So has anyone come out to their SO a second time?

[JenniferYager]

Like many people, I've been crossdressing for years. I never told my wife before we married, and it wasn't an issue (the desire died away due to new marriage, job, dog and child) until a few years ago. I told her, she cried. She eventually agreed to simply tolerate it, but never wanted to see me dressed...easy enough.

After another move, I was at school and purged (I lost all my good Lane Bryant purchases...very sad!) and quit cold turkey for a long time. Annnnd...I'm back.

Has anyone had to re-tell their SO about their crossdressing, and if so, how do you do it?

[Beverley Sims]

Jennifer,
I have never had the displeasure.
Just lucky I guess.

[MissTee]

Not me. Are you thinking your wife will be more tolerant now than she was before?

[Stephy]

I can definitely relate to this. I told my wife 10 years ago after I thought my brother had seen me out at a shopping centre wearing nail polish - while my wife was away in another city. We went through a tumultuous time in our marriage, I was treated for depression and I decided that my family was more important than exploring whether to transition. I gradually lost the desire to dress and purged my stuff when we moved to Sydney. However, this year for whatever reason the desire has come back in full force. My wife found my stuff in the garage while tidying and so I had to come out to her again. I had no choice really. She is not very accepting and our relationship is a bit strained again. I wish I had discussed it with her upfront rather than her discovering it. The problem is that I don't have the answers that she wants and so it seemed easier to keep quiet about it. I would suggest you sit down with her and explain that this is something that will always be with you, even if it becomes dormant for a long period of time.

[Allison Chaynes]

Sort of. She didn't know before we were married either. The first time, we had both been drinking and I asked to wear her panties in bed, thinking if she was freaked out I could just blame the alcohol. She was OK with it. The next morning she told me it was OK but there needed to be some ground rules. I thought it was just a lingerie fetish, but after a few years I realized it was more. She found my copy of "My Husband Betty" and told me it was OK if I was a full blown CD. There have been some ups and downs but she has been mostly supportive.

[Alice B]

Not e either. Once the decision was made it was for life and at may age that is a short time.

[mikiSJ]

We'll see - I am going to have a conversation tonight with my wife of 38 years who knows I am a CD but will find out I am now a TG. It will probably mean I won't see our 39th.

[Rachelakld]

Since I wear legging during the winter, sometimes with a black skirt if I can't be bothered to tuck hard, and I occassionally ask if I can wear one of her dresses, no , I've had to remind her

[UNDERDRESSER]

We'll see - I am going to have a conversation tonight with my wife of 38 years who knows I am a CD but will find out I am now a TG. It will probably mean I won't see our 39th.

Well, bummer.

This is not my thing (transitioning) but I understand that for some, it is the only, way that they will find peace. Some relationships can survive it, but I would guess that it's a minority. Some can go on as friends, while ending the marriage. I hope at least, that your wife understands that you have no choice. If she can make it work for her, having you as a female marriage partner, that would be the best answer, but only if she is of that mind.

Good luck, hope you can both find some peace in this.

[kathtx]

We'll see - I am going to have a conversation tonight with my wife of 38 years who knows I am a CD but will find out I am now a TG. It will probably mean I won't see our 39th.

Miki, I wish you and your wife the best of luck in getting through this. Please let us all know how the conversation goes.

[Bethany38]

Miki, I wish you and your wife the best of luck in getting through this. Please let us all know how the conversation goes.

Miki, I second this. I hope all will turn out good for u.


As for the op. I have not had to do this, ..... Sorry I could not offer any more than well wishes.

[Helen Grandeis]

I just did that last July. I will go into more detail when I have the time.

[mikiSJ]

Miki, I wish you and your wife the best of luck in getting through this. Please let us all know how the conversation goes.

It did not go well and I won't being seeing our 39th. She can live with my depression and other health issues, but can't live with another woman. There is no animosity from me on her decision, only sadness. She is a good woman and my best friend.

[kimdl93]

not quite in the same way. I came out to my wife before we were engaged. Over the years, I gradually wore more womens things in her presence, with no issues. But she'd drawn a line at seeing me fully en femme. Well, after dressing completely in private for some time, I just felt that I couldn't bear compartmentalizing my life or occassionaly dashing into the bath to change back every time she came home unexpectedly. So, first in writing, then in conversation I explained that I needed more and that I needed to be able to dress in her company. She realized it was a big step, but after some consideration, she invited me to dress as I wish, whenever I wish.

[Cheryl T]

I did just that.
She found out after about 10 years of marriage. We talked and talked but it didn't work out, so back in the closet I went with her thinking it was all over. Then about 15 years later I could not take the hiding anymore. Maybe it was because we are older and more secure together, but it was the right time and now she fully supports me and we go everywhere together.
When I told her the second time I just said, "We need to talk, We have a problem".

[kimdl93]

Darn it Cheryl, I missed the opportunity to say "Houston, we have a problem."

[Rachael Leigh]

I guess I sort of did that yes, after a lot of counseling and promises to my wife I was over my dressing getting rid of my clothes I too stopped for a time.
I still had thoughts about it but it just never seemed important.
Than I felt the needed to get healthy, guess it was that turning 50 thing, I had always loved the workout clothes women wore and well I couldn't get motivated to workout after we bought a treadmill. So I thought ok I will just buy a few workout clothes its not going to hurt. Wrong I couldn't stop, wanted more things and well now here I am in this group posting pictures and all. What is it about this I will never understand but I guess Im here now so who knows how long this time.

[Jessica63]

Hi I never told my wife that I dressed before we got married and kept everything secret. One day whilst at work she found all my clothes , when I got home I got the third degree questioning in which I admitted that I dressed, with which she said that as long as she didn't see me dressed it was ok
Anyway 10 years down the line we had to have the conversation again when I was diagnosed with gender dysphoria which to my surprise she was fine with I can now wear anything I like when I like , we even go clothes shopping together and I have her full support with my transitioning
It took me a lot of courage and a couple of beers to tell her I just said we need to talk, but it's one of the best things I have done.

[kathtx]

It did not go well and I won't being seeing our 39th. She can live with my depression and other health issues, but can't live with another woman. There is no animosity from me on her decision, only sadness. She is a good woman and my best friend.

Miki, I'm so sorry to hear that. I'm glad that at least there's no animosity, but it's sad to see this happen.

[JazmyneCD]

Years ago I came out to my wife in the most unusual way: she caught me trying on one of her skirts. Cardinal sin, I know. But I had no choice in telling her at that point, to which she answered "They're just clothes." I tried to dress around her a few times afterward but could tell she was not comfortable with it so I quit doing it.

Since then I've purged my clothes -- always hidden despite her not really caring about them -- several times but always started anew. Then one day she came across my stash and brought it up with me that night. She then admitted she knew about them the whole time and still didn't care that they were mine; "As long as they don't belong to another woman" was her explanation this time. The second time around was definitely more accepting than the first, and I no longer have to hide my things from her.