with any woman for a man!
• When in the company of children, be genuinely affectionate and try to keep pace with their imagination. If a child is crying and needs attention,
  immediately entertain him/her. If you find two children fighting, try to solve
  the fight in a completely impartial way and make sure they do not fight again.
  Try not to shout at either of them, in any circumstance.

Ladylike

A lady possesses grace, poise, elegance, control, intellect and
individuality. It is best to be ladylike in the company of unrelated men and
women, or the kind who may scrutinize you too much. Here’s how to be
ladylike:

• When in the company of unrelated men and women, say at a social gathering or party; sit in just the right posture – the kind that reveals comfort, poise and
  confidence.
• Make eye contact with everyone and be genuinely polite with all of them. Do not raise your voice too high, show too much emotion; maintain control and grace
  under all circumstances.
• Make sure your attire suits the occasion – it should be flattering, but not too tight; comfortable but not too baggy.
• When being talked to, make sure you listen intently and do not cut anybody short. This is a quality that is associated with a good debater – women often
  end up cutting short their opponents in a debate, which is seen as unsporting
  and unladylike. When the person has finished speaking, then begin to say.
• Do not resort to the use of abusive language under any circumstances – only sailors use such language!
• Educate yourself and be independent. It is the new addition to feminine behavior that is slowly gaining acceptance; as far as possible, try to manage
  without a man – be it for taking decisions about your life or doing stuff around
  the house and outside.
• Have the reins of your life in your own hands, even as you take the opinions of the various people who matter to you. Do not, under any circumstances, hand
  over the remote control of your life to anyone else, not even your parents,
  least of all to your spouse or in-laws.
• Even if you are hurt by the comment a man makes, smile or laugh off the comment. Men are so insecure they may eventually apologize!

Girlish

Girlish or girly behavior is associated with the qualities of playfulness,
loving yourself for what you are, enjoying every moment of being a woman and
taking care of your body. One can be girlish in the company of close friends,
especially female friends, when with oneself and when alone with the
spouse.

• When with your girlfriends, have a sense of humour – laugh at yourself and take life as less seriously as possible. There are too many problems to worry
  about – these are a few moments in which you can enjoy being yourself.
• Love your body and take care of it. Exercise regularly, not to be thin, but to be fit. Enjoy your favourite foods, but in control and take care of your skin
  and hair – they are those that make you truly beautiful and also reveal the good
  health or ill health.
• Listen to music when all alone and, if possible sway or dance to it, just as a way of celebrating your personhood and feminity. Feel completely comfortable
  with your body and learn to love it just the way it is. Remember, the topmost
  models are the biggest victims of body image disorders and cannot love their
  bodies the way you can. Thank your luck for it.
• When alone with your spouse, be playful and flirtatious. Remind him of the times you were dating. This way, you will find that the love you are giving is coming back to you manifold and will only help you love yourself
  more.

Now that's not my personal feelings just a quoted page

But how does that pertain to me? Well I find my feminine side extends in all three of these aspects at certain times. Quite often I am inside one of these groups no matter where I happen to be. Now does this mean that all GG's will agree these are the correct definitions? Uhm prolly not. I don't either, but it helps to convey a little more about the definition of femininity that we're discussing. So take what you read and keep only the parts you relate to, the rest can be chucked out and replaced by what makes you feel feminine.

Because in all honesty it really is not just a feeling but a complete experience. And everyone experiences something differently in their own way.

[LilSissyStevie]

I think that for those of us that were socialized into masculinity, we associate its opposite with femininity. For example, boys are told that they should be brave. If a boy happens to not feel particularly brave then he is a sissy, pantywaist, pussy, fairy - all names having "feminine" connotations. On the other hand, girls aren't socialized this way at all. A girl can be brave or not and it has nothing to do with her "feeling feminine." She won't be called a dyke or even a tomboy just for being brave.

I believe what many of us call "feeling feminine" is just feeling, in a positive way, emasculation. Emasculation is not equal to femininity, it's the opposite of masculinity. Any resemblance to femininity is superficial - like the clothes. There's nothing wrong with that. Masculinity (or femininity) is a straitjacket that is assigned at birth according to genitalia. It has nothing to do with natural inclinations. Some of us are naturally masculine for the most part but need to take a little vacation from it sometimes and some of us find masculinity to be, to borrow a phase or two out of context from the poet Allen Ginsberg, "the incomprehensible prison ... the cross-bone soulless jailhouse and congress of sorrows." So "feeling feminine" has more to do with feeling un-masculine than it has to do with feeling the way GGs do.

[DeniseNJ]

You girls have put a high degree of thought into this Question. To sum it up it is the feeling that we want to feel when we are accepted in society. The feeling we want to feel when we put on make-up and dress up as to portray in a more female appearance. The feeling of knowing at the time you do not wish to be preceived and a man but as a woman.

[ReineD]

So "feeling feminine" has more to do with feeling un-masculine than it has to do with feeling the way GGs do.

So true, Stevie. You've encapsulated it. Not feeling masculine is not the same as feeling the way we GGs feel.

[vallerie lacy]

Something that I will never achieve to the level I would want to. But I can still fantasize. That said, anybody seen my bright red lipstick?