As I started dressing at ages 4-6, all I can say was I was curious then about both the feeling and look of the clothes on me (long tricot nightgowns with lace), and I could imagine myself as a girl. Emotionally role playing gender even then I suppose. Within dressing just a few times the ambivalence set in that I remember and continues to this day.
What started out as curiousity led to 'the' enduring question.
Only in early to mid teens did the sexual component kick in. Even then though, the the 'need' to experience myself as the feminine was the essential driving factor, and remains so to this day some 50 years later.
All I can say is that it has always been about an ongoing emotional and psychological desire with a strong sensual comonent.
Kate
