What they say isnt always what they mean.

[reb.femme]

Don't be too harsh on your friend just yet! My eldest son found it hard at first when his younger brother came out as gay many years ago.

For some, its a euphemistic slap in the face but after a while, logic can break through and they see that nothing has changed, bar the fact that they know one more little thing about you. It may be that he doesn't come round to accepting, but then quite sincerely, what will you have really lost? Hurtful yes, but life goes on.

Rebecca

[robindee36]

Danni, this may have been summed up by Marla better than I ever could. Yes, we are immersed here in a mutual support group where our sex and sexuality is accepted. However, as much as the world has changed through the decades, our lifestyle is still far from being accepted in the main.

Amongst other things, the unknown of acceptance by others (that really matter of course) is what keeps so many of us in the closet living a dual existence. Not to say the closet can't be quite comfy, but getting out is so much better.

Really hope things work out for you. It really sucks to lose a friend, particularly a long time and trusted one.

Hugs, Robin

[suzanne]

It's easy to be in favor of something when it happens "out there" and seems like only a theoretical possibility. But when it happens in your own back yard the game can change drastically. Maybe it goes on more often than we expect.

[TheMissus]

My guess is he wishes you'd never told him!

If he feels like the rest of us living in 'normal' land (ha, yeah right) then he's uncomfortable with what having a CD as a friend means about him. He's probably having all the same thoughts us wives have - are you gay (this will really be freaking him out), are you transexual, are you going to hike about town with him in a dress.

These thoughts will be scaring him no end, and given he's not your SO, only a friend, he may never feel the need to have these questions answered. He might just close the door and walk away from what is to him a very awkward situation.

I really do think this information shouldn't be shared unless you're ready to lose people, as our side of the fence isn't much easier than yours. We really have to weigh up what losses/issues we face when embracing what is deemed out of the norm. We too can lose jobs and friends and family just by association and while this isn't fair or right, it's reality. Sometimes ignorance really is bliss, and while many here might feel better unburdened, friends and family don't always appreciate the shift onto them. Believe me, once we know, the weight of this information can feel so heavy we want to discard it altogether, even if that means giving up a friendship or marriage.

Good luck x

[NicoleScott]

He hung up, I tried to call him back he wouldn't answer he sent me a text telling me he was busy with work and he would talk to me later. I apologized in a text and received no response.

It is possible that he really was busy with work. Give him time to process what you told him.

[Maslow's Mum]

My guess is he wishes you'd never told him!
Believe me, once we know, the weight of this information can feel so heavy we want to discard it altogether, even if that means giving up a friendship or marriage.

I must be odd....all I felt was honoured that he trusted me enough to tell me this 'terrible secret' he'd never confided in anyone. It made me realize how courageous he was because. This is a very conservative (read....narrow minded) city and if his co-workers found out he wouldn't stand a chance. It would be like The Scarlet Letter in this town.

Let's hope your friend understands how difficult this was for you to confide in him and how much courage it took, Danni.
hugs

[TheMissus]

Maslow's Mum, I don't think you're odd - I'd say you're lucky. I have educated myself over the years to be open minded but the town I grew up in definitely didn't encourage this and I have my own upbringing to fight against. I think many people do. How much easier it would be to be a SO to a CD and not feel weird about it all. I'm trying but I think for me it will always be difficult.

[Dalva]

he is totally cool on many occasions he has expressed his acceptance of other peoples life styles. .

I'm sorry to hear that he pulled the "I'll call you later" routine. To me it's a simple case of Yeah, everything's cool as long as it's not in backyard type of thinking. If he is a true friend, then he'll come around...don't beat yourself up about it.

[Maria 60]

Sounds like some people can't handle change. With the news he figures things are going to be different.

[bimini1]

See? We immerse ourselves in places like this site, which while it portrays us and our lifestyle in a positive manner, gives a false sense of just how accepted crossdressers really are in our society. Most people view it as totally out of the realm of "normal", and just can't wrap their minds around it. It's fine for other people, folks they don't know or associate with. It's fine on the streets of San Francisco. But it isn't fine in our own circles, and is shunned by society as a whole.

I hope it all comes out okay for you. But this should be a lesson for everyone. It's not something to blurt out to just anyone. It's really not hard to see why most of us are closeted even from those who are closest to us.

Amen to that, sooooooo true.